The Cynic's Guide to...Fishing?

Recently, I came across an article talking about how outdoors superstore Cabela’s, which is headquartered in Sidney, NE, had given a custom made $62,000 bass boat to the University of Nebraska bass fishing team.

Smooooooooooooth.

My first reaction was, “Dang, that’s a nice boat.” But it was followed closely by my second reaction, “Wait, what? There’s a college bass fishing team?”

So I did some research and found that, yes, there are now entire college bass fishing leagues. I’ve found at least two national-level competition leagues—one simply called “College Bass U” and another known as the more verbose “BoatU.S. Collegiate Bass Fishing Championshp Series.” Sure, it’s not an NCAA-sanctioned sport (I'm pretty sure either Title IX or the BCS is to blame), but who cares? Imagine how different my college experience would have been. Sure, my GPA would have dropped considerably, and my blood alcohol content would have probably gone up a little bit. But how cool would it have been to put “First-Team All-American Largemouth Fisherman” on my resume? Besides, which looks cooler hanging on a wall: a Phi Beta Kappa Key or an 8 pound bass? And the bass definitely tastes better (don't ask me how I know--just trust me on this one).


The water in my part of the country is warming up nicely. So maybe it’s time to grab my rod (uh, wait, that didn’t come out right), fill the cooler and head to the lake to wonder-what-might-have-been in my college days. Now how do I get Cabela's to sponsor me?

-Wes the Cynic

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Redneck Sports Gifts for Your Southern Gent

GOP incumbent André Bauer, Lt. Governor of the great state of South Carolina, is not running for re-election. He is however, raising money for him campaign account. To that end, Bauer, the country's youngest LG, has put together a very classy website, "André Bauer Presents A Carolina Christmas: Unique Gifts for your Southern Gent."


The site hocks such unique gifts from "hunting trips, to archival prints, to driving a race car, to romantic get-aways...There's something for everyone, but only a few exclusive items."

• Deer/hog hunt for two. $1500.
• Wingshooting for three. $1000.
• Striper fishing for two. $500.
• Signed #3 mini-poster. $200. (SOLD OUT) (Ed Note: Dale Murphy?)
  
• Scale model #00 car. $100.
• Jeff Gordon Racing School. $1000.
• A day at the races with André. (Only two spots available.)

Noticably missing from the items up for grab were:

• Larry the Cable Guy's Greatest Hits.
• An evening with Ronnie Milsap.
• Spurrier-Inspired USC "Baby Cocks" DVDs
  

H/T Palmetto Scoop

Kids hate to fish? Add a rocket launcher

I never liked fishing. Just staring out at the water for hours. Waiting for something to float to the surface. My Uncle Dominic used to take me to do the same thing but at least we got to dump a body in the water and not a little hook with a worm on it. He would also buy me an ice cream if I promised not to rat him out.

To get kids hooked on fishing (PUN!) the people at Spinmaster developed the Rocket Fishing Rod.



I don't know if we are talking about the same thing, but I was always taught to catch the bush. The product even has the backing of the Ric Flair of professional fishing, 19 time champion Roland Martin. If I ever watched a second of fishing I'd know who the hell he was and might be impressed.

Look for other great products like the Rocket Deer Hunting Rifle that launches a safe, harmless styrofoam rocket at your target then opens up into a large hunting knife and stabs the deer in the eye.

What Happens When You Mix Joe Thomas and Gunowners?

You might remember on draft day 2007 seeing Wisconsin lineman (and soon to be Cleveland Brown) Joe Thomas fishing on Lake Michigan. Prepare to see more of that citizens of Ohio.

From Don Walker at the Badgers Blog:

Former University of Wisconsin football star Joe Thomas is a TV star, too.

Thomas, an offensive lineman in his second year with the Cleveland Browns, will be co-hosting "Outdoors Ohio with D'Arcy Egan and Joe Thomas" on SportsTime Ohio. Egan is the outdoors writer for the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

But producers should beware of mixing Thomas and gun owners...

Whatchagonnado In Between NASCAR Races, Brother?

Between Nick's reckless driving suit, Brian Knobbs eating him out of house and home, and the little doubt that Linda is going to milk his orange ass dry, Hogan will shill for anything these days. Even fantasy fishing. You read that right.

Maybe he can tuck a few dollars away in his fanny packs.