Friday, June 20, 2008

The nickname shouldn't remain the same

Adam Jones is kindly asking the media to refrain from calling him 'Pacman'

This makes sense given his vow to turn over a new leaf. 'Pacman' makes it rain, shoots up strip clubs, and has people showing up dead all the time. Adam is an upstanding member of the National Football League and the Dallas community.

Here is a list of some other sports star that also have asked the media to drop their long-standing nicknames to reflect the athlete they've become:

Orenthal James 'O.J.' Simpson- A man named Orenthal wouldn't hurt a fly. An O.J. will kill you.

David Lee 'Tank' Abbott
- Tanks win ground battles.

Larry 'Chipper' Jones
- Frankly he has had nothing to be excited about in Atlanta since the 90's.

Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson
- From now on should be referred to as 'talent proportionate to a fella his age and stature.'

Covelli 'Coco' Crisp
- Boston fans probably enjoy cereal. Can't say the same for this Coco. Rumors from the Sox locker room that he does indeed leave the toilet water brown, so this name might never go away.

Dontrelle 'The D-Train' Willis
- Was going to ask to just be called Dontrelle, but then found out the D-train ironically gets you to the Tigers minor league farm team in Toledo. So this is rather appropriate.

'The Gambler' Kenny Rogers
- Would just like to be referred to as Kenny Rogers, like the singer. They both used enhancements to prolong their average career.

'The Baby-Faced Assassin' Isiah Thomas
- No longer baby faced or an unassuming assassin. When Zeke comes to town a franchise is going down.

'Big Ben' Ben Roethlisberger
- While Ben is still tall in stature, Big Ben itself is a piece of precision timekeeping. Repeated blows to the head have left Roesthlisberger unsure what year this is.

Dulymus 'Deuce' McAllister
- While Duece has become synonymous with his average yards per carry and the numbers of games he plays per season, Dulymus will do just fine.

'The Tuna' Bill Parcells
- Coach Parcells has not eaten a healthy meal, let alone fish, since the 1986 NFC Championship game.

'The President' Reggie Bush
- Does not want to be associated with a person so highly regarded as a 'terrible choice' and someone who came out so beloved and will leave with a tarnished legacy. I am referring to the actual President. He wants nothing to do with Reggie.


mrm3x1can said...

ummm... about chipper jones. he kinda is hitting .400...

Fat Willard said...

And I bet he would trade it in to play on a contending team.

I meant Atlanta was an every year playoff/world series team....