Vote The Pat

When he warrants criticism, we provide it. When he plays like a #1 pick, we praise him.

After years of flashes of greatness, unreached potential and perennial Met killing, Pat the Pat Burrell deserves a spot on this year's NL All-Star roster.

Show your love.

Rock N Roll All Stars: National League

To kick off the baseball season and prep ourselves for countless horrible nicknames spewing from Boomer's mouth, we present a music inspired look at each team.

the chief will be providing the AL a little later.

National League East

Atlanta Braves
"Rose" Royce Ring













Florida Marlins
"Commander" Cody Ross "And His Lost Planet Airmen













New York Mets
Johan Santana "Ove Como Va"













Philadelphia Phillies
Jimmy Rollins "Band"













Washington Nationals
Aaron "Pat" Boone














National League Central

Chicago Cubs
Rich "Sugar" Hill "Gang"













Cincinnati Reds
Josh Fogg "Hat"













Houston Astros
Lance Berkman "Turner Overdrive"













Milwaukee Brewers
Prince Fielder "And the New Power Generation"













Pittsburgh Pirates
Jason Bay "City Rollers"













St. Louis Cardinals
Chris "Karen" Carpenter














National League West

Arizona Diamondbacks
"Tony" Orlando Hudson "& Dawn"













Colorado Rockies
"Methodman &" Mark Redman













Los Angeles Dodgers
Gary "Tony" Bennett "Left His Heart in San Francisco"













San Diego Padres
The Tony Clark "Five"













San Fransisco Giants
Tyler Walker "And the All Stars"

Misleading Headlines

Farrell declines chance to interview with Pirates

from ESPN.com - MLB by ESPN.com news services

What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish.

You Say D-Backs, I Say D-Bags

Let's call the whole thing off.

It's official. Our New Era is as smart as Steve Phillips.


Both "accurately" hit .500 in their LDS picks.

The Hat had NYY vs. BOS and PHI vs. ARZ
Phillips picked NYY vs. BOS and COL vs. CHC

Great work guys.

Here's a Guy Who's Free of Frank TV

As far as baseball is concerned, today I am a free man. Free from the Yankees in the postseason, and free from them in the next regular season, should Steinbrenner actually follow through and release the best manager in baseball. But most importantly, today I am free of Frank TV. With the subtly and nuance of a roundhouse kick to the neck, TBS pitched this show relentlessly. I've kicked seen orphaned puppies who look less desperate. At the close of every inning, during pitching changes, between twelve packs - there he was mailing in a Jack Nicholson or Joe Pesci impression. But something sinister happened: he became a fixture during events I associated with great joy - the Sox sweep, the Yankees loss, The "We-Won!" sexings of the wife - all of it. Frank became the last voice I heard before falling asleep, and unfortunately my first thought when I woke up. Clearly I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome - eventually commenting favorably during the George Bush impressions, or voicing satisfaction with a Robin Williams mimic. I began to wonder: who is this man, this chameleon of celebrity, this Fort Knox of comic gold?! Mercifully, just as I was sucked in, the ALDS and NLDS ended with three sweeps and a quick Yankees exit. And because the ALCS is on Fox, no more scrolling to that mystery channel TBS is on to see him impersonate Dustin Hoffman. No more f'n teasers of a blubbering John Madden wielding a baseball bat. We get it, he's heavily medicated and linguistically disoriented. Hilariously so.

The irony of it all is that the best impersonation on TBS is performed by Jose Mota, who consistently and eerily channels Eddie Murphy's Undercover White Guy. I eagerly await his sketch show, debuting in November of 2008.



-posted by the cheif

Steve Phillips vs. The Hat Update (NL)

An update from our unscientific science experiment.

Taking into account the National League games yesterday, Steve Phillips is a whopping 16% more accurate than our trusty New Era. Being that The Hat was not at all accurate, that means Phillips is 16% accurate following game 1's. Obviously, this will change as the series' progress, but we feel we owe it to interested parties to keep you apprised of progress.

