The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 11

My apologies for the lateness of this week’s entry. Much like Phil Fulmer and Ron Prince, I’m a short-timer in my current job. (Unlike them, I’m pulling a Nick Saban and heading for greener pastures of my own accord.) But as a result, I’m suddenly being inundated with requests for “work” and “information,” which has greatly cut into my writing time. As such, this will be an abbreviated version of The Guide this week. But, like most coaches on a short leash, I promise that next week will be better.

1. Rocky Bottom

I wrote about Phil Fulmer losing his job last week and, while I hate to pick on a guy while he’s down, I wouldn’t be doing my job of writing about bad football if I didn’t at least note the Volunteers’ 13-7 loss to Wyoming last weekend. As one local newspaper columnist put it, “UT Stands for Utter Travesty.” Others said it was the worst UT loss in more than 30 years, if not longer. Let me put this as gently as I can. They lost at home. On Homecoming. To Wyoming. You know, dead last in scoring offense and 112th in total offense Wyoming? You know, held to seven points or less five times this season Wyoming? As much fun as we all made of Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State last year, this one is way worse. Appalachian State, while a small I-AA team, was at least a good team. I can’t say remotely the same about Wyoming. Or Tennessee.

Make the hurting stop.

Photo courtesy : Loserswithsocks

2. Sometimes They Just Make It Too Easy

In honor of Movember, the Oregon State football team has stopped shaving this month.

Insert your own beaver shaving joke here.

OSU’s new middle linebacker

3. When Sportswriters Attack

Mainstream sportswriters have lots of critical comments (some deserved) about sports bloggers. But the most common is that, as opposed to traditional news outlets, bloggers “aren’t accountable, their information doesn’t have to be factual, they can just put it out there and criticize and never have to be questioned about it.” Well, if that’s the case, the Kansas City Star’s Jason Whitlock would make one hell of a blogger.

As the Wiz of Odds first noted, earlier this week, Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis announced that he would be taking over playcalling duties from offensive coordinator Mike Haywood. Whitlock went ballistic, calling Weis “a bully and a coward” and accusing the rotund coach of “throw[ing] his offensive coordinator under the bus.”

Just one small problem with Whitlock’s theory: Haywood won’t be calling the plays because he’s not with the team this week following a death in the family.

Look, I’m not by any means a Charlie Weis or Notre Dame fan. Personally, I think they’re perfect for each other—smug, egomaniacal, overpaid and an overinflated sense of worth. But then I could say the same about certain sportswriters.

Whitlock at work on another hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism.

4. Rooting for the Good Guys

In honor of Veteran’s Day this week, I thought I should mention that the service academies are quietly putting together some pretty good teams. Navy, even without Paul Johnson at the helm, are 6-3 and have a realistic shot at a nine-win season (remaining games vs. Notre Dame, @ Northern Illinois and vs. Army). Air Force is flying high (pun intended) at 8-2 and, in a normal year in which Utah, TCU and BYU were not all top-20 teams, would be competing for the MWC title. And Army, well, they’re 3-7. But they’re still more man than you or I. So to all of our cadets, service men and women and veterans, a big thank you for all that you do.

No matter who gets the Commander in Chief’s Trophy, the U.S. of A. is the big winner.

The Cynic's Guide to Election Day

(Note: if you haven’t voted yet, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you some kind of commie? Put the mouse down, go vote, then come back and read this. . . . OK, glad to have you back.)

While most athletes steer clear of the rough-and-tumble world of politics, sports figures stepping into the political realm is certainly not unheard of. Jim Ryun, Bill Bradley, Jack Kemp, Tom Osborne, J.C. Watts, Steve Largent, Jim Bunning and Heath Shuler, among others, have all served time in Congress. Lynn Swann ran for governor of Pennsylvania, and Charles Barkley has repeatedly said he’d consider running for governor of Alabama. So with that in mind, I decided it might be interesting to match up some notable college head coaches with their political counterparts.

Philip Fulmer/George W Bush

Once, both Fulmer and W were the most popular people among their respective constituencies (UT national title; GWB post-9/11). But through a series of poor decisions, bad personnel moves, weak battle planning and bad PR, both are now hovering around the 20% approval rating. And both will be out of a job in January.

Nick Saban/Karl Rove

Win at all costs. Doesn’t matter whose throat you have to cut or whose mother you have to trample on to get there. I was going to use Dick Cheney here, but Cheney has a heart problem, while Saban and Rove simply have no hearts.

Pete Carroll/Barack Obama

Cool, calm and collected even when given a setback. Each certainly knows how to appeal to the Hollywood crowd. They are revered by their respective organizations and reviled by their rivals. And while it’s possible that McCain may pull a 2007 Stanford, I’d still take Obama and give the points.

