Some quick hit observations from the college gridiron . . .
The 11th Commandment
Baylor is threatening lawsuits to hold up Texas A&M’s trip to the SEC and Oklahoma’s trip west to the PAC-12.Can’t say I blame them—if the Big 12 collapses, the Bears go from sucking on a BCS conference teat to scheduling conference games with North Texas or Rice. The only reason they’re in this position today is because former Texas governor Anne Richards was a Baylor grad and refused to sign the legislation allowing the Big 12 to be formed unless Baylor got in on the deal.Still, it seems a little shady for a Baptist school to be engaging in this kind behavior. Too bad “Thou shalt not extort thy fellow conference members” isn’t in the Bible somewhere.
“Um, God? I think I’m missing the sports section.”
What Not to Wear
What have we learned about uniforms in the first two weeks? If they involve the words “throwback” or “retro”, your team will probably look pretty sharp (e.g. Michigan vs. Notre Dame).If they use the words “futuristic” or “Nike Pro Combat,” they’ll either suck beyond words (Boise State vs. Georgia) or they’ll look like something the cast at Medieval Times should be wearing (Maryland).
The funniest thing is that, 40 years from now, Maryland will pull these back out as throwbacks.
Stat Line of the Year
In their 44-0 loss at Michigan State this week, Florida Atlantic netted just 48 yards total offense. The Owls were 0-for-10 on 3rd down conversions and netted just one first down—for the game.FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger has already announced his retirement and apparently the “short timer” work ethic has worked its magic on the offense.
“Listen, boys. Happy Hour down at Rooster’s starts in 20 minutes. So let’s not drag this one out, OK?”
Somebody Has to Start, Right?
For much of the last year, Texas fans had to be wondering just how bad did Garrett Gilbert have to be before coach Mack Brown would pull the plug. On Saturday, we apparently got an answer: 2-of-8 for eight yards, three three-and-outs and two interceptions in five possessions bad.(For you math geeks, that’s a pass efficiency rating of negative-16.6.)Brown has now announced that Case McCoy and David Ash will split snaps this week. In other words, Texas gone from one quarterback controversy to another (although most UT fans are clamoring for McCoy-to-Shipley v. 2.0) and Gilbert has gone from 13-game starter to 3rd string.
You don’t have to be a genius to have the same reaction to Gilbert’s numbers.
This Week in True Crime
A college football player gets a public intox or disturbing the peace ticket? No one bats an eyelash. He gets a DUI or gets caught shoplifting? Makes page 7 of the sports section and he has to run a few extra wind sprints? Commit an assault, embezzlement or other felony? OK, now you’re talking suspensions. But Fresno State coach Pat Hill is now facing a new dilemma in college athletics: what exactly do you do with the two dozen football players currently under investigation for welfare fraud?
Welfare fraud affects us all.
This Will be on the Blooper Reel with the DVD Extras
SMU is already actively lobbying to take Texas A&M’s spot in a new Big 12.I’m guessing the Mustangs’ onside kick attempt against the Aggies in week one won’t be making the highlight tape they send to Commissioner Dan Beebe.
So I've been catching up on the news, and it looks like you've had a pretty rough week. What, with you being forced to testify before Parliament and to shut down your long-running News of the World tabloid after it was discovered your people had illegally hacked the cell phone of a missing woman. Never mind the fact that the FBI is now investigating you for doing the same thing to 9/11 victims. And that Michelle Bachmann keeps doing stupid things faster than your boys at Fox News can make excuses for her. And that your top long-time assistant and confidante just skipped out on you. Yep, it's been a tough one. I feel for you, I really do.
Rupert in happier times.
So that's why I am writing today with a proposal to help restore some of your media glory and make you a hero to millions of Americans. You can not only redeem your image, but do a huge service to us sports fans on this side of the pond. And here's all you have to do--take down ESPN.
I know, I know, that sounds like a big task. Them being the worldwide leader and all. But hear me out.
If we've learned nothing else from the reaction to the Casey Anthony verdict, it's that Americans don't take too kindly to a perceived injustice. And ESPN just committed a doozie. They suspended Bruce Feldman, one of the finest journalists in sports, for having the audacity to work with former Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach on his new book, Swing Your Sword, which details Leach's final days as coach and the behind-the-scenes work by ESPN analyst Craig James to have him fired.
ESPN has reportedly scheduled a book-burning party in the corporate parking lot for this afternoon. Bring your own marshmallows.
