The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Round One

From a cynic’s perspective, last night’s Round One of the NFL draft was very disappointing. After all, my job is to write about the bad and stupid things that football teams do. And yesterday was remarkably devoid of that. Sure, there were some surprises (Clausen falling out of the first round). And some teams reached for players they probably could have gotten later (Tebow, Alualu). And invariably some of these players will be busts. But all in all, I think most teams did what they needed to do. So with that, I’ll do my best to comment on a few things about draft night.

What fun is the draft when I can’t even point and laugh at the Raiders?

Bring Back Saturday!

First off, I hate the new three-day format. While I understand their efforts to get more viewers during prime-time, I really didn’t like the draft competing with the NBA playoffs. Plus, when the early rounds were on Saturday, that was my one day in about six months in which I could use football as an excuse to put off chores and sit in front of the TV all day. The draft—at least the first couple of rounds—was my get-out-of-jail free card for one day off from spring cleaning and housework. Now, it’s going to be hard to justify to my wife (and myself) why I should spend my Saturday waiting for someone to take a punter in the sixth round instead of fixing the fence in the back yard.

This looks like a job for Mr. Irrelevant!

Nice Guys Finish First

Last night was a big night for “high character” guys. Sam Bradford, Ndamukong Suh and Gerald McCoy are three of the nicest, humblest, most down-to-earth guys you will ever meet. Meanwhile, Dez Bryant, once projected as a top-ten pick, slid all the way to Dallas at #24 based on his off-field issues. With so much focus the last two week on Ben Roethlisberger’s issues, it was nice to see these kind of guys get rewarded. It’ll be interesting to see as the draft progresses if NFL GMs shy away from talented but troubled players in favor of Boy Scouts.

Bradford can smile all the way to the bank.

Injuries are Overrated

On another front, it was good to see two great players who came back for their senior years not have their draft stock hampered by injuries. Sam Bradford, projected as a top pick last year, went #1 overall despite playing in only three games this year due to shoulder injuries. Oklahoma tight end Jermaine Gresham, projected as a mid- to late-first round last year, missed his entire senior season with a knee injury. But he still went #21 to the Bengals, the first tight end taken. (For comparison, last year’s top tight end, Brandon Pettigrew, went to the Lions at #20).

Carson Palmer is the happiest man in Cincinnati today.

And on the Third First Day, Tebow Shall Be Drafted

There was great wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Rocky Mountains last night when the Broncos traded up to draft Tim Tebow in the first round. I’m certainly not a Tebow hater, but you have to question the thought process here. It’s obvious the Broncos loved Tebow. Fine. But the Broncos had the 11th pick in the second round. With most teams having Clausen and McCoy higher on their boards, even if some teams in need of a QB got into the game, odds are that Tebow still would have been there. So in essence, the Broncos traded 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks to move up 18 slots . To their credit, the Broncos have made several trades and still have a stockpile of draft picks, so they have potential for a very solid draft class. But I just think they ended up buying something they could have had anyway.

Just because.

“Who the Hell is Mel Kiper?”

Speaking of Tebow, am I the only one who found Mel Kiper’s reaction when Tebow was drafted hilarious? Kiper acted like someone had just personally insulted his entire family tree when someone dared to take Tebow ahead of his golden child, Jimmy Clausen. I kept waiting for him to pull out dueling pistols and “demand satisfaction.” The only person more worried right now than Jimmy Clausen? U. of Washington QB Jake Locker, who Kiper has already anointed as next year’s #1 pick.

Am I the only one who thinks Kiper is better suited for a Twilight movie than an NFL draft room?

On the plus side, with plenty of talent still left on the board, there's still plenty of time for your favorite team to completely screw the pooch. So stay tuned.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 14

What a long strange trip it's been. Some of you are celebrating the fact that your team had a good season. Others (including myself) are left to rehash a more "challenging" season. We’ve suffered through a lot of bad football this year, but the last week did a lot to kind of redeem the season. Some great games with wild endings. Cincinnati and Pitt battling back and forth for a Sugar Bowl bid. An offensive lineman making the winning score for Fresno State. And Texas advancing to the national championship by winning the first ever 60 minute and 1 second-long football game. I’ll have my end-of-the-year wrap-up and Cynic’s Awards coming soon, but I wanted to give just a few final comments on the week that was.

