Thursday, February 7, 2008

'87 Flashback: What They REALLY Make

My sister and I always got a kick out of this issue/feature of SI. We cared not about the players' salaries, but used to have fun making fun of their mug shots and playing a little game of "What They Really Make."

Kirby Puckett: Inappropriate advances.

Kevin Bass: A push for mustaches to be cool again.

Bobby Thigpen
: Over-rated closers look under-rated

Dave Winfield
: Little kids pay for his autograph (true story happened to our friend Portly Jay when he was a 10-year old fat kid).

Bob Serra
: Me think 'Who the hell was Bob Sebra?'

Don Mattingly
: Ladies go wild.

Bob Murphy: Teammates fall for the stink palm.

BJ Surhoff
: Women go black and never go back.

Mike Schmidt
: Harry Kalas cream.

Kal Daniels
: Balloon animals.

Jim Rice
: Enemies with the BBWAA.

Jose Canseco
: Subtle self-promotion.

Eric Hill
: Propane and propane accessories.

Rick Sutcliffe
: A "happy" drunk.

George Brett: Pine tar.

Gary Pettis
: Personal appearances as Robert Guillaume.

Stanley Jefferson
: Songs that make the young girls cry.

Mike Fulmer
: Shoes smell.

Herm Winningham
: Paper dolls.

Ozzie Smith
: Barry Larkin a career NL All-Star reserve.

Julio Franco
: AARP membership payments.

Terry Francona
: A mock turtleneck look even more awkward.

Neil Allen: Bedazzled jackets.

Wade Boggs
: Threats against flight attendants.

Phil Bradley
: An infinity of boondoggle keychains at scout camp.

George Frazier
: Me know why lions eat their young.

Garry Templeton
: Me miss classic Motown.

Danny Tartabull
: Teams overvalue him.

Eddie Murray
: Bathrooms stink.

Gene Walter
: Young children uncomfortable.

Alvin Davis: "Elbow-titting" an art form.

Jeff Robinson: Moonshine.

Paul Molitor: Drug dealing profitable in the 70's and early 80's.

Pedro Guerrero: OJ angry.

Dale Murphy: A fine quiche.

Bill Almon: Bongs out of apples and Bic pens.

Wally Joyner: Mitchell's list.

Walt Terrell
: Belt buckles.

Willie Wilson: Green poopies.

Gary Carter
: Self portraits.

Von Hayes: Me wish I didn't grow up a Phillies phan.

Reggie Jackson: Aviators scramble for Blue Blockers.

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