My sister and I always got a kick out of this issue/feature of SI. We cared not about the players' salaries, but used to have fun making fun of their mug shots and playing a little game of "What They Really Make."
Kirby Puckett: Inappropriate advances.
Kevin Bass: A push for mustaches to be cool again.
Bobby Thigpen: Over-rated closers look under-rated
Dave Winfield: Little kids pay for his autograph (true story happened to our friend Portly Jay when he was a 10-year old fat kid).
Bob Serra: Me think 'Who the hell was Bob Sebra?'
Don Mattingly: Ladies go wild.
BJ Surhoff: Women go black and never go back.
Mike Schmidt: Harry Kalas cream.
Kal Daniels: Balloon animals.
Jim Rice: Enemies with the BBWAA.
Jose Canseco: Subtle self-promotion.
Eric Hill: Propane and propane accessories.
Rick Sutcliffe: A "happy" drunk.
George Brett: Pine tar.
Gary Pettis: Personal appearances as Robert Guillaume.
Stanley Jefferson: Songs that make the young girls cry.
Mike Fulmer: Shoes smell.
Herm Winningham: Paper dolls.
Ozzie Smith: Barry Larkin a career NL All-Star reserve.
Julio Franco: AARP membership payments.
Terry Francona: A mock turtleneck look even more awkward.
Neil Allen: Bedazzled jackets.
Wade Boggs: Threats against flight attendants.
Phil Bradley: An infinity of boondoggle keychains at scout camp.
George Frazier: Me know why lions eat their young.
Garry Templeton: Me miss classic Motown.
Danny Tartabull: Teams overvalue him.
Eddie Murray: Bathrooms stink.
Gene Walter: Young children uncomfortable.
Alvin Davis: "Elbow-titting" an art form.
Jeff Robinson: Moonshine.
Paul Molitor: Drug dealing profitable in the 70's and early 80's.
Pedro Guerrero: OJ angry.
Dale Murphy: A fine quiche.
Bill Almon: Bongs out of apples and Bic pens.
Wally Joyner: Mitchell's list.
Walt Terrell: Belt buckles.
Willie Wilson: Green poopies.
Gary Carter: Self portraits.
Von Hayes: Me wish I didn't grow up a Phillies phan.
Reggie Jackson: Aviators scramble for Blue Blockers.