Oft-Injured Eagle Shawn Andrews Auditions for Idol

Also on hand trying to break through to Hollywood was Michael Irvin's twin brother "Pookie."

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Colorado Buffaloes Backup Long Snapper Austin (Paul) Bisnow's AI Audtion Video

"Nobody believes in their own abilities more than this guy."

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Colorado Buff/Homoerotic Singing Long Snapper Gets Boot from Idol

UPDATE: Audition video here.

Channeling his inner Finn Hudson, Colorado Buffalo long snapper Austin Bisnow (calling himself "Austin Paul") stopped just short of flashing jazz hands and breaking into a Glee mashup in front of judges on American Idol.

From his CUBuffs.com profile:

PERSONAL-Born June 9, 1987 in Washington, D.C. Hobbies include writing music, producing CDs of his songs, singing, performing and playing the piano and drums. He has released three CDs on ITunes, many more songs on MySpace, and has videos on YouTube. Upon graduation, he hopes to be a pop star and a professional long snapper.

After an abysmal audition, what's more amazing than him trying to pawn himself off as an entertainer is him trying to pawn himself off as a D-1 football player.


He's the BACKUP long snapper:

AT COLORADO: This Season (Jr.)-A special teams performer, he enters the fall as the backup snap specialist, both for short (placements) and long (punts) kicks.

Here's footage of Bisnow in action at CU:

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Win Stuff: What's RIGHT With This Picture?

In the grand tradition of Highlights for Children, HHR is going to show you a picture. Should it not blind you into a state of awkwardness, your task is to post in the comments five things that are completely normal about the situation below. Winner announced tomorrow afternoon!

via a very creepy Getty Images Photographer

Besides earning some (blogging) cred, The winner receives a Pepsi NO FEAR prize pack including:
2 No Fear Hoodies
2 No Fear T-shirts (one of each style)
1 No Fear Bloodshot Hat
1 12-pack of the new No Fear Bloodshot Energy Drink
1 Lamb of God’s latest CD “Wrath” releasing on Feb. 24
1 Sticky Bumps Surf Wax


Granted, that photo would keep anyone awake for days on end, rendering elements of the prize-pack unnecessary, but when's the last time you won something that didn't involve your willingness to eat kitty litter on a dare? That's what I thought.

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Ariel Dances with the American Idol

On DWTS, Taylor and Yamaguchi were both outdanced by a one-armed Cristian de la Fuente, and I have to say, he and Cheryl really did a great job. Despite being in the middle of the pack as far as judging is concerned, it was Mario who got sent home last night. But I have to say, I am pretty damn shocked that he lasted this long. Maybe people really thought he was Chris Rock?

Last night on Idol, Jason Castro, resident Stoned Age extra sang a horrific version of Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," and forgot the chorus to Bob Dylan's "Tamborine Man." I mean, this is supposedly right in your wheelhouse, dude. Hey, hippie, maybe if you layed off the reefer you'd have remembered the damn lines. Hopefully, this d-bag gets sent home tonight. Ren and I have only been watching a few weeks now, and just cannot stomach the sight, let alone sound, of him.

I have to say, little Archuletta has a kick ass voice, but again, I have no clue what kind of record he'd make. We still like David Cook who did a good "Baba O'Riley", and Syesha channeled Sam Cook in a very heartfelt and personal performance. It should be the three of them into next week, if the stars align correctly.

Ariel Dances with the American Idol

AI

So, last night I was able to finally take in some American Idol. And thankfully, I think this season worked out in my favor. I wasn't too jazzed about many of the people in the competition so coming in with only 5 left was probaby a good idea.

David Cook is definitely the best one, and hopefully America will agree. I think Jason Castro is boring and I mean, who needs another Jack Johnson or John Mayer? David Archuleta can sing, but he just looks like a baby, and what kind of album would he really make if he won? He should try broadway or something first... he has the voice for it. Anyways, hopefully Castro will be heading home, but fear it'll be Syesha eventhough she did well last night.