The saga of Adam James/Mike Leach/Craig James has been well-documented, so I won't go into it here. Suffice it to say, most football fans felt that Leach was given a raw deal by Texas Tech, with the complicity of Craig James and, directly or indirectly, ESPN.
Well, guess what? Thanks to the power of the Freedom of Information Act, Feldman uncovered emails which prove that, not only was Texas Tech looking for an excuse to fire Leach, but that Craig James and his PR firm were only too happy to do their dirty work and provide the ammunition to make that happen. And for outing one of their golden boys, ESPN was quick to commit yet another injustice by indefinitely suspending Feldman from his duties. And why did they do this? Because they can. Because there is no one out there who can both hold them accountable and is big enough to offer a legitimate alternative.
And that's where you come in, Rupert. There was a time when ESPN programming was actually good. It's been a long time, but it happened. Back before Craig Kilborn went Hollywood and Keith Olbermann started wearing Birkenstocks and Che Guevara shirts. Back before "The Decision" and all-Chris-Berman-all-the-time programming. And there was one simple reason: competition.
Back then CNN ran a nightly segment called Sports Tonight that went head-to-head with SportsCenter. In the early days, CNN actually had the superior product, which forced ESPN to raise it's game. As a result, SportsCenter improved as a show, its anchors (notably the team of Olbermann and Dan Patrick) became national phenomena and the rest is history. CNN pre-empted Sports Tonightduring the disputed 2000 presidential election and it never came back in its same form, leaving ESPN as the only game in town when it came to national sports coverage.
Fred Hickman and the late Nick Charles doing sports the way it should be done.
Rupert, America needs you to rescue us. Save us from ourselves. We mindlessly turn on SportsCenter and repeat meaningless sports catchphrases (Booyah!) simply because that's all we know to do. An entire generation of young Americans has grown up thinking that sports would not exist if it were not for ESPN. We need you to help us show them it's the other way around.. And you can do that by providing us with an alternative.
Sure, the public is doing what it can. Writers across the country have jumped to Feldman's defense. And Twitter users actually had #freeBruce trending higher than Harry Potter the day before the new movie opened. But we can't do it alone, Rupert. We are asking for your help.
Fox is the only entity in America who is ready to compete with the Disney/ABC/ESPN conglomerate. Your over-the-air Fox affiliates and the cable components of Fox Sports Net are in virtually every household in America. You already have the groundwork in place to go toe-to-toe with ESPN. All it needs is a little more initiative from you and we can finally offer American sports fans a real alternative, diminish the virtually unlimited power of ESPN and help right the injustice done to Bruce Feldman.
Here's what I am asking you to do:
Go national. While I enjoy the regional coverage of my favorite local teams on my Fox Sports Net affiliate, America is ready for another big fish in the pond. With the combined broadcasting power of all your various Fox sports stations, you could get your signal into almost as many households as ABC/ESPN. Yes, it'll take some money. But money is one thing you've got. Besides, you can take all the money you had planned on using to print News of the World and use it to boost your cable programming.
Be bold. Don't tiptoe around the subject. Let the world know that your objective is to take on Disney and ESPN. Hire a good graphic designer to come up with a new logo or mascot to reflect your mission. Maybe a cartoon fox with a sly smile and sharp teeth. And a mouse's tail dangling out of his mouth.
Don't skimp on the reporters. ESPN has gotten lazy. While there are certainly exceptions, ESPN does very little original reporting. And when they do, they usually get it wrong (see also Schad, Joe). They just steal from other sources and repackage the information with "ESPN sources report . . ." without giving proper credit. Don't make that mistake. Hire good writers for your website, ones who actually do real reporting. Guys like Bruce Feldman. It might cost you a little money in the short run to steal some guys away from ESPN and Sports Illustrated, but it will pay huge dividends in the long run.
Don't be afraid to make ESPN the bad guy. Have you watched your own Fox News lately? It's very little news. It's basically 20+ hours a day of people yelling about how Barack Obama/MSNBC/Harry Reid are to blame for all of society's woes. Not trying to be political here, but you need to follow a similar model, at least to a point. You can't be afraid to pick a fight with the Mouse. Remind viewers constantly how ESPN is to blame for "The Decision". How ESPN has a huge conflict of interest in owning most of the bowl games they carry. How they suspend good journalists like Bruce Feldman for exposing one of their pretty boys, but look the other way when on-air personality Woody Paige gets caught plagiarizing stories. How ESPN is completely biased in favor of covering Texas sports and the Big 12, since they are now in bed with the Longhorns to to the tune of 20 years/$300 million. How ESPN convinced large numbers of people that poker is a sport. How ESPN is to blame for today's housing market. (OK, that last one might not be true. But then again, factual accuracy has never been one of your strongest suits, so people will expect it.)
