Plax in Print

Oh what a field day the New York media is having with poor Burress...

Separated at Birth: Movin on Up

ESPN looks at "Forgotten Quarterbacks" on the cusp of the Super Bowl, highlighting similarities of the challenge facing Fredo Manning and that faced by Jeff Hostetler in XXV.

We prefer to compare Hos to his doppleganger (and George and Weezie Jefferson neighbor) Harry Bentley.

Frozen Balls

Out of curiosity, I clicked on Pete King's article today to see if it was stained with Favre-induced tears. Instead he tries to go all Henry David Thoreau meets Bill Ney on us.

Never one to disappoint, though, I spit my coffee out when I came across this line:

"They practiced with the frozen balls last week. "

Poetic, yet scientific, indeed.

I aim to please!

King Hakus

A few weeks ago, Giants fans were publicly bemoaning their team and quarterback. Fresh off a win against the top ranked Cowboys, they are writing Japanese poetry in praise of the G-Men.

Giants Haikus Round 2

Leave Tony Allooooonee!

Philly Inq: Teary-eyed T.O. hurt by loss

TONY GUTIERREZ / Associated Press

Says Owens, "This wasn't about Tony. You can talk about him, you can talk about the vacation, but it's unfair. That's my teammate. That's my quarterback."

And the kicker:

"I've always had a good relationship with quarterbacks," he said. "I know what type of person I am on the inside. I know who I am."

Great video coverage courtesy of Barstool Sports of the TO performance:

Tight Ends

Craig Carton this morning on WFAN NY made a claim he figured would rile up Giant fans, saying the G-Men essentially had no chance in hell to beat the Cowboys in Dallas this weekend, begging callers to give him one tangible reason why he may be wrong. After 2 hours of no response, a caller noted Romo's inability to make a decision of late, saying Cowboy Tony was told to head to Cabo on his bye week to relax and to bring his favorite tight end. Romo brought Witten AND Simpson.

MAS TEQUILA!

Nothing Short of Heroic

"Extreme Rehab"

In his book T.O. Terrell Owens described his quick comeback in time for Super Bowl XLI as, "If you'll forgive me for saying so ... nothing short of heroic."

Today, Fox Sports "Hot rumors and news" boasted a headline "T.O. going through extreme rehab," noting:

He worked out on Christmas Day. And New Year's too. After everyone else goes home, Terrell Owens is running on an underwater treadmill. By all accounts, T.O. is doing everything possible to heal his ankle and play in the Cowboys playoff opener.

If you'll forgive me for saying so, Cowboy fans, all praise be to the miraculous wide receiver.

No Ruining Romo

People.com might need to start a whole separate sports/celebrity gossip wing with their excessive Romo/Simpson coverage. Then, again, we're ones to talk.

Reports the site:

Sorry, Giants fans: Jessica Simpson is not attending beau Tony Romo's football playoff game Sunday, as his Dallas Cowboys take on the New York Giants. The always-vocal New York fans had been begging for Simpson – who recently vacationed with Romo in Mexico – to show up and (they hoped) distract Romo from his game. But Simpson's rep Cindy Berger tells the New York Post: "She is not attending. She's working on a new album. She will not be there, but she'll be watching [on TV] and cheering [Romo] on."

Without the real deal there, it's kind of hard to start a Ruin Romo push as visitors to Big D.

Nothing turns Cowboy Tony on more than a gal in mom jeans.

Patriots vs. Giants Recap, Or Why Channel Five Can Lick My Cornhole

I watched a hell of a competition yesterday. Professional athletes, mixed with a little celebrity, in a game where the smallest defect was not only exploited by opponents but on display for an entire national audience to see. Who could have expected the underdogs - with nothing really on the line - to put up such a gritty fight against the more established competitors? All I can say is when Natalie Gulbis nailed her first shot over the water hazard to within 5' of the pin on the last challenge of the day, you knew the pairings of Bubba Watson/Dan Marino and Greg Norman/Roger Clemens finally had a game on their hands. I speak of course of the PGA ADT Skills Challenge. What a ride! Then I heard there was a football game on so I watched it.

Channel Five's camera may have panned across those T-shirts for just a second, revealing the trendy new gloat-garb for New England, but it felt like a day at the DMV. Who in their right mind would show something like that? Had that happened with the Red Sox in a similar position, the Massachusetts legislature would have passed a bill in 20 minutes proclaiming that pummeling an on-site network producer who flouts sports karma is considered justifiable homicide. I tried to look away, but I saw the shirt. The shirt that was 100% responsible for Eli Manning playing like an NFL quarterback.
Channel Five decided to taunt the Football Gods and it came back in a big way - via a kickoff return for a TD and overall special teams meltdown that kept the game closer than it should have been. People were surprised with the quality of Eli Manning's play, especially Cris Collinsworth - which was weird. This game meant nothing to the Giants. NOTHING. Of Course Eli had a big game. It was four full quarters of garbage time! To paraphrase Ralph Wiggum: Garbage Time - Where Mannings are vikings!

