The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 12

We’re nearing the end, my friends. The end of the season. The end of many fans’ dreams. The end of many coaches’ jobs. And the end of many turkeys’ lives.

If you need any proof that football is the greatest sport in the world, I would submit this week as Exhibit A. Drama. Great rivalries. Great games. Football on Thanksgiving Day. Meanwhile, as I write this, I'm suffering through Dick Vitale announcing another Duke basketball game. I rest my case.

On with the football.

Mea Culpa

I have to start off this week with an apology. In my post last week, I commented on the lousy officiating in the Big 12, but disagreed with those Nebraska fans who said that the conference was somehow out to get the Huskers for leaving for the Big Ten. I now owe all of you conspiracy theorists an apology.

You were right. I was wrong. And the fix is in.


After watching the Nebraska/Texas A&M game, I really can’t come to any other conclusion. The officiating was so ridiculously one-sided that you’d have to be wearing some pretty thick maroon-tinted Aggie glasses not to notice.

Consider if you will:

• Nebraska was flagged 16 times for 145 yards (both school records), including six personal foul or unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.
• Texas A&M, which was one of the most heavily penalized teams in the country coming into the game, had just 2 penalties for 10 yards.
• The Aggies, despite starting two freshmen at the tackle spots and facing one of the more aggressive defenses in the country, were never called for holding.
• Late in the game, 3rd-and-6 at the A&M 12 yard line, the Aggies were flagged for pass interference, which would have kept the Huskers’ potential game-winning drive alive. Except the refs picked up the flag.
• On A&M’s subsequent drive, the Huskers got an atrocious late-hit penalty (on 3rd-and-11 from the 49; see video #1 below) that moved the Aggies into position for the game-winning field goal.
• ABC, which is stuck in a big-money contract with a conference with no championship game and really only one national marquee game and just lost a bidding war to Fox for the Big Ten championship game, mysteriously never showed replays of two different personal fouls called on Husker DE Eric Martin.

Certainly none of these things individually point to a conspiracy. Picking up the pass interference flag was probably the right call. Although he was obviously provoked (video #2 below; showing A&M’s Tony Jerod-Eddie auditioning for a “junk-grabbing” job with the TSA), the flag on TE Ben Cotton for retaliating wasn’t improper. And Bo Pelini’s maniacal raving at the officials probably didn’t help the team get any borderline calls. But in my mind, here is the smoking gun: The same officiating crew did Nebraska’s games against Texas, Iowa State and Texas A&M. In those games, the Huskers were flagged 32 times for 293 yards. Their opponents were called for just 9 penalties for 103 yards (a difference of almost 8 flags and over 63 yards per game). Compare this to the Huskers’ 4 other Big 12 games this year in which the penalty discrepancy was less than 1 flag and 8 yards per game.

Those kind of numbers cannot be a coincidence.

So Husker conspiracy theorists, consider me a believer. And, assuming you can get by Colorado this week (wonder which officiating crew is doing the game?), I hope you enjoy your last Big 12 consolation prize in the Insight or Alamo Bowl. Because there is not a chance in hell that Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe and his minions will let you get a sniff of the conference championship trophy.

“OK, the Boss wants us to make sure that Nebraska doesn’t win the conference championship. But it’s gotta look like an accident. So who thinks we can do it?”

Welcome to the Party

It only took 12 weeks, but congrats to the Big East on finally getting enough bowl-eligible teams to fill your six spots (well, if you count Notre Dame’s deal to take one of your spots when they don’t make the BCS). First team to 8 wins gets the Fiesta Bowl and its $17 million payout. Who says mediocrity doesn’t pay?

Does this come in Pitt colors?

Weaksauce (As I'm Told the Kids are Calling it These Days) Scheduling #1

I find it very amusing that the loudest voices calling for a playoff to “prove it on the field” are also the loudest ones railing against Boise State’s schedule and that they shouldn’t be given a chance to “prove it on the field.”

A tasty pre-Thanksgiving snack.

Whodathunkit?

Imagine if, 5 years ago, I would have told you that:

• Joe Paterno would still be working in football and Vince Young wouldn’t.
• Texas would not be bowl eligible, but San Diego State, Texas-El Paso and all three service academies would be.
• Boise State would still be a national power, and Notre Dame would still be irrelevant.

Weaksauce Scheduling #2

Speaking of scheduling, what’s up with the new trend of scheduling weak nonconference games late in the season? Alabama vs. Georgia State. Texas vs. Florida Atlantic. Florida vs. Appalachian State. These are the kind of games that belong on Labor Day weekend, not the week before Thanksgiving. It’s sad and not just a little pathetic when supposedly big-name programs feel the need to schedule a scrimmage the week before their end-of-season rivalry games.

From all of us here at HHR, a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and your favorite football teams this year.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 10

Welcome to mid-November, when the BCS vs. Playoff whining begins in earnest, coaches’ pink slips fill the air, the fan natives start getting restless and Rich Rodriguez and Bobby Bowden start rehearsing their duet of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Only a few weeks left for those mediocre teams (and there are a ton of them this year) to get bowl eligible or help solidify their positions in a better bowl game.

So with that—and visions of Thanksgiving turkey and football already dancing in our heads—let’s look back at the week that was in bad football.