But don't forget the sports. Some commentary and well-placed jabs at the expense of your competition will be fine. But the success of Fox Sports will ride on the quality of your programming. Look, no one's expecting you to to take down the worldwide leader overnight. Certainly, you won't have anything to compete with Monday Night Football. And their SEC and Big Ten football broadcasts will probably trump your Pac-12 and secondary Big 12 games. But you can go toe-to-toe with them in baseball. And, provided you don't hire Dick Vitale, it shouldn't be hard to best their college basketball coverage. Down the line, you'll have to pony up some money to win some bidding wars for better broadcast rights. But in the short term, the real key is going to be your sports highlight shows. Think about ESPN--they basically record SportsCenter twice a day, and then just keep replaying it over and over throughout the day until it's time for "Around the Horn". If you can keep your content fresh and provide a show that is entertaining and informative to the educated fan, I think you can go head-to-head with SportsCenter.
This has all been a long-time coming. I've thought for some time that the world needed some legitimate competition for ESPN. This latest saga with Bruce Feldman just showed me how badly we need it.
This is all a big task, I know. But I also know that you have never been one to back down from a challenge. You're the only one right now with the resources to help us right a wrong and end the Disney/ABC/ESPN monopoly on American sports coverage. This won't rehabilitate your public image overnight, but it will certainly make you a hero to millions of American sports fans.
So do it for yourself. Do it for Bruce Feldman. And, even though you're not one of us, do it for America
Thank you for your attention. Sincerely, American Sports Fans P.S. Fire Joe Buck.
Remember back in your college days when you’d head to the bookstore to pay obscene amounts of money for books you’d crack open the night before the final and then never touch again?Remember how there was always that one professor who would have three required textbooks and four or five more “recommended” books?How many of those recommendations found their way on to your bookshelf?Yeah, same here.
So I find it amusing to read that the Nebraska athletics department self-reported a violation to the NCAA yesterday. Their crime? Violating an arcane NCAA rule that allows universities to provide student athletes with the books required for their classes, but not the recommended ones. Yep, extra textbooks. While you were out partying it up, Husker student athletes were home getting ahead of you by reading all those books their professors recommended, but didn’t require. (Well, at least I assume they were. It’s not like they’re normal college kids or anything.) And NU Athletics Director Tom Osborne says the athletes in question weren’t even allowed to sell their books back and pocket the cash!
An unnamed Nebraska athlete is seen openly flaunting her violation of NCAA rules.
No offense, Nebraska, but you’re doing this all wrong. Everyone knows extra benefits are supposed to involve cash under the table, free cars, hot co-eds, tattoos and jewelry. Not extra political science and kinesiology textbooks. You’ll never beat Texas [insert name of new Big Ten rival here] that way. Sure, you might extend your NCAA record of academic all-Americans. But how can Jim Tressel and Chip Kelly even take you seriously? Besides, it’s not like you actually want your scholarship students to get an education or anything. I mean, next thing you know you’ll be calling yourself an educational institution and your students will just be learning and developing the ability to think freely all over the place. Anarchy!
So come on, Cornhuskers. There’s gotta be a “recruiting service” or a friendly booster-owned car dealership around you can call.
Hey, Warren Buffett’s a fan. And he’s totally into tattoos.
While in town for tomorrow's ceremony at the Downtown Athletic Club, Griffin is also doing his part to promote the Wendy’s High School Heisman which celebrates high school seniors across the country who excel in academics, athletics and community leadership. Since the program’s start in 1994, more than 305,000 students have been recognized by the program for their outstanding achievements both on and off the field.
Wes presses him on whether or not their would be another multi-time winner, whether he voted for himself in 1975, his thoughts on Nebraska joining the Big 10, how character should be weighed in Heisman voting in light of Reggie Bush and Cam Newton controversy, and has Griffin make an Oregon-Auburn prediction.
For more information about the High School Heisman program and the nomination process, visit http://www.wendysheisman.com or contact your local high school principal, guidance counselor or athletic director. “Like” Wendy’s High School Heisman on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/wendyshighschoolheisman for program updates and to connect with alumni.
We’re nearing the end, my friends. The end of the season. The end of many fans’ dreams. The end of many coaches’ jobs. And the end of many turkeys’ lives.
