Holly, You Ignorant Slut

The time in which ABC's Holly Rowe sets the profession of female sports reporting back 50 years and Brent Musburger let's her know it...



In what could be the dumbest sideline insight in decades Holly Rowe makes Eric Dickerson look like Walter Cronkite after her report on the University of Nebraska's super-kicker Alex Henery being a 'regular guy' because he wears 'regular shoes'.

Shoes--of course it's shoes that the lady on the sidelines is focused on.

Oh women...

--Dr. Blue Pulaski, Phd. Gender Studies

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 7

It’s that time of year. The air turns colder. The leaves change colors. The first pink slips start being delivered. And bad football games still get better ratings than the baseball playoffs.

Here are some quick hit observations on the week that was.

Oops
If there’s a record for “combined number of untimely fumbles and dropped touchdown passes,” I’m pretty sure Nebraska shattered it beyond recognition last weekend.

Fumbles and drops. Meet Nebraska athletics’ newest corporate sponsors.

Speaking of Big Money . . .
How many zeroes would be on the loser’s check if Warren Buffett and T. Boone Pickens had a bet on this weekend’s Nebraska/Oklahoma State game?

Buffett’s got the bigger bankroll ($45 billion vs. only $1.4 billion). But Boone’s got the stadium named after him.

Not Football Related, but Timely.
Texas Rangers slugger Josh Hamilton and Iron Chef Bobby Flay.

Separated at birth?

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This Before
Look, we all know that college athletes get preferential treatment when it comes to off-field issues. No secret there. But, as the Wiz of Odds noted, the University of Tennessee is taking the discrepancy between football players and the rest of us to whole new heights. Recently, a 60-year old graduate student at the University of Tennessee was arrested for suspicion of DUI, pled guilty to reckless driving charge . . . and was promptly kicked out of school. Meanwhile, UT and former coach Phil Fulmer (who I just learned has a satirical award named after him, going to the school with the worst criminal record) kept punter Dustin Colquitt on the field even after at least four alcohol-related run-ins with the law. Riddle me that.

Wait, college football players get special treatment? I am shocked and appalled!

Not Ready for Prime Time
Much to the surprise of pretty much no one, North Texas just announced the firing of head coach Todd Dodge. Dodge leaves with a career mark of 6-37 after coming the Mean Green following a successful stint at Southlake Caroll, one of the nation’s top high school football teams. Yes, you read that right. An (admittedly small) FBS program hired a high school coach. High school might (and I emphasize might) be a stepping stone to a college career someday. But if picking a high school coach is the best option your school can come up with, you have bigger problems than just picking a coach.

Oklahoma women’s basketball coach Sherri Coale. The exception to the rule. From Norman High School to three Final Fours.

Waiting for Dickie V.
With North Carolina’s off-field scandals and Kansas’ on-field ones, which fan base is most looking forward to basketball season?

The lesser of two evils for the Hawks and Heels?

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football: Week 5

Today marks the anniversary of one of the most infamous days in college football history (more below). So, I thought it might be a good time to do a now-and-then theme for this week’s Cynic’s Guide.

A Long Time Coming
Today is the 20th anniversary of arguably the all-time worst officiating job in the history of college football. In the waning seconds of their game at Missouri, Colorado was not only given an extra down, but replays clearly showed that the Colorado QB carrying the ball on 5th down never got the ball across the goal line but was awarded a touchdown anyway. CU went on to win a share of the national championship, becoming not the first, nor the last, but certainly one of the most obvious beneficiaries of bad officiating. But football karma always catches up with you. And how far has CU fallen in the last 20 years? Instead of competing for national championships, this last weekend their fans rushed the field . . . after beating Georgia . . . who is 1-4.

“Gotta get pumped to help tear down the goal posts when we play Baylor in a couple weeks.”

Les Miles: The New Homer.
In 1991, there was an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer saved the Springfield nuclear plant from a meltdown when he just happened to push the right button by playing Eenie Meenie Miny Moe. Later, the term “pull a Homer” was added to the dictionary with the definition “to succeed despite idiocy.” As such, I propose that LSU replace its mascot Mike the Tiger with Homer Simpson. I mean, what better representation of the term “pulling a Homer” is there than Les Miles? The man makes more boneheaded decisions and clock management blunders (see Exhibit A: the last minute of last week’s LSU/Tennessee game) by Week 5 every year than most coaches do in a career. And yet he still manages to pull out wins. It’s uncanny.

Previous mascot experience? Check.

Keep Your Friends Close . . .
Earlier this week, North Carolina head coach Butch Davis said, “I’m sorry that I trusted John Blake.” Funny. That’s the same thing Oklahoma fans were saying in 1998.

“Remember that time when I was just a 12-22 coach, instead of a crook?”

Too Early to Pull the Plug?
In 1983, Turner Gill was the triggerman for one of the most prolific offenses in college history. Gill, Heisman winner Mike Rozier and #1 overall draft pick Irving Fryar were the cornerstones of the "scoring explosion" that dominated football that year, but came up one play short in the national championship game. My, how things have changed. I’m usually a firm believer in giving new coaches at least 3-4 years to get their own players and systems in place before making any drastic moves. But I’ve gotta say that rule may be getting more flexible all the time in Lawrence, KS. Turner Gill’s tenure as the Jayhawks' head coach started off rough with a home loss to FCS North Dakota State. And, aside from an upset of Georgia Tech, has kept going downhill, most recently getting blown out, 55-7, by Baylor. (Yes, Baylor.) Gill has made more news for his “no cell phones the night before games and no girls after 10 pm” rules than anything the Jayhawks have done on the field.

