Vitaminwater Kicks Off its Criminally Insane Athletes Marketing Campaign

Next up, "Kobe Did It."

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Did Tiger Get Juiced?

No, I'm not referring to his alleged use of imported PEDs. I'm talking about his sinister-looking, ski-capped Vanity Fair cover shots that are all the buzz in relation to the infamous June 1994 Time OJ cover.

To be frank, the first thing I thought when I saw the Tiger cover was that the Cablasian never looked so, well, dark before - figuratively and literally. I mean aside from the actual color tones, the hat and the weights give the impression he's banging iron out in a prison rec yard.

While Time admitted to altering the original photograph to give Simpson a more "menacing" look, critics cried foul and racism, which lead to a public apology by the news magazine.

The Tiger shots may or may not have been altered, but it is clear that Vanity Fair was looking to paint Woods in the wake of his on going scandal as the antithesis of the wholesome hero he was once built up to be

Whether Vanity Fair intended for any sort of racial undertones is irrelevant. I have no doubt someone will play that card.

Wait a minute. I might have just done so.

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Today in History

Today marks the 15th anniversary of the greatest Bababooey call in history. Oh yeah, and a former Heisman Trophy winner and Pro Football Hall of Famer, OJ Simpson of Nordberg fame, went on the lam in LA in a white Bronco.

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Billy Packer Hired Psychic to Find OJ's Murder Weapons; Knows Not of this Wikipedia You Speak of

"Your strange corporate-speak confuses and frightens me."

Billy Packer is confused by Wikipedia and computers, but fancies himself a super-sleuth.

Best Damn Sports Show Period Podcast's Jason Cahill passed along this golden Packer audio, that we illustrated for your viewing pleasure.

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It's Like Saying No One Won the 1968 Heisman

Well, not exactly. But an interesting note from the WWE.com's official Royal Rumble page: They conveniently omitted 2004 winner Chris Benoit from their otherwise complete list of past winners.

H/T: WrestlingTruth

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Simpson Loses Voting Rights

Nevada- Traditionally, felons lose their right to vote in elections for public office. However, OJ Simpson lost a much more valuable vote today.

According to sources within prison, Mr. Simpson has been using his Heisman vote in prison as a new form of currency bypassing the traditional methods such as cigarettes, playing cards and intimate favors. OJ had promised a fellow inmate his ballot for this year's Heisman, which he was awarded for winning in 1968, in exchange for friendship.

"Yeah, he gave it up to me," said Fred "Switchblade" Reeves. "We had an agreement, but now he might need to use those fancy feet to dodge some accidents."

The AP reports that the Goldman family has won an injunction to seize the ballot because of its possible financial value. According to court files, the Goldman's site the potential of fruit baskets from Heisman candidates, coaches and schools.

The Goldman's were not available to comment before press time. A representative for the family said that they were pleased justice was done and they looked forward to reviewing Mr. Simpson's future currency proposals.

The nickname shouldn't remain the same

Adam Jones is kindly asking the media to refrain from calling him 'Pacman'

This makes sense given his vow to turn over a new leaf. 'Pacman' makes it rain, shoots up strip clubs, and has people showing up dead all the time. Adam is an upstanding member of the National Football League and the Dallas community.

Here is a list of some other sports star that also have asked the media to drop their long-standing nicknames to reflect the athlete they've become:

Orenthal James 'O.J.' Simpson- A man named Orenthal wouldn't hurt a fly. An O.J. will kill you.

David Lee 'Tank' Abbott- Tanks win ground battles.

Larry 'Chipper' Jones- Frankly he has had nothing to be excited about in Atlanta since the 90's.

Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson- From now on should be referred to as 'talent proportionate to a fella his age and stature.'

Covelli 'Coco' Crisp - Boston fans probably enjoy cereal. Can't say the same for this Coco. Rumors from the Sox locker room that he does indeed leave the toilet water brown, so this name might never go away.

Dontrelle 'The D-Train' Willis- Was going to ask to just be called Dontrelle, but then found out the D-train ironically gets you to the Tigers minor league farm team in Toledo. So this is rather appropriate.

'The Gambler' Kenny Rogers- Would just like to be referred to as Kenny Rogers, like the singer. They both used enhancements to prolong their average career.

'The Baby-Faced Assassin' Isiah Thomas- No longer baby faced or an unassuming assassin. When Zeke comes to town a franchise is going down.

'Big Ben' Ben Roethlisberger- While Ben is still tall in stature, Big Ben itself is a piece of precision timekeeping. Repeated blows to the head have left Roesthlisberger unsure what year this is.

Dulymus 'Deuce' McAllister - While Duece has become synonymous with his average yards per carry and the numbers of games he plays per season, Dulymus will do just fine.

'The Tuna' Bill Parcells - Coach Parcells has not eaten a healthy meal, let alone fish, since the 1986 NFC Championship game.

'The President' Reggie Bush- Does not want to be associated with a person so highly regarded as a 'terrible choice' and someone who came out so beloved and will leave with a tarnished legacy. I am referring to the actual President. He wants nothing to do with Reggie.

Nordberg wanted to pack heat.

Fellow party crasher claims guns were O.J.’s idea

“To my recollection there were two individuals with guns. One was brandished, the other had it on his person,” Charles “Chuck” Cashmore told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer on Tuesday.

...Asked what he felt when he saw a gun drawn, Cashmore said: “It seemed to escalate a little higher than it should have. At that point in time, I was just basically in shock.”

Audio clip from Cashmore's recollection of the night

If I only had a brain

When you get away with murder, an armed robbery charge is small potatoes

OJ whistling "If I only had a brain" in Vegas

Juice is Loose

It wasn't me, it was Pedro Guerrero.

Police Say O.J. Simpson Questioned In Robbery

AP Photo