If you need any proof that football is the greatest sport in the world, I would submit this week as Exhibit A. Drama. Great rivalries. Great games. Football on Thanksgiving Day. Meanwhile, as I write this, I'm suffering through Dick Vitale announcing another Duke basketball game. I rest my case.
On with the football.
Mea Culpa
I have to start off this week with an apology. In my post last week, I commented on the lousy officiating in the Big 12, but disagreed with those Nebraska fans who said that the conference was somehow out to get the Huskers for leaving for the Big Ten. I now owe all of you conspiracy theorists an apology.
You were right. I was wrong. And the fix is in.
After watching the Nebraska/Texas A&M game, I really can’t come to any other conclusion. The officiating was so ridiculously one-sided that you’d have to be wearing some pretty thick maroon-tinted Aggie glasses not to notice.
Consider if you will:
Nebraska was flagged 16 times for 145 yards (both school records), including six personal foul or unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.
Texas A&M, which was one of the most heavily penalized teams in the country coming into the game, had just 2 penalties for 10 yards.
The Aggies, despite starting two freshmen at the tackle spots and facing one of the more aggressive defenses in the country, were never called for holding.
Late in the game, 3rd-and-6 at the A&M 12 yard line, the Aggies were flagged for pass interference, which would have kept the Huskers’ potential game-winning drive alive. Except the refs picked up the flag.
On A&M’s subsequent drive, the Huskers got an atrocious late-hit penalty (on 3rd-and-11 from the 49; see video #1 below) that moved the Aggies into position for the game-winning field goal.
ABC, which is stuck in a big-money contract with a conference with no championship game and really only one national marquee game and just lost a bidding war to Fox for the Big Ten championship game, mysteriously never showed replays of two different personal fouls called on Husker DE Eric Martin.
Certainly none of these things individually point to a conspiracy. Picking up the pass interference flag was probably the right call. Although he was obviously provoked (video #2 below; showing A&M’s Tony Jerod-Eddie auditioning for a “junk-grabbing” job with the TSA), the flag on TE Ben Cotton for retaliating wasn’t improper. And Bo Pelini’s maniacal raving at the officials probably didn’t help the team get any borderline calls. But in my mind, here is the smoking gun: The same officiating crew did Nebraska’s games against Texas, Iowa State and Texas A&M. In those games, the Huskers were flagged 32 times for 293 yards. Their opponents were called for just 9 penalties for 103 yards (a difference of almost 8 flags and over 63 yards per game). Compare this to the Huskers’ 4 other Big 12 games this year in which the penalty discrepancy was less than 1 flag and 8 yards per game.
Those kind of numbers cannot be a coincidence.
So Husker conspiracy theorists, consider me a believer. And, assuming you can get by Colorado this week (wonder which officiating crew is doing the game?), I hope you enjoy your last Big 12 consolation prize in the Insight or Alamo Bowl. Because there is not a chance in hell that Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe and his minions will let you get a sniff of the conference championship trophy.
“OK, the Boss wants us to make sure that Nebraska doesn’t win the conference championship. But it’s gotta look like an accident. So who thinks we can do it?”
Welcome to the Party
It only took 12 weeks, but congrats to the Big East on finally getting enough bowl-eligible teams to fill your six spots (well, if you count Notre Dame’s deal to take one of your spots when they don’t make the BCS). First team to 8 wins gets the Fiesta Bowl and its $17 million payout. Who says mediocrity doesn’t pay?
Does this come in Pitt colors?
Weaksauce (As I'm Told the Kids are Calling it These Days) Scheduling #1
I find it very amusing that the loudest voices calling for a playoff to “prove it on the field” are also the loudest ones railing against Boise State’s schedule and that they shouldn’t be given a chance to “prove it on the field.”
A tasty pre-Thanksgiving snack.
Whodathunkit?
Imagine if, 5 years ago, I would have told you that:
Texas would not be bowl eligible, but San Diego State, Texas-El Paso and all three service academies would be.
Boise State would still be a national power, and Notre Dame would still be irrelevant.
Weaksauce Scheduling #2
Speaking of scheduling, what’s up with the new trend of scheduling weak nonconference games late in the season? Alabama vs. Georgia State. Texas vs. Florida Atlantic. Florida vs. Appalachian State. These are the kind of games that belong on Labor Day weekend, not the week before Thanksgiving. It’s sad and not just a little pathetic when supposedly big-name programs feel the need to schedule a scrimmage the week before their end-of-season rivalry games.
From all of us here at HHR, a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and your favorite football teams this year.
