2009's Most Forgettable Sports Moments

While many choose to look back at 2009 by highlighting championship performances, scandalous transgressions and overall warm, fuzzy nostalgia, when the history books are written, there will be several happenings this past year that will be forgotten - be it by accident or by selective memory. For perseverance's sake, here's a look at some of the HHR crew's least memorable moments, stories and figures of 2009.

Dale Jr.'s "Breakout" Season

Dale Jr.'s second year at Hendrick Motorsports was supposed to be his breakout year. In 2008, he made the Chase, and this past year he was supposed to contend. Instead, Junior found himself with his worst season in NASCAR, and had to watch from the sidelines as his Hendrick teammates finished 1, 2, 3 in the points standings. A mid-year crew chief change couldn't even ease June Bug's woes.

ACC Football

This year was supposed to be the year for several teams in the ACC. NC State had the ACC's most prolific passer returning, Wake Forest was led by senior signal caller Riley Skinner, VT was Virginia Tech, and Bowden was promising great things as he fought for his job down in Tallahassee. Instead, the ACC struggled all year, losing early games to the likes of William & Mary and never coming close to being in the talk for a National Title contender. Now, the traditionalists' cries for the heads of the guys behind the expansion are growing ever more louder. It was supposed to elevate football in the nation's preeminent basketball conference, right?

Fat College Football Coaches

Apparently, this wasn't the year to be big and on the sidelines with a headset in college. The portly Mark Mangino and the rotund Charlie Weiss both found themselves without a job at the end of the season. While Mangino's dismissal had more to do with his treatment of players than his team's record, Weiss just couldn't eat enough donuts to help the Irish win enough games to keep his job. Surely, Ralph Friedgen's off season diet kept him on the sidelines in College Park, because Maryland's 2-10 record certainly didn't help.

Urban Meyer Resigning at Florida

Quite simply: Proof that the "do-over" rule is alive and well in college athletics.

WNBA's Shock Relocates to Tulsa

You know your league is in trouble when a team wins three championships in the decade and then decides a move from a major sports metro to Tulsa, OK is an upgrade.

Allen Iverson, Memphis Grizzly

"God chose Memphis as the place that I will continue my career. I feel that they are committed to developing a winner." Two months God must've told the Answer to get the hell out of Dodge. Sometimes even God makes mistakes. Either that or he has a helluva sense of humor.

Terrell Owens, Buffalo Bill

While making an initial splash upon signing, TO has since taken backseat to the prospect of the Bills moonlighting in Canada. When all is said and done, it says something when a guy will forever be remembered more for doing sit-ups in his driveway than actually playing for the Buffalo Bills.

The Billy Gillispie Era at UK

Add a new coach (John Calipari), the best player in America (John Wall) and a shiny undefeated record, and it’s hard to believe that the Cats were bounced by Notre Dame in the NIT last year.

The New York Metropolitans

While the team opened a brand new stadium, the cross-city Yankees win the Series over the defending champion/division rival Phillies and fans protest the franchise by forfeiting astronomically-priced season ticket plans, the team looks to rebound in 2010 by signing the likes of Alex Cora, Kelvim Escobar, Henry Blanco, R.A. Dickey and Chris Coste. To add insult to fans' injury, Coste punctuates his signing by reminding NY faithful, "I will always be a Phillie."

Shawne Merriman Performs Lights Out Dance on Tila Tequila

In an incident that was as ridiculous as the bi-sexual reality star's "career," Tila claims "Shawne grabbed her, shook her like a rag doll, threw her down and choked her during an argument last September. Tila says the San Diego Chargers linebacker had a bad temper combined with a drug problem, and that he humiliated her because of her bi-sexuality." Yet, authorities and the public somewhat seem to buy the Charger's claim of acting in the name of being a responsible party host. Charlie Sheen: take note.

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Good Grief! TO Channels His Inner Charles Schulz

On the series premier of VH1's The T.O. Show, a frustrated Owens re-depicted (on a bed sheet) for bodyguard and confidant Pablo the alleged diagram that Cowboy's owner Jerry Jones outlined in the meeting in which the wide receiver was told of his release from the team.


