Ditka, Mooch to Coach Under Armour HS All-America Game

25 years after Super Bowl shufflin', former Bears coach Mike Ditka and former Niners/Lions coach Steve Mariucci will serve as head coaches in the 2011 Under Armour All-America High School Football Game, Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Fla., on Wednesday, Jan. 5, at 7 p.m. ET, on ESPN.

Love the commercial that aired this past Sunday...

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Separated at Birth: Access Hollywood

Last night, Lions #1 pick Matthew Stafford went Hollywood doing his best Billy Bush impression on Letterman.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Dreamboat Baby on Franchise Opportunity

Dreamboat Baby, our favorite celebrity son (and Overlord-in-Waiting) offers his unique and close-to-the-source insight on Matt Cassel's franchise tag:

I came across an interesting post today at Musket Fire. I have alerted the editor to the offending typo (reprinted below)

I believe there is a serious typographical error in this post, sir. You accidentally wrote "if QB Tom Brady will be healthy enough to play..." when you actually meant, "when QB and Son of the Gods Tom Brady returns from his sabbatical, to dominate the '09 season..."

Yes, that looks much better. And for the record, the Patriots did not franchise Matt Cassell. Father placed the franchise himself, so that Cassel and I can spend some working on his spiral. I've been throwing a perfect rope through bank-vault quality steel since birth, while this dude can barely break drywall. Unacceptable.

Plus, we found $14 million in the Umlaut's purse the other day, so you know, finder's keepers.

What I neglected to include was that in placing the franchise himself, Father gained an impressive bargaining position by adding in a secret term unreleased to the media - a team may either take on Cassel in exchange for two first round draft picks (by rule) OR said team has the option of keeping their picks and instead assume the burden of the Umlaut. The idea of not having to carry this wench around anymore is priceless to me

Our daily trip to the STD clinic to rid the

Umlaut of her previous evening's exploits!

Naturally, we have yet to discuss how one assumes that burden, or how a transfer will be made (a burlap sack I imagine). In part because our conversations with interested teams immediately sour upon this proposition and they offer up even more draft picks instead. Our genius plan to rid us of the Umlaut backfired, I admit. Presently the current secret offer for Cassel is every draft pick ever (Lions), and Father is tempted to take it, I imagine. But our motivation is truly to spirit the Umlaut away forever and Detriot is unsure if they can convert Cassel into a WR.

So there you have it. I didn't believe it at first, but "Every Draft Pick Ever" sounds too much like the Lions for it not to be true.

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Weekend Images

Sure, there were some great scenes in sports this weekend. But can they match the enjoyment of these few snapshots I grabbed when I was out-and-about?

Perfect for the Texans Titans Oilers Fan in Your Life

A steal at only $2.99!

Ethinic Stereotypes are Funny

Watta Dago! (I sent this to my father saying "We had this." He texted back: "Still do.")


Don't Foul Magic

Kids, no hard fouls. Seriously.


Double Word Score

I lost this Scrabble game and injured myself in the process.

The Lady Vols Are Better Than Your Team

2007-2008 Two Straight!

They've Got Eight!

Question is: Is this broad-backed lady's hoops fan a male or female?

You're With Me, Ugly Tie

"This tie of mine was all the rage the year Joey Flacco was born."

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Headlines You Won't See Going into NFL Playoffs (But Should)

Lions Win Crabtree Sweepstakes

Reggie Brown Wonders What He Could Do with a #1 QB


Vince Young Refuses to Return Captain's Patch


Favre Gets Mangini Fired



Dennis Green to be Paraded Out to Fulfill Coaching Interview Quotas




Cowboys Become First Team with Two Roy Williams to Miss Playoffs; Emmitt Smith Still Picks Cowboys to Win Super Bowl





Marvin Harrison Offers Life Advice, Tips to Plax Burress: "Next Time Shoot Someone Else"

Nelson Peterson Tries to Wager 3 Packs of Smokes on Vikes Wild Card Weekend; Denied at Vegas Sports Book

Romeo Crennel To Serve As Carl Winslow In Long Awaited "Family Matters" Movie

Feel Free to Add Your Own...