This Cam Newton recruitment saga keeps getting stranger by the day. At this point, the only thing missing are cameos by Brett Favre’s penis and Rachel Uchitel.
Anyone know if Rachel has any, um, connections at Auburn?
Turning Tricks Some of it gets a bit repetitive, but this list of the Top 50 Trick Plays is well worth your time.
When You Get to the Bottom, Stop Digging The WAC announced last week that it was adding the University of Texas-San Antonio and Texas State and the University of Denver in all sports except football. In related news, the WAC is now rated as the 4th toughest conference in the FCS.
Haven't Cubs Fans Suffered Enough? Northwestern and Illinois will be playing their game this week at Wrigley Field, a decision which was apparently made without actually bothering to think about how the field would be set up. There’s a lot of talk these days about helmet-to-helmet hits. But no one’s talking about the real threat—helmet-to-brick-walls-covered-with-thin-pads-printed-to-look-like-ivy hits.
“Coach, PLEASE don’t make me run that deep post route again.”
Official Complaints Living in the middle of the country, I’ve seen a lot of Big 12 games the last couple of years and I have to say that they have, far and away, the worst officiating in the country. And, while it may be fun to think of Dan Beebe sitting there with a Buffalo Wild Wings-esque buzzer alerting the refs when it’s time to screw Nebraska for leaving the conference, it’s equal opportunity crappy. It seems like every big game this year has had several not just questionable, but outright bad calls. And then, even after lengthy reviews, they still get them wrong. I understand missed calls are part of the game. But most conferences address these issues and work to get better. It seems like the Big 12 refs get worse every week with no end in sight. Maybe Texas can use a small fraction of their recent ESPN payday to better train their officials. But I'm not holding my breath.
On second thought, maybe there is something to the Nebraska conspiracy theories.
In the time it takes you to read this, Les Miles will make another insane decision that will inexplicably work, Oregon will score some more, some new allegations against Cam Newton will come out and Michigan’s defense will give up another touchdown.
OK, now that those are out of the way, let’s move on to this week in bad football.
Texas: It’s Like a Whole Other Planet In the last month, the Texas Rangers made it to the World Series, Baylor cracked the Top 25, George W. Bush wrote (not read, WROTE) a book and the Longhorns were beaten soundly by the likes of Iowa State, Baylor and Kansas State.
Now entering Bizarro World.
Who Needs StubHub When You’re Heavily Armed? Seeing extra security or even military personnel at big college football games isn’t really a surprise. So I guess that’s why a guy in fatigues and a machine gun was recently spotted on the sidelines of the Big House during the Michigan-Michigan State game. That is, until, the members of the color guard alerted UM officials that the guy was an impostor. Come to find out, the dude was a member of the Michigan National Guard. But he only used his uniform and two (unloaded) M-16 automatic rifles as his backstage pass when he couldn’t get a ticket. He was ultimately escorted out of the stadium by police.
Now THIS is how a real military man gets into a Michigan game.
Firepower Speaking of football and the military, Navy’s football team outscored it’s basketball team 76-52 this week.
For the Navy, the best defense is a good offense.
Why the BCS Stinks: Reason #326 While we can all debate whether or not TCU and Boise State deserve a title shot, you’d have to be a pretty big anti-AQ conference homer not to admit that they’re two of the best 10 teams in the country. Yet odds are that, at most, one will end up in the BCS. Meanwhile, we’re 10 weeks into the season . . . and no one from the Big East is even eligible for the conference’s automatic BCS spot.
Halloween, Sooner Style Speaking of costumes, an Oklahoma man was recently arrested for trying to shoplift what was described as a “sexy referee” costume by shoving it down his pants. This of course raises the age-old question, “How do you make a referee sexy?”
“Hey, baby. Got your tickets to the GUN SHOW?”
Brian Kelly’s New Distinction Say what you want about Charlie Weis, Tyrone Willingham or Bob Davie—at least they never killed anyone.
Making it Too Easy In the “only coming two years too late” category, Colorado athletic director Mike Bohn announced on Tuesday the firing of Buffs head coach Dan Hawkins. That decision got a whole lot easier on Saturday when the Buffs gave up 35 unanswered points in less than 12 minutes in a 52-47 loss to Kansas. The comeback marked KU’s first Big 12 win this year and Colorado’s biggest collapse in program history. Hawkins then proceeded to walk out on an interview with CU’s flagship radio station after the reporter had the audacity to ask why the Buffs were trying to throw the ball all over the field instead of milking the clock. Admittedly, it wasn’t a tough decision to start with, what with Hawkins’ career 19-39 record at CU. But Hawkins is lucky Bohn even let him make the trip back home to Colorado.