Don’t worry, Jayhawks. Basketball season is almost here.

A Simpler Time
Amazing fact of the day, courtesy of ESPN’s Ivan Maisel: Before this week, the last time Texas was unranked was October 15, 2000. Today, more coaches of ranked teams in that poll (Mike Bellotti at Oregon, Dennis Franchione at TCU, Lou Holtz at South Carolina and Bob Davie at Notre Dame) work for ESPN than are still at the same schools (Frank Beamer at Virginia Tech, Bob Stoops at Oklahoma and Bill Snyder—who left but has now returned—at Kansas State).

The last time UT was unranked, Meet the Parents was the #1 movie in America, the economy was good and most people had ever heard of BALCO, hanging chads, Al Queda or Justin Bieber. Ah, the good ol’ days.

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football: Week 2

I must start off with some sad news. As you may have noticed, there was no Week One wrapup posted last week. This is because I was hiding out and waiting for the investigation to blow over while I planned how to spend all the blogger money that nice guy from Nigeria tells me should be here any day now. But unfortunately, it looks like that’s not how it’s going to go down. So, it is with deep regret, I am announcing that I will be returning the “Participant” ribbon I earned during my third grade field day. I apologize for any embarrassment I may have caused to my fellow classmates and the fine instructors at Benjamin Franklin Elementary.

Wow, feels good to get that off my chest. Now, moving on to our cynical view of the first two weeks of college football . . .

You Be the Judge
Take a guess: 70’s porn star or 2010 college football player? (answer below)


Call It Like It Is
I know we all get sick of the coaches’ pregame press conferences before the national contender vs. weak sisters of the poor games, where they talk about how much respect they have for their opponent, how the other team has a lot of great athletes, blah blah blah. Well, kudos to Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops for finally telling like it is. Several OU fan friends of mine reported that, late in a struggling 31-24 win over Utah State, Bob Stoops could be heard yelling at his struggling secondary, “This is UTAH STATE we’re playing!” Yes, it was an unscripted moment, but kudos to Stoops for at least appealing to his players’ pride and pointing out that the game shouldn’t have been within 5 touchdowns by that point. (I’ve since heard the audio for myself, but have yet to find a link online. If anyone knows somewhere I can get it, please send it my way.)

C'mon, Bob. Tell us how you really feel.

The Biggest Loser
We’re only two weeks into the season, and we can already nominate the biggest loser of the season. And it’s a team that might not actually lose a game. A week ago, the talk was how Boise State, fresh off their win over Virginia Tech, could become the first non-BCS AQ school to play in the championship game. Then it happened. And by it, I mean Viriginia Tech pissing down their leg in a loss to in-state rival James Madison. And when I say rival, I mean they reside in the same state, but the similarity and competition pretty much ends there. Now, instead of Boise supporters pointing to that big signature regular season win they’d been lacking on their resume, the detractors now have ample evidence that Boise isn’t that good. You’re known by the company you keep. And if Boise’s best win is a last-minute victory over a team that loses at home to James Madison, fair or not, that doesn’t really speak well for Boise’s body of work.

I hear Tempe’s nice that time of year. But then you already knew that, didn’t you?

I Don’t Want to See A Replay of This
Last week, new Tennessee coach Derek Dooley had to give his players lessons in showering and proper hygiene after a handful of Vols players came down with staph infections. This is how low UT sunk under Lane Kiffin—the players had lost the ability to bathe themselves.

Maybe they hired the wrong guy.

Keeping Chiropractors in Business Since . . . Last Week
Don’t be surprised if a lot of folks in the stands at Kansas’ next home game are wearing neck braces. It’s hard to imagine a bigger case of whiplash than the one Jayhawks fans just experienced. KU started off the season with a debacle, losing 6-3 to I-AA (I still can’t get used to calling it FCS) North Dakota State. And one game in to his career, the seat was already getting pretty warm under new coach Turner Gill. But, one week later, the Jayhawks did a complete turnaround, upsetting #15 Georgia Tech. It’s hard to imagine a bigger one-week turnaround taking place. And with a very winnable schedule (only one ranked team--#8 Nebraska—left this year and no Texas or Oklahoma), all the hope that seemed to be lost after week one may slowly be returning to Lawrence.

“Excuse me, but does this come in blue?”

War Damn (Bye) Eagle
I don’t know who does the SEC scheduling, but I’m pretty sure he’s an Auburn alum. In looking at Alabama’s schedule, I noticed something—each of Bama’s last seven opponents have a bye the week before they have to face the Tide.

Be Careful What You Wish For
Speaking of scheduling, Nebraska may be second-guessing it’s decision to join the Big 10 next year. With the new divisions and schedules being announced recently, Nebraska’s conference schedule next season includes home games with Ohio State and Iowa, along with road tilts against Wisconsin, Penn State and Michigan. Throw in nonconference games against Fresno State and Washington and, as one Lincoln writer put it, “The only thing missing from Nebraska's 2011, 2012 schedule is a cigarette and a blindfold.”

The Big 10’s version of rookie hazing.