Anchors Aweigh for Weis

Saturday was a big day for Notre Dame haters. And those who love America. I mean, how can you root against the Naval Academy? Why don’t you just piss on the flag and join Al Qaeda while you’re at it? OK, so maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement, but lost in all the “Charlie Weis extra wide hot seat” talk was the fact that Navy has now won in South Bend twice in a row. Maybe Navy can provide a destroyer to help Charlie sail off into the sunset.

Thanks to all our brave servicemen and women who keep us safe from terrorism. And Notre Dame BCS bowl games.

Fire the Waterboy!

When did Bob Stoops go from “can’t win the big ones” to “can’t win the medium-sized ones?” To be sure, the Sooners had a lot going against them this week, including a freakish number of injuries to key offensive players. And I don’t want to take anything away from Nebraska's defense—I freely admit my huge mancrush on Ndamukong Suh. But you’re telling me the Sooners offense, which is still loaded with blue chip recruits and which spent most of the night in Nebraska territory, could only manage three points, three missed field goals and five interceptions? Especially rough considering they were competing against a Husker offense that was 1-for-14 on 3rd down conversions and had more punts (11) than points (10) or first downs (7). Sooners fans are notoriously prone to hyperbole when it comes to proclaiming every loss “the worst coaching job ever.” And, even with OU’s bizarre injury situation, those voices are only getting louder in
Norman.

When OU goes to the Sun Bowl, will U.S. Customs search the Sooner Schooner on the way back from Juarez?

And the Meek Shall Inherit the Earth

Colorado coming from behind to beat Texas A&M? Baylor (yes, that Baylor) putting a beatdown on Missouri—in Columbia? Kansas State leading their division. I officially give up trying to figure out the Big 12.

Don’t try to explain it. You’ll only hurt yourself.

Voting Boise Off the Island

Note to Boise State: if you’re trying to make your case for a BCS at-large spot, struggling against 3-6 Lousiana Tech (Boise only led by 2 with 8 minutes left) is not the way to do it. For all you “a win’s a win” and “undefeated is undefeated” folks out there, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but style points matter. The BCS isn’t about fairness—it’s about money and TV ratings. Period. It’s no different from any other TV show in that regard. Boise may be freakin’ Masterpiece Theater for all most people know. But the BCS is afraid of anything “artsy”, so they’re going to go with the safe picks—American Idol, reality shows featuring B-list celebrities . . . and a 2-loss Penn State.

Hey Simon, should Fox show a Boise bowl game instead of an American Idol re-run?

I love college football as much as anybody. Still, it’s easy to overemphasize its importance. Last week’s events at Fort Hood are what really matter. Our solders in Iraq and Afghanistan are what really matter. The freedoms we enjoy because of them are what really matter. So find a way to thank a vet today. Whether it’s buying one a cup of coffee or, like the North Texas Nebraskans alumni group, raising money to buy tickets for local soldiers to come to the game, make sure you tell the active and former military personnel you meet “thank you.” On Veterans' Day and every day.

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week Four

Another relatively slow week in college football world, as the fat get fatter on a steady diet of creampuffs. Aside from Tebow’s concussion, there really wasn’t much newsworthy about last week. About all we learned is that either Virginia Tech is pretty good or that Miami was overhyped. And that Cal is, once again, not ready for primetime. But now, with October upon us, things start to get interesting. So, with one eye on the upcoming weeks, here’s my quick review of Week 4 in college football.

Mmmm. Chick-Fil-A Bowl.

Jevan Snead, Humanitarian

If you tuned in ESPN last Thursday, you got to see Ole Miss’ Jevan Snead really stinking it up. 7-21, 107 yards, 1 TD. A whole bunch of really ugly-looking passes. But it’s not all bad news for the Rebels. In the postgame interview Jevan Snead said he was “relieved” that Ole Miss was no longer a top-five team and could get back to “just playing football.” I bet his teammates and coaches are sure glad that Jevan finally decide to unveil his elaborate plan to let them play football. I mean I’m sure that potential SEC and *gasp* national title talk was just oh-so-strenuous and was really taking all the fun out of playing. Yep, I’m sure they’ll all be so glad to be free of that top-5 ranking and the headaches that come with going to the BCS. Boy, that Jevan Snead sure is a giver. Way to take one for the team.

This Week in Clock Management Failure

Notre Dame down 21-17 to Purdue. Second and goal with less than a minute left. No time outs. The Irish call for a run, which gets stuffed at the 2. 36 seconds left, the clock running and a disorganized Notre Dame team trying to line up and spike the ball, setting up a fourth down for the game. If you’re a Purdue player, you’re probably thinking, “OK, they have one more play. Let’s stuff them here and then take half the co-eds on campus back home with us to celebrate.” But if you’re Purdue head coach Danny Hope, apparently you’re thinking . . . well, I’m not sure what you would be thinking, because he decided to bail Notre Dame out by calling timeout, letting the Irish set up two plays instead of one. And sure enough, on the second play, which never would have occurred without the timeout, Irish quarterback Jimmy Clausen hit TE Kyle Rudolph for the game-winning touchdown.

Political strategist James Carville used to say, “If your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an anvil.” Apparently, Coach Hope wasn’t a political science major.

Don’t know about his politics, but he’d make a hell of an offensive coordinator.

Quack is the New Black?