We grabbed a still shot of said diagram:

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Skip Bayless Reacts to TO Release

With a release of his own...

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TO in the Yard

Love it or hate it, Yardbarker is a repository for fans, athletes and bloggers alike to spout off about just about anything going on in sports.

To date, their main draw has been Eagles QB Donovan McNabb. As such, the place is infested with unapologetic #5 defenders. Anyone who dares speak ill of Donnie Mac can anticipate a fire storm of push back from commentors.

Well, this should get interesting. As if scripted by Vince McMahon himself, Yardbarker has landed someone as nutty as McNabb...who just so happens to be his arch nemesis and antagonist...Terrell Eldorado Owens.

Shocking, only 8 fans.

His first post...needling another former Bird, Cris Carter. And he's begging for comments!

"Hey Yardbarker... This is T.O. and I want to tell you this myself. People ask me what I thought about what Cris Carter said about me a few days ago. All I know is, if I'd been the one who had said that about him, what would everyone have thought?"

Needless to say, if TO utilizes this forum, bloggers and fans are going to have unprecedented fodder in going after the receiver everyone loves to hate.

I for one, can't wait.

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A Cowboy Story

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. An you know what that means. TNT will soon begin force-feeding us non-stop the worst, yet somehow most popular, holiday movie ever, A Christmas Story.

There's no escaping it.

Similarly, there is no escaping the questions already being asked by football pundits across the land - can Tony Romo and the Cowboys win in December? Will they finally win a playoff game. Will Terrell Owens destroy their very existence?

So, without further ado, we take a look at America's Team through the lens of America's worst Christmas movie.

Ralph "Ralphie" Parker: Ralphie is the movie's whiny star with a one track mind, and blatant disregard in taking anyone around him's advice. Tony Romo has a one track mind to be America's sweetheart, and ultimately gets what he wants, yet stillalways manages to shoot himself in the eye.


Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle: Ralphie's one true desire, akin to a Romo playoff win.


Randy Parker: Ralphie's younger brother and tag-along. They probably sit in their room and design schemes to embarrass poor Scut Farkus.


Scut Farkus: The bully.


Grover Dill: The bully's sidekick.


The Rabbit Suit Nobody Wants to Wear: Pacman Jones


The Aunt who gave Ralphie the Suit: Roger Goodell for continually reinstating Jones.

Schwartz: Scape goat. It can't be the players or the ownership. Blame the coach.


Flick: Succumbing to peer pressure. The Cowboys play in the division with the most media exposure and among the most competitive teams on the field. Each jockey and beat one another up, usually split season series, and have legitimate shots to make the wild card. And while the Cowboys generally have the most talent, they haven't seen the success that the Giants and Eagles have over the last decade.


Old Man Parker: The disciplinarian father. Tries to be a voice of reason, but just comes off as a self-serving moron.


Mrs. Parker: Enabling mother. Troy Aikman, Moose Johnston, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin. They are all just blind, drugged and/or don't care that their family is a muckin fess.


Little Orphan Annie Secret Society: Propaganda front. Has everything to do with commercialization.


Miss Shields: Ralphie's teacher who assigned an essay Ralphie figured would be TOO perfect to deny him the rifle. And the teacher shot him right from the start.


Store Santa: Just flat out denies Ralphie his rifle. Kind of like slippery footballs.


Leg Lamp: Really nothing more than tacky eye candy.

HHR EXCLUSIVE! Collusion Photo of Witten/Romo Designing Anti-TO Plays Unearthed

Terrell Owens has always been a man to take at his word and has never failed to put his team(s) above self. Tony Romo and Jason Witten, on the other hand, in their short time as teammates have proven themselves time and time again nothing short of self-serving publicity hounds and stat-padders. While many rushed to critcize the humble wide receiver's accusations that Romo and Witten have been secretly designing plays that exclude TO, HHR chose to dig a little deeper before jumping to conclusions. As such, we were able to uncover this photographic evidence of the QB and TE concocting the very plays Owens spoke of.