Ren and Fat Willard's moaning about Rodney Harrison - who was clean this entire year by the way - while amusing, shows how crazy this Patriots season is than anything else. There was nothing to really criticize about the Pats, was there? Pundits and other bloggers seemed personally offended that the Pats were dominating without a running game. Belichick gave the finger to the NFL the entire way through the season, but it wasn't in running up the score - it was the decision to abandon any pretense of a viable ground game - the first commandment of the NFL: Thou shalt run the ball. True Story: somewhere in suburban Maryland, Gregggg Easterbrook melted.

It was a great game to watch, especially if you like yelling WELKAHHHHH!!!! WELKAHH!!!! HE'S LIKE DUSTIN PEDROIA WITH MUSCLES!!!!! Which, my wife apparently does.

Apology to Tiki 4 Months Overdue

(Photo: ABCNews.com)

Just before Christmas, we pointed readers to the NJ.com Giants Forum to give those of you not in the NY metro region a feeling about how fans feel and what they are saying about Giant QB Eli Manning. We ain't gonna lie to ya, there is no love lost on this site for Elisha.

Thumbing through the board this afternoon, folks up in the Meadowlands are still none to pleased with their field general.

Earlier in the season, Fat Willard and me (Ren) had an argument over Tiki Barber's comments on his former teammate. Willard, a Giants fan, basically came back with the same general response most Giants fans had at the time - "F*ck, you, Tiki." I on the other hand, never a Manning fan, said, "Hey, he's a journalist now, he's telling it like he sees it," (whether it was a dick move or not to throw his former backfield partner under the bus). Because frankly, Tiki really didn't say anything all that ground breaking. Anyone who's had the "pleasure" of watching Eli for the last four years would tell you, if they were being honest, that Tiki was simply stating what everyone already thought.

My big beef with Elisha goes back to draft day, and the shananigans he and daddy pulled to get him to New York in the first place. Sure, he wasn't the first (ahem, Elway) and probably won't be the last, but it was simply poor form on the whole family's part.

What's worse is that the aftermath has just been the complete melt down under the hot Big City lights by the bumbling little brother from Weesie-anna.

Here is a comment today by poster silviorules titled "Eli:"

Listen. Here is why people dont like Eli, at least why I dont.

A.) He gets drafted, without winning any big games in college and is the no brainer #1 where I dont know if he should have been.

B.) Draft Day, he DEMANDS not to play in San Diego, so the giants give up a quartet of draft picks to go get him.

C.) He has not made any great strides since he has joined the giants, and dont tell me he has, becasue its painfully obvious that he hasnt.

D.) They got a great offensive line, they have a great running game, they have a great pass catching TE, a #1 WR, Plax, a great #2 in Amani Toomer nad more than suitable spare part WRS

E.) He hated Hufnagle and wanted Gilbride and Palmer. He got them, and he still hasnt gotten better this season.

F.) I know people say i dont know how he is as a leader behind closed doors, id guess its the same as he is on the field. that dumb look, that flabbergasted expression constantly.

G.) You never see him consulting with players on the bench, he is always looking at the paper with his coach, football is more than X's and O's its emotion, its rhythm, its getting a feel for eachother, he doesnt have that nor does he want it.

The bottom line is, we are where we are, because we stop the run and we run the ball very well.The team is very susceptable to great passing teams, and the pass defense basically is blitzing, if they get to the QB the game is gonna go well, if they dont, we are on our backs.

When Eli puts up his best numbers are when he is in the gun facing teams in a deep shell cover 4, giving up the underneath stuff.

He flutters so many passes, makes so many crucial errors.

Rothlisberger, Brady they won right off the bat,

I cant tell you how many games i have listened to this, "Vince Young is in his second year he has to start showing improvment now" However Eli is in his 4th year and they say O well its only his fourth year...

Im sick of people defending him, let him take his lumps, maybe he will produce....

Well said, silviorules.

4 and a half months later, fans owe Tiki an apology. So does Elisha.

Seasons Greetings, Fredo

Think Eagles fans are rough on McNabb? Check out Giants' fans feelings on Eli's impending date with New England and the upcoming playoffs on the NJ.com Giants Forum.

Here's a taste of the Meadowlands' faithfuls' views on their "fearless" leader this Christmas Eve...

testarossa33:

lets not his subpar performance effect our feelings for this team. Our rushing defense got on track, and our defense played great! Don't let your opinions on Eli overcome the good from our team and the potential we have

Train64:

Sorry,we know after the Pats game our home schedule is done for year,why get Mannings confidence any lower with a meaningless game..let him rest and worry about his week 1 playoff game on road against TB..there is nothing to gain in this spot!!