Les Miles/Joe Biden

Both have solid resumes and, on paper, are certainly qualified for their positions. But you also never quite know what kind of crazy comment will come out of their mouths.

Bill Stewart/John McCain

As a lifelong Republican, I can say that the GOP has a bad habit of giving their nominations not necessarily to someone who has a chance in hell to win, but to someone because it’s “their turn” (i.e. Bob Dole in 1996). The same apparently holds true at West Virginia. In the case of the Mountaineers head coach and John McCain, both are oldsters who got their positions not because they were necessarily the best candidate, but because they had “paid their dues.”

Rich Rodriguez/Sarah Palin

Was “the glamour pick” when the hire was first announced. Really fired up the base and made undecideds take notice. But as time has gone on, the luster has worn off and serious question marks have arisen. Despite providing an early boost in the polls, the two have now become anchors around their respective teams’ necks and are dragging them down.

Mack Brown/Hillary Clinton

Despite both having success on their own (Mack’s national title and winning three of the last four over OU; Hillary winning the NY Senate seat), both are still defined through the sizeable shadows of their partner/nemesis.

Joe Paterno/Ted Kennedy

Both are decidedly old school. Both are the subject of frequent jokes. Yet just when you think it’s time to count both of them out, they show up with a major legislative victory or an undefeated season.

Mike Leach/Ron Paul

Both from Texas. Both a little not right in the head. Both with some really crazy ideas that are just out there enough to attract a small but loyal following and make some waves on the national consciousness without ever being adopted by the powers-that-be.

Mark Mangino, Ralph Friedgen and Charlie Weis/The Federal Debt

'Nuff said.

The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 9

It's kind of appropriate that tomorrow is Halloween, because we're entering the Dead Zone. You know--that time of year when the World Series is over (for all six people outside the Philly metro area who actually cared) and the unmitigated evil of the NBA is upon us, but see-who-can-find-the-remote-and-hit-the-mute-button-before-Dick-Vitale-can-talk season (also known as college hoops) hasn't gotten here yet.

Scary, ain't it?

It's hard to believe that we're in the homestretch of the college football season. Everyone is nearly two-thirds of the way through the season and things are getting weirder by the week. With that, I give you your weekly dose of the Dark Side of college football. Happy Halloween everyone. And don’t forget to vote!

1. To Burn or Not to Burn

On paper at the start of the season, last Thursday’s West Virginia/Auburn game looked like it could have serious national title implications. After all, the two teams were the preseason #8 and #10 teams in the country. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Last Thursday’s game between these two was really just about saving face. West Virginia was able to do so, rolling off 31 unanswered points, en route to a 34-17 win that bumped their record to 5-2. They’re still very much in the mix for a BCS bid in the weakened Big East. But how bad are things for Auburn? So bad that West Virginia fans were wondering if beating the Tigers was even worth burning a couch over.

Warning: Contents are flammable.

2. Whodathunkit

Which is more improbable: that, nine weeks into the season, an 81-year old Joe Paterno has a legit shot at his first undefeated season since a then-22 year old Kerry Collins led the Nittany Lions to a 12-0 mark in 1994? Or that a now-36 year old Collins is an NFL starting quarterback and is leading the only undefeated team in the country?

The odds were this long!

3. The Joke’s On Kentucky

A week ago I wrote about Kentucky offensive coordinator Joker Phillips and wondered how he got his nickname. Well after seeing some of the Wildcats’ offensive performance in their 63-5 loss at Florida last weekend, now I think I know. To be fair, Kentucky was battling a ton of injuries. But three offensive points?

The Joker enjoying his trip to Florida. The same can't be said for the rest of the Wildcat faithful.

4. Can Drug Use Be Justified?

Fifteen North Texas football players reportedly tested positive for some kind of drug use. But let’s be honest—if you played for UNT, you were 0-8, had given up less than 40 points only once this season and had been outscored 400-135, you’d probably need something to take the edge off as well.

UNT's backup long snapper.

5. OK, who had October 27 in the Pool?

Look, we all knew the end was coming for Tyrone Willingham. But getting fired after losing to the team you were at previously? Talk about adding insult to injury.

6. You Can’t Buy Votes . . . But I’ve Got Two on the Fifty.

With the election just around the corner, I had to throw in one story with a political bent—earlier this week, former Ohio state representative John Widowfield pled guilty to two counts of using campaign money to buy Ohio State football tickets—and then scalp them. He had reportedly made nearly $14,000 in profits between 2003 and 2006, but resigned from the Legislature in May when their Ethics Committee began investigating.