Judge for yourself.

That's His Teammate...His Quarterback

Well done, Giants fans. Well done.

Terrell Being Terrell

TO Making It Rain.

As we near the end of the half time show, the Sunday Night Football crew just alluded to the post-game comments made by Terrell Owens following the Cowboys loss to the Skins. TO was none to happy about his self-perceived lack of involvement in the offense despite getting 1/3 of the team's offensive plays.

According to the Dallas Morning News' Dallas Cowboys Blog, the Cowboys ran 58 offensive plays, threw to TO 18 times and let Owens run it twice.

That's not enough for the world's greatest teammate. When asked if the ball was thrown his way often enough, Owens said:

"I would say no. I'm a competitor, and I want the ball.

"There were some opportunities there, and there were some opportunities there where they were holding and the refs just didn't call it. You can't blame the refs; we just didn't make the plays.

"Everybody recognized that I wasn't really getting the ball in the first half," Owens said. "I'm pretty sure everybody watching the game recognized it, people in the stands recognized it, I think my team recognized it. I didn't quit. I kept fighting and trying to running my routes and trying to get open."

Underwood admits Romo still calls

Tony Romo Still Calls Carrie Underwood

Hey y'all, it's Carrie. I can't get to the phone so leave a message and I might call ya back. I am just joking I am the sweetest person in the world I would never not return a phone call. Plus my vagina smells like cinnamon. Anyway, leave one.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP

Hey Carrie....It's Tony. Tony Romo. How are you? I am just calling to say hello. I am at camp and we have some down time so I figured I'd give you a call. I can't talk that long. T.O. will be back any minute and he gets jealous if I am on the phone for longer than a few minutes. He is so needy. Sometimes he will pull all my covers off while I sleep or fold my clothes for me just to get me to thank him and start a conversation. He also has all these prescription drugs on his desk. Like he is planning something. It's scary.

Anyway, so I was just calling.....you know....just calling to say what's up. I heard a song of yours today and I thought about you and figured I'd give you a call. Jess and I are doing great in case you were wondering. Just fantastic. I mean, the other day we got to spend the afternoon together because Joe got the squirts from bad shellfish. So we got to go shopping, play some Guitar Hero, and I am not sure but I might have gotten to second base.
Well look, I have to go, we have to be up early tomorrow. I guess just call me when you get a chance. I sleep with the phone on and by my ear.
...............
(Later that evening)

Hey, Carrie. Tony again. Look, don't tell anyone what I told you about Jess. She is kind of sensitive to all this stuff and she gets really upset and then I have to spend all day talking to Joe and I have football to worry about.......crap....have to jet, T.O. is waking up to pee again.
...............
(A few days later)

Hey Carebear, it's me Romeo. Remember when we used to call each other that? Pretty funny thinking back. I haven't heard from you and wanted to make sure everything was ok. So call me when you get a chance. I will keep the phone on me so I don't miss your call. Later Carebear.
..........
(Later that evening)

Heyyyyyy Carebear.....It's T.O.! I am just checking Tony's outgoing calls while he was in the shower. I thought this was you. Don't think I don't know what's going on! YOU STAY AWAY. TONY IS MY TEAMMATE. He.....HE IS MY QUARTERBACK.
.......
(The next day)

Hey Carrie. It's me. Look....I can't keep doing this. I can't keep calling and never hearing back from you. This isn't fair. Please call me back. Jess is driving me nuts. She put her bra on backwards this morning ok. Are you happy? Did that make you laugh? God, I love making you laugh. Please call me.

Endzone Dancin' with TO, Chad and Barry

“Before they’ve even crossed the 50-yard line, the Obama campaign is already dancing in the end zone with a new White House transition team...” –McCain spokesman Brian Rogers

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

The Flavor of T.O.

Hey did you hear T.O. is going to be on Flavor Flav's sitcom? Hey, did you know Flavor Flav had a sitcom? Hey, did you know there was a channel called MyNetworkTV? I knew all these things and frankly I feel worse about myself for it.