Pheidippides:

[Eli's passer rating of 70] is bad enough, but when you factor in his immobility and "dear in the headlights" lack of leadership he is nothing short of horrendous. The trade for him ranks right up there with the worst in NFL history.

Merry Christmas, Fredo. Say hi to Cooper for us this holiday dinner.

Photo: SPTimes.com

Separted at Birth: Jersey Ginker Edition

Is it me or does Steve Spagnuolo look like a real ginker roaming the Giants' sideline?

Like a poor man's Rich Vos.

I know the struggle.

Mike, You Ignorant Slut

After a second quarter "booming" punt that went to the Giants' 5-yard line by the Eagles' Saviero Rocca, said WYSP's odd couple...

Merril Reese: What a punt by Sav Rocca!

Mike Quick: Rocca-Bye-Baby!

(Photo: eaglesradionetwork.com)

Misleading Headlines: Giants Solution to QB Woes

Sporting News: Giants sign LB Daniels off practice squad, release HB Pass

Apparently, since Eli likes to throw TD's to the other team, time to release Plan B: The Halfback Pass.

Sound Investment

What do I care? I'm getting paid.
(photo: MSNBC)

As our buddy Eric at phillyBurbs points out via the WA Post, whats the difference between Peyton and Eli? Get this Giants fans, only $300k.

That's what you get when you invest in legacy as opposed to reality.

Peyton - Eli = $300k

Enjoy looking at the Eli face, for a few more seasons, I know I will.

Cooper Manning leads family team to Thanksgiving touch football victory; Eli now officially worst Manning quarterback.

Mississippi- Cooper Manning went 14-22 with 8 TDs, in route to a lopsided 56-17 victory over his brother-in-law’s team during a friendly touch football game in the Heidingsfelder family’s backyard on Thanksgiving Day.

Cooper, older brother of NFL star Peyton Manning and NFL player Eli, is now statistically the third most successful quarterback in the Manning family.

“He is a great student of the game,” Peyton commented in a phone conversation after the Colts Thanksgiving Day win over the Falcons. “He knows that he has to throw to the guys on his team. That’s not an easy lesson for our family.”

Cooper started slowly, going incomplete on his first three pass attempts of the game, but then remembered everything he learned from watching brother Eli the past few seasons.

“I just thought back” Cooper laughed, “and did the opposite.”

The Heidingsfelders host a family touch game every season, but this is the first time Cooper has actually participated in his in-laws holiday game.

“When you younger brother is Peyton Manning,” he laughed “you don’t want to pick up a football. People expect you to be as good as him. That’s tough to live up to. You’d be an ass to try.”

The Heidingsfelders finally convinced Cooper to play, explaining that he couldn’t be any worse than Eli.

“Actually,” remarked father Archie Manning, “when you count Ricky and Danieal, Eli isn’t even the second most successful person named Manning in the NFL. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go beat my wife for convincing me to have a third child.”

Every Eagles fan agrees

It's time to move on.

The Giants are that guy that knows his girlfriend is way out of his league. She is intellectually and physically superior to him. The notion that she obviously catches the eye of many a men drives him absolutely nuts. He wants to lock her away, monitor her wardrobe and tell her who she can and can’t be friends with. Finally she’s had enough, and with all her will, breaks out of this madness. She dares open her mouth and criticizes this Neanderthal and all he wants to do is tell her to shut the f*&% up. She’s moved on to bigger and better things, in an arena that respects her mind as much as her body.

The crushing blow to the guy who once had it all feels something like this:



And finally, hopelessness:

Every Giant fan agrees

Shut the F$%*K up Tiki

Tiki is that girl you date because she is smoking hot but you can't stand being around. But you can't break up with her because who dumps a hot chick for no reason. Then finally, she breaks up with you and you could care less. You don't call, or text, or act like life is any different without her. And it KILLS HER. So she has to bash you any chance she gets, just so you respond, and she feels better because it means you still care.

Or so I've heard...I never dated a girl like that. Or Tiki Barber. I am more a Will Demps guy.

More time for the ladies...

Consider HHR a jinx...

From the Giants and Ravens preseason slugfest..

"New York won 13-12 Sunday night, but both teams lost key players during a physical affair. Two members of the Giants' starting defense left in the second quarter. Safety Will Demps, who started all 16 games last season, dislocated an elbow and cornerback Sam Madison pulled a hamstring."

This should give him plenty of time with his groupies. A trip to the IR list will heal his elbow and his gonorrhea.

-posted by Fat Willard