DWTS

Thankfully Shannon Elizabeth got sent home last night. I don't dislike her for any real reason. She is cute, and never really had a problem with her before. But her crying and overall whiny antics (she complained about an outfit that was made for her, and requested a new one) on the show just kind of turned me off. That combined with the fact that she was clearly too tall for ballroom dance, and has NO hips (must be easy for her to buy jeans.... BITCH), I mean she just wasn't fun to watch. At least she and Derek can now make their relationship legitimate.

So that leaves us with Jason Taylor, Cristian de la Fuente, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and Mario. I think the next to go will be Mario or Marissa, though I like Marissa. Hopefully Cristian's arm will hold up for the rest of the competition because is fun to watch.

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

I'll cut to the chase.... Dan from BL, and Penn and Monica from DWTS all got sent packing last night, in what was an easier reality TV night for me to handle.

On BL, the guys were getting a little cocky about how much weight they have to lose vs. the remaining two ladies. During the challenge they clearly gunned for the girls, with Kelly being the bigger target which was just poor form to me.

If they had any brain, and really wanted to win the $250K they would start to turn on eachother, as they are their own biggest competition. I mean, jeez, what kind of reality show is this where people are nice and stick together and whatnot? We need some backstabbing, damnit!

In the end, Ren's boy Dan only lost 1 pound and was sent below the yellow line with his "teammate" Mark. Because Mark already got sent home once (he won his way back to the show, though I think he's next) you knew it'd be Danny boy. Kelly and Ali both wowed the guys and dropped 7 and 6 pounds respectively, securing their place atop the leader board.

On DWTS, the first elimination was a predictable one. Monica Seles and Penn Jillette, the two lowest scorers also garnered the least amount of votes and were sent on their way. I am not sad. They both were painful to watch.

As far as Idol, Ren and I only caught two performances. Ren's sis called promptly at 9:34 to discuss the final performance of the evening, David Cook's rendition of Billy Jean, but alas we could not comment, and could only speak for a few min anyways since loser was coming back from commercial break. This morning I did watch a few of the performances I missed, and I still like Brooke White... and David Cook did rock the house. I think Kristy Lee will probably get sent home tonight, much to Simon's delight.

Last Night's Other AI

While Allen Iverson's return to Philly ignited the Wachovia Center, American Idol apparently was also on last night.

Even die-hard fan Ariel is very lukewarm on this season. Personally, I cannot stomach the males on the show. They make me physically ill.

The girls are only slightly better.

Last night Amanda Overmyer got the boot, describing her problem as being her self-perception as "a square peg in a round hole."

Frankly, I think it was more she was a one-trick pony that showed little depth or creativity. Her voice was unique and interesting at times, but it seemed more a poor Joplin impression at best. She seemed to overhype herself as a "rocker," and her tone and mannerisms got old. That said, she was much more bearable, and masculine for that matter, than any single guy on the show.

Unfortunately (for me at least), her dismissal means I missed out on someone actually singing a creative and different song:

If there had been a next week on Idol for Overmyer, she said she would have belted "On the Dark Side," a John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band cut from the cult movie Eddie and the Cruisers.

Which, is only the best movie ever made.

So, while I didn't care for her styling after a while (while, admittedly at first I was intrigued by it), I wish her luck. And invite her to pound beers and shots with the HHR crew.

Dancing with the Biggest Idol

When 8:00 rolled around I thought I only had two reality shows to compete with for the night - Biggest Loser, and American Idol. Because Idol has done little this season to hold my attention, I didn't think it'd be such a difficult night.

The first hour of BL was filled with another reality TV favorite, Project Runway's Tim Gunn, helping the losers find outfits that show off their new physiques as they pose for a Prevention Magazine photoshoot. These transformations brought Gunn and Ren (who seems to be exhibiting the hormonal signs of MY pregnancy) to tears. Fluff - yes. But, at least it was good fluff.

AI was uneventful. We saw the blonde chick sing - she is good. And someone else... maybe one of the rock guys? Yeah, we were really paying attention.

At some point Ren says "Hey, isn't Dancing with the Stars on tonight?" SH*T!!!!!!!!!! He was right. Tuesday was the ladies.... how in the hell was I going to watch 3 shows at once... this was my own reality TV Trifecta.