1. Random thought: With the firings of Charlie Weis and Mark Mangino, what does that do to the collective Body Mass Index of the coaching profession?

Note to self: Hit the treadmill immediately after posting.

2. That wailing and gnashing of teeth you hear in the middle of the country is coming from Missouri fans disgusted with the Big 12 bowl selection process, which allows affiliated bowls to choose a bowl-eligible team rather than taking the available team with the best record. In this case, 8-4 Missouri got passed up by the Insight Bowl in favor of 6-6 Iowa State. Nine years ago, Cyclones fans flocked to Tucson by the thousands, and Insight Bowl officials are obviously hoping for a repeat performance. But for Mizzou, the Insight’s move dropped them all the way down to the Texas Bowl against Navy. While Houston has its pluses, and it can’t hurt for recruiting in Texas, a trip to the Big 12’s last place bowl tie-in instead of sunny Arizona isn’t the post-season reward the Tigers were expecting.

This is the best news in Ames since Gene Chizik left for Auburn.

3. Stat of the Week: In last week’s Big 12 Championship Game, Ndamukong Suh had more yardage in sacks and tackles for loss than Husker QBs had passing.

Suh’s shown he can find the end zone. Maybe the Huskers should’ve started him at quarterback.

4. For anyone who didn’t see the ending of last week’s Fresno State/Illinois game, you owe it to yourself to check out one of the wildest endings to a game this—or any other—season.

5. I’ve cast my Heisman ballot and I don’t really have much of a problem with the final five who made the cut. But am I the only one a little surprised that no wide receivers are getting any love this year? It’s not like Golden Tate and Mardy Gilyard were chopped liver.

Mmmmm. Wideout.

6. A Facebook page for fans of Tim Tebow crying has gained over 64,000 fans in four days.

I’m guessing these guys aren’t fans.

7. Last week, Oklahoma State University president Burns Hargis announced that he was pulling OSU out of an NIH-funded research study of a new anthrax vaccine. The tests would have been conducted on baboons, which would then be euthanized. What does this have to do with football? Just this—Madeleine Pickens, the wife of OSU sugar daddy T. Boone Pickens, is a big animal rights activist who recently pulled a $5 million donation to the OSU veterinary program. While Hargis denies any connection, I think we can connect the dots on this one. So let this be a lesson to your athletic department—while it might be nice having someone write you checks with a whole bunch of zeroes, that kind of money always comes with strings
attached.

In a related story, a University of Oregon graduate student mysteriously went missing last week after submitting a paper on human rights abuses and the use of child labor by multinational clothing conglomerates.

8. If Army upsets Navy on Saturday, the Black Knights will play Temple in the Eagle Bank Bowl. You read that right. Army. Temple. Bowl game.

Camo uniforms = bowl bid. Mark it down.

9. But which is more surprising—that Army and Temple could make a bowl, period? Or that USC and Oklahoma would end up in the Emerald Bowl and Sun Bowl, respectively?

I have friends who went to Oklahoma. Christmas shopping? Done.

10. The NCAA is reportedly investigating Tennessee for recruiting violations involving using hookers, um, I mean Tiger’s exes, um, I mean “student hostesses” to lure potential recruits. Wait, a college using the promise of cheap sex with hot co-eds as an incentive to come to campus? Man, when I enrolled in college, all I got was a map of the campus and a free t-shirt.

Note to self #2: Be reincarnated as a Vols recruit.

For the majority of you, your favorite teams will be playing in a bowl game, so stick around for more the next few weeks. For the rest of you, well, there’s always basketball season.

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football: The Blogger’s Heisman

The good folks at The Blue Workhorse have put together the second annual “Sports Blog Heisman Trophy” and have solicited the votes of sports bloggers around the country to determine who should really win the Heisman. Never one to shy away from a challenge, I have accepted their invitation and have compiled my top 3 Heisman candidates. Before I reveal my finalists, some rules to explain my decision.