Buffs QB Cody Hawkins now gets to enjoy the world’s most awkward Senior Day.
It’s that time of year. The air turns colder. The leaves change colors. The first pink slips start being delivered. And bad football games still get better ratings than the baseball playoffs.
Here are some quick hit observations on the week that was.
Oops If there’s a record for “combined number of untimely fumbles and dropped touchdown passes,” I’m pretty sure Nebraska shattered it beyond recognition last weekend.
Fumbles and drops. Meet Nebraska athletics’ newest corporate sponsors.
Speaking of Big Money . . . How many zeroes would be on the loser’s check if Warren Buffett and T. Boone Pickens had a bet on this weekend’s Nebraska/Oklahoma State game?
Buffett’s got the bigger bankroll ($45 billion vs. only $1.4 billion). But Boone’s got the stadium named after him.
Not Football Related, but Timely. Texas Rangers slugger Josh Hamilton and Iron Chef Bobby Flay.
Separated at birth?
Stop Me If You’ve Heard This Before Look, we all know that college athletes get preferential treatment when it comes to off-field issues. No secret there. But, as the Wiz of Odds noted, the University of Tennessee is taking the discrepancy between football players and the rest of us to whole new heights. Recently, a 60-year old graduate student at the University of Tennessee was arrested for suspicion of DUI, pled guilty to reckless driving charge . . . and was promptly kicked out of school. Meanwhile, UT and former coach Phil Fulmer (who I just learned has a satirical award named after him, going to the school with the worst criminal record) kept punter Dustin Colquitt on the field even after at least four alcohol-related run-ins with the law. Riddle me that.
Wait, college football players get special treatment? I am shocked and appalled!
Not Ready for Prime Time Much to the surprise of pretty much no one, North Texas just announced the firing of head coach Todd Dodge. Dodge leaves with a career mark of 6-37 after coming the Mean Green following a successful stint at Southlake Caroll, one of the nation’s top high school football teams. Yes, you read that right. An (admittedly small) FBS program hired a high school coach. High school might (and I emphasize might) be a stepping stone to a college career someday. But if picking a high school coach is the best option your school can come up with, you have bigger problems than just picking a coach.
Oklahoma women’s basketball coach Sherri Coale. The exception to the rule. From Norman High School to three Final Fours.
Waiting for Dickie V. With North Carolina’s off-field scandals and Kansas’ on-field ones, which fan base is most looking forward to basketball season?
We're right about at the halfway point of the season. Some things we know (Oregon is good. The Pistol is football's newest craze. Les Miles has replaced Nick Saban as Satan's pet project). Some things we don't (How will Taylor Martinez fare against stronger competition? Is Ohio State really the #1 team in the nation? How bad will things get for Penn State? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?). But things are definitely getting interesting. With Alabama proving to be mortal after all, the national championship race is as wide open as I can remember. You could make a pretty good case for any one of 8 or 9 different schools winning it all. We've got a bunch of really good teams, but none that are without their faults. So buckle up everyone. The next few weeks could be a wild ride. Now on to this week's observations.
You Suck. Yeah, You. I don't care how much you can bench, how many Monster energy drinks you can chug or how many Affliction shirts you own. Unless you've lost a body part during a game-and stayed in the game-you are a great big steaming pile of pansiness compared to Virginia Tech OL Greg Nosal.
Game tape of Nolan in action.
Now That's Motivation By now, everybody knows that New Mexico State football is really bad. But, on the plus side, the Aggie players still had the luxury of being football players, with all the girls, parties and other perks that went along with that stature. Until now. As Sports by Brooks alerted us last week, an unnamed person or persons distributed thousands of NSFW flyers around the NMSU campus, urging the local co-eds not to engage in, um, extracurricular activities with any of the football players until they won a game. (As the flyer so eloquently put it, "Once you score a win, then you can get it in.")
Crude though it might have been, the extra motivation apparently worked, as the Aggies snapped their 11-game losing streak with a 16-14 win over in-state rival (if you can call an 0-6 team who's even worse than you that) New Mexico.
I'm guessing Coach Walker's postgame press conference wasn't the highlight of the celebration.
New Math Les Miles is 49% football genius and 51% bats*%t insane. Or vice versa. Depending on the week.
"Les, did you remember to take your meds today?"
