Thursday, August 12, 2010

Riemersma Sacked

*Warning, this post contains lame football metaphors in honor of Jay’s campaign commercials*

The political career of former NFL tight end Jay Riemersma came short of the endzone last week. Riemersma lost by an extra point, a slim margin of 1 percent of the vote.

Jay or J.R., which he preferred to be called as people fumbled saying and spelling his last name, came into the race as a flashy new rookie ready to show the old veterans that he was the answer that the people yearned for.

With the fans primed for an outsider to take the state and country to the promise land, he had the wind at his back. However, when the game was on the line, his attempt missed just wide.

Riemersma came out of the tunnel aggressive looking to fight in the trenches. He hired a campaign agent notorious for negative politics, and he got what he paid for (personally too as he dumped a signing bonus in the race).

In the end, the decision to go negative in fan base that is more Kurt Warner than Dick Butkus very well could have been the deciding factor.

Jay’s campaign relentlessly attacked his opponents by pounding the ball against their legislative records. However, when his opponents finally threw a flag in the waning minutes by suing him for defamation and filing a complaint with the FEC for illegally coordinating attack ads, the negative attention was squarely placed on Jay’s shoulders.

Finally, in the last debate, one of his opponents threw a tight spiral right between Jay’s numbers, and Riemersma couldn’t handle it.

Asked whether his campaign illegally coordinated the negative ads against his opponents, he tried to juke, jive and explode through the hole with political rhetoric but ended up with big negative yardage. Enough so, that the crowd turned on him and he had to ask to repeat the question.

After another failed attempt to reach the line of scrimmage, a scrawny DB came from the backfield and sacked Riemersma by yelling out, “Man up!”

When election night came, it went deep into overtime with the final victor being declared around 4 a.m. Riemersma went to the showers 658 votes shy of being a star.

Jay has time on his hands, and with term limits cycling legislators in and out like Broncos running backs, he could soon put on the shoulder pads and give it the old college try again. We will wait to see if the practice paid off and he tries a different playbook.

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