Garvey is a HOFer at something

A new feature on HHR from the lunatics over at Some Comic Relief. They are going to be posting a sports comic a week.

This week....Mr. Steve Garvey and the Nestle Quik bunny.



To see more of their childish comic chicanery, check out Some Comic Relief.

It wasn't me

Chicago Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee has decided to drop the appeal of his five game suspension and serve his time beginning this Wednesday.

I don’t know the MLB handbook cover to cover. I don’t know all the specifics regarding suspensions and the appeals process. I don’t understand why a suspended player is allowed to choose when his suspension sentence will be served. I really don’t understand how a player can appeal when there is always video evidence.

This is almost as absurd as pitchers serving suspensions while not missing a start. Isn’t a suspension a punishment? This is the adult version of out of school suspension. (One of my favorite school punishments. “You stay out of school for a few days, sleep in, play video games, eat junk food and watching ten straight hours of television and you think about what you did to end up there.” Whatever a kid did, he was god damn brillant.)

ESPN will replay anything controversial at least thirteen hundred times before the Commissioner’s office gets a chance to screw up their decision. Maybe Lee used the R. Kelly defense.

Ring…Ring…

“Commissioner Selig here.”
“Commish? It’s me, Derrek Lee.”
“Oh hello Derrek. How are you?”
“I am fine. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, no I am just planning a trip to promote Major League Baseball product into other countries. Working on an itinerary for a meeting in Kuala Lumpur.”
“Oh, that sounds fun, how long will you be gone?”
“Well, that depends on a ton of factors, but probably till right after Bonds breaks Henry’s record. What could I help you with anyway Derrek?”
“Oh….uhhh…well…I am sure you can kind of guess why I am calling.”
“It’s about the bench clearing brawl you incited with Chris Young and the Padres isn’t it?”
“Yeah, umm about that.”
“I’ve reviewed the tapes and…”
“Well that’s why I am calling. I wanted to let you know that it wasn’t me on those tapes.”
“I understand Derrek. Baseball is an intense game. It’s also a very dangerous game. A player takes their life in their hands every time they step to the plate. Sometimes when pitches come too close you can almost see your life flash before. Then the adrenaline pops into fourth gear and you are ready to take on the world. I understand you weren’t of sound mind at that moment.”
“Actually, I meant that literally, that was not me on the field. It was my half nephew Tayshaun. I took the afternoon off and caught a White Sox game.”

Silence

“Derrek, I am going to hang up now. You will be hearing from someone in my office in about a day or two. Take care of yourself.”

Click. Dial tone.

“Damn. I knew I should have said it was Mike Epps.”



-posted by Fat Willard