The following stats were taken into account (and calculated via STATS.com), and teams were ranked accordingly:

LINEUP
H
R
HR
SB
TB
Rank

Starting Pitching
IP
W
L
K
ERA
WHIP
Rank

BULLPEN
IP
W
L
K
Hold
S
ERA
WHIP

Here is the breakdown:

Talkin' Playoffs

"We're Gonna Win"

Far be it for us to defend Uncle Choo-Choo. Truth is there is a distinct chance the Phillies would have won a few more games (and not had this division race come down to the last day) if the manager knew how to make a double switch, use a bullpen, and not make a defensive sub in the 5th inning when the pen couldn't hold a lead (only to run out of pinch hitters).


Uncle Choo-Choo managed to hold the quad together despite, as Mark Eckel notes today, the Phitins having to overcome "every starter except shortstop Jimmy Rollins, and outfielders Aaron Rowand and Pat Burrell and every starting pitcher except Jamie Moyer spending time on the disabled list."

Credit must also be given to one Ed Wade. Longtime the poster child for Philadelphia sports discontent, it is essentially the pieces that Wade put together that got the Phils to their first post season since 1993, while Pat Gillick's multi-million dollar players populated the DL or rendered themselves ineffective when they did play.



Right now, I see the world through red and white colored glasses. I am reading Bill Giles' Pouring Six Beers at a Time and just got to the 1980 championship team. As I think of that team compared to the current one, it amazes me the amount of discontent that the 1980's team had to overcome, the least of which being what's basically described as downright hatred of their manager. As this year's team seems to rush to each other's defense, especially to that of their manager, I do wonder the extent to which liking to play for "Chollie" really had an impact on this team, compared to them just having a solid squad, namely bombers on offense and great D up the middle.

One way or another, here we are.

It is a hard team not to like, and if they keep moving forward in the post-season, he could turn out to be a hard manager not to like.

-posted by Ren McCormack

It's Been a Long Time

Citizens Bank Park will soon be called, "The House that Cole Built", literally, since Cole built the entire stadium by himself, on only 3 days rest.

(Click logo)

Face of the Franchise - NL

We got wind here at HHR that ESPN was doing a feature on their site called Face of the Franchise. While their picks seemed, let's say "reasonable," we thought of much better faces you'd want representing your ball club.

As such, we give you the HHR picks...

Atlanta: Otis Nixon: What other face would you want representing your team?



Marlins: Harry Caray:

Harry Caray: They won't be a factor! Trust me! ... Hey, Norm! You ever been alone in a room face to face with a marlin?

Norm MacDonald: No. Nope.

Harry Caray: No matter where you go in the room, its eye follows your every move. ... You should try it some time. It's a rush! ... I should know -- I used to hunt them.

Norm MacDonald: Really? You - you hunted marlins, huh?

Harry Caray: No. Indians. ... I've got a whole closet full of scalps at home. ... They're just collecting dust. The government stopped buying them years ago. ... Hey, Norm! Ya interested in buyin' a scalp?

Mets: Doug Sisk: If you can represent a group called the "Scum Bunch," you're ok in our book and can certainly represent el Mets.

Phillies: Koy Detmer: He needs work, Philadelphia loves him, there's more Eagles chants at Phillie games than any other ruckus not associated with booing Pat "The Pat" Burrell (he is what he is). The Phils can use some bullpen help so why not grab the world's best holder? Plus, who doesn't love a good neck beard?


Nationals: Tim "Rock" Raines: True story...Im at RFK wearing a Phillies hat and a kid in front of me asks if I am from Philly. I asked if he was from Montreal. Touche.

Cubbies: Bartman.
Reds: Shottzie: To Keep Mistress Marge's legacy alive.


Astros: Jackie Earl Haley: LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY!

Brewers: Randal Simon: He likes to beat their meats.

Pirates: Kent Tekuvle: Only because my mother pronounces his name Tuckle-vee. Well, that and the stove-top cap.


Cardinals: Tony Larussa passed out at a light in spring training.

D-Backs: White Goodman: Ariel says they should just change their name to the "Snakes" because D-Backs sounds too much like D-Bags.


Rockies: John Elway.

Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles: Pedro Guerrero.

OJ Simpson to 911 operator: "We have a problem here. I'm trying to get a girl to go to rehab. ... She's been doing drugs for two days with Pedro Guerrero, who just got arrested for cocaine, and I'm trying to get her to leave her house and go into rehab right now."

Padres: The Chicken: of Baseball Bunch fame.

San Fransisco Baseball Giants: Will "The Thrill" Clark: His answering machine reportedly played " The Thrill is Gone."