Sunday, February 3, 2008

How to explain the Super Bowl to your girlfriend/wife

The pre-wife has been an avid football fan for a while. At least since the Giants knocked Dallas out of the playoffs and she watched me run around the house like a lunatic screaming 'See you in Green Bay!!!!!' She said that anything that could get me that excited must worth her time. (Insert Willard's X-rated retort to that here). Before that, she watched occasionally, usually choosing the team to cheer for depending on the cuteness of their quarterback. (She was a Lions, then Dolphins, and then Falcons supporter because of Joey Harrington. Which is depressing to me because it means Harrington is her type, and since we are getting married I must also be her type, which can only work out to Fat Willard=Joey Harrington. And that's just downright depressing.)

So, thanks to this improbable playoff run she has become a Giants fan. This wasn't an easy conversion because according to her 'Tony Romo, Brett Favre and Tom Brady are all much better looking than Eli Manning.'

Some ladies would disagree...

She even asked about Phillip Rivers during the AFC Championship but I told her I would rather her actually sleep with Joey Harrington and I'd even buy her a Harrington Falcons jersey after the deed if she promised never mention the name Phillip Rivers again. This was a huge gamble on my part because a) Harrington won't be in the league next season and I just paid $100 for his jersey and b) he could possibly have an STD. Strike that comment. Nothing with Joey Harrington every leads to the letters TD)

Anyway, so part of the fun of watching the games with her is that she is clueless about football. I mean absolutely in the dark. I don't mind explaining to her because she is interested and it feels like I am smarter for once. Here ignorance to all things football is adorable until pressure situations when she is asking me questions like 'why didn't he just run past the yellow line' and 'do you think Peyton is at the game watching.' So, on Super Bowl Sunday I am going to feel bad when I am unable to speak because I am either 1) to excited 2) to nervous 3) knocked unconscious from self inflicted headbutts to the wall.

Then I came across this handy guide for explaining the Super Bowl to your girlfriend. It's hysterical and sarcastic and I wish I wrote it.

I showed it to her and she said 'oh ok, now it all makes sense.' Thank you Bachelor Guy.


Ali P. said...

even though I am a chick who does know enough about football not ask dumb questions about it, that "girlfriend guide" was pretty amusing.

(and btw- Eli's way cuter than Tom Brady. To each his own, I guess..)

Hugging Harold Reynolds said...

You and this young lady think he is....we do too. Handsome devil.