Terrell Ownes makes sitcom acting debut. (Insert witty popcorn pun here.)

Odd headline considering T.O. did some brillant acting over a joke of a loss to the Giants in the playoffs. This pretending stuff is old hat to him.

T.O. will make his sitcom acting debut on the MyNetworkTV show "Under One Roof" as the long-lost brother of the show's star, Flavor Flav. Owens tries convincing Flav and sitcom sibling Kelly Perine that they're all brothers in hopes of getting them to invest in his Web site.

Who would be a more embarassing son? Flavor Flav or Terrell Owens. I say Flav. T.O. is at least an accomplished athlete while Flav was the hype man for a group that didn't need him to get attention, he wears large clocks around his neck, and looks like love child of Willie McGee and Mr. Hanky.

T.O. comments..."I see dollar signs," Owens said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I'm trying to kind of smooth my way into the family, but Flav is not buying it. It's a lot of funny dialogue. It was a good time."

That's the same thing Owens says after every new contract with a new NFL team. Just replace Flav's name with Garcia, McNabb, or Romo.

T.O. signed on to come back later in the season for a 'Very Special' Under One Roof episode where he fakes a suicide attempt. Sorry to ruin it for all three fans of the show.

This is How We Roll

In its Spring 2008 Bulletin Board, the first US Bowler Celebrity Rankings "is dominated by current and former professional sports stars."

Here is the top 10 list...

Photo: PBA.com

1. John Burkett
High Score: Eight 300 games, three 800 series
Average: 221 (06-07)

Photo: PBA.com

2. Jerome Bettis (Inducted into Celebrity Wing of Bowling HoF in 2006)
High: 300
Average: 200

3. Tom Candiotti (Inducted into Celebrity Wing of Bowling HoF in 2007)
High: 300
Average: 212 (06-07)

4. Dave Mirra
High: 600 Series
Average: 167

5. Dwight Howard
High: 244
Average: 185

6. Michael Conely (Ambidextrous)
High: 243
Average: 190

Photo: SI

7. Gilbert Arenas
High: 277

Photo: PBA.com

8. Chris Paul (USBC Spokesman)
High: 256

9. Terrell Owens
High: 288
High: 185

10. Jimmie Johnson

Other athletes who made the "Best of the Rest":

• Ken Griffey, Jr.
• John Smoltz
• LeBron James
• Danny Jackson
• Jeff Gordon
• Willis McGahee

Joining them are celebs Nelly, Ludacris, Bill Murray and Vince Vaughn.

Smoltz (4), Griffey (9) and James (10) all were listed on Norman Chad's ballot as Top-10ers.

Photo: USA Today

BREAKING NEWS: T.O. is full of himself

NY Post is reporting T.O. thinks he can be a model.

The Dallas Cowboys wide receiver recently judged a male-model volleyball tournament at Nikki Beach in Miami and had nothing but criticisms for the 90 men.

I can't argue with T.O., he has a solid argument. But what the hell is a male-model volleyball tournament? Is there a female model tourney? If so, it should be televised. The balls to the face possibilities are higher than in a Jenna Jameson double feature.

Fat Willard demands it.

That's my teammate. That's my quarterback.

Cowboy Tony and TO are really taking their new roles as Cowboy Lovers a bit too far this week in Honolulu.

If you can stomach it, check out their little love fest with Fox Sports' Alex Marvez, "T.O., Romo open up about life, football."

Their playful banter makes them look like high school sweethearts just hitting their pubescent stride. They argue over who is the better karaoke singer, espouse their mutual love for The Bucket List, and Cowboy Tony even comments on TO's tearful Romo-related post-game tear shedding: "We (text messaged). I told him it meant a lot because you could see that he cared about me and the team."

It's really a beautiful, touching piece.

I can't imagine how jealous Jason Witten is right now.

TO Looking to Spend 1 Night in Paris?

