Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Detroit Lions Request to be a Part of Stimulus Package

By C.R. Dunbar

Allen Park, MI -The Detroit Lions have been in daily contact with President-elect Obama's transition team to lobby for a portion of the anticipated stimulus package to be voted on by Congress in January.

The Lions were disappointed by the Senate's vote last week to deny bridge loans to the auto companies as they were anticipating fungible money to be siphoned into the Lion's organization from its parent company Ford Motors.

"It's the government's fault," said Cornerback Leigh Bodden. "They stacked the deck against us, so they should give us a hand."

"Where's my bailout" General Manager Martin Mayhew wryly questioned as if he just came up with the slogan.

Management has pointed to the thousands of jobs the Lion's organization provides including players, coaches, sportscasters, beer men, janitors, illegal merchandise vendors and sports bloggers.

"We are the only money coming into this city," proclaimed Cory Redding, one of the highest paid defensive tackles in the league. "If the government doesn't step in and provide assistance, children will die."

The Lions are reportedly seeking several million dollars for lost ticket sales and to counter the drop off in its merchandise and concession sales; a new scout team; Tom Brady; an offensive line; a tradition to be proud of and an instructional video on how to tackle.

An Obama source, who requested anonymity, said,"The great leader recognizes the difficulties the Lions are experiencing. The Thanksgiving Day Lions game is an American tradition like owning a home and the Big 3 auto companies, so they qualify."

William Clay Ford, Sr. was unavailable for comment, but was said to be pleased that someone finally cared about a winning football team in Detroit.

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