Skip Bayless Loves the Cocky...Quarterbacks of the NFL

I had to do a double take. After Jamele Hill extolled the physical beauty of a couple of QB's, it was Skip Bayless' turn.

Here's his top five, followed by his justification...

McNabb: Strong jaw and goatee
Warner: Classic looks

Romo: Jessica likes him; more cute than handsome

Favre: Straight out of a Wrangler Jeans commercial
Quinn: "Easy"; He's as great looking as his sister is.

Former Packer QBs Lining Up to Compete for Starting Job

When they heard Coach Mike McCarthy was offering retired Packer quarterbacks the chance to compete for the starting gig, several former Green Bay signal callers felt they still had a little gas left in their tanks.

Bart Starr
Age: 74
Pros: More mobile and able to escape pocket than the elderly Favre. Starr has an NFL award named after him. The Bart Starr Award recognizes outstanding character, a lack of which by Packer QBs lately has caused this pre-season mess. He's a Hall of Fame quarterback and when a Hall of Fame quarterback who has been an icon for your team says he can still play, nothing else matters. And he's the only one actually in the Hall of Fame.

Bart Starr Statue
Age: 4
Pros: More mobile and able to escape pocket than the elderly Favre. Never addicted to pain killers. Doesn't cry at press conferences.

Don Majkowski
Age 44
Pros: Has a Majk touch. His injury paved the way to Brett Favre seeing the field and subsequently finding success. That should account for something. You OWE him Green Bay. You owe him.

Doug Pederson
Age: 40
Pros: A long-time Favre backup, he knows the system, without having to take a beating by actually having to play. He can hold the spot down for Rodgers and teach young Aaron a thing a two, much like he did for McNabb in Philadelphia.

Ty Detmer
Age 41
Pros: 2 for 1 deal, apprenticed under brother Koy in the craft of holding. He's a Heisman winner with a bloodline. Cares more about football than he does hunting and fishing in Mississippi. Can spell "Mississippi."

Apology to Tiki 4 Months Overdue

(Photo: ABCNews.com)

Just before Christmas, we pointed readers to the NJ.com Giants Forum to give those of you not in the NY metro region a feeling about how fans feel and what they are saying about Giant QB Eli Manning. We ain't gonna lie to ya, there is no love lost on this site for Elisha.

Thumbing through the board this afternoon, folks up in the Meadowlands are still none to pleased with their field general.

Earlier in the season, Fat Willard and me (Ren) had an argument over Tiki Barber's comments on his former teammate. Willard, a Giants fan, basically came back with the same general response most Giants fans had at the time - "F*ck, you, Tiki." I on the other hand, never a Manning fan, said, "Hey, he's a journalist now, he's telling it like he sees it," (whether it was a dick move or not to throw his former backfield partner under the bus). Because frankly, Tiki really didn't say anything all that ground breaking. Anyone who's had the "pleasure" of watching Eli for the last four years would tell you, if they were being honest, that Tiki was simply stating what everyone already thought.

My big beef with Elisha goes back to draft day, and the shananigans he and daddy pulled to get him to New York in the first place. Sure, he wasn't the first (ahem, Elway) and probably won't be the last, but it was simply poor form on the whole family's part.

What's worse is that the aftermath has just been the complete melt down under the hot Big City lights by the bumbling little brother from Weesie-anna.

Here is a comment today by poster silviorules titled "Eli:"

Listen. Here is why people dont like Eli, at least why I dont.

A.) He gets drafted, without winning any big games in college and is the no brainer #1 where I dont know if he should have been.

B.) Draft Day, he DEMANDS not to play in San Diego, so the giants give up a quartet of draft picks to go get him.

C.) He has not made any great strides since he has joined the giants, and dont tell me he has, becasue its painfully obvious that he hasnt.

D.) They got a great offensive line, they have a great running game, they have a great pass catching TE, a #1 WR, Plax, a great #2 in Amani Toomer nad more than suitable spare part WRS

E.) He hated Hufnagle and wanted Gilbride and Palmer. He got them, and he still hasnt gotten better this season.