When the Lawyers Win, We All Lose Earlier in the week, the U. of Texas Athletic Department cracked down on an internet company that was selling Nebraska-themed shirts with the famed Longhorn logo upside down in preparation for this week's grudge match between the Huskers and the 'Horns. (FYI: Texas made over $10 million in royalties off of the Longhorn logo last year. I've always wondered how much of that came from Oklahoma fans who bought the Texas logo just to put it upside down. Never made sense to me. You do know you're aiding your enemy, right? OK, moving on.) But it raised a bigger question: shouldn't the makers of Angry Birds be paying royalties to Ball State?
Today marks the anniversary of one of the most infamous days in college football history (more below). So, I thought it might be a good time to do a now-and-then theme for this week’s Cynic’s Guide.
A Long Time Coming Today is the 20th anniversary of arguably the all-time worst officiating job in the history of college football. In the waning seconds of their game at Missouri, Colorado was not only given an extra down, but replays clearly showed that the Colorado QB carrying the ball on 5th down never got the ball across the goal line but was awarded a touchdown anyway. CU went on to win a share of the national championship, becoming not the first, nor the last, but certainly one of the most obvious beneficiaries of bad officiating. But football karma always catches up with you. And how far has CU fallen in the last 20 years? Instead of competing for national championships, this last weekend their fans rushed the field . . . after beating Georgia . . . who is 1-4.
“Gotta get pumped to help tear down the goal posts when we play Baylor in a couple weeks.”
Les Miles: The New Homer. In 1991, there was an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer saved the Springfield nuclear plant from a meltdown when he just happened to push the right button by playing Eenie Meenie Miny Moe. Later, the term “pull a Homer” was added to the dictionary with the definition “to succeed despite idiocy.” As such, I propose that LSU replace its mascot Mike the Tiger with Homer Simpson. I mean, what better representation of the term “pulling a Homer” is there than Les Miles? The man makes more boneheaded decisions and clock management blunders (see Exhibit A: the last minute of last week’s LSU/Tennessee game) by Week 5 every year than most coaches do in a career. And yet he still manages to pull out wins. It’s uncanny.
Previous mascot experience? Check.
Keep Your Friends Close . . . Earlier this week, North Carolina head coach Butch Davis said, “I’m sorry that I trusted John Blake.” Funny. That’s the same thing Oklahoma fans were saying in 1998.
“Remember that time when I was just a 12-22 coach, instead of a crook?”
Too Early to Pull the Plug? In 1983, Turner Gill was the triggerman for one of the most prolific offenses in college history. Gill, Heisman winner Mike Rozier and #1 overall draft pick Irving Fryar were the cornerstones of the "scoring explosion" that dominated football that year, but came up one play short in the national championship game. My, how things have changed. I’m usually a firm believer in giving new coaches at least 3-4 years to get their own players and systems in place before making any drastic moves. But I’ve gotta say that rule may be getting more flexible all the time in Lawrence, KS. Turner Gill’s tenure as the Jayhawks' head coach started off rough with a home loss to FCS North Dakota State. And, aside from an upset of Georgia Tech, has kept going downhill, most recently getting blown out, 55-7, by Baylor. (Yes, Baylor.) Gill has made more news for his “no cell phones the night before games and no girls after 10 pm” rules than anything the Jayhawks have done on the field.
Don’t worry, Jayhawks. Basketball season is almost here.
A Simpler Time Amazing fact of the day, courtesy of ESPN’s Ivan Maisel: Before this week, the last time Texas was unranked was October 15, 2000. Today, more coaches of ranked teams in that poll (Mike Bellotti at Oregon, Dennis Franchione at TCU, Lou Holtz at South Carolina and Bob Davie at Notre Dame) work for ESPN than are still at the same schools (Frank Beamer at Virginia Tech, Bob Stoops at Oklahoma and Bill Snyder—who left but has now returned—at Kansas State).
The last time UT was unranked, Meet the Parents was the #1 movie in America, the economy was good and most people had ever heard of BALCO, hanging chads, Al Queda or Justin Bieber. Ah, the good ol’ days.
Man, what I wild offseason that was. With all the conference realignment/dealignment rumors out there, it seemed like college football was the talk of the summer. Heck, ESPN even took a break from Favre Watch 2010 to report some more (wildly inaccurate) Big 10 expansion rumors from Joe Schad. So, for us college football geeks, the good news was that we had plenty to discuss all summer. The bad news was that we had plenty to discuss, but it was still only summer.
But, finally, all the talk is behind us. Everybody is ready to go and I never thought I’d be so excited to tune into Versus and the Big 10 Network. So, without further ado, here are the Cynic’s 21 fearless preseason predictions that are guaranteed to be wrong. Unless they’re right, in which case I want a cut of whatever you won in Vegas.