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The Cynic: The Upside of 0-16

With the Detroit Lions on the brink of making history of the worst kind, football fans are divided into two camps. The first are rooting for a win, saying that no team should have to go winless. The other is hoping for a loss just so we can witness history in the making and forever have someone to whom we can compare really, really bad teams of the future. Regardless of your position in the debate, I think we can all agree this has not been a good year for the Lions or the city of Detroit as a whole. So for my public service, I thought I'd bring a little Christmas cheer to the Motor City by showcasing the brighter side of 0-16.

TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE LIONS GOING 0-16

10. Ticket sales for the Motor City Bowl are going very well.

Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan. Hey, somebody’s gotta win.

9. Rich Rodriguez can tell impatient UM boosters, "At least we're not the Lions."

Raise your hand if you had a better year than the Lions.

8. Rod Marinelli has had more time to focus on his fantasy football team.

"I missed my league championship by that much."

7. Suddenly the Tigers' 2008 failure doesn't seem so bad.

I can think of at least 88 good reasons.

6. The Lions can finally fire Matt Millen.

Oh, wait a minute...

5. They're only one first round wide receiver away from competing.

Fourth time’s the charm.

4. From this point on, they'll all be able to break out the champagne every season when the last winless team gets a victory.

Rudi Johnson is the new Mercury Morris.

3. Lions fans are no longer nostalgic for players like Barry Sanders. They're nostalgic for players like Joey Harrington.

Ah, the good ol' days.

2. The Big Three automakers finally have someone in Detroit to whom they can point and say, "At least we had a better year than those guys."

Despite posting a $4.2 billion losslast quarter,
GM is still an 8 1/2 point favorite over the Lions.

1. Zero wins + sales of "The Imperfect Season" shirts = boost for the Detroit economy.

If the Lions win, some poor kids in central America will be stuck with a bunch of crappy "0-16" shirts. C’mon, Lions—think about the children.

Detroit Lions Request to be a Part of Stimulus Package

By C.R. Dunbar

Allen Park, MI -The Detroit Lions have been in daily contact with President-elect Obama's transition team to lobby for a portion of the anticipated stimulus package to be voted on by Congress in January.

The Lions were disappointed by the Senate's vote last week to deny bridge loans to the auto companies as they were anticipating fungible money to be siphoned into the Lion's organization from its parent company Ford Motors.

"It's the government's fault," said Cornerback Leigh Bodden. "They stacked the deck against us, so they should give us a hand."

"Where's my bailout" General Manager Martin Mayhew wryly questioned as if he just came up with the slogan.

Management has pointed to the thousands of jobs the Lion's organization provides including players, coaches, sportscasters, beer men, janitors, illegal merchandise vendors and sports bloggers.

"We are the only money coming into this city," proclaimed Cory Redding, one of the highest paid defensive tackles in the league. "If the government doesn't step in and provide assistance, children will die."

The Lions are reportedly seeking several million dollars for lost ticket sales and to counter the drop off in its merchandise and concession sales; a new scout team; Tom Brady; an offensive line; a tradition to be proud of and an instructional video on how to tackle.

An Obama source, who requested anonymity, said,"The great leader recognizes the difficulties the Lions are experiencing. The Thanksgiving Day Lions game is an American tradition like owning a home and the Big 3 auto companies, so they qualify."

William Clay Ford, Sr. was unavailable for comment, but was said to be pleased that someone finally cared about a winning football team in Detroit.

Demand your fair share!

Meet JoJo Bojanowski

JoJo, a forward on the Adrian College Bulldogs hockey team (or is it Nichols College?), has great eyes, a great body, great teeth, great muscles, a great family and is an absolute great catch. This according to his bat-shit crazy, anti-Semitic, racist mother (Mrs. B) on NBC's latest train wreck, Momma's Boy.