Oh, and the answer to the photo question above: That’s Nebraska sophomore DE Cameron Meredith rocking the sweet ‘stache.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 11

Well, we're coming into the home stretch. Some teams have their six wins. Some will be home in time for Thanksgiving. The bitching about the bowl system is going full force. Ohio State has punched their ticket for their annual BCS bowl loss. Coaching rumors are swirling. Somehow, inexplicably, Lou Holtz and Mark May still have jobs. (Seriously, do these guys have incriminating photos of the ESPN brass or something? I can't explain it.) At any rate, here's a look back at the week in college football weirdness.

The Great Filling Station Holdup

By now I’m sure you’ve probably heard that three Tennessee football players were arrested for armed robbery last Thursday. There are a lot of angles to go here, so I just ask this: what is the most f’ed up part of this whole situation?

• The robbery took place less than a day after UT head coach Lane Kiffin had been extolling his program’s arrest free record.
• The robbery took place at a convenience store owned by a former UT player and one of the school's bigger athletics donors.
• The victim says he doesn’t want the players to miss any playing time because he’s a Vols fan and, besides, “It's Tennessee. That's the way it is sometimes."
• The getaway car was a Toyota Prius.

America’s first “green certified” stick-up

Win or Go Home

Championship or Bust! That was probably a slogan for many schools going into this season. But with last week's upset loss to Missouri, Kansas State finds itself in that position very literally. With a win over Nebraska this weekend, the Wildcats will win the North Division championship and put themselves in the Big 12 title game against Texas and a possible (albeit unlikely) shot at the Fiesta Bowl. If they lose, however, they’ll be home for the holidays. Yes, K-State has six wins, but two came against FCS (aka I-AA) teams, of which they can only count one. So they still need another win just to get bowl eligible. Not sure exactly what kind of bowl game and division title bonuses Bill Snyder has in his contract, but I think it’s safe to say he’s got a lot of money riding on this one.

Fiesta Bowl payout=$17.5 million.
Other Big 12 Bowl options=$750K to $3 million
6-6 record=$0
No pressure, Bill.

Bulls, Bears and Broncos

You can now buy stock in the Boise State Athletic Department, with the money raised going to fund improvements to the Broncos’ athletics facilities. The bigger question is will Dan Hawkins use the golden parachute buyout he’s about to get from Colorado to become the majority shareholder and get his old job back via hostile takeover?

Who says you can’t go home again?

What Happens in Juarez . . .

When the season started, I’m pretty sure the Sun Bowl wasn’t real high on the list of goals for Oklahoma and USC. But with their seasons in a tailspin, that is what some bowl projections are now predicting.

On the plus side, the folks at the Greater El Paso Chamber of Commerce will be the doing the dance of joy. This could be the biggest thing to hit El Paso since Marty Robbins.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 10

Welcome to mid-November, when the BCS vs. Playoff whining begins in earnest, coaches’ pink slips fill the air, the fan natives start getting restless and Rich Rodriguez and Bobby Bowden start rehearsing their duet of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Only a few weeks left for those mediocre teams (and there are a ton of them this year) to get bowl eligible or help solidify their positions in a better bowl game.

So with that—and visions of Thanksgiving turkey and football already dancing in our heads—let’s look back at the week that was in bad football.

Anchors Aweigh for Weis

Saturday was a big day for Notre Dame haters. And those who love America. I mean, how can you root against the Naval Academy? Why don’t you just piss on the flag and join Al Qaeda while you’re at it? OK, so maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement, but lost in all the “Charlie Weis extra wide hot seat” talk was the fact that Navy has now won in South Bend twice in a row. Maybe Navy can provide a destroyer to help Charlie sail off into the sunset.

Thanks to all our brave servicemen and women who keep us safe from terrorism. And Notre Dame BCS bowl games.

Fire the Waterboy!

When did Bob Stoops go from “can’t win the big ones” to “can’t win the medium-sized ones?” To be sure, the Sooners had a lot going against them this week, including a freakish number of injuries to key offensive players. And I don’t want to take anything away from Nebraska's defense—I freely admit my huge mancrush on Ndamukong Suh. But you’re telling me the Sooners offense, which is still loaded with blue chip recruits and which spent most of the night in Nebraska territory, could only manage three points, three missed field goals and five interceptions? Especially rough considering they were competing against a Husker offense that was 1-for-14 on 3rd down conversions and had more punts (11) than points (10) or first downs (7). Sooners fans are notoriously prone to hyperbole when it comes to proclaiming every loss “the worst coaching job ever.” And, even with OU’s bizarre injury situation, those voices are only getting louder in
Norman.

When OU goes to the Sun Bowl, will U.S. Customs search the Sooner Schooner on the way back from Juarez?

And the Meek Shall Inherit the Earth

Colorado coming from behind to beat Texas A&M? Baylor (yes, that Baylor) putting a beatdown on Missouri—in Columbia? Kansas State leading their division. I officially give up trying to figure out the Big 12.

Don’t try to explain it. You’ll only hurt yourself.

Voting Boise Off the Island

Note to Boise State: if you’re trying to make your case for a BCS at-large spot, struggling against 3-6 Lousiana Tech (Boise only led by 2 with 8 minutes left) is not the way to do it. For all you “a win’s a win” and “undefeated is undefeated” folks out there, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but style points matter. The BCS isn’t about fairness—it’s about money and TV ratings. Period. It’s no different from any other TV show in that regard. Boise may be freakin’ Masterpiece Theater for all most people know. But the BCS is afraid of anything “artsy”, so they’re going to go with the safe picks—American Idol, reality shows featuring B-list celebrities . . . and a 2-loss Penn State.