Free market entrepreneur? Evil bloodsucking parasite? Or your next governor?

7. Iowa State is the New Baylor

The reports of the Big 12 North’s resurgence have been greatly exaggerated. After last year’s great runs by Kansas and Missouri, lots of people were saying that the Big 12 North had finally turned a corner and would be on an equal footing with the South. Missouri had national title and Heisman hopes. Kansas had no reason to believe they couldn’t be back in the BCS. This was supposed to be the year that Dan and Cody Hawkins moved Colorado up to the next level. And Bo Pelini was going to get Nebraska turned around. Well, those dreams may have to wait a while. Missouri’s title hopes are down the drain, followed closely by the Chase Daniel for Heisman campaign. KU already has three times as many losses as it did all of last season. If anything, the Buffaloes have actually taken a step backwards. Nebraska, while showing signs of life, is also showing that rebuilding projects don’t happen overnight. The “Fire Ron Prince” bandwagon is picking up steam at Kansas State. And Iowa State fans, modest as their expectations are, have still been disappointed by the Gene Chizik era. To date, the North is just 2-10 against the South this season (Nebraska over Baylor and Kansas State over Texas A&M).

That said, I wouldn’t encourage Oklahoma and Texas fans to get too comfortable. A decade ago, Nebraska, Kansas State and Colorado ruled the Big 12 and fans of those teams thought that’s the way it would always be. But then strange things happened. People like Tom Osborne and Bill Snyder retired. People like Bob Stoops, Mack Brown, Gary Barnett and Steve Pederson were hired. And just like that, the pendulum swung south. But believe me, it can—and sooner or later will—swing back north just as quickly.

The Big 12 (and Thanksgiving--not Halloweeen--weekend) the way God intended it.

However, in 2008 . . .

8. Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter the Big 12 South

While I’m not sure if this says more about these teams or the overall mediocre state of college football right now, has there ever been any division more dominant than the Big 12 South right now? You could make a pretty solid argument that the four teams playing the best football in the country right now all reside in the same division. After successive victories over OU, Missouri and Oklahoma State, there’s no doubt that Texas is legit. Oklahoma State certainly acquitted itself well enough on Saturday to show it belongs in the mix. Oklahoma hung 55 points in the first half this weekend (although only three in the second, and their defense is an issue). And Texas Tech, the team with the most question marks coming in, hung 63 on the road against a good Kansas team. No disrespect intended to Penn State or Alabama but, if my job depended on winning just one game, I’m not so sure I wouldn’t choose to play one of them instead of taking on anyone from the Big 12’s Murderer’s Row.

The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 8

We're getting close to the scariest time of the year. Around this corner are friendly folks looking to hand you sweets and goodies, just for asking. Around the other, blood-sucking ghouls looking to steal your soul. But then you find out they're the same person! Every one of them hiding their true identities behind a mask, each more frightening and hideous than the last. Yep, it's election time.

(Oh, and Halloween's coming up soon too.)

Boo.

1. I’m The Cynic, and I Approved This Message

This time of year, we always hear a lot of talk about Washington, DC politicians flip-flopping. Well, apparently Potomac Fever has spread outside the Beltway and is infecting neighboring states. Have there been any more split-personality teams this year than Virginia and Maryland? For Virginia, the season started with a blowout loss to USC (no real shame in that) and then a 16-0 shutout over Richmond, putting the Cavs at 1-1, right where most people thought they’d be. But then things got weird—UVA was humiliated 45-10 by UConn and 31-3 by Duke (yes, that Duke). The Cavaliers were 1-3, with their three losses coming by a combined score of 128-20, and the scribes were already writing Al Groh’s obituary. But a funny thing happened on the way to oblivion—UVA started playing football. They destroyed Maryland 31-0, beat East Carolina and, most recently, upset #18 North Carolina in overtime. Suddenly, UVA is sitting pretty at 4-3. Admittedly, their schedule doesn’t do them any favors down the stretch. But as odd as their play has been this year, I don’t want to even try to predict which ones will be wins and losses.

If it’s possible, Maryland has been even more unpredictable this year. The team that struggled to beat Delaware (14-7), lost to Middle Tennessee State and got shut out by Virginia is also the same team that beat #23 California and #20 Clemson and shut out #21 Wake Forest.

With all this flop-flopping going on, I halfway expect to see Al Groh or Ralph Friedgen on the election ballot.

And you thought Dick Cheney was a heart attack risk.