Mrs. B, while you can appreciate her honesty in outlining exactly the kind of gal she'd like for her son - a petite, white Catholic with non-divorced parents - you have to question her sanity in professing such in a diverse house with estrogen-filled, booze-fueled and attention-starved hussies.

Check out some of her footage here. And remember, she loves the blaques. She knows "half of the Detroit Lions."

Go Bulldogs.

Dunbar: Tough Times For Henson?

What is there left to say about Drew Henson?

This week he was cut from his home team, which is the worst team in the NFL and destined for an 0-16 season. The team then gave the starting QB position to a retired, washed-up free agent half way into the season and whose other QBs, respectively, have a shattered thumb and cannot throw a spiral.

But what can we blame Henson for? Can we say that if he would have stayed at Michigan for his senior year he would be better than Tom Brady?

The NFL has proven that the most hyped QBs and players burn out as easily as an NBC primetime drama. Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, Akili Smith, David Carr, the list only grows more and more each year.

There is no way of determining whether Henson would have been ER or My Own Worst Enemy.


Sure we can ogle the lives of others as the aforementioned Brady or Justin Timberlake, but what is not to envy of Henson's. Great stories surface of him at Michigan. Played minor league ball under a fat contract that set him for life while he chased tail across the country. Signed another contract to play in the NFL to pad the bank account. Can live wherever and do whatever he wants for the rest of his life by the age of 30 for playing two kids sports and tell his children he played in the majors and the NFL.

Michiganians love to hate on Henson, and we love to follow his every move. Americans are facinated by potential. However, maybe he knew better than us that the NFL would make him the next Andre Ware.

Henson made a business decision just like every sport team does to its players and although he is not Tom Brady, we'd rather be in his situation than writing about it.

Tough Times For Former Lion Draft Pick Mike Williams

It takes a keen eye, but our crack staff at HHR believes we have spotted Williams relaxing outside of the Detroit Civic Center in a video for the T-Baby rap hit "It's So Cold in the D[etroit]."

So cold indeed.

Training Camp Postcards, Part 3 of 8: NFC North

As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.

Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.

Today, we take a look at what's going on in , WI (Packers), Mankato, MN (Vikings), Bourbonnais, IL (Bears) and Allen Park, MI (Lions) from a player's perspective.

To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.

Joey Harrington Does What He Does Best

Harrington does it again!

No, not win on the football field. Ruining a coach.

Harrington has run out Morningweg, Mariucci, Saban and Petrino all in six years. He is the grim reaper for coaches. Anyone he touches loses a career in the NFL.

This needs to be some kind of record. Do the guys at Stats, Inc. have a number on this?

I have always been a Joey fan and have wanted him to succeed. I thought if he was put in the right system, he could be a solid QB. Unfortunately for Joey, I think the right system is in his backyard playing with the neighbor kids.

However, I encourage Joey to keep up the good work, but don't do a reunion tour in Detroit.

Sports Writer's Potential is Wasted By Drew Sharp, Detroit Free Press

Drew Sharp wrote an incoherent rambling about the Detroit Lions entitled "Duckett's potential is wasted by Lions, Martz." The column goes into at least eight different topics that are only threaded together by the fact that it is about the Detroit Lions.

As far as I can tell, the article is meant to give props to his boy from Michigan State, Duckett, and complain that the Lions offense is weighted towards passing. Duckett has one good run, so Sharp believes the entire offensive system is wrong. Maybe Sharp should watch a certain pass-friendly team that is 13-0.

Drew Sharp once again shows that he is wasting good space at the Detroit Free Press, while some budding sports writer is working in the mailroom.

Feng Shui blamed for Lions’ Skid

Jon Kitna has successfully separated the Lions’ locker room again; this time leaving himself alone in a corner.