Hey Simon, should Fox show a Boise bowl game instead of an American Idol re-run?

I love college football as much as anybody. Still, it’s easy to overemphasize its importance. Last week’s events at Fort Hood are what really matter. Our solders in Iraq and Afghanistan are what really matter. The freedoms we enjoy because of them are what really matter. So find a way to thank a vet today. Whether it’s buying one a cup of coffee or, like the North Texas Nebraskans alumni group, raising money to buy tickets for local soldiers to come to the game, make sure you tell the active and former military personnel you meet “thank you.” On Veterans' Day and every day.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 9

First off, I apologize for not getting a review post done last week—we had some family friends with a medical situation, so I just wasn’t around enough to write one. Hope you can forgive me and, fortunately, everything is all better now so I can get back to thinking about football.

Last weekend, I went to visit my parents in Dallas. Didn’t have anything else going on, so I decided to make the trip down to Waco for the Nebraska/Baylor game. The game itself, a 20-10 Cornhusker win, wasn’t much to write home about but it made me think just how much things can change during the course of a football season. Just a few weeks ago, Nebraska’s offense actually looked competent, Baylor phenom QB Robert Griffin was healthy and this looked like it could have been a good game. Since then, Griffin’s knee went kaput and Nebraska’s offense never met a turnover it didn’t like.

The Nebraska offense’s team bus arrives at the stadium.

The same is true on the national scene—at the start of the season, it looked like we could have an epic championship race with Florida, Texas and Oklahoma all returning their star QBs. But injuries and sloppy play have taken their toll. Honestly, is there anyone this year that you would consider a truly great team? Sure, those three plus Alabama, TCU, Boise State, Oregon are all playing some good football. But will whoever wins ever be mentioned in the same breath as great teams of the past? Not likely. Anyway, on to my review of other bad football from the past couple of weeks.

Fading Reds

Speaking of the Cornhuskers, this Saturday’s Oklahoma/Nebraska game marks just the second time since 1969 when neither team was ranked in the top 15. While I understand that money rules college football and that’s why the Big 12 exists, I’m still saddened by the fading of this once-great rivalry. Growing up, Oklahoma/Nebraska was a Thanksgiving tradition between two great powerhouses. Now, it’s just another game. Sigh.

The Game of the Century. Gone but not forgotten.

Throw the Flag. Or Not.

You know things are bad when fans and the media spend more time complaining about SEC officiating than preaching the gospel according to Tebow. Is it just me or has officiating across the country been terrible this year? Not just on judgment calls like pass interference or personal fouls, but on truly bad calls that were either made incorrectly (balls not crossing the goal line) or not called (outrageous personal fouls that go unflagged). And then they review every other play. And they STILL don’t get calls right. There’s been a lot of focus on SEC refs and officials taking 14 points away from Indiana based on dubious (to put it mildly) calls vs. Iowa, but the bad officiating has been equal opportunity this year.

Think you could do better?

Justice is Served

Let’s see: Dez Bryant tells a lie and is banned from football for a year. Brandon Spikes tries to gouge someone’s eyes out and he has to sit out one half one game. Against Vanderbilt. Am I missing something here?

Could be worse. He could have been punished by having to play FOR Vanderbilt.

Pick Your Poison

Worst Division in Football: ACC Atlantic vs. Big 12 North. Discuss.

Hail to the . . . um, Whatever

Rich Rodriguez’s trip off the hot seat was short-lived. It’s amazing what losses to your in-state rival and a previously 1-6 team will do to erase memories over your 4-0 start.

Give Coach Rod credit: it’s not easy making Ron Zook look good.

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RUSTY VS. REV: Red River Shootout Edition

The Rev's take...

To this point in the season, Texas has quietly – but impressively – built an undefeated 5-0 record and no. 3 national ranking. After an overly impressive one-loss season in 2008 (where Texas was left out of the national championship game only because of a quirk in Big XII conference tiebreaker rules), the 2009 Longhorns have picked up right where they left off last year.

Critics are quick to point out that Texas hasn’t played anyone yet – as Rusty points out, the Longhorns best win so far came against an underachieving Texas Tech team. But before you turn your nose up too far, take a look at the numbers: Texas has a top ten offense, rolling up 480 yards and 47.2 points per game. The defense? Just as good: Texas is yielding just 233 yards and 15 points per game.

Now, all of that will be put to the test in the Longhorns’ biggest game of the year against their hated rivals, the Oklahoma Sooners. Even though the Sooners already have two losses, they came by a combined two points. And that was with their 2008 Heisman winning quarterback, Sam Bradford, on the shelf with a shoulder injury. Bradford returned last week against Baylor and hung 389 yards on the Bears – and most observers say that was a bad game for him! You can easily make the argument that this team would be undefeated had Bradford not gotten injured, and you know that he’ll be ready to go for this rivalry game.

Fortunately for Texas, they’ve got a superhero of their own in QB Colt McCoy. Perhaps no other person to have ever played QB for Texas has been so aptly named for the position. The gunslinger is the heart and soul of the Longhorns, and he absolutely plays his best on the big stage. Remember, it was McCoy who outplayed Bradford in this contest last year, leading his Texas team to a win over the Sooners. McCoy has put up gaudy numbers again this year, and he will challenge OU with both his passing and scrambling ability.