In this modern age, it seems that no one—not even The Cynic—is immune from making snap judgments that may or may not have any basis in reality. After their week one loss on the blue turf, I declared Chip Kelly’s first game the worst. coaching. debut. ever. But after watching the Ducks POUND THE LIVING BEJEEZUS out of Cal, it appears I may have been a little bit hasty. The Ducks are playing like I expected the Ducks to be playing, and the future looks bright. In their last three games, the Ducks have put up an average of 37 points a game. Now, they get to play three unranked teams (Washington, UCLA and Washington State) before a Halloween matchup with USC that may well decide the Pac-10 title.

I can certainly admit when I’m wrong—I just don’t know which time. Was I wrong when I was ready to write Oregon off after the Boise State debacle? Or was I wrong in the preseason when I picked them to win the Pac-10? Ask me in another month or so.

Win or lose, we still love the Ducks.

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Lou Holtz's Next Trick

Tired of debating nonsense with Mark May only on Saturdays in the fall, Lou Holtz wants to take his arguing skills to the next level by going toe-to-toe with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi day in and day out. It seems the Notre Dame relic is exploring a run for Congress in Florida.

The coach is interested in leading another turnaround. This time for team-GOP after two dismal election seasons. We will wait to see if this motivational leader has another trick up his sleeve to pull off an election win over an incumbent and deliver a 218-217 victory.

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JoPa Being JoPa

"Who? Huh? Where am I?"

I'll be damned, but I can't find video of this anywhere.

Penn State's Simon Birch, Joe Paterno, was on hand last night to see Penn State's Men's hoops team advance to the NIT finals.

During an interview, JoPa spouted about the good old days - when basketball was a Jew sport: "Everyone says it's a black mans game. When I played it was a Jewish mans game." Bill Raftery: "Yeah a city game right?"

Give us a shout if anyone finds the vid/audio.

Update. I was able to pilfer some audio off of the ESPN360 broadcast. "They were great." Luckily, our much more tech savy friend at Awful Announcing was able to grab some vid.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Laimbeer Talks Pistons, Irish, Shock and NCAA Tourney with HHR

With the NCAA Tournament fast approaching former Detroit Piston and current Detroit Shock Head Coach Bill Laimbeer is helping promote the Big Dance along with Coke Zero and their "Taste the Madness" promotion.

Bill spent a few minutes with HHR's Cadillac Mescallade to talk hoops from his days at Notre Dame to the Bad Boys back in Detroit.

Cadillac Mescallade: So first can you tell us a little bit about what's going on with Coke Zero and the "Taste the Madness" website?

Bill Laimbeer: Coke Zero is a large sponsor of the NCAA tournament, and I am helping them make an awareness of a program going on where fans are shooting video of their favorite team, or an individual who is a wild and crazy fan for their own team, and they can upload all those videos at www.tastethemadness.com.

They are gonna pick some winners and they are gonna show them during the final game on CBS-TV. It’s a nice 15 minutes of fame so to speak. And also for the winner, Papa Johns is gonna be throwing a big pizza party for them. Some interesting videos are already up there.

CM: The Big East tourney is underway and you're a Notre Dame guy. What do you make of the Irish this season? It's been a bit of a down year for a very talented team.

BL: It has. You could argue they underachieved, or that the expectations were too high. They will have to do very well in the tournament. If they get to the semi-finals of the [Big East] tournament, they'll be looked at. If they get to the finals [of the Big East Tournament], it will be a good chance to get in [to the NCAA Tournament]. I feel bad for them, they play in the Big East and it’s the toughest conference there is.

CM: What are some of the memories you have from your days playing for Notre Dame?

BL: Well, we were the only team to get to the Final Four for Notre Dame. Just great teammates, and in my junior year 9 players on my team that made the NBA...which you don’t see too often anymore. Also, at that time there was no cable television. NBC had exclusive television rights for one game a week and Notre Dame happened to be on 2 out of 4 weeks, so we got lots of exposure. Also, just the college atmosphere. It went by so fast. I won at every level, and that is the one thing missing, a college title. It just went by so fast, I wish I could do it over again.

CM: Who do you like in this year's tournament?

BL: I'm gonna take the same position as last year: the power teams and power conferences are battle tested teams. The best teams have gone through the ringer every night and have played a tourney game every evening. I think that is going to help them all. I think UNC, UCONN and Pitt as a number one seeds, and Memphis...I am looking for them to do a lot of damage.

CM: How about Detroit this year, they have been up and down but playing well as of late with Hamilton back in the lineup. Do they have the right mix to go deep again in the playoffs?

BL: Hamilton deserves to be a starter. He makes everyone better, not just from scoring, but the defense he draws to help guard him. While a lot of people written off the Pistons, they are still a dangerous basketball team. They have weapons and experience. If they can integrate Allen Iverson, it will give them more fire power, but with the limited time left in the season, it’s been frustrating for the players and the fans.


CM: How much pride do guys like yourself that used to play for the team still have?

BL: For someone like myself or Isiah, Dumars, Vinnie Johnson, you have a bond with the organization and they are part of you ever. You want to see them be successful, and see them continue the tradition that you have set up for the team in winning. And, for the most part, over the years the pistons have (continued that tradition).

CM: You're so well known for the Pistons and the Bad Boys and physical play. Nowadays physical play isn't as tolerated. Have the fouls really changed that much from your day or have just the rules evolved to enforce them?

