Separated at Birth: Darkness!

Resident WIP-AM stand-in man and special teams specialist, Ike Reese stood in for the midday team today on-air. No word whether he will be standing in for Charlie Murphy anytime soon.

TO: Appologist or Antagonist?

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Misdirected Anger

First I lull you into a false sense of security, then BAM! Don't worry, yours is coming.
(Photo: msnbc)

Far be it for him to look in the mirror and accept a bit of responsibility for his own lackluster performance this past weekend, TO instead decides to take his frustration out on a sweet, innocent pop starlet (which, coincidentally, is everything he wants to be).

"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium," Owens said Wednesday.

Well, I will give him credit. Whereas his quarterback is the deserved culprit for screwing the pooch in Big D, Terrell for once decided not to throw his quarterback under the bus.

The Old TO would have rephrased that: "Right now, Tony Romo is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium." Looks like he grows up a little.

While it is easy to point to hot trim as Romo's kryptonite, the real issue is his inability to perform in a tight spot (ask Underwood), not his weakness for Hollywood vag. Maybe Terrell can blame Parcells for that.

I fret not. Once he's done hoggin' with the Tuna, I'm sure he'll go all Garcia-McNabb on Cowboy Tony.

And They Call It Puppy Love

And we thought he was head-over-heels a year ago with his post-Thanksgiving Carrie Underwood-induced schneid.

Tony screwed the proverbial pooch while his man-crush Joe Simpson (with daughter) watched intently. Schlomo posted his lowest career QB rating in the game against the Eagles today.

Wade Phillips Wants Big Sausage

Say what you will about Andy Reid, but Wade Phillips is a fat, jolly f*ck himself. The Texan on this audio could very well be him.




Damnit. Sucka gots to eat. Someone feed this sumbitch.

Thanks to our buddy Mr. Met up in Flushing for the heads-up.

While we're on Wade, he looks an awful lot like Newt, don't he?

Mike, You Ignorant Slut

After a second quarter "booming" punt that went to the Giants' 5-yard line by the Eagles' Saviero Rocca, said WYSP's odd couple...

Merril Reese: What a punt by Sav Rocca!

Mike Quick: Rocca-Bye-Baby!

(Photo: eaglesradionetwork.com)

Eagles/Seahawks Breakdown Recap

Quarter 1

Quarter 2

Quarter 3

Quarter 4

Eagles/Seahawks: Third Quarter Ramblings

And we start the quarter with Moose Tits questioning the play call of the Eagles final play down on the goal line.

BAM! Sheldon Brown RUNS THROUGH BOBBY ENGRAM LIKE A CARDBOARD BOX!

Very reminiscent of his hit on Reggie Bush in the playoffs last season.


Brown's Hit On Reggie Bush (07 Playoffs) - For more funny videos, click here

TD BWest. If he's not the most complete back in the sport, I don't know who is. Moose and i might actually have that in common.

JMU Duke Akeem Jordan just brought the house on the ensuing kickoff. Where's Mike Irvin to scream JACKED UP! for me? Oh, that's right, off-the-air where he belongs.

(Photo: sportsbastards.com)

Punt goes out of bounds.


And the Eagles proceed to punt and give the Hawks great field position. And speaking of Sheldon Brown, he put his head down, and threw Mo Morris an "Ole'" tackle. TD Seattle.

AJ living on the edge, looking for a couple of deep balls to the likes of G Lewis and Reggie Brown in double coverage.

Akers shanks a field goal attempt. If anyone ever questioned Neck Beard's importance to this team, shut your pie hole. Sav Rocca, I knew Koy Detmer. Koy Detmer was a friend of mine. Punter, you're no Koy Detmer.

(Photo: SI/CNN)

They kicked it to Reno! Five guys swarmed to him unmolested, and wisely he called a fair catch. Brains and brawn. Fear him.

3rd and 7, AJ pulls his best McNabb and fires a pass to no one.

Corky gives us a run down of McNabb's injury history. And Sheldon, he who leveled Nate Burlson and did a great turnstile impression with Mo Morris, goes up and picks on off.

"I know they had Terrell Owens with them for a while." -Moose

A while? Hmm. What color is the sky in your world?

Feeley slides awkwardly and gets booed. And proceeds to float the ball directly at Julian Peterson. (he's on the other team). BOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOO!

Moose tells us how to call plays.

There it is. "When I was in Dallas..." Did he go to the Chris Collinsworth School of Broadcasting?

And that's the end of the 3rd.

28-24 Seahawks.