Oklahoma is an extremely good team, and even with two losses, they are still in position to win the Big XII South with a win against Texas. Texas, on the other hand, has unfinished business from 2008, and they need a win to stay in the national title hunt. This is always one of the best college football games of the year, and tomorrow’s matchup should not disappoint.

Texas is a 2.5 point favorite, and I think that’s a fair line. Watch for the Longhorns to squeak by the Sooners, 33-30.

Rusty's Take...




The Red River Shootout, one of the best and most storied rivalries in all of college football. In recent years, it's been a Big 12 Championship play-in game. You have to go all the way back to 1998 to find a team other than Texas or Oklahoma that made it to the Big 12 Championship game from the South. Unfortunately for the Longhorns, it's been this play-in game that's kept Texas out of the Big 12 Championship game for a number of years in the early 2000's. In fact, since 2000 the Sooners have posted 6 Red River wins to only 3 Texas victories, and have only gone to the Big 12 title game twice (2001 & 2005).

This year coming into the weekend's big noon kick-off, Texas may find itself with another large hurdle to leap and I'm not talking about Sam Bradford. Texas's top 2 RB's, Junior Vondrell McGee and freshmen Tre Newton have combined for over half of Texas's rushing attack this season, but will be watching the action from the bench with injuries this coming weekend. Their replacements, co-starters Cody Johnson and Foswhitt Whitaker have combined for only 123 yards on 29 carries, so far. The good news is that they have combined for 7 of the Longhorns 14 rushing TD's, but they've gotta get close to the goal line before they can score.

On the other side of the ball, the Sooners injury report looks a whole lost more promising. 2008 Heisman winner Sam Bradford came back last week in a warm-up game against Baylor. He looked a little rusty, but was still able to pass for almost 400 yards in a win. I imagine with a big game against his new buddy Colt McCoy this coming weekend, Bradford will be back in full force. In last year's losing effort, Bradford tallied 387 yards and 5 TD's, but it was a poor rushing attack that really sealed the deal. This year's attack looks a bit stronger, averaging almost 200 yards on the ground per week.

Make no mistake about it. OU's got a tough contest against Texas. Texas sports a top 10 offense, and top 5 defense. But unlike Oklahoma, who has played 2 ranked opponents, Texas only real competition so far has been Texas Tech, who hasn't exactly matched its previous year's success.

Now, before you start calling ole Rusty a hypocrite for picking against the Sooners just a few short weeks ago, realize the vastly different situation. Against, Miami, the Sooners were without Bradford, halfway across the country in hostile territory against an unknown team. This week, in Dallas, they face an opponent they are all too familiar with and Bradford's 100%. I anticipate a hard fought contest, but a clear OU win. Rusty's going with the Sooners, 31-24.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week Five

A little late with my post this week, but I’m sure you’ve come to expect nothing less from your intrepid Cynic. Week 5 is in the books and things are starting to get interesting. Some questions have been answered (yes, Oklahoma’s offensive line is that bad; yes, Stanford is legit in the Pac-10), while some remain mysteries (Are there any REALLY good teams this year? Does Bobby Bowden start getting retirement or severance pay after this season? Holy cow, Gene Chizik can actually coach?). Here are a few thoughts on the Week Five.

The Juice is Loose. On the Sideline.

There’s already been a lot written about Illinois horrific 1-3 start, so I won’t rehash that here. But in light of Ron Zook’s decision to bench Juice Williams, I have to wonder if this isn’t like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Admittedly, Williams has not performed like the Williams of old and I understand the need to look for the future. But is taking the one guy on your team that anyone would remotely consider a potentially dangerous playmaker off the field really going to help?

The EA Sports NCAA Football jinx strikes again.

Apparently Ready for Prime Time

With the suspension of star receiver Dez Bryant, I’m guessing Deion Sanders isn’t the most popular guy in Stillwater, Oklahoma this week.

On the plus side, Dez now has lots of time to work on lesson two—keeping your bling its shiniest.

Does Kyle Boller Have Any Eligibility Left?

Every couple of years, we hear how one of Jeff Tedford’s protégés is ready to take the NFL by storm. And while the early results on Aaron Rodgers are favorable, I think the Trent Dilfer, Akili Smith, David Carr, Joey Harrington and Kyle Boller experiments were (being generous here) somewhat less than successful. Likewise, every year we hear that this is the year Cal makes the move, challenges for a Pac-10 title and becomes a player on the national scene. And, like clockwork, the Bears did their usual fall-flat-on-their-face routine, being outscored 72-6 in the last two weeks by USC and Oregon. They have Jahvid Best and they manage two field goals in two weeks? Seriously, how much does it take for Tedford to start getting the “o-ver-rat-ed clap, clap, clapclapclap” chant?

Action shot of Cal’s Pac-10 chances.

Up Next on the Main Stage . . .

Have to credit CNNSI’s Stewart Mandel with this one, but it was worth revisiting—has there ever been a bigger one-week turnaround than what UTEP experienced last week? In seven days, the Miners went from getting waxed 63-7 by #2 Texas to turning around and beating #12 Houston 58-41. The last time we saw a turnaround that abrupt, UTEP coach Mike Price had just been hired as the head man at Alabama and then headed to the strip club.