BL: A little of both, it’s a physical game. There are big guys and the court is shrinking everyday because guys get bigger. Some of the flagrant fouls they call and you’re like ‘what?’ It takes a little away from the game. They want more high flying and wild dunks for television, but at same time it is still a competition. You’re gonna have your moment when physicality happens, and you'll have your moments with pushing and shoving.


CM: You see this changing anytime soon?

BL: The legislation and the rules dictate that it’s not as acceptable as in the past so I don’t see it changing anytime soon.

CM: You often took on the role of an enforcer, is that something more teams could use today?

BL: My job was to be a good role player for some of the stars we had, rebound the basketball, play defense, and I also was the enforcement, the "sergeant at arms," if you will. If you’re messing with our guards, my job was to make sure you didn’t mess with our guards. At that time you didn’t get free layups. You’d have to earn it, and if you don’t want to get knocked down, you shoot jump shots.

CM: Did you ever imagine you would coach women's professional basketball and then win a title no less? What has that experience been like?

BL: Everybody said I’d be a coach when I was done playing, but I didn’t expect to be a women’s professional coach...because there was no league at that time. However, they play hard, they listen well, they want to succeed, they play physical, they play good team basketball, they do a good job. You can demand of them to be exacting, and they’ll get out there and give it their best shot.


CM: You hit quite a few jumpers during the All-Star Weekend shooting stars competition, how often do you still get out there and play?

BL: My range has diminished over the years but for 10-15 footers, the ball is still the same size, its not that hard.

CM: You mentioned some of your former teammates. How often do you stay in touch with guys like Isiah, who has had a rough couple of years, Joe Dumars and others?

I talked to Isiah a couple of times in the last couple of weeks. Rick Mahorn works for me as an assistant coach. Joe Dumars is at the Palace of Auburn Hills. People always ask me if I see Dennis Rodman. I don’t see Dennis Rodman. He’s out west somewhere.

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Thanks to Bill Laimbeer for taking some time out as I know he has been running a gauntlet of promotional interviews as of late.

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Wait a Minute...Kids Still Crank Dat?

From our friends at NJ.com, high school teammates - Notre Dame recruit Theo Riddick and Cal recruit Mark Brazinski - get their Soulja Boy on.

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The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 13

A Florida State football player wins a prestigious award—for academics. Notre Dame loses at home on Senior Day to an 8-loss Syracuse with a lame-duck coach. Guns n’ Roses releases a new album. All things that, ten years ago, we never thought we would see. Yet they all happened this weekend, showing that when you expect the unexpected, bad things sometimes happen. (Except the GNR album—much to my surprise, it’s actually pretty freakin’ good.)

1. Win One for Ty. Or Not.

Thanks to the brilliant foresight of FSN, the entire country was able to see last week’s Washington/Washington State game. Fortunately for them, there are enough people across the country who like watching train wrecks to make the game palatable. The Sporting News put it best, when they called the game “essential viewing of the most desperate sort, like watching two homeless men fight over the last can of Sterno in an alley. You'll hate yourself for watching it, you really will ... but you won't be able to look away, either.” Really, as bad as these teams are, was there really any way for it to be decided but a missed field goal in the second OT?

Secretly obtained photo of Washington special teams practice.

Washington still has one chance to save its season with a 12/7 game at California. Anyone want to take that bet?

2. Remember That Time When Notre Dame Was Relevant?

Early in the fourth quarter, Notre Dame led Syracuse by a score of 23-10. And then the epic choke began. Syracuse came back to win 24-23. So which is the worst part of this week’s loss for Notre Dame?

(A) The Domers had more penalty yards (50) than rushing yards (41)
(B) They had their first loss ever to a team with eight losses.
(C) The ND players were pelted with snowballs from their own “fans” (and I use that term very loosely)
(D) The Irish likely played themselves out of an invite to the Gator Bowl in sunny Orlando and into a trip to the Sun Bowl in El Paso.
(E) All of the above.

The Sun Bowl is nice, but it’s no Olive Garden Never-Ending Pasta Bowl

3. No Cupcakes on This Thanksgiving Table

Florida vs. The Citadel?!?!? What the hell?!?!?! This is the time of the year for turkey, dressing and enough desserts to make your coronary arteries beg for mercy. September is the month for cupcakes. Get it right, Gators.

Well, I guess there is one way to have both.

4. That’s Alright, That’s OK, You’ll Be Working for Him Someday

In a follow-up to a story we wrote about last week, Florida State safety Myron Rolle was one of 32 American students to be awarded a Rhodes Scholarship last Saturday. He received the word at 5:22 pm EST, had a police escort to the airport and were airborne at 6:15. Rolle made it to College Park, MD and, courtesy of another police escort, was at the stadium and suited up late in the second quarter. Florida State then rolled to a 37-3 victory.

Congrats to Mr. Rolle. It’s very rare that I get to use the phrases “bigtime college football player” and “police escort” in the same story and have it actually be something positive.


Rolle had an even better day than this guy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Rev Picks 'Em: Week 12

Too bad Texas Tech and Oklahoma aren't playing this weekend, because there is NOTHING of consequence being contested this weekend. Sure, we could all keep an eye out for the huge upset: Alabama plays Mississippi State on Saturday, and the Bulldogs have beaten the Tide two straight; also South Carolina plays at Florida, and you know coach Spurrier will pull out all the stops to try and beat the Gators. Otherwise, I'm going to be left doing my best to put a good face on what looks to be a very ugly slate of games.