Eagles/Seahawks: Second Quarter Thoughts Ramblings

Just as I mentioned they were feeding Alexander, Eagles D looks strong in shutting him down at the onset of the 2nd, and forced a missed field goal.

When did JR Reed learn how to lay wood?

Sav Rocca, he of Aussie rules football fame, had a chance to light up Burlson. Poor effort. Gave him the old forearm shiv out of bounds. I expected more. Than again, he's the only rookie who is a card carrying AARP member.

In honor of our announcers...a nice Moose knuckle. That one's for you Daryl.

Speaking of Nate, how is he so wide open on his TD reception? You can shut down Moss, but not Nate Burlson? Oh that's right, Moss was doggin' it.

Eagles respond. Feeley shows a little Donny Mac with a shake and bake, shuffle pass to BWest, a few plays later throws a duck that happens to land right in Kevin Curtis' belly.

--

Daddy should tell that little googly-eyed girl in the Ford Escape Hybrid commercial that those judgmental "people in that part of town" who don't appreciate you driving a big SUV, can kiss your ass. Then make your little girl walk her sassy self over there. It's better for the environment.

--

A couple of sacks (not the sacs in the booth) by the Eagles D and here comes the Seahawks punter. Bounces out of bounds. They don't want to kick it to Mahe! You game plan around him. He's so explosive. The Stormin' Mormon.

Know who Reno looks like? Little Charlie, former Eagles assistant coach.

--

Birds drive down the field, get to the goal-line only to be stopped on 4-downs after being 1st and goal from the one. A high school coach of mine had a term for effort like this. "Sad dick." That about sums up the half. Sad. Dick.

Halftime: 21-17 Seahawks.

The Blonde Bomber just called Buckhalter, "Burkhalter." Not quite as good as Kato's mother calling him "Carl Cornbucker," but I liked the effort.

Now Who's Being Naive, Kay?

"Mike, I got some great stock in the Brooklyn Bridge you might be interested in."

As I woke this morning knowing I'd have to wait all day thinking about how the Pats are going to slaughter the Eagles tonight, I can only hope BWest breaks a few and keeps things respectable.

Why? Because I am a realist. Dare I say, I keep it real?

Know who doesn't keep it real? Mike Lupica. Case in point, this morning's Sports Reporters.

As the panel began discussing those aforementioned Pats, trying to put them in some sort of historical perspective, Lupica noted that this was like (back in '98) watching homeruns fly out of the park "but without all those extra enhancements." That last statement made me laugh of loud. Let's put SpyGate aside for now. Does Mike not remember why New England's Pro Bowl safety was missing in the beginning of the year? Then again, Lupica probably believes Harrison's excuse of ignorance. Rodney is not the only one of that team, or any team for that matter, who is dabbling in "extra enhancements" and I can't imagine anyone half-way sane ignoring the likelihood that performance enhancers are as rampant in football than any other sport, with the obvious exception being cycling, where Lance has made cheating an artform.

Now, let's get to that SpyGate issue. The Pats can say all they want about playing with a chip on their shoulder and having something to prove. I just happen to feel that it's easy to trample teams when you have digital libraries full of their signals and know what plays your opponents are calling on both sides of the ball.

On a closing note, maybe things won't be so bad for the Birds tonight. Hammered Hank Goldberg just talked about the spread going up due to McNabb's injury. If anyone has the opposite of the Midas Touch, it's Hammered Hank. I feel better now.

Al The Dog Harris

ESPN reported on Sunday that Packers defensive backs offered to pay the team's defensive linemen $500 each if they were able to hold Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson under 100 yards rushing two weeks ago and hold Carolina to under 60 yards rushing on Sunday.

---

During the game broadcast, Al Harris' name was specifically mentioned. One wonders if his apology for these actions would sound something like this:

"My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable use of very inappropriate language. I am deeply disappointed in myself for speaking out of anger...

I know that all of my fans are deeply disappointed in me, as well, as I have tried to be a model for doing the right thing. I did not do the right thing this time, and hope you will forgive me. We learn from our mistakes, as my story of overcoming a life of crime has proven, and I will learn from this one for the rest of my life."

Somewhere Buddy Ryan weeps.

Rich Gannon's Balls

As Ted Ginn, Jr. was returning the punt for the TD during the Fins/Eagles game, did anyone happen to get footage of Rich Gannon on CBS explaining how much he loathes slick balls? How there is now a brush with which you can rub the balls to make them softer and how equipment managers now take special care in rubbing QB's balls prior to games?

Oh, God I wish I had TIVO.

Anyone?

Seriously, someone has to get this footage.

Fat Willard reads (between) the headlines

Lindros announces retirement (and that he refuses to play for the Nordiques this season and fish have feelings like people)
(Let this be a lesson to you kids about the dangers of concussions)

Clemens eyes Astros — for (next fake) retirement (hand)job

McNabb says he's 'not fully to blame' for 3-5 (Reid and crack head kids are partly responsible)

Dodgers introduce Torre after 'whirlwind' ride (on Ventura Freeway with the top down and the wind gusting through our hair like high school seniors on the last day of…wait..what the hell was I talking about?)

Kobe, Lakers make Jazz latest victim (of rape…errr..consensual sex)

Brady’s clutch play (of Gisele’s meat curtains) cements his M(ost)V(aluable)P(enis) status

Johnson wins third straight (night), takes (poonani) Chase lead

Yanks ready to sweeten Posada offer (dinner, The Notebook AND a sensual massage)

Tampa Bay ends deal with the Devil (but God and bad decisions will ensure they suck for years to come)

Shula softens (stool and) stance (with some fig spread on nice soft wheat bread)

Some Advice for Tony Romo

Yeah, the 'Boys spanked the Birds (as expected). But here's a little advice for Tony Romo courtesy of Uncle Buck:

Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.


Hey, look, we try to keep things positive here at HHR. But, we've come to the realization that maybe he's a good quarterback. But he's a Cowboy. And he's starting to slowly climb his dating prowess up to Brady-like status, though he's not quite there yet. And we just can't let him get a Peter King-like pass and anoint his ass. If you want to crown him, then crown his ass.

Oh my God, they killed Kennedy

You bastards!

From Yahoo! Sports:

Nothing sacred when Philly plays Dallas

A blog item on the Dallas Morning News website reminded everyone there is not a great deal love or respect between Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys fans.

A Dallas fan noted he saw a free publication called Philadelphia Weekly that had someone dressed up as Andy Reid holding a poster that said "Dallas Sucks'' on the front page.

The accompanying article noted how the writer felt about the city of Dallas: "For one, they killed Kennedy. For two, T.O. lives and plays there. Need we go on?''

Oh how this rivalry fires people up.

Our friends at The 700 Level point out a piece from MySanAntonio.com (Owens rips Eagles on way to Philly):

Two days after saying his feud with Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb was a thing of the past, the Dallas Cowboys receiver took repeated shots on his weekly radio show at McNabb and his former team.

"It's so evident that ever since I left nothing's been going right there," said Owens, ignoring the fact Philadelphia won the NFC East title last season. "I'm not saying I'm the sole reason, but when I was there we were very successful. Now it seems like everything's snowballing.

700: Newsflash buddy, things started snowballing when you were here, in large part because of your BS. I love how these guys forget that the Eagles have owned them for years.

Fumbled snaps and the 2nd Coming of Kurt "Warren"

Our buddy Eric at phillyBurb's Camel Clutch has a little fun with a Cowboys fan just in time for Sunday's NFC East match up.

Well worth the click: Fun with a Cowboys fan

Speaking of Strong Resemblences...

Big Daddy Drew at Kissing Suzy Kolber had a fun little piece highlighting a possible change of careers.

However, Fat Andy has already had plenty of practice seeing no evil, hearing no evil and speaking no evil - of not just his team and coaching philosophy - but let's not forget his GM and personnel moves.

While his team destructs around him, everything is just A-OK in AndyLand.

Andy Reid, Baghdad Bob: Iraq Information Minister.

One last note from the 200 Level

Ever see Hochuli on a jumbo tron?

When he couldn't get the time right we tried to get a "STEROID" chant started - only to see him 100 feet tall on the screen and cower in intimidation.

Eagles/Bears: Observations from the 200 Level

(Doesn't quite have the same ring as the "700 Level" does it?)

Pre-game.

4:15 game and our host and chauffeur Kato has a penchant for buggery. Needless to say we understood that by accepting free tickets from Kato, at some point before, after or during the game we would end up at a gentleman's club. We also had a hunch that he didn't really have tickets and that he was going to end up at an unsavory establishment to watch the game. So before we left we made sure he showed us the tickets.

We roll into Philly around 1 and despite CBass having a nice set-up with plenty of food and drink at his usual spot at FDR Park since 9 AM, Kato wants to start the afternoon off "right," so we head to Gentleman's Club 1 (GC1) to kick things off. To Kato's dismay, the club is closed at 1 PM, just as the early NFL games are starting. GC1 opens at 3. This does not sit well with Kato. The entrepreneur he is relentlessly tells us of all the money GC1 is losing out on.

So with a 30 pack in tow, we head to Gentleman's Club 2 (GC2), a BYOB. While the sex shop is open, this club too is closed. Kato is not happy. So eventually we make it to Gentleman's Club 3 in time to catch a couple of Brady TDs. We stay only for about 2 beers, but Kato is happy he got his fill.

(In Kato's defense, maybe he was just offering a public service. Afterall, it is breast cancer awareness month, and he did spend the entire day offering free exams. In his honor I bought Ariel a pink Eagles "tit hat" (Kato's words not HHR, the NFL or the Philadelphia Eagles').

Game-Time.

Where to begin? Observation #1 - the Eagles are not a very good football team. The fans hate the coach, the quarterback, the punter and the wide receivers.

A girl in our section is wearing a Devon Hester jersey, and the first few times she walks up and down the aisle it was simple boos, hisses and harrumphs directed at her.

Eventually it got to the point of one fella kept screaming at her the following (loud and angry):

"You suck. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hope you trip and fall down the steps and kill yourself."

Class act.

Two of the best throwback jerseys were in our group. Kato had a green Seth Joyner jersey while the Mad Dog had a UNLV Cunningham one on.

Others of note: Wes Hopkins, Herchell Walker, Andy Harmon, Ivring Fryer and Ike Reese.

Someone actually showed up wearing a Ricky Watters jersey (for who? for what?).

(Ariel notes: "There is always someone with a Watters jersey, same with Mamula." I told her there was a Mamula jersey in our section, but I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a joke. Ariel said, "No it's just been 12 years since they last shelled out dough for a jersey.")

Kato says next time he's putting everyone to shame and showing up donning Timmy Hauck.

When 3 teenagers show up wearing Wilbert Mongomery jerseys, I have to start questioning the whole fad. 1 Montgomery jersey is plenty in the stadium. It's unique. But when 20 people in the section are sporting Montgomery, Jaws and Charmichael, it's too much. I'll give the Papale fans a pass. For now.

I won't bore you with insight into the game, because I'll be spewing the same 'can't score in the red zone, can't hit open receivers, run too little, can't catch a pass, Brian f'n Griese drove 97 yards with no timeouts in under two minutes.'

Flipping back and forth between WYSP and WIP post-game I think the general consensus and the most logical explanations/conclusions/grumblings are multi-tiered:

1. The current receiving corp is much better than the days of Charles Johnson, Torrence Small, Pinkston and Thrash. Particularly with the latter two, fans are torn between two things - first, wondering how we could win with them but not with the current crop; and second, if the receivers are the problem, why is it continually not addressed? Which brings us to...

2. If for the sake of argument the receiving corp is better, the issue is that the quarterback is not the same player that could elevate those around him and make the system work. Bringing us to...

3. The system. The coach built the system around #5. If #5 is not the same player he was even 3 years ago, the system is not going to work the way it did 3 years ago.

For all intents and purposes the season is done. One more "next year" to look forward to. The Cowboys, Giants and Redskins continue to pull away. The schedule doesn't look to get much easier and reaching .500 is as much of a stretch as reaching the playoffs.

There is not all bitterness in Philadelphia. Say what you will about Philadelphia fans, but they love America. Even if they hate sleeves.

Finding Freddie

Despite the years of teasing, I was, and remain, one of the biggest Freddie Mitchell fans on the planet.

I have a poster-sized 4th & 26 picture hanging on the wall in my office.

I defended his lack of catches by pointing out on numerous big plays, his down field blocking.

I laughed at the Super Bowl hub-bub and pointed to the games leading up to and during the playoffs that magical year as evidence of what "could be" with my favorite receiver.

I would have had a #84 jersey, had Ariel not said "If I'm going to spend that kind of money on a jersey, you are getting a pro bowl safety, not a 3rd down receiver."

Ah well. Women.

There have been reports of him the last few years of him trying out at different NFL camps, of hopes of landing in the CFL, perhaps landing at the Philadelphia Soul, and even substitute teaching (which I refuse to believe. I am sure he was merely lecturing kids on what it means to be great).

That all said. I wonder. Where is Freddie?

Here at HHR, we would love to Find Freddie. More than that, we want to give the man who thanked his hands for being so great his own forum and invite him to contribute to our page as whatever the hell he wants - an exclusive NFL analyst, a columnist, whatever.

Freddie, if you are out there, drop us a line. We would love to hear from you.

If anyone knows his whereabouts, let us know.