Frozen Balls

Out of curiosity, I clicked on Pete King's article today to see if it was stained with Favre-induced tears. Instead he tries to go all Henry David Thoreau meets Bill Ney on us.

Never one to disappoint, though, I spit my coffee out when I came across this line:

"They practiced with the frozen balls last week. "

Poetic, yet scientific, indeed.

I aim to please!

King Hakus

A few weeks ago, Giants fans were publicly bemoaning their team and quarterback. Fresh off a win against the top ranked Cowboys, they are writing Japanese poetry in praise of the G-Men.

Giants Haikus Round 2

TSH: Brett Fraud? Separated at Birth

Kudos again to The Sports Hernia for coming up with another outstanding Separated at Birth that we need to induct into our collection.

Brett Favre at left, and Kutztown quarterback and NFL prospect Kyle Spotts at right.

Shady Pines Calling

Nice Dungarees.

I’m not one to point fingers at those who may have outlived their usefulness (Marv Albert? Joe Morgan?? President Bush???), but there has to be a moment in every professional athlete’s career when they realize it’s time to just call it quits. Brett Favre, this is your moment – Embrace It!

This week, Brett was named “2007 Sportsman of the Year” and, what can only be another meaningless honor in a long, magnificent career. At age 38, he led his Packers and their crazy Cheese-head fans to a 10-2 season and continues to draw the big crowds, big endorsements (I’m wearing my Wrangler jeans now), and big dollars. You’re on top of the world Brett…time for you to get off the ride and let someone else take a turn.

I’m not saying Brett should retire from athletics altogether, joining the ranks of the overweight, under-exercised couch-potatoes who have spent years watching his brilliance on the field by only moving their fingers clicking the buttons on the remote control. No one wants a fatty Favre. We have openings in competitive badminton or croquette. But, in terms of a continued professional football career, better to ride out on the glow of excellence rather than a gurney.

Ice skating, anyone?

By throwing yourself, week after week, into the hundreds of pounds of pure muscle coming full-steam at you - that Dallas game hurt to even watch – you’ve got to be thinking, “If I just leave now, I wonder if I can still make the early bird special at Shoney’s.” Why are you still competing season after season? While there is something to be said on any given Sunday, there is also something to be said for having full use of your faculties. Just ask Christopher Reeves (R.I.P.).

So, Brett, do us all a favor after this playoff season – stay in retirement. While you may avenge the Packers over the Cowboys just to lose to the Patriots where it counts in the coming games, you’ll only be making us cringe another season if we have to watch your AARP-eligible greatness get smacked down week after week. I, for one, prefer to reserve my limited cringes to seeing Britney Spears enter and exit automobiles au natureal.

-posted by Woody

Healthcare Night In America

Want to know what's wrong with our healthcare system? It's that the rich and famous get special attention that the average Joe is not afforded. Ask Favre.

A New Nickname for the Old Gunslinger

It's no secret that the media has a love jones for the greatest American hero Brett Favre. In the wake of last night's loss to Dallas, HHR suggests a new nickname for #4.

"The Old Arm Slinger"

Al The Dog Harris

ESPN reported on Sunday that Packers defensive backs offered to pay the team's defensive linemen $500 each if they were able to hold Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson under 100 yards rushing two weeks ago and hold Carolina to under 60 yards rushing on Sunday.

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During the game broadcast, Al Harris' name was specifically mentioned. One wonders if his apology for these actions would sound something like this:

"My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable use of very inappropriate language. I am deeply disappointed in myself for speaking out of anger...

I know that all of my fans are deeply disappointed in me, as well, as I have tried to be a model for doing the right thing. I did not do the right thing this time, and hope you will forgive me. We learn from our mistakes, as my story of overcoming a life of crime has proven, and I will learn from this one for the rest of my life."

Somewhere Buddy Ryan weeps.

It's Brett Favre's World, We Just Live in It

The 38 year old gunslinging John Wayne from Mississippi who plays with the same smile and enjoyment that did when he was 6 and could play until he's 56, has re-written the record book once again.

The Packers (5-1) won despite an off day from Brett Favre, who became the NFL's career interception king with an errant pass picked off by Redskins safety Sean Taylor in the third quarter.

Congratulations, Brett. This is your country.