Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Game On: Iron Ref - Playing Dirty

Here it is. The last Semi-final round of Iron Ref. Whoever wins heads to the finals. Whoever loses is cast aside, relegated to the blogosphere status of a leper with clubfoot and cat-aids. So basically not much changes. In fact, clubfoot is kind of an improvement, no?

This week's secret ingredient is:
PLAYING DIRTY

Who used the ingredient best? Vote in the comments. Voting closes Wednesday at 6pm

See what our panel of judges has to say on Wednesday.

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Evan


Reggie Dunlop was known for doing whatever possible to gain an advantage on the ice. He once placed a bounty on an opponent’s head (“I am personally placing a hundred-dollar bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.”), advised his teammates to commit assault and battery with a hockey stick (“Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there!”) and even questioned the sexually of an opponent’s wife (“Hey Hanrahan, she's a dyke!”), but the late Reg Dunlop would roll over in his grave if he knew what transpired last week.

I am of course speaking of the post written by Lady Andrea that appeared in this very space. Lady Andrea wrote about how she employs her not-so-secret weapons to get what she wants from journeymen pitchers and low-level casino employees. Scott Sargent didn’t have a chance once she ordered the “sweater kittens” to pounce.


There was nothing poor Scotty could do. Sure, he could have pulled a Jeff Reed, but nobody wants to see that (Search “Jeff Reed” on Deadspin. I don’t even feel comfortable linking to it.) One judge thought the move was so dirty that he described her unleashing of the “bologna bags upon an unsuspecting HHR nation” as a “cheap ploy”.

Lady Andrea now joins Sean Avery in the select society of people who have had a rule named after them. While Sean Avery waved a hockey glove in the face of the opposition, Andrea opted to use her amble bosom to distract. Much like NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell during the 2008 Stanley Cup Playoffs, The Chief has instituted what many are calling the “Lady Andrea Rule”. [The Chief notes: I didn't call it that, but considering the two contestants, thought I would spare our readers]

“Please keep your sweater kittens to yourself.” – The Chief


I guess Andrea did what she thought she had to do to win by pandering to the young male demographic of sports blogs. Who needs writing skills when you have breasts? Being respected as a writer and a woman is overrated anyways.

Some will argue that writing this post is a dirtier play than Andrea pulling out the big guns in the first place. I say it is just part of the game if you want to play with the big boys. Unlike Marty Brodeur, I will congratulate Lady Andrea on a valiant effort after I beat her next round to claim the 2008 Iron Ref crown while she goes home with a sloppy second.



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Jeff Pyatt
On behalf of RealClearSports and the Iron Ref community, I would like to express my profound disappointment in my opponent this week, Stanley Cup of Chowder blogger Evan50. He is a snake... a dirty, dirty turd snake and needs to be stopped.


Prior to the announcement of the semi-final ingredients -- which now seem especially fitting for such a vile, hissing and disgusting creature -- Evan started an underhanded smear campaign meant to spread hate and despair throughout Iron Ref and the broader sports blogging community. In summarizing the post that led to my first round victory -- a heroic tale of leading Team USA's Beer Pong team in comeback over Team Canada -- the venomous, Un-American serpent wrote:

Jeff tried desperately to appeal to the college crowd by writing a long-winded, uninspired story about beer pong and pissed off an entire nation in the process. (Ed. Note: I have no beef with you, Canada. You have brought us the great game of ice hockey and some potent yet delicious beers. I am encouraging all my readers from north of the border to come out and vote on Tuesday.)

The problem, Evan, isn't that your dirty play was poorly executed; the problem is that, as a hockey blogger, you're entirely and comically irrelevant. Unless you're talking about your "ex-girlfriend's sloppy seconds," the simple fact is no one cares.


And so, let's stop this shitty play in its slithering tracks. Because beer pong rocks. The USA is the best damn country in the world, and Canada still does -- and always will -- suck. (Ed. Note: Canada, I do have beef with you. No doot aboot it. You are indeed evil. Labatt has nothing on Sam Adams. And I don't want -- nor do I need -- your worthless vote.)