The 9:00 hour was difficult. Thank God ABC ran DWTS from 9-10:30...

To sum it all up -

BL - Glad Brittany got the boot - she looks great, and is the smallest person at the ranch. She can manage at home. Let it be noted that Ren hates Dan because he is getting "too big for his britches."

AI - We like the rock guy, David Cook. Good stuff. Reminiscent of Daughtry, a personal fav.

DWTS - Monica Seles will get sent home. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. Kristy Yamaguchi was the best of the women, and Mario was the best of the men. Notable competition - Jason Taylor will do well, as will Shannon Elizabeth.

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

Big week for reality TV.... DWTS announcement, start of the top 24 Idols, and another heated Biggest Loser. I'll do my best to give brief commentary on each.

DWTS:

While I haven't been watching Bruno and Carrie Ann, I was excited to hear who would make up the next season of dancers, starting March 17th. A mixed bag of sorts...



ADAM CAROLLA & JULIANNE HOUGH - This could be good. I like Adam Carolla, and think he'll be decent, and he is funny, so that is a good thing.

CRISTIÁN DE LA FUENTE & CHERYL BURKE - No clue who this is.

SHANNON ELIZABETH & DEREK HOUGH - She is good looking, but might be boring... not too much personality here.

STEVE GUTTENBERG & ANNA TREBUNSKAYA - I am psyched about this, I have to be honest. The Polica Academy series is one of the best. I am just wondering if Michael Winslow will be providing the music and sound effects for Steve's performances.

PENN JILLETTE & KYM JOHNSON - Um, yawn.

MARIO & KARINA SMIRNOFF - No clue who this is.

MARLEE MATLIN & FABIAN SANCHEZ - Um, yawn. This will be another sort of Heather Mills thing.... people dancing with disabilities... whatev.

PRISCILLA PRESLEY & LOUIS VAN AMSTEL - Should be interesting to watch. Hopefully she'll have more sex appeal than Jane Seymour did.

MONICA SELES & JONATHAN ROBERTS - She might be good. I will just be inclined to watch her and see if she yells everytime her partner spins her one way or the other...

JASON TAYLOR & EDYTA SLIWINSKA - This is the HOT couple. If he has rhythm, I'd put money that they'll make it to the finals. Edyta deserves to win just once.

MARISSA JARET WINOKUR & TONY DOVOLANI - No clue who this is.

KRISTI YAMAGUCHI & MARK BALLAS - Kristi is definitely the early favorite for obvious reasons, and will likely go far. But she might be boring, who knows.

IDOL:



The guys were up last night to dazzle us with hits from the 60's. Ren and myself exchanged many texts and calls with both Fat Willard and Ren's sis in regards to the number of young boys in very tight, girlish looking pants. The Norega kid definitely was wearing girls jeans... those bitches were low-rise, and men's jeans aren't made THAT low. Maybe I am just getting old- I mean Fall Out Boy wears them. Anyway, I digress.

The Aussie dude at the end was the best - he is older, more mature, not like the other HS musical theater drop-outs. And he is good looking. Doesn't hurt when the guys are easy on the eyes.

Hopefully the girls tonight will WOW us a bit more.

BIGGEST LOSER:



So I will spare you the details of the show, other than the fact that Paul is an a**hole and deserved to get kicked off.

The whole season he has guilted his poor ex-wife (his partner on the show) time and again about how he still loves her and she doesn't love him. GET OVER IT. You are there to lose weight, not try to get your ex-wife back.

The turning point for Ren and I in watching the show last night was how cocky he was right before elimination of his chances of NOT getting kicked off.... saying how he had the best potential to lose the most weight. Well, buddy, when you go home for a week and stuff your face with wings and desserts, your ass ain't gonna drop that weight. Then, he had the audacity to wear his Yellow Team shirt to the elimination, pretty much singling himself out....

Thankfully the youngsters of the team dropped the dead weight, literally, and kicked his behind to the curb. Kelly, and the rest of the black team will be better for it.

And that is your super update for this week. It was tough to type because my thumb hurt from flipping back and forth last night...