A Randy Johnson First

The new MLB 2K9 commercial is a major milestone in the storied career of future Hall of Famer Randy Johnson, in that for the first time in his life, the Big Unit isn't the ugliest guy in the locker room.

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Lincecum Honored; Big Unit to Appeal

Without pitching a meaningful inning all season, San Fran ace Tim Lincecum was honored today as the ugliest ever winner of the National League Cy Young Award, narrowly edging Randy Johnson with Orel Hershiser coming in a distant third. Johnson is expected to file a formal complaint.

Alice Cooper Wants You to Eat Randy Johnson's Big Unit

As I mentioned last week, I have a terrible obsession with the Travel Channel's Andrew Zimmern & Tony Bourdain.

Last night on No Reservations, Tony took a tour of the Southwest and stopped in at the Alice Cooper/Randy Johnson-owned Cooperstown Sports Bar in Phoenix.

At Alice's "prodding," Tony proceeded to stuff his face with the 2-foot long "Big Unit."

The nickname shouldn't remain the same

Adam Jones is kindly asking the media to refrain from calling him 'Pacman'

This makes sense given his vow to turn over a new leaf. 'Pacman' makes it rain, shoots up strip clubs, and has people showing up dead all the time. Adam is an upstanding member of the National Football League and the Dallas community.

Here is a list of some other sports star that also have asked the media to drop their long-standing nicknames to reflect the athlete they've become:

Orenthal James 'O.J.' Simpson- A man named Orenthal wouldn't hurt a fly. An O.J. will kill you.

David Lee 'Tank' Abbott- Tanks win ground battles.

Larry 'Chipper' Jones- Frankly he has had nothing to be excited about in Atlanta since the 90's.

Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson- From now on should be referred to as 'talent proportionate to a fella his age and stature.'

Covelli 'Coco' Crisp - Boston fans probably enjoy cereal. Can't say the same for this Coco. Rumors from the Sox locker room that he does indeed leave the toilet water brown, so this name might never go away.

Dontrelle 'The D-Train' Willis- Was going to ask to just be called Dontrelle, but then found out the D-train ironically gets you to the Tigers minor league farm team in Toledo. So this is rather appropriate.

'The Gambler' Kenny Rogers- Would just like to be referred to as Kenny Rogers, like the singer. They both used enhancements to prolong their average career.

'The Baby-Faced Assassin' Isiah Thomas- No longer baby faced or an unassuming assassin. When Zeke comes to town a franchise is going down.

'Big Ben' Ben Roethlisberger- While Ben is still tall in stature, Big Ben itself is a piece of precision timekeeping. Repeated blows to the head have left Roesthlisberger unsure what year this is.

Dulymus 'Deuce' McAllister - While Duece has become synonymous with his average yards per carry and the numbers of games he plays per season, Dulymus will do just fine.

'The Tuna' Bill Parcells - Coach Parcells has not eaten a healthy meal, let alone fish, since the 1986 NFC Championship game.

'The President' Reggie Bush- Does not want to be associated with a person so highly regarded as a 'terrible choice' and someone who came out so beloved and will leave with a tarnished legacy. I am referring to the actual President. He wants nothing to do with Reggie.

The Big Unit Package

What's the only truck that can haul Randy Johnson's big unit package? A Chevy, of course. Click here for the suggestive commercial (WMP).

Nickname Hall of Fame

On Sunday's NFL Countdown, Keyshawn Johnson (I refuse to call him Key) was struggling through another segment and referred to Vinny Testaverde as Teste. I am sure Teste is tickled pink about Keyshawn revealing or introducing the nickname to a worldwide audience.

The now official nut-inspired term of endearment places Teste in the upper echelon of nicknames sitting side by side with the Big Unit Randy Johnson.

Testes. Testes. One. Two. Three?