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Well, there we have it. The most self-referential Iron Ref to date. Players talking trash to each other is great, but the lack of mud-wrestling videos is disturbing.

VOTE IN THE COMMENTS

44 comments:

Going Five Hole said...

evan all the way

K_Lee said...

Evan and his cup of chowder

Ryan said...

It's a picture of a poop-snake. It's funny. Pyatt, and RCS.

Alexis said...

Though I love boobs, I vote Evan and his cup of chowder...

Ric said...

USA USA USA!

RCS RCS RCS!

Pyatt!

JayAtWork said...

Evan loves tits

Kevin said...

CHOWDAAAHHH

You are the man Ev!

Mike said...

Evan stanley cup of chowdered all over Pyatts face.

Evan gets my vote

Andrew said...

I vote for Stanley Cup of chowdah...... Mostly because his blog was better, but also because the other guy is a racist. Canada is neat. USA is the best, but leave Canada alone. It's a neat country.

I also enjoyed his picture of the boobs in Stanley's blog, which appeals to my demographic.

blaha said...

Ev dropped a turd snake all over Pyatt's entry.

Chowder all the way!

Ed said...

My vote(s) go to Evan for numerous reasons. First off he is simply a better writer. His thoughts are more imaginative and he is clearly a wordsmith of a higher pedigree. The picture of the turd disgusted me and although I will agree that the US of A is the greatest country in the world, you shall not slander the great nation to the North because let's face it... it's getting hotter and sooner or later we're all moving up there for the beer, strippers and free air conditioning.

Again, this is Ed and I get two votes... they are both for Evan.

vinyayavieiel said...

stanley cup o' chowdah!

Sean said...

evan cup of chowdah

Ethan said...

stanley cup o chowdah

Fatkids said...

I'm sorry, I thought this was America. I vote for Jeff Pyatt and RCS, and against Canada, it's bitter cold and the dumb metric system.

Swaz said...

Evan gets the job done here. Easily the best writer and best looking.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Mmmmm, mmmm, mmmm.

That's some delicious chowder. And what an ornate cup.

My vote goes to Evan.

Kyle Lawson said...

evan is the champ

Pepster said...

I say Cup of Chowder.

Dewey Hammond said...

Am I supposed to leave my vote here? Or email you, Chief? I'm not very smart.

Anna said...

Jeff! Viva la poop snake!

Birdy Fucktard said...

Pyatt! RCS! Turd Snake!!!

iamcaleb2 said...

As a real American, I consider voting against Canada to be part of my patriotic duty. Like giving blood.

Go Pyatt.

Robbie said...

Evan - proofread your posts.
"and even questioned the sexually of an opponent’s wife"
Also, Avery used his stick much more than his glove to distract Brodeur.
For simple errors alone I have to go with Pyatt and RCS.

jennaj said...

i vote for poop. i mean pyatt.

Kara said...

I vote for Pyatt.

MC said...

Pyatt. And America.

Ok, really, just against Canadia.

James said...

RCS, because the only thing worse than Canada is French Canada.

Dave said...

Evan goin 5 hole

Scott Richman said...

pyatt

ankvandam said...

The Vibe Raiders support Evan and Stanley Cup of Chowder

Brian said...

def evan and cup of chowder

rm said...

Nothing like a good ole CUP of Chowder, Evan...Evan...Evan

SmartyBarrett said...

EVAN! Stanley Cup of Chowder

Susan said...

Pyatt and his Canadian hating ways have always impressed me. Rob would be proud!...I vote Pyatt!

Amanda said...

Evan for sure

Jenna said...

Evan for sure

Hub Hockey said...

Stanley Cup of Evan

Andrew MacDonald said...

RCS!!!!

Linkdead said...

I give this one to evan. Jeff's post was actually sad.

Faces Media said...

Evan to the bone!!!!

James said...

evan's friends are losers. i have no allegiance here whatsoever and will vote for pyatt and RCS.

wesj said...

It's gotta be Stanley Cup 'a Chowdah!

Amanda said...

Evan for sure.