I worked as a personal trainer and manager of a gym for almost two years. I will honestly tell you gyms are crawling with lunatics. First off, this idea that the majority of the people there want to stay healthy and live a more fullfilling life is a load of sheet. About four people are there for that reason, and probably because they almost died or are about to if they don't stop popping Munchkins like Altoids at the Friday staff meetings.
These are the 5 types of people that go to the gym:
1) I was fat. I lost weight. Now I am skinny. I don't want to go back to being fat so I moved into the gym. I have my own locker. I am here whenever you are. I take every class. I do hours of cardio. I need a sandwich.
2) I used to be skinny. Now I am fat. I had a baby/date a lazy person/have big bones/come from a long line of fat/think latte is french for "good for you"/used to be able to eat anything I wanted when I was young but haven't figured out I can't anymore. You'll usually only see me in the fall on Monday nights (post damage control) and Saturday mornings (preventative damage control). Fuck the summer.
3) I am tan. I am in shape. I date alot of people from the gym. I talk to alot of people. I take a few classes and think those people are my real friends. I have to finish my set because I am going out for drinks tonight. You hate me because I am in better shape then you and are better looking then you. I am the reason you are here and the reason you don't like coming here. I will soon turn into
4) I am a leather bag. I have the resemblance of my old shape except it sags more. I take many classes and hang out with the other people in class because we all "work from home." I am still in better shape then you (for my age). I am the reason you are here. To stay in shape for the next divorce.
5) I am nuts. I grunt. I scream. I wear spandex/do-rags/zubas/no shoes or a one piece. I leave the equipment all over. I am naked in the locker room reading the paper bent over in front of your locker. I ask you to spot me and yell things out. I am in the locker room more then the gym. I come here to be around people.
This story is just a case of #1-4 getting sick of #5. Luckily #5 didn't get a chance to get the upperhand.
-posted by Fat Willard
No comments:
Post a Comment