No cover on Mike Price Night.

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Rusty Vs. Rev: Miami Vs. OU

Each week, HHR's Southern Gents, Rusty and Rev. Shaw Moore, will steal a page from NASCAR.com and go Head2Head and argue the winners of one of the week's upcoming marquee games.

Rev Takes the Sooners


I respect what Miami is doing and I’m glad they’re climbing their way back to respectability. You’ve got to give them credit for playing such a daunting early opening schedule – 4 ranked teams in their first 4 games is ridiculous! However, don’t count me as one of the kool-aid drinkers that thinks this team is a serious national power or title contender just yet.

Consider: the ‘Canes were celebrated for knocking off Florida State, but that just doesn’t mean anything anymore. FSU might be the most bipolar team in college football – on one hand, they absolutely blitzed BYU, blasting the Cougars 54-28; on the other hand, the ‘Noles barely survived (at home) against FCS team Jacksonville State, and then they end up losing (again, at home) to South Florida. In those two games, Florida State scored a total of 26 points. That’s another way of saying they’re terrible.

The other marquee win on Miami’s schedule came against Georgia Tech. Again, I don’t know how much that means. Georgia Tech shocked the ACC with their option-attack last year, catching many teams by surprise – Miami included. Against Miami this year, the GT scheme looked to be figured out - Miami’s athleticism and speed advantage neutralized the Yellow Jackets’ offense from the start. Tech’s got a nice team, but their offense is completely one-dimensional - after getting down early, there wasn’t a chance the Jackets were coming back.

All you really need to know about Miami is found in their losing performance against Virginia Tech last week. You could say that Miami was the superior team talent wise in their first two games; against the Hokies, they clearly were not. Predictably, Virginia Tech mopped the floor with the ‘Canes, 31-7. Miami couldn’t move the ball on offense and definitely couldn’t stop anything on defense.

And that was against a team inferior to Oklahoma. Simply put, the Sooners are a match-up nightmare for Miami. They’re big, just as fast, strong, score in bunches, and play defense like crazy … which is crazy when you think about it, considering they’re a Big XII team...

The obvious elephant in the room for the Sooners is the loss of last year’s Heisman winning QB, Sam Bradford. Bradford was hurt in OU’s opening season game against BYU, which the Sooners lost 14-13. Clearly, that game was a clunker for OU – it was their first game of the year, at a neutral site, and their QB was banged up to boot. So throw it out.

Redshirt freshman Landry Jones has stepped in for Bradford and will start against the ‘Canes. While he obviously showed a lack of polish against BYU, he and his offensive mates have gone absolutely crazy since, ringing up 64 points on Idaho State and 45 points on Tulsa. In the win against Tulsa, Jones passed for a school record 6 TDs – which is crazy, considering past Heisman winning QB Jason White or Bradford himself has never accomplished that feat. Equally impressive, the defense has recorded two straight shutouts, allowing a measly 156.5 ypg and recording 5 takeaways over the two games.

Two years ago in Norman, the Sooners absolutely pasted Miami 51-13. Miami has the luxury of playing in front of the home crowd this year and I expect the game will a bit closer this time around. Unfortunately for the ‘Canes, the result will be the same. Look for the Sooners to win going away, 35-13.





Rusty Says the U is Back

First, let me apologize to fellow HHRer, DC Special Agent Blue Pulaski, a diehard Sooner’s fan, but the whole 2004 Jason “Knee-less Wonder” White Heisman debacle has forever put a sour taste for OU in Rusty’s mouth. C’mon, Philip Rivers, anyone? But I digress. Saturday’s match-up between the #8 ranked Oklahoma Sooners and the resurgent #17 Miami Hurricanes is a great match-up of two powerhouse programs, one on the rise, the other teetering on the precipice of decline. 0-5 in BCS bowls since 2003, sheesh!

Miami’s entry to the ACC was supposed to bring football strength to the nation’s premiere basketball conference. Instead, Miami has struggled mightily with a horrific helmet swinging melee a few years back that left the Hurricanes at the absolute bottom of the barrel of respectability. This year however, Miami is showing some of the play that made them one of the better teams in the first part of this decade, and it all starts with quarterback Jacory Harris.

Harris has been putting up great numbers against solid defenses so far this year. Over 3 games, Harris has a respectable 152.6 quarterback rating. He’s completing almost 60 percent of his passes, and has thrown for at least 150 yards in each game. His worst game was his most recent, a loss at Virginia Tech. Playing against a top 10 pass defense in the pouring rain on the road is a tough challenge, especially in Lane Stadium. This week, the Hurricanes get to come back to sunny south Florida against a secondary that has allowed opposing teams to complete more than 50 percent of its passes, including over 300 yards in a season opening loss to BYU. Facing the Sooner secondary at home, and wanting to get back to form, I expect a big game from Harris.

On the opposite sideline will NOT be Heisman winner Sam Bradford. After practicing all week, Coach Stoopes decided to go with freshman signal caller Landry Jones. Bradford’s recovering from a shoulder injury suffered in the season opening loss against BYU. Now, Landry had a whale of a game last week throwing for six touchdowns, but that was against Tulsa. Don't expect him to be able to do the same against Miami on the road.

