Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Pre-Gaming with Craigslist - LA

Last week, we Pre-gamed for the NBA Finals with Boston and Craigslist This week, it's LA's turn to shine.

I guess this is as good an introduction to LA as possible. You might think that RICH PEOPLE don't read craigslist That might be true, but their assistants do.

Any "man" who turns over his tickets for that watch deserves that watch. You're more likely to see someone pay $300 for Tina Turner tickets than a dude wearing that watch!

three Great Lakers Tickets
This could also be read as "tickets once in the possession of an unassuming family from the Great Lakes region who rolled into the wrong part of LA." I believe this to be the more likely scenario.

Little known fact: The entire upper deck of the Staples Center will be filled with the illegitimate children of current Laker's players. This being the first time many will actually see their dad in person. Binoculars will be available to them for $5 each, or $7 for twins.

Tina Turner - $285
Los Angeles is fucked up man.

Beware of this one, because I'm pretty sure an anonymous poster on craigslist can't sell you the Lakers or Celtics or both. Then again, there are people trying to sell real estate on Mars and I once got a star named for a girl. If someone can sell the heavens themselves, why not two basketball teams they don't own?

Lakers vs Celtics 1 LL seat tonight!
Because it's LA, I'm thinking this means there is one "Lindsay Lohan" seat available. By definition this seat is by far the easiest seat to get into. Also, from this seat you will get somewhere between 4 and 11 STDs and a raging case of scabies through contact alone. It will also make you a lesbian.

Tickets - Best Seats - in Long Beach / 562 ---n7DEx3
The best seats in Long Beach are 24.2 miles from the Staples Center. So these should be labeled, "obstructed view."

I get a serial killer vibe from this one. Then again, if you're not getting a serial killer/sketchball/sexual deviant/pyramid scheme feel, you probably are not on craigslist.

Need Single Lakers Ticket for tonight
This is probably some dude who had a fight with his wife because she wouldn't let him buy tickets with his friends when they all got a bloc of tickets together from a different shady craigslist ad. Regretting that decision, he says he's going to support the team no matter what the price, because being part of this historic rivalry is a once in a lifetime chance for him. Sure, he will spend the equivalent of 3 car payments on one ticket, plus whatever else he throws away at the bar and gentleman's club after the game and into the wee hours of the morning, but what's she gonna do about? She'll swallow it and take it, in the end.

Down To Fuck After lakers Game?
Unless of course his girlfriend decides to use craigslist too. Perhaps she'll swallow it and take it in the end?

LA Lakers NBA Tickets For Sale In Los Angeles
Where is this game again? It remains unclear to me. If only this post would reveal the location! Enjoy the game everybody.*

*(Unless you are a Lakers fan. In which case you should probably read this los angeles craigslist post, "L.A.me Lakers suck dog cock !" It might not be completely obvious to you why, but that's why you are an assistant to a RICH PERSON and not a RICH PERSON. Just forward it to the celebrity RICH PERSON you work for, and they will understand, thank you, and promote you to Solid Poodle Waste Collector. No more rag of piss for you! You're moving up!)

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