Looking first at the Big Ten: Since Penn State lost last week, count me among those who are thrilled to (finally) write the conference off this year. Let's all send Iowa a big "thank you" for exposing Penn State before an SEC or Big XII team could do so in the national championship game.

That said, the Big Ten intramural season continues on this weekend, so I'll throw out a couple lines just in case you're craving a taste.

NORTHWESTERN (+3 1/2) vs Michigan
MINNESOTA (+ 13 1/2) vs Wisconsin
#10 Ohio State vs. ILLINOIS (+9 1/2)

In case you’re looking for winless teams playing at home this weekend, you’re in luck because we’ve got two on the slate this week. It’s doesn’t say much that both Washington and Syracuse are getting bunches of points at home and I couldn’t come close to considering them.

UCLA (-7) at Washington
UCONN (-10) vs. Syracuse

Now on to some not so terrible games (but I still can’t convince you that I’ll be watching this weekend):

NOTRE DAME (-4) vs. Navy: After last year’s upset of Notre Dame in South Bend, the Midshipmen are looking to make it two straight against the Irish. Charlie Weis will be back on the headset calling plays for the Irish this weekend, and I don’t understand why he ever stopped in the first place – he’s a better coordinator than he is a head coach to begin with. This game is on the road and the Irish are terrible away from South Bend, so the Middies definitely have a chance. I don’t see the Irish completely folding up, but I guess anything’s possible.

California vs. # 23 OREGON STATE: After Oregon State shocked USC early this season, the Trojans got slammed for losing to a supposedly god-awful team and were punished by dropping 9,000,000 spots in the polls. That loss doesn’t look so bad now, with OSU sitting at 6-3 and ranked in the top 25. Let’s remember that when USC gets snubbed out of the national championship game.

#17 NORTH CAROLINA (-3) vs. Maryland: Forget about going to Tennessee – UNC coach Butch Davis has got a very good thing going in just year two of his coaching tenure at North Carolina. UNC needs a win to keep pace with Miami atop the ACC Coastal division, and I think they get the win on the road against the Terps this weekend.

BOSTON COLLEGE (+6 1/2) vs. Florida State: Can you call a team “plucky” and not make it sound like an insult? I like BC, even if they are down a bit vs. the standard they set last year. Outside of a bad loss at North Carolina, BC has been close in the other two games they lost – 19-16 to Georgia Tech, and 27-21 to Clemson. I don’t think they’ll beat the ‘Noles in Tallahassee, but the 6 ½ points they’re getting on the road is enticing enough for me to pick them this week.

Vanderbilt vs. KENTUCKY (-3 1/2): Both Vandy and UK got off to fast starts this season, but predictably both stumbled a bit once SEC conference play began. Kentucky is bowl eligible for the third year in a row at 6-4, and a win here would go a long way to preventing a return trip to the Music City Bowl in Nashville. Vandy is close behind at 5-4 and looking for that elusive sixth win – since 1984, however, a five-win Vandy team has played the Cats four times and come up empty each time out. UK looked impressive in last week’s last second 42-38 loss to Georgia, and I’m looking for some of that same offensive success to carry over here.

Last Week: 6-4

The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 11

My apologies for the lateness of this week’s entry. Much like Phil Fulmer and Ron Prince, I’m a short-timer in my current job. (Unlike them, I’m pulling a Nick Saban and heading for greener pastures of my own accord.) But as a result, I’m suddenly being inundated with requests for “work” and “information,” which has greatly cut into my writing time. As such, this will be an abbreviated version of The Guide this week. But, like most coaches on a short leash, I promise that next week will be better.

1. Rocky Bottom

I wrote about Phil Fulmer losing his job last week and, while I hate to pick on a guy while he’s down, I wouldn’t be doing my job of writing about bad football if I didn’t at least note the Volunteers’ 13-7 loss to Wyoming last weekend. As one local newspaper columnist put it, “UT Stands for Utter Travesty.” Others said it was the worst UT loss in more than 30 years, if not longer. Let me put this as gently as I can. They lost at home. On Homecoming. To Wyoming. You know, dead last in scoring offense and 112th in total offense Wyoming? You know, held to seven points or less five times this season Wyoming? As much fun as we all made of Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State last year, this one is way worse. Appalachian State, while a small I-AA team, was at least a good team. I can’t say remotely the same about Wyoming. Or Tennessee.

Make the hurting stop.

Photo courtesy : Loserswithsocks

2. Sometimes They Just Make It Too Easy

In honor of Movember, the Oregon State football team has stopped shaving this month.

Insert your own beaver shaving joke here.

OSU’s new middle linebacker

3. When Sportswriters Attack

Mainstream sportswriters have lots of critical comments (some deserved) about sports bloggers. But the most common is that, as opposed to traditional news outlets, bloggers “aren’t accountable, their information doesn’t have to be factual, they can just put it out there and criticize and never have to be questioned about it.” Well, if that’s the case, the Kansas City Star’s Jason Whitlock would make one hell of a blogger.

As the Wiz of Odds first noted, earlier this week, Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis announced that he would be taking over playcalling duties from offensive coordinator Mike Haywood. Whitlock went ballistic, calling Weis “a bully and a coward” and accusing the rotund coach of “throw[ing] his offensive coordinator under the bus.”