Miami is also rounding the final turn in one of the toughest schedules to start the season. Oklahoma is Miami’s fourth consecutive ranked opponent, the second straight team in the top 10. The fact that Miami’s offense is averaging almost 380 yards per game against ranked opponents speaks to the Hurricanes offensive prowess. Meanwhile, the Sooners have posted respectable numbers, but against sub-par competition, BYU, Idaho State and Tulsa.

Lastly, let’s also not forget that BYU beat Oklahoma, and then lost to Florida State a team that lost to Miami. So, just looking at the who-beat-who line, Miami is the clear favorite in this game. With Jacory Harris at the helm, expect Miami to continue its trek up the hill of college football with an upset win over Oklahoma on Saturday. Miami wins 24-17.

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football: Week Two

With most of the I-AA game silliness behind us, we finally start getting into some interesting games next weekend. We have a couple featuring ranked teams (#14 Georgia Tech at #20 Miami; #19 Nebraska at #13 Virginia Tech) and a couple more conference games with some bad blood to settle (Texas Tech at Texas; Tennessee at Florida). So we're starting to get to the fun part--it's like when you're just reaching the top of the hill on your first roller coaster ride. You are still going slow and not much has happened yet, but you can see over the hill and eagerly anticipate the craziness in front of you. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let's deal with some of last week's debacles.

Maybe He Was Too Hard on Intramurals

Let me be the latest to pile on Colorado's Dan Hawkins for the Buffs 0-2 start. Losing your season opener at home to your in-state rival is bad enough. But going on the road and getting beaten down by a MAC team? Well, that won't do wonders for confidence in your coaching ability. Toledo beat CU 54-38 and, frankly, the game wasn't that close. In CU's first two games, they have been outscored 43-6 in the first halves. Throw in a rough upcoming schedule and, congratulations Coach Hawkins, you're the first contestant on Coach's Hot Seat.

After last season, Coach Hawkins promised "ten wins and no excuses." But between now and the end of October, CU plays Wyoming this Saturday (Buffaloes are favored, but remember Wyoming gave Texas a game for a half last week) before games @ West Virginia, @ Texas, vs. Kansas, @ Kansas State and vs. Missouri. Barring a turnaround of near-biblical proportions, Colorado will be doing well to have two wins by Halloween. Throw in season-ending games @ Oklahoma State and vs. Nebraska, and Colorado looks to be closer to ten losses than wins. While there is some speculation that CU might not be able to afford Hawkins' buyout, don't think CU boosters aren't already crunching the numbers.

Hawkins feeling the burn. And that’s just on his backside.

Christians vs. Lions Was the Undercard

Last Saturday night, some friends who are big Oklahoma Sooners fans got the OU vs. Idaho State game on pay-per-view and invited us over to have a cookout and watch the game. While the game certainly wasn’t much of a draw, it was still fun to hang out with them and let our kids play. While I’m certainly no fan of I-A teams playing I-AA teams, even by those weak standards, this one was completely unforgiveable.

First, let’s be honest here—doesn’t matter what state you live in, your best high school football team right now would be a three touchdown favorite over Idaho State. The Bengals (yes, the Idaho State Bengals—I have no idea why) are that bad. Over the last five years, Idaho State has gone 1-11 (with a season-ending overtime upset of Sacramento State as their only win), 3-8, 2-9, 5-6 and 3-8. So we’re not even dealing with a good I-AA team (a la Appalachian State, Richmond, William & Mary, etc.) who can at least compete on a larger stage. We’re dealing with someone who is lousy, even at the I-AA level. So does their athletic department do something to help, like scheduling a couple of D-II opponents? No. Instead, they offer the poor Bengals up as sacrificial lambs to the likes of Arizona State and Oklahoma. So, through two games, Idaho State has a combined 81 total yards, -27 rushing yards, 7 turnovers, 16 punts and 3
points to show for it. In 30 possessions and 120 minutes of play, they have crossed midfield one time.

While I’m not going to defend ASU and OU for scheduling these games, I’m putting the blame for these games squarely on Idaho State athletic director Jeff Tingey. Sure, you rake in lots of bucks for your athletic department. But at what cost? A downtrodden and demoralized team? No prospect for hope? Idaho State players know their talent levels and don’t hold any illusions about being better than they are. All they want is to play the game the love and have a chance to compete. By scheduling games like these, Idaho State has made that impossible.

But on the plus side, at least the athletic department can see the bright side of things: following the ASU loss, the headline on the school website read, “First Team Defense Hangs Tough in 50-3 Loss to Arizona State.”

“It is all lies. The infidels from Oklahoma can never defeat the mighty Bengals of most glorious Idaho State.”

From Big Winner to The Biggest Loser

Kudos to Maryland head coach Ralph Friedgen for dropping 105+ pounds in the last year. Unfortunately, the Terrapins outlook is season is dropping just as fast. After getting waxed 52-13 at California in Week One, the Terps thought this week’s home game against James Madison would be the cupcake that has been lacking from Friedgen’s diet. Unfortunately, this appetizer was tougher than my grandmother’s meatloaf. Maryland got the win, but only after rallying in the fourth quarter to force overtime and JMU missed an OT field goal. While I don’t know that it’s time for Maryland fans to hit the panic button just yet, another loss in the next couple of weeks and look for UM boosters to start sending truckloads of fried crabcakes to Friedgen’s door in an effort to bring the old coach back.