F.) I know people say i dont know how he is as a leader behind closed doors, id guess its the same as he is on the field. that dumb look, that flabbergasted expression constantly.

G.) You never see him consulting with players on the bench, he is always looking at the paper with his coach, football is more than X's and O's its emotion, its rhythm, its getting a feel for eachother, he doesnt have that nor does he want it.

The bottom line is, we are where we are, because we stop the run and we run the ball very well.The team is very susceptable to great passing teams, and the pass defense basically is blitzing, if they get to the QB the game is gonna go well, if they dont, we are on our backs.

When Eli puts up his best numbers are when he is in the gun facing teams in a deep shell cover 4, giving up the underneath stuff.

He flutters so many passes, makes so many crucial errors.

Rothlisberger, Brady they won right off the bat,

I cant tell you how many games i have listened to this, "Vince Young is in his second year he has to start showing improvment now" However Eli is in his 4th year and they say O well its only his fourth year...

Im sick of people defending him, let him take his lumps, maybe he will produce....

Well said, silviorules.

4 and a half months later, fans owe Tiki an apology. So does Elisha.

Seasons Greetings, Fredo

Think Eagles fans are rough on McNabb? Check out Giants' fans feelings on Eli's impending date with New England and the upcoming playoffs on the NJ.com Giants Forum.

Here's a taste of the Meadowlands' faithfuls' views on their "fearless" leader this Christmas Eve...

testarossa33:

lets not his subpar performance effect our feelings for this team. Our rushing defense got on track, and our defense played great! Don't let your opinions on Eli overcome the good from our team and the potential we have

Train64:

Sorry,we know after the Pats game our home schedule is done for year,why get Mannings confidence any lower with a meaningless game..let him rest and worry about his week 1 playoff game on road against TB..there is nothing to gain in this spot!!

Pheidippides:

[Eli's passer rating of 70] is bad enough, but when you factor in his immobility and "dear in the headlights" lack of leadership he is nothing short of horrendous. The trade for him ranks right up there with the worst in NFL history.

Merry Christmas, Fredo. Say hi to Cooper for us this holiday dinner.

Photo: SPTimes.com

Misdirected Anger

First I lull you into a false sense of security, then BAM! Don't worry, yours is coming.
(Photo: msnbc)

Far be it for him to look in the mirror and accept a bit of responsibility for his own lackluster performance this past weekend, TO instead decides to take his frustration out on a sweet, innocent pop starlet (which, coincidentally, is everything he wants to be).

"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium," Owens said Wednesday.

Well, I will give him credit. Whereas his quarterback is the deserved culprit for screwing the pooch in Big D, Terrell for once decided not to throw his quarterback under the bus.

The Old TO would have rephrased that: "Right now, Tony Romo is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium." Looks like he grows up a little.

While it is easy to point to hot trim as Romo's kryptonite, the real issue is his inability to perform in a tight spot (ask Underwood), not his weakness for Hollywood vag. Maybe Terrell can blame Parcells for that.

I fret not. Once he's done hoggin' with the Tuna, I'm sure he'll go all Garcia-McNabb on Cowboy Tony.

And They Call It Puppy Love

And we thought he was head-over-heels a year ago with his post-Thanksgiving Carrie Underwood-induced schneid.

Tony screwed the proverbial pooch while his man-crush Joe Simpson (with daughter) watched intently. Schlomo posted his lowest career QB rating in the game against the Eagles today.

Joey Harrington Does What He Does Best

Harrington does it again!

No, not win on the football field. Ruining a coach.

Harrington has run out Morningweg, Mariucci, Saban and Petrino all in six years. He is the grim reaper for coaches. Anyone he touches loses a career in the NFL.

This needs to be some kind of record. Do the guys at Stats, Inc. have a number on this?

I have always been a Joey fan and have wanted him to succeed. I thought if he was put in the right system, he could be a solid QB. Unfortunately for Joey, I think the right system is in his backyard playing with the neighbor kids.

However, I encourage Joey to keep up the good work, but don't do a reunion tour in Detroit.