Take me with you!
1. Winner Takes All
A non-BCS team will make the national championship game, but it’s not the one you think. Boise State’s title hopes will be done in week one when they lose to Virginia Tech. Meanwhile, TCU will quietly run the table and, thanks to the amazing power of poll voter inertia, magically move up the rankings to make the title game. But they’ll lose to Ohio State. (And yes, I know it’s blasphemous to pick a national title game that doesn’t have an SEC team in it.)
Hey, the crystal matches my sweater vest!
2. The Best of the Rest
Rose Bowl: Oregon vs. Florida
Orange Bowl: Miami vs. Nebraska
Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. UConn
Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs. Wisconsin
3. Hype Springs Eternal
With Tebow, McCoy and Bradford all finally gone, this year’s Heisman race is as wide open as ever. The finalists will be:
Oklahoma wide receiver Ryan Broyles. Missed two games last year with a broken shoulder blade and still set the school record for receptions.
TCU quarterback Andy Dalton. Be the top player on a team in the title game, and you get an automatic invite to New York. It’s a rule or something.
Arkansas QB Ryan Mallett. It’s also a rule that you have to have at least one SEC player invited to the party. Mallett is the one most likely to put up the big numbers.
Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor. The hype on Pryor is too great this year for him not to get an invite. And if tOSU runs the table, he’ll have earned it.
Oregon RB LaMichael James or Oregon St. RB Jacquizz Rogers. Depends on whichever Oregon team has a better season.
Pryor will carry home the trophy.
Gratuitous Heisman pose shot.
4. This time next year, Butch Davis and Rich Rodriguez will still be involved in lawsuits against their respective schools after being fired at the end of the season, but both schools refusing to pay their buyouts, arguing they were fired for cause after running afoul of the NCAA.
5. Other BCS-conference coaches looking for a job: Dan Hawkins (Colorado), Mike Stoops (Arizona), Ron Zook (Illinois) and Tom O’Brien (North Carolina State).
6. Steve Spurrier will announce his retirement from coaching at the end of the season.
7. Lee Corso will announce his retirement at the end of the season. And will be replaced by Steve Spurrier.
8. Joe Paterno will announce he’s coming back for 2011, mainly because he wants to be in the Big 10 with “that young whippersnapper” Tom Osborne.
9. Miami head coach Randy Shannon will be a hot name rumored for a couple of NFL openings, but will ultimately stay with the Canes.
10. Western Kentucky will extend their nation’s-worst losing streak to 32 games by the end of the season.
Football has not been kind to Big Red.
11. Tim Tebow will be referenced at least 15 times during every Florida Gators broadcast this year. And at least 5 times in every Denver Broncos broadcast.
The world’s most popular backup quarterback.
12. With Texas Tech athletic director Gerald Myers announcing his retirement, the “Mike Leach for AD” campaign will be in full force by the end of the season.
13. USC will find a half-eaten cheese sandwich that Reggie Bush accidentally left behind in 2004. They will send it back.
14. At least 5 walk-ons will start for North Carolina this season. Because everyone else has been suspended.
How many times did I tell you not to Tweet about going to your agent’s stripper parties while your tutor wrote your term papers for you?
15. Joe Schad will report something that is actually true. (Hey, it’s gotta happen eventually, right?)
16. People will make 54,376,232 jokes about the Big 12 having 10 teams and the Big 10 having 12. And they’ll think they’re being funny every time. And they’ll be wrong every time.
7-Eleven didn’t change their name when they started staying open 24 hours. Now let it go.
17. Since Jeremiah Masoli was ruled ineligible, Ole Miss coach Huston Nutt will go after other soldiers-for-hire. But the Rebels will still finish last in the SEC West.
On the upside, B.A. Barracus will make 2nd team all-conference at linebacker.
18. Virginia Tech will upset Boise State in Week One. Tyrod Taylor will jump to the top of the Heisman watch lists. And then Virginia Tech will then gift wrap the ACC title for Miami with the same two inexplicable conference losses the Hokies always seem to manage.
19. Top 25 team (not named North Carolina) most likely to tank this season: #19 Penn State. A freshman QB, a suspect offensive line and road trips to Alabama, Iowa and Ohio State are not good omens.
20. Unranked team most likely to join the party: You heard it here first, Connecticut will win the Big East.
Yes, I’m sure we’re not talking about women's basketball.
21. Player most likely to be benched at least three times this season: South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia
