Thank God it's September

Labor Day usually means a few things to most people... days getting shorter, kids going back to school, yada yada yada. To Ren and I it means two specific things

1) Beginning of another year for the Birds, and the prior-to-first-game-optimistc-mantra that usually goes something like this... "They're looking good this year..." and in or about November changes to "Jesus Christ, they suck..." But hey, we're Philly fans. It's in our blood.

2) Our (read: My) TV shows are back!!!!

OK, so what does this have to do with sports or athletics? Well, the return of Dancing with the Starts and Biggest Loser, that's what. I sort of fell out of touch with Fat March... but summer vacation and a big move were among the reasons. Last night's episode featured longer walks over shorter periods of time, and the end of one walkers fate - Anthony, the 26 year old virgin. I must say, I wasn't sad. He lost somewhere around 80 pounds over the 39 days or whatever, and was a real bitch. He created drama with my boy Will, who was booted off last week, and other than Jamie Lynn, I don't think anyone else really cared for him and his snarky comments. Besides the fact that he was 10 miles off pace... But I digress.

We won't meet the Biggest Loser contestants until at earliest tonight, the start of the first show. I am happy to hear that Jillian is back... she was so bad ass on the first two seasons, then they replaced her last year with a softer trainer, but now she's back... should be interesting.

However, much ado has been made about the latest cast of Dancers.... Here is a brief overview and my expert analysis (and early picks) of who I think will succeed, blunder, and just be there for pure entertainment value.

The Women:

Mel B, aka Scary Spice: She is hot off the PR windstorm of being Eddie Murphy's baby mama. She is probably using the show as a vehicle to hype the Spice Girls Reunion Tour (not really sure why anyone thought this was necessary) as well as to lose the baby weight. She has the name recognition and the dance background, but I am just not sure how she'll fly in this competition. She'll probably make it down to the final 5 or 6.

Sabrina Bryan: Unless you're a girl aged 14 and under, or the parent of a girl aged 14 and under, you probably won't know this girl. She is on Disney Channel's Cheetah Girls, is a very cute girl, and might make it a few weeks, but then she's out. Not enough street cred to get very far.

Jennie Garth: Ahhh, my girl Kelly from 90210. After pushing out three kids, she still looks hot, and I am sure she'll go far in the competition. Morons like me will vote for her, just as we voted for her 90210 castmate Ian Ziering in the previous season. I think she'll do well from a name recognition standpoint, and I have to believe she has some rhythm... I am pulling for her big time. A girl hasn't won this damn show since season one's Kelly Monaco.

Josie Moran: She is a B-lister for sure... has done some modeling and acting over the years, but I am not sure what demographic she'll really resonate with. This is a tough call. I'll put her somewhere in the middle of the road.

Jane Seymour: Ren and my dad are both big fans. I think she is the sole reason my dad watched Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman for 5 years.... She is bound to do good... she has a great body for a 50-something woman, she is extremely well-known, and just has a personality that I think will be fitting for this sort of show. (think the mom from Wedding Crashers...)

Marie Osmond: As Ren put it yesterday from the unflattering photo of her in People, "She looks like she swallowed Donnie." I think that says it all.


The Men:

Albert Reed: Who the hell he???

Wayne Newton: Well.... hmmm.... Yeah. I don't know about this one. He needs no introduction, and was eerily funny in Vegas Vacation. I just don't see him as a dancer. But I do see him getting lots and lots of votes regardless.

Floyd Mayweather: Professional boxer, 6-time world champion, undefeated record, blah, blah, blah. As long as he isn't as horrible as Master P, he might have a chance. Emmitt and Jerry went far, but weren't as scary either.

Cameron Mathison: Another B-lister, most recently known for his role on All My Children. That is sure to get the stay-at-home mom vote, though I am not sure how many others. But, if he's light on his feet there is always a chance.

Mark Cuban: The most annoying person on the face of the earth, period. I can't see him being any good at dancing, and I would actually peg him as the first to get voted off. He tried that Apprentice knock-off and it didn't work. He acts like a lunatic at Maverick's games. I mean, how much more bad press is he looking for? He has a hot partner though, but I doubt that will help him. He should stick to business and call it a day.

Helio Castroneves: I'll give the Apollo Ohno chance to win it all. He is an Indy-car champion, is pretty good looking, has that latin-american thing going for him. Can probably move very well. Of all the men, he has the best chance to win over the crowd and take home the disco ball trophy.

The show premiers on Sept. 24th.... check it out and check back for my weekly commentary.