Nickname Hall of Fame

On Sunday's NFL Countdown, Keyshawn Johnson (I refuse to call him Key) was struggling through another segment and referred to Vinny Testaverde as Teste. I am sure Teste is tickled pink about Keyshawn revealing or introducing the nickname to a worldwide audience.

The now official nut-inspired term of endearment places Teste in the upper echelon of nicknames sitting side by side with the Big Unit Randy Johnson.

Testes. Testes. One. Two. Three?

Shady Pines Calling

Nice Dungarees.

I’m not one to point fingers at those who may have outlived their usefulness (Marv Albert? Joe Morgan?? President Bush???), but there has to be a moment in every professional athlete’s career when they realize it’s time to just call it quits. Brett Favre, this is your moment – Embrace It!

This week, Brett was named “2007 Sportsman of the Year” and, what can only be another meaningless honor in a long, magnificent career. At age 38, he led his Packers and their crazy Cheese-head fans to a 10-2 season and continues to draw the big crowds, big endorsements (I’m wearing my Wrangler jeans now), and big dollars. You’re on top of the world Brett…time for you to get off the ride and let someone else take a turn.

I’m not saying Brett should retire from athletics altogether, joining the ranks of the overweight, under-exercised couch-potatoes who have spent years watching his brilliance on the field by only moving their fingers clicking the buttons on the remote control. No one wants a fatty Favre. We have openings in competitive badminton or croquette. But, in terms of a continued professional football career, better to ride out on the glow of excellence rather than a gurney.

Ice skating, anyone?

By throwing yourself, week after week, into the hundreds of pounds of pure muscle coming full-steam at you - that Dallas game hurt to even watch – you’ve got to be thinking, “If I just leave now, I wonder if I can still make the early bird special at Shoney’s.” Why are you still competing season after season? While there is something to be said on any given Sunday, there is also something to be said for having full use of your faculties. Just ask Christopher Reeves (R.I.P.).

So, Brett, do us all a favor after this playoff season – stay in retirement. While you may avenge the Packers over the Cowboys just to lose to the Patriots where it counts in the coming games, you’ll only be making us cringe another season if we have to watch your AARP-eligible greatness get smacked down week after week. I, for one, prefer to reserve my limited cringes to seeing Britney Spears enter and exit automobiles au natureal.

-posted by Woody

Healthcare Night In America

Want to know what's wrong with our healthcare system? It's that the rich and famous get special attention that the average Joe is not afforded. Ask Favre.

A New Nickname for the Old Gunslinger

It's no secret that the media has a love jones for the greatest American hero Brett Favre. In the wake of last night's loss to Dallas, HHR suggests a new nickname for #4.

"The Old Arm Slinger"

Saparated at Birth

Sooner QB Sam Bradford and TV funny man Ike Barinholtz - he of Dane Cook parody fame...

Rich Gannon's Balls

As Ted Ginn, Jr. was returning the punt for the TD during the Fins/Eagles game, did anyone happen to get footage of Rich Gannon on CBS explaining how much he loathes slick balls? How there is now a brush with which you can rub the balls to make them softer and how equipment managers now take special care in rubbing QB's balls prior to games?

Oh, God I wish I had TIVO.

Anyone?

Seriously, someone has to get this footage.

Vikings add depth at QB by signing Neck Beard

Welcome back, Koy. Long overdue.

Some Advice for Tony Romo

Yeah, the 'Boys spanked the Birds (as expected). But here's a little advice for Tony Romo courtesy of Uncle Buck:

Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.


Hey, look, we try to keep things positive here at HHR. But, we've come to the realization that maybe he's a good quarterback. But he's a Cowboy. And he's starting to slowly climb his dating prowess up to Brady-like status, though he's not quite there yet. And we just can't let him get a Peter King-like pass and anoint his ass. If you want to crown him, then crown his ass.

Stache: Romo deal to be announced

Sources: Cowboys to give Romo 6-year extension
from ESPN.com - NFL by Ed Werder (and his creepy pee-pee toucher mustache) and Matt Mosley

"The Dallas Cowboys have offered quarterback Tony Romo a six-year, $69 million contract extension, $31 million which is guaranteed, according to sources."