Just one small problem with Whitlock’s theory: Haywood won’t be calling the plays because he’s not with the team this week following a death in the family.

Look, I’m not by any means a Charlie Weis or Notre Dame fan. Personally, I think they’re perfect for each other—smug, egomaniacal, overpaid and an overinflated sense of worth. But then I could say the same about certain sportswriters.

Whitlock at work on another hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism.

4. Rooting for the Good Guys

In honor of Veteran’s Day this week, I thought I should mention that the service academies are quietly putting together some pretty good teams. Navy, even without Paul Johnson at the helm, are 6-3 and have a realistic shot at a nine-win season (remaining games vs. Notre Dame, @ Northern Illinois and vs. Army). Air Force is flying high (pun intended) at 8-2 and, in a normal year in which Utah, TCU and BYU were not all top-20 teams, would be competing for the MWC title. And Army, well, they’re 3-7. But they’re still more man than you or I. So to all of our cadets, service men and women and veterans, a big thank you for all that you do.

No matter who gets the Commander in Chief’s Trophy, the U.S. of A. is the big winner.

Rev Picks 'Em: Week Seven

10 points: Minnesota (5-1) at ILLINOIS (3-2): Illinois hung 45 on Michigan last week in the Big House, and I’m betting the offensive keeps rolling against Minnesota. Illinois is an 11 point favorite heading in – I like them by two touchdowns, so I’m rolling with Ron Zook and Co. this week.

9 points: SOUTH CAROLINA (4-2) at Kentucky (4-1): The Ol’ Ballcoach is making his first appearance on this years pick ‘em list, and it couldn’t come at a worse time for Kentucky. The stakes are high in this game – the loser will most likely find themselves at the bottom of the SEC East standings come Monday. Steve Spurrier has absolutely owned UK dating back to his days with Florida, and South Carolina owns an 8-game winning streak vs. the Wildcats. UK played very well at Alabama last week … but I don’t know how much you can take away from that game, because ‘Bama looked flat after dominating the first quarter. South Carolina has the 2nd ranked defense in college football and they will pose a serious challenge to the Wildcats, who’ve experienced more than their share of offensive troubles thus far in the season.

8 points: #14 VANDERBILT (5-0) at Mississippi State (1-4): Five games into the season, and Vanderbilt is thisclose to being bowl eligible. Gene Frinkle himself would have to be banging the cowbell Saturday night in Starkville for Mississippi State to spring the upset.


7 points: #19 MICHIGAN STATE (5-1) at #22 Northwestern (5-0): Another feel good story for this football season, Northwestern, like their nerd brethren Vandy to the South, is 5-0. Northwestern will look to slow the game down and grind out a win, but I’m not convinced their run defense can completely shut down Spartans running back Javon Ringer, the second leading rusher in the NCAA. Northwestern is getting 3 points in this game, and I think they’re going to need them. Spartans in a close one.

6 points: Notre Dame (4-1) at NORTH CAROLINA (4-1): The Irish have looked great at home so far, but the smackdown they suffered at the hands of Michigan State is still ringing in my brain as this game approaches. I’m coming around to the Irish, but I’m just not convinced they can put together a complete game on the road. Plus, North Carolina is playing some pretty decent football right now. The Tar Heels are a 7 point favorite, and should cover here.

5 points: ARIZONA (4-1) at Stanford (3-3): Doesn’t it seem odd that ‘Zona runs the “Tony Franklin System”, yet Tony Franklin got canned at Auburn because he couldn’t do the same?

4 points: #17 Oklahoma State (5-0) at #2 MIZZOU (5-0): Though the Tigers have been on a roll as of late, the days of the Colorado fifth down dives into the end zone and miraculous Nebraska touchdowns and screw with the confidence of Mizzou fans everywhere. So a pessimist’s viewpoint might scream out, “TRAP GAME!!”, but the facts say it’s highly unlikely that Okie St. can keep up with the Tigers over four quarters. The Cowboys had T. Boone Pickens buy them a nice easy 5-0 start with the likes of Wash St., Houston, SW Missouri St, Troy, and the leftovers of Texas A&M. For the Cowboys, this will be the first big test against a Tigers team that simply looks too tough to stop. The Tigers pull away from the Cowboys late in the first half and never look back.

3 points: #6 PENN STATE (6-0) at #24 Wisconsin (3-2): Two weeks ago, I said Wisconsin had the easy path to the Big Ten title. Then they lost two straight. Let’s make it three in a row.


2 points: #3 LSU (4-0) at #12 FLORIDA (4-1): Since the BCS was created, this is the first time that the last two national champions (Florida ’06, LSU ’07) will meet in a regular season game. Remember last year’s game, how LSU and coach Les Miles repeatedly went for it on 4th down against the Gators? The Tigers escaped that one last year by the very narrowest of margins. This year’s game will be nearly identical, although I expect the roles to be reversed. The Gators were off last week following their shocking loss to Ole Miss, and I just can’t see them losing back-to-back conference games at home.

1 point: #5 TEXAS (5-0) vs. #1 Oklahoma (5-0): Forget about all the points that Texas has scored – the reason I like them here is their defense. Since swiping defensive coordinator Will Muschamp from Auburn at the end of last year, the Longhorns D has made a complete 180°. It’s been said that the only team that can beat Oklahoma is themselves, and I suppose that’s partly correct, but I really think you can’t look past the impact the Texas defense should have in disrupting the Sooner offensive machine. Bevo gets 6.5 points here and I’m calling the game for Texas outright.

SEASON RECORD: 42-20

The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 6

You know it’s a strange year in college football when College Gameday is broadcasting from Vanderbilt. Fortunately, we’ve (finally!) got some good games coming up, with Oklahoma/Texas, LSU/Florida and Oklahoma State/Missouri leading the way. Still, there’s a lot of bad football being played, and here is your weekly commentary on some of it.

1. Bart Simpson for Yell Leader

Is there a team in America who has underachieved more than Texas A&M? I don’t mean just this year, I mean ever. Sure, this year is no bed of roses (2-3 record, a loss to Arkansas State, a near loss to Army and giving up three defensive and special teams TDs last week). But what has TAMU done historically? A&M hasn’t won a national title since 1939. They’ve had just two major award winners (John David Crow, 1957 Heisman, and Dat Nguyen, 1998 Lombardi and Bednarik). They have not won a bowl game since the creation of the Big 12 (their last bowl win was a 22-20 victory over Michigan in the 1995 Alamo Bowl). Since the days of Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings, the Aggies have won just eight conference championships since 1967, including three for Jackie Sherrill (1985-87) and four for R.C. Slocum (1991-93, 1998).

On paper, TAMU should be one of the nation’s dominant programs. Huge alumni and donor base. Massive recruiting hotbed. Respectable facilities. Rabid fan support. But while Aggie fans like to think of Texas and A&M as entries 1 and 1a in the state football hierarchy, nothing could be further from the truth. Even in good years. TAMU has slipped well behind Texas Tech as the second-best team in the state. And this year, I think that most would agree TCU has moved into the #3 spot with A&M battling the likes of Rice, Houston and Baylor for, at best, fourth place. Their only consolation is that North Texas is absolutely terrible and is occupying the cellar.

While we now know that there is no basement in the Alamo, if there was, the North Texas Mean Green would be there.

I’m not saying this to bash TAMU. I actually like the Aggies, in spite of some of their weird cultish, Kool-Aid drinking traditions. I say this because I think the 12th Man deserves better. While I can’t claim to know the recipe for the magic potion that would make A&M a national power, I do know that all the ingredients should be there.

2. Anyone Want Some Cheese?

Is it just me, or was there an inordinate of whining going on after games this week? Chase Daniel’s anonymous phantom spit allegations (put up or shut up, big boy). Rival Pac-10 coaches complaining about Pete Carroll violating NCAA rules about attending high school games (USC bend the rules? I’m shocked! Shocked, I say!) Jim Harbaugh complaining about the officiating in Stanford’s loss to Notre Dame (Although the game was at ND, it was a Pac-10 crew. And Lord knows they never make mistakes.) I guess, just like the Christmas shopping season, whining and excuses come earlier and earlier every year.


3. My Name is Earl, Football Style.

In some cases, however, criticizing the officials might be justified. (Credit for this find goes to The Wiz of Odds.) Fresno State was down 17 points to Hawaii, but was able to come back thanks in no small part to the help of 10 penalties for 82 yards on the Warriors, compared to zero penalties on the Bulldogs. But the clincher came in the first overtime, when Fresno State lined up for a field goal. You be the judge.



Look, we all know that kickers and punters taking a dive is nothing new. But getting a flag for something this bogus in such a key situation shouldn’t happen. Fortunately, the ball wide right.


4. When Television Contracts Go Horribly, Horribly Wrong

I may be getting a little ahead of myself here, but I found this very interesting and disturbing. Apparently, Fox Sports Net is contractually obligated to carry the November 22 Apple Cup game between Washington and Washington State. While there’s a lot of football to be played between now and then, there is a very good chance that game could pit a 1-9 team against an 0-10 team. That’s some gooooood watchin’.


5. Defensive Coordinators Need Not Apply.

If you’re like me and enjoy a good hard-hitting defensive slugfest, then for the love of God, avoid Columbia, Missouri this weekend. Missouri and Oklahoma State rank #2 and #3 respectively in the nation in scoring offense, averaging 106 points per game between them. OSU is second in the nation in rushing offense; Mizzou is third in passing offense. MU’s Chase Daniel is the Heisman frontrunner and OSU’s Zac Robinson, while overshadowed by Daniel and Sam Bradford, has been as good of a QB as there is in the nation. While both teams’ defenses are not as bad as they are sometimes perceived, let’s be honest—their only job this weekend is to act as a speed bump. I have no idea what the Vegas line on this game is, but take the over.

6. What’s in the Water in Oklahoma?

And while we’re on the subject of Oklahoma State, does someone out there smarter than me have the answer to this question: prior to this year, has any state ever had three D-1A teams be undefeated this late in the season? As of right now, #1 Oklahoma, #17 Oklahoma State and inexplicably unrated Tulsa are all sitting at 5-0. While Oklahoma may not be so great at such things as household income, education or health care, the Sooner State has got this football thing down cold.

Mason Magicians

So maybe the Patriots magic ran out last night against the Fighting Irish. GMU deserves to advance in the tourney on the strength of Coach Jim Larranaga's insanity alone.

So Wrong

Courtesy of our friend Illuminati at The Third I, a light switch only Dana Jacobson (and the chief) could appreciate.

Misleading Headline: Team Chef Finally Recognized for Contributions to Team

Courtesy of Assassin Avenue:

UCLA Sees Game Plan for Success in Chow
--headline, Los Angeles Times, Jan. 22

Meanwhile, Charlie Weis sees Mother Theresa in his Cinnabuns and Jesus in his pirogi.

Today We Salute You, Delusional Notre Dame Fans

The Reverend may not want to be a Notre Dame hater, but others at HHR don't mind.



-posted by C.R. Dunbar

Navy cancels classes to celebrate win

Navy cancels classes to celebrate win over ND

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) -- The Naval Academy canceled classes Monday, giving the 4,400 midshipmen another day to celebrate the football team's first victory over Notre Dame in 44 tries.

I am a Notre Dame fan. I am not sure it can get much worse.

Unless they lose to 1-8 Duke. Then Touchdown Jesus might even transfer.

USC should have taken the week off

After getting walloped 38-0 at home by USC, Notre Dame’s year from hell got just a little worse.

This little zinger from Chris Dufresne of the LA Times:

“In the USA Today coaches’ poll, Arizona State moon-hopped from No. 12 to No. 7. The Sun Devils jumped over USC, which cheapened itself with a crushing 38-0 win over Notre Dame. It’s come to this: Playing nobody is better than beating Notre Dame. USC’s win earned it only one coaches’ poll cookie, the Trojans moving from No. 9 to No. 8. Play air and move up five positions: Kill Notre Dame and get killed for it.”

Cheer, cheer for Ole' Notre Dame

Congratulations to the Notre Dame Fighting Irish on their first win of the 2007 season, a 20-6 triumph over the UCLA Bruins.

With the win, it was announced the Irish have automatically secured a berth in 2008 Bowl Championship Series. They will head to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans to square off against a yet unnamed opponent.

-posted by Rev' Shaw Moore

Things I learned after Week 2 of the NFL, MLB, college football and a weekend loaded with sports

On Friday I watched ESPN Classic and a Michigan and ND nail biter from 1999. Couple of quick points:
• Notable future NFL players: Michigan- Tom Brady, Drew Hensen, Anthony Thomas, David Terrell. ND- mmmm Touchdown Jesus is about it. I have to check the '99 roster online to find out if Notre Dame had any future NFL players- aside from a few linemen there was Arnaz Battle and David Givens.
• Brent Musberger and Dan Fouts have the call and they can't say enough about the future potential of Thomas and Hensen. Brady is kind of an after thought in the game. Funny how life turns out.
• How do you come up with a nickname for a guy named Jack Arute? Say it out loud. It’s like a built-in nickname. JACK ARUTE!!!!!
• They keep calling Thomas “A-Train” which got me thinking; has any college player with a nickname made a successful transition to the NFL and become a star?

Watched the UConn and Temple game to get me ready for a weekend of football. Temple might have the worst uniforms ever. I might fall into some odd territory here but clothes do make a person feel 100% better about themselves. And a winning attitude is sometimes the difference between success and failure. If I had to walk onto a field every week in these things, I'd give up by the coin toss.



Could the athletic department throw down a little scratch on a decent helmet decal? It looks like equipment manager stole the word Temple from a local synagogue bulletin board and stuck them on the helmets.

I watched a pee-wee football game on Saturday afternoon. It’s great for a ton of laughs. High snaps, quarterbacks sacks because their offensive line is tying their shoes or chasing bees, the coach looks frustrated on the sideline but has a slight smirk because he gets paid no matter how terrible his team plays. The kids are trying so hard but can’t make any positive yardage. Oh wait…it was a Notre Dame game.

I went to a local bar to watch USC vs. Nebraska. I am usually not the “go out and watch a game” guy. I like being home; having the remote, free food, and a clean bathroom. But I’ve been stuck in the house for two days with a head cold and its finally subsided.

Twelve minutes into the second quarter and I remember why I am not a “go out guy.” It was karaoke night. Which is fine. But they shut down the one big screen to show videos and words to the songs. The game was benched to the smaller screens stationed nowhere near where I was sitting. So I found my attention drawn to the screen with videos. I’ve never seen the Hot, Hot, Hot video. So sue me.

I am just as much a fantasy expert as the guy that ESPN pays.

The keys to being a successful NFL player (according to every announcer to ever call a game)
1) Be the first person at the stadium
2) Be the last person to leave
3) Always be in the weight room

So, have a good alarm clock, nothing to do after practice and hang around the gym. Screw talent

Things that sound dirty but aren’t: (both compliments of John Madden.)
“I haven’t gone to my tight end in awhile. Let me give him a bone.”
“Tom Brady likes his tight end down in this spot.”

I can feel that Red Sox Nation hates JD Drew. It’s palpable. If they weren’t five and half up with less than a month to play he would be hanging from Pesky Pole right about now.

Those Miller Lite “Commish” commercials will be very unfunny.

According to Ed Hoculi, it’s not holding, it’s “overpowering.”

Anytime a player is down on the field for longer then a minute, I think the worst.

(Somewhere inside the NBC production truck last night.) “Camera 4 get me a shot of some on-field camera equipment. Queue up the song Secret Agent Man. Camera 2 give me a shot of Belicheck. Go to commercial.” Who says NBC doesn’t know comedy??

Peter King’s teeth are 83% margarine.

-posted by Fat Willard