Rule #1: Numbers don’t mean everything. Sure, big numbers are nice but to me they do not tell the complete picture of a player. For example, if an opposing team has to gear their entire defense to stopping one guy, while that player may not put up monster numbers, he opens things up for his teammates and makes his team better. So if a guy you like didn’t make the list and you want to complain, you need something more than “he averaged 0.3 yards per carry more than ________.” Tell me what makes your guy a player.

Rule #2: Wins don’t mean everything. As a general rule, players having great seasons will carry their team to wins. However, outstanding players are not always surrounded by great supporting casts. Under the current system, many truly outstanding players are penalized for a loss that may be no fault of their own. If someone had a monster game in a loss, I won’t necessarily hold that loss against him.

Rule #3: The most deserving candidate probably won’t win. Sure, once in a while the real Heisman voters get it right. But more often than not, they don’t. The current Heisman voting system has gotten so out of whack that the award has basically become a trophy for the Most Photogenic (Preferably White) Skill Position Player on a BCS Top 5 Team. That’s why most of the “expert” Heisman polls still show Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow near the top of the list, despite other players having better years. I don’t think that’s how it should be. With my choices I will try as best I can to judge who are the most outstanding players, regardless of position or BCS standings. This is not my attempt to predict who will win; it’s my belief about who should win.

So with that, here are my three finalists:

#1: Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska

Very simply, Suh is the most dominant defensive player in a generation. There just aren't enough superlatives to describe this guy. Think about this—as a defensive tackle, Suh still led the Cornhuskers in tackles (good), sacks (impressive) and kicks blocked (uh, say what?). His 11 passes defended would rank him as a top-50 DB (are you freakin’ kidding me?). And yet the numbers only tell half the story, as the double-teams and plays designed to run away from him made the players around him even better (Nebraska finished 9th in total defense and 2nd in scoring defense). His quickness and natural instincts would be impressive for a man half his size. But for somebody who is 6’4” and 300 pounds to be making those kind of plays is downright scary. Unfortunately, Suh’s candidacy is being unfairly brought down by an atrocious Nebraska offense. If the Husker offense was average or even sub-par, as opposed to shockingly atrocious, Nebraska would be in a BCS bowl and possibly getting ready to play Alabama in the title game. While there are a lot of good players in contention for this year’s Heisman, Suh is the only player on the board that we’ll still be talking about 20 years from now.

Suh had 12 tackles, 7 tackles for loss and 4.5 sacks in the Big 12 Championship Game. That is a Heisman performance.

#2: Case Keenum, QB, Houston

While his numbers are impressive, what intrigues me most about Keenum is his ability to step up in tough situations. He engineered early season upsets of Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. And, most tellingly, look at his numbers in Houston’s three losses: 1440 yards, 13 TDs and 4 INTs. You certainly can’t pin those losses on Keenum, and he did just about anything anyone could ask of him to keep his team in the games.


#3: Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford

I’m a sucker for a guy who can take their whole team and carry them on his back, and that’s exactly the player Gerhart was this year. Sure, I know Ingram had a higher YPC average (see Rule #1 above), but Gerhart almost singlehandedly willed Stanford to an 8 win season and kept running hard in four tough losses. Most of all, he showed up every week (only one game with less than 80 yards and one game with no scores) and had an eye-popping nine multi-TD games. Without Gerhart, Stanford would be home for the holidays instead of taking on Oklahoma in a bowl game.

Gerhart hopes to be the second sophomore to carry home the Heisman in three years.

Honorable Mention: CJ Spiller, RB, Clemson

It was really hard for me to leave Spiller off the list, as I love his ability to score from anywhere on the field. He’s the stuff of nightmares for opposing defensive and special teams coaches. But in the end I felt that Gerhart had been a more consistent offensive threat throughout the season.

So there you go. The three most outstanding players in college football in 2009. Agree? Disagree? Feel free to post your comments.

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