Just in time for his annual second-half breakdown.

It's Brett Favre's World, We Just Live in It

The 38 year old gunslinging John Wayne from Mississippi who plays with the same smile and enjoyment that did when he was 6 and could play until he's 56, has re-written the record book once again.

The Packers (5-1) won despite an off day from Brett Favre, who became the NFL's career interception king with an errant pass picked off by Redskins safety Sean Taylor in the third quarter.

Congratulations, Brett. This is your country.

Essence of a Man

For some reason when crappy drugstore cologne signs a marquee poster boy, it's big news, despite the improbability of Stetson stock going through the roof.

(Photo via: justjared.buzznet.com)

If agents, PR men and publicists for the NFL's other starting QB's were worth their salt, they'd realize there is plenty of wealth to spread around.

Let's start with ad-whore Peyton Manning. Faberge's Brut right? Perfect. It's like Stetson, only in a sleeker looking bottle, and a little less rugged. Splash it on baby. If he plays his cards right, maybe he'll even score himself a little Kelly LeBrock.



Get on the horn all you Bob Sugars out there. Here, I'll give you some suggestions. Pay me later. Believe me, none of these are any better or any worse than the au de toilet that Pretty Boy's spritzing. Stetson makes it easy, easy for you.

• Trent Edwards: Angel for Men
• Cleo Lemon: Tag Body Spray
• Chad Pennington: Axe
• Steve McNair: Drakkar Noir
• Carson Palmer: Chaps
• Derek Anderson: Cool Water
• Ben Roethlisberger: Aspen
• Matt Schaub: Mo Betta
• David Garrard: Old Spice
  
• Vince Young: Preferred Stock (What Preferred Men Prefer)
• Kerry Collins: Dewers on the Rocks
  
• Jay Cutler: Hugo
• Damon Huard: Aramis
• Daunte Culpepper: Canoe (Not to be confused with Love Boat)
• Philip Rivers: Egoist
• Tony Romo: REALM Men
• Eli Manning: CK One
• Donovan McNabb: Chunky Soup
• Jason Campbell: Jovan Musk
• Alex Smith: Joop
• Kurt Warner: Boss
• Gus Frerotte: Pierre Cardin
• Matt Hasselbeck: Raw Vanilla
• Brian Griese: Michael Jordan (Big in Chi-Town)
• Jon Kitna: Aqua Velva (He just looks like an Aqua Velva Man)
• Tarvaris Jackson: Adidas Moves
• Brett Favre: Fracas
• Vincenzo Testeverde: Eternity
  
• Joey Harrington: Tommy Girl
• Jeff Garcia: Fracas
  
• Drew Brees: Summer

The Reverend Preaches College Football: Quarterback Edition

The start of college football season is a mere five weeks away. So starting today, I’ll be doing my best Tim Donaghy to give you an insider’s look at what to expect this college football season.

First up, the quarterbacks. It’s the most important position on the field, so it bears some examination:

Best of the Best

Brian Brohm , Louisville – The MVP of last year’s Orange Bowl, Brohm returns for his senior year at Louisville. Brohm is a polished passer with several prime-time targets at his disposal in WRs Mario Urrutia and Harry Douglas. Even though former coach Bobby Petrino left for greener pastures (?) with the Atlanta Falcons, expect the Cardinals to continue their offensive fireworks with new coach Steve Kragthorpe at the helm. Kragthorpe traces his roots to the west-coast oriented BYU passing attack, so moving the ball and piling up points should not be a problem with the talented Brohm under center. Brohm’s on all the early season awards watch lists, and there’s a reason Mel Kiper has him ranked at the top of his draft board for 2008.

Pat White , West Virginia – White may be the most electrifying runner at QB since Ookie Mexico. With an injured Steve Slaton on the shelf, White single-handedly dismantled Georgia Tech to help West Virginia come back to win last year’s Gator Bowl. West Virginia’s choice-option offense is nearly unstoppable, and White runs it to perfection. He has track-star speed and is a threat to take it to the house every time he touches the ball. Plus, he is developing into a better passer, so expect the Mountaineers to hit a few more home run balls through the air this year. With White at the helm in Morgantown, West Virginia is favored to win the Big East and is a legitimate national championship contender this year.