Terps Fans Will Take Whichever One Gets Them to the Best Bowl

And for my ray of freaking sunshine this week,

Welcome to the Party

Congratulations to Steve Sarkisian on getting not just his first career win as a head coach (42-23 over Idaho), but Washington’s first win since November 17, 2007. Much to the dismay of Seattle police. The Huskies’ 15-game losing streak was tied for the longest in Pac-10 history. We’ll check back Washington State week when the Huskies are going for two.

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Blake Griffin is Just a Simple Caveman...

Your NBA draft frightens and confuses him. Because he's a caveman -- that's the way he thinks.

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The Cynic: So You Think Your Job is Tough?

In a post at the end of last season, I noted that Oklahoma fans had lost the right to gripe about the BCS after:

• 2003: OU made the title game despite being blown out in their conference championship game
  
• 2004: OU got the nod over an unbeaten Auburn for the right to be demolished by USC
  
• 2008: Due to Big 12 rules that use BCS rankings as a tiebreaker, OU went to the title game instead of Texas, who had beaten the Sooners on a neutral field

Without getting into a debate over whether or not Oklahoma was the right choice in each of these years, nobody can claim that the Sooners haven’t been among the biggest beneficiaries of the BCS system. Well, we may now know how this keeps happening: it turns out that former OU quarterback (and congressman) J.C. Watts is a lobbyist for the BCS.

In a time when a Democratic President puts a college football playoff on the same level with the economy and health care, Republican congressmen say the BCS is “communism” and the BCS’ approval ratings are somewhere in between Bernie Madoff and AIG, this may be Watts’ toughest job yet.

Running the wishbone against Texas and Nebraska defense was easy compared to defending the BCS.

As for OU, I’m guessing that they'll do some pretty good lobbying of their own next fall.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Sooners Eliminated

College hoops fans can no longer make fun of Taylor Griffin's "worst comb over in the history of collegiate athletics" on a national stage.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Congresswoman Gradulates Gators BS Championship Game Goal

This lady makes Rickey Henderson seem like a cunning linguist. Or perhaps it IS Rickey practicing for his induction speech in drag.

Go Gator.

Best defense plays that I've seen. Gradulations, Corch Myers.

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Government at Work: Self-Esteem for Women and Sam Bradford

As the country loses 500 million jobs a month, Nancy Pelosi finds time to address the difficult problems that face the nation. Today, the U.S. House is set to vote on these important issues of State and put Representatives on record:

H.Res. 114 - Supports the goals and ideals of "National Girls and Women in Sports Day”

The resolution lists a number of critical findings for the future of the nation including:

• Despite great advancement, high school girls still receive 1,300,000 fewer participation opportunities than do boys, and the money spent on girls' sports is still far less than that spent on boys' sports;
• High school girls who play sports are more likely to get better grades in school and are more likely to graduate than girls who do not play sports;
• Girls and women who play sports have a more positive body image, higher levels of confidence and self-esteem, and experience higher states of psychological well-being than girls and women who do not play sports;
• The celebration of `National Girls and Women in Sports Day' would increase awareness of the importance sports play in the lives of girls and women in the United States

H.Res. 60 - Recognizing and commending University of Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford

• Sam Bradford's mother and father have instilled in him an unparalleled work ethic, outstanding leadership qualities, and a desire to excel;
• Sam Bradford is an active citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma;
• Sam Bradford is a dedicated student at the University of Oklahoma, majoring in Finance and maintaining a 3.95 grade point average;
• On October 18, 2008, Sam Bradford passed for 468 yards against the University of Kansas, setting a University of Oklahoma record for most passing yards in a single game;
• In 2008 Sam Bradford guided Oklahoma to a 12-1 record and played an essential role in Oklahoma's victory over the University of Missouri in the 2008 Big 12 Championship game on December 6, 2008; and,
• In December 13, 2008, Sam Bradford became the 5th Oklahoma football player to win the Heisman Trophy, college football's most coveted and prestigious award.

Think how good Jordan would have been if he could have paralleled Bradford’s work ethic.

Thank you Nancy for getting these important national goals accomplished.

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The Cynic: Paris Streaks

(There, that title should drive up our Google rankings.)

Long, long ago Saturday Night Live used to be funny without the help of Sarah Palin. One of my memories of the late, great Phil Hartman was the “Super Colon Blow” skit below.

It’s all about one-upping the competition. And nowhere is that truer than in the world of sports. Well, now we have the Super Colon Blow of sports records. One so ridiculous that it will never be approached, let alone broken, in this lifetime or the next.

U. of Oklahoma women’s basketball star Courtney Paris’ streak of consecutive double-doubles ended Monday night at 112 games during OU’s win over Pat Summitt and the Tennessee Lady Vols. That number is impressive enough by itself, but it becomes absolutely mindboggling when you consider this: the second-longest streak in history is 19 games by Old Dominion star Anne Donovan in 1982-83.

To put Paris’ streak into some historical context, examine some other “unbreakable” records. Below is a chart with some of the most impressive sports records of all time, along with what I’ll call “the Colon Blow factor” (CBF). You know, “you’d have to break a record by this much to have the same status as Courtney Paris.”



While I imagine that the majority of our readers (myself included) don’t consider themselves true aficionados of women’s hoops, you gotta admit that is one hell of a record.

This is Courtney’s world. The rest of us just live in it.

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