Photos: E! Online

It's not in TO's nature to stand around and have some Pro Bowl quarterback steal all the spotlight on his team. Romo beds a starlet? Terrell grabs an heiress' digits.

The following comes from E! (Paris Does Dallas):

As if Jessica Simpson needed any more bad news outta her home state (Cowboys fans, of course, placed the blame for QB and Simpson boyfriend Tony Romo's playoff loss squarely at her feet), along comes Paris Hilton to steal her Lone Star State limelight.

The blondie heiress was in Texas recently to promote her new flick, The Hottie and the Nottie, and my party pal tells me she done charmed the socks off them locals...including Terrell Owens.

"She didn't act like a diva," says one Dallasite, adding that P posed for pics and signed autographs galore at the premiere. Over at the after-party, held at Ghostbar, Paris took a page from Jess' playbook by hangin' with Dallas Cowboy T.O. (with whom she exchanged digits) and Jason Witten.

Maybe he's just looking into life after football.

The Deanna Favre Curse

You may have noticed recurring two cut-away shots to the luxury suites yesterday during the NFC Championship Game - One to Eli's girlfriend (Archie) and the other to...well, read below...

It's always seemed so blissful. Maybe it's the way the man, his relationship to his family, his overcoming addiction, his gunslinging ways are embraced by NFL pundits far and wide. But the marriage of Brett Favre to the state of Wisconsin has been undermined to his personal marriage. Not to Peter King, but to Deanna.

By all accounts the pair are a formidable duo. Since her diagnosis with breast cancer in 2004, Deanna has likely helped and inspired as many off the field as Brett has on it.

Unless you are a Packer fan.

You see, Brett and Deanna were married on July 14, 1996, the year in which the Packers last saw a championship season.

As Brett yet again contemplates another retirement after a no-doubt Hall of Fame career, perhaps team captain Donald Driver should take the lead of fellow wideout Terrell Owens and call for the retirement of his quarterback's main squeeze from attending Packer football games.

Hollywood has gotten the best of Brett since his marriage. We see him in hit movies, hocking redneck jeans.

Concentrating on anything but football.

The legacy of the storied Packer franchise deserves better than seeing errant interceptions and loses to the likes of Fredo Manning, which only prove Brett's head is occupied in the stands by his starlet.

We chastise poor Jessica Simpson and Cowboy Tony, we deify the Farves.

Get your popcorn ready! It's movie time

Sent in from friend and reader Art Vandeley...

In the Summer of 2006, two young men, Terrell a brash and misunderstood wide receiver and Antonio an aspiring quarterback and wanna-be-celebrity, are brought in to work together to bring a championship to America's Team. What had otherwise been anticipated to be a rather eventful venture (13-3 and top seed) would soon turn into an affair of love, of lust, and complications (losing in the first round two straight seasons) that will spand through countless seaons of their lives. Through trips to Cabo, attempted suicides that might not have happened, and the mighty grip of societal confines and the expectations of what it is to be a man.

Terrell Owens. Tony Romo.


(If you are the person responsible for this amazing photoshop job, let me know and I will credit and name my first born after you.)

Separated at Birth: Can Ya Dig It?

They say that T.O. is a baaadd mutha...SHUT YO MOUTH!

I'm just talking bout Terrell.

Leave Tony Allooooonee!

Philly Inq: Teary-eyed T.O. hurt by loss

TONY GUTIERREZ / Associated Press

Says Owens, "This wasn't about Tony. You can talk about him, you can talk about the vacation, but it's unfair. That's my teammate. That's my quarterback."

And the kicker:

"I've always had a good relationship with quarterbacks," he said. "I know what type of person I am on the inside. I know who I am."

Great video coverage courtesy of Barstool Sports of the TO performance:

The Secret to Terrell's Recovery

Last week we took a look at T.O.'s "extreme rehab." Owens' twinkle toes in the end-zone proved the man's recovery is not "nothing short of amazing," but rather nothing short of a miracle. While Romo and Witten spent their off-week grab-assing in Cabo, we were able to find this footage of Owens' unorthodox path to recovery.