Chad Henne , Michigan – Henne returns to Michigan for his senior campaign hoping to finally propel the Wolverines past Ohio State and back into the national championship picture. Henne has possibly one of the strongest arms in college football, and the experience he’s gained as a three-year starter should prove invaluable as he leads Michigan into the Big Ten season. Henne is complemented by a strong running back in Mike Hart, burner WR Mario Manningham, and All-American tackle Jake Long. The Big House will be rocking once again this year with Henne calling the shots.

John David Booty , USC – Booty returns to lead the Trojans, who will find themselves in the hunt for the national championship once again this year. Booty lost several targets from last year’s team, including Dwayne Jarrett and Steve Smith; however, the Trojans’ offensive cupboard is always well-stocked, and Pete Carroll’s teams have never had a problem scoring points. While he’s not the most astounding athlete, Booty is a smart passer and plays within his own abilities – he won’t force a lot of throws or play USC out of games.

Best of the Rest

Tim Tebow , Florida – Tebow plays more like a linebacker than he does a quarterback. As a freshman last year, he was the bulldozer in Urban Meyer’s offense. This year, he’ll be asked to do a little bit more than push the pile. Tebow may be more adept than last year’s QB Chris Leak in running the spread-option attack the way Meyer wants it run. It’s yet to be seen if Tebow’s physical play and willingness to take on tacklers will pose a durability risk this upcoming season. However, and if he stays healthy, Tebow should be one of the better performers at the position this year.

Colt McCoy , Texas – It’s fitting that a kid named Colt would play for the Longhorns. It doesn’t hurt that he has a big time arm and more than. McCoy played well last year as a freshman in his first year as a starter. With a year under his belt, McCoy should take a big step forward in 2007. Texas’ fortunes ride with the young QB, so Longhorn fans everywhere are expecting great things out of McCoy in his sophomore campaign.

Colt Brennan , Hawaii – The other Colt on this list, Brennan posted the all time record for TD passes in a season last year with 58 scoring passes. Enough said, right? Wrong. Brennan gets knocked because he 1) plays for Hawaii, and 2) he could be the second coming of David Klingler. Aside from that, he may throw for 60 TDs this year. It at least bears mentioning.

Best QB You’ve Never Heard Of

Matt Grothe , South Florida – A dual threat both running and throwing the football, Grothe is one of the most surprising and underrated talents in all of college football. It is possible that Grothe could throw for 2,500 yards and run for 1,000 more this season. If he does, South Florida could be crashing the top of the Big East Conference standings – and possibly even the BCS.

Biggest Question Marks

Jimmy Clausen , Notre Dame – Clausen was one of the most heralded recruits coming of high school last year, but it’s yet to be determined if he will be ND’s opening day starter. That may be because asking a true freshman to lead Notre Dame’s offense as well as or better than Brady Quinn did last year could be too much to ask. Without question, Clausen has the talent and tools to be one of the next great quarterbacks for the Irish, but the learning curve for freshman QBs at big time programs (see: Mitch Mustain) is a bit steep.

Matt Flynn , LSU – Flynn has the unenviable task of replacing quarterback JaMarcus Russell, the top pick in this past year’s NFL draft. LSU’s receiving corps is depleted with the departure of Dwayne Bowe, so a lot will be asked of Flynn in terms of moving the ball down the field. Plus, the loss of offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher to Flordia State could hurt the Tigers - and Flynn, for that matter – more than people may think. The Bayou Bengals are in the top-10 of many preseason polls, but they could fall quickly if Flynn doesn’t perform well.

Others to Watch

Andre Woodson, Kentucky
Nate Longshore, California
Brandon Cox, Auburn
Riley Skinner, Wake Forest
Stephen McGee, Texas A&M
Bobby Reid, Oklahoma State
Eric Ainge, Tennessee

-posted by the Rev. Shaw Moore