According to Dre Bly, a self-proclaimed expert on the chemistry of Lions’ quarterbacks, Kitna’s wife Jeni, seen here dressed as the daughter of Dave Thomas, redecorated the couple’s home the weekend of the Arizona game using the ancient technique of feng shui.

Sources close to God have said that He is non-to-pleased with the recent renovation because of feng shui’s strong ties to astrology.

“The Big Man doesn’t appreciate stuff like that,” said the guy outside Ford Field that calls himself Jesus. “I listen to the stars every night, and they ain’t telling me to redecorate my Zenith box.”

Both the secular and religious fractions of the locker room blame the recent losing streak on the extreme makeover and have ostracized Kitna until the home is reconfigured.

GM Matt Millen said on a local radio show that the Kitnas are contemplating flying out weekly with him to Pennsylvania, where he can drop them off at a nearby Amish community to see how God prefers homes to be decorated.

Kitna and his wife were unable to be reached for comment.

Drew Sharp is not that Sharp

Drew Sharp woke up with a vision that only the Lord Almighty could place in his head and wrote an article that must have taken restless hours on why the Lions should have picked Adrian Peterson rather than Calvin Johnson. An article that any of the newspapers of the six teams prior to Minnesota could write, but Sharp got wrong.

Sadly, the Detroit Free Press probably paid him for the article.

Hey Drew, swallow some of your own advise and “Take a step back … and try looking at this matter objectivity.”

Read the headline of article next to yours: Why Detroit ran the ball just eight times. Guess what? It wasn’t because of the running backs. It was because of the game plan. The same game plan Mike Martz always uses: pass first. I think you forgot to account for that in your article Mr. Hindsight

Before the draft, the Lions had Roy Williams as No. 1 option and Furrey in the slot, a dominant WR made sense especially since he was hands down the No. 1 pre-draft player. You missed the history in your article Mr. 20/20.

Have you seen the left side of Minnesota’s O-Line: Birk, Hutchinson, McKinnie? Considering you write for Michigan newspaper, you may be familiar with Steven Hutchinson (UofM) who paved the way for Shawn Alexander to win the MVP and led them to the Super Bowl in Detroit. You remember him Sultan of Insight?

Photo: SeattlePI

Maybe you would notice the issue of the offensive line further since the Lions haven’t had an effective one in roughly seven years. On top of that is the story of RB Tatum Bell, who the Lions acquired prior to the draft. You will notice he is not the same back after leaving Denver’s O-Line for Detroit’s. You ever notice that Dr. Obvious?

Now let’s discuss Calvin Johnson. Other than Adrian Peterson, is there another rookie skilled position player better than Calvin Johnson? Have you seen his catches? Have you seen what that has done to open Roy Williams? Have you seen he is averaging 17 yrds/ catch? Do you remember the run he had last week? Did you catch that Eagle Eye?

Next time you try to write a no-brainer article on why a team should have drafted the current best rookie, maybe you should take a step back and think it through a little more.

-posted by C.R. Dunbar

Stupid like a Fox

Matt Millen just signed Cory Redding to the largest DT contract in the NFL. Check the Pro Bowl team. That's right, he's not there. If this was high school sports, he wouldn't even receive an all-state honorable mention. Perhaps not even qualify for the position as he moved from DE mid-season.

But that's the genious of MM. Two members that were on the Pro Bowl, Tommie Harris (Bears) and Pat Williams (Vikings).

Everyone knows that contracts are negotiated by comparison levels. If a professional sports player receives a high contract, stinks the next year, the new free agents will say that they at least deserve that amount of money.

DTs across the NFL are chomping on their concussion-enforced mouth pieces at their pay day next year. Two of the top DTs happen to be in the NFC North and are already glossy-eyed.

Who cares that Cory Redding isn't better than the man that lines up next to him or that they are basing the enormous contract on an unproven coach or that the entire salary cap is tied into WR that don't play and DTs that are injured.

MM can see the future for other teams and understands what it takes to bust a salary cap.

-posted by C.R. Dunbar