2. Maybe Brett Favre is Tipping Off UW Opponents?

A month ago, Wisconsin fans were celebrating their 3-0 start, talking about how bad they would beat up on the Buckeyes and planning their Rose Bowl trips. But four straight losses—including ones to 2-5 Michigan and a struggling Iowa—now have the Badgers stretching for any bowl. Fortunately, they close out the season on 11/22 with a home game against Cal Poly (now there’s a novel idea—schedule your creampuff game at the end of the season). But they still will need to eke out two wins against Illinois, Michigan State, Indiana or Minnesota. They may get to six wins this year, but that is certainly not what Barry Alvarez or Badger fans had in mind this season.

Save the badgers.

3. What in the Name of Marshall Faulk is Going on Here?

When San Diego State head coach Chuck Long was asked if he felt his job was in jeopardy, he responded, “Our program is not healthy yet, but we do see light at the end of the tunnel with the issues we're dealing with inside (the program).” Coach, a light at the end of the tunnel is not always a good thing. It can be an oncoming train. Or in the case of a “not healthy” program like SDSU, it may well be a near-death experience. When you’re 1-6 this season, 8-23 in your career, your team ranks 100th or worse in 11 different statistical categories and just led your team to their third-worst loss in school history, your coaching tenure is definitely on life support, and it’s only a matter of time until the AD pulls the plug.

Go into the Light, Coach Long. There is peace and serenity in the Light.

4. Some People Call Me The Space Cowboy . . .

I don't really know how to incorporate this into a story, but I thought it was interesting. And made me wonder why I don’t have a cooler nickname. Kentucky’s offensive coordinator (and head coach designate) is named Joker Phillips.

Hold that block, or see me after practice.

5. Who Knew “Malternative” Was a Word?

Bad news for (insert name of your rival school here) fans: MillerCoors announced they have discontinued Zima.

At least the Natty Light supply is safe.

The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 7

Welcome to the Life on Mars edition of the Cynic's Guide. For those of you not familiar with the premise of the show, the basic storyline is that the lead character is a police officer who is hit by a car and then wakes up in the year 1973. And that's what it seems like, with Texas, Alabama, Penn State and Oklahoma at the tops of the polls. But the future continues to be parity (aka mediocrity), and we're going to see more bad football. Case in point . . .

1. There's Nothing Like a Good Win. And This Was Nothing Like a Good Win.

We've all heard about moral victories, but is there such a thing as a completely meaningless victory? You make the call—which is worse:

A: That Georgia Tech, a BCS conference school, could only win by three at home over a FCS (nee I-AA) team.

B: That it wasn't even a good FCS team (a la Appalachian State vs. Michigan last year).

C: That the team they beat sounds less like a football school than a trial law firm that advertises on late-night TV.

D: That the Yellow Jackets had just 199 yards of total offense and three turnovers.

E: That they needed a last-minute tipped field goal to do it.

F: That the win is completely meaningless.

G: All of the above.

On Saturday, Georgia Tech eked out a 10-7 over Gardner-Webb, a Christian university in Boiling Springs, NC with a student population of 4,000 and which, until Saturday, 99% of the population had never heard of and 99.99% didn't know they had a football team. Best of all, this win counts for absolutely nothing. NCAA rules only allow you to count one win versus a FCS (nee I-AA) team, and GT's season-opening win against Jacksonville State fits that bill. So, although Georgia Tech is now 5-1, they are still two wins away from bowl eligibility. And with their upcoming schedule, the Yellow Jackets may struggle to get them.

GT was down to their third string QB who, at 6-4 and 234 pounds isn't exactly the poster child for coach Paul Johnson's triple option offense. I bet Army (who was supposed to be the Yellow Jackets' opponent this week, but bought out of the contract, forcing the Yellow Jackets to find a I-AA replacement) is wishing they'd shown up after all.

2. Speaking of Ugly Wins . . .

You'd think that, in the case of a 28-0 shutout, you could at least call it a good game for one team. But not really in the case of last week's USC/Arizona State game. Sure, the USC defense was dominant, holding the Sun Devils to just 229 total yards. But beyond that, this game was ugly all the way around as the Trojans' offense couldn't stay out of their own way and ASU was just bad period. The two teams combined for nine turnovers and 19 penalties. USC QB Mark Sanchez threw three picks and ASU combined for three more. When starting QB Rudy Carpenter went down with an ankle injury, Sun Devils' backup Danny Sullivan was thrown to the wolves and finished just 4-17 for 28 yards and 2 INTs. I don't know how much style points matter to the BCS computers, but this one certainly won't help USC's cause.

And the award for "Most Disappointing Team Not Named Clemson" goes to . . .

3. All Good Things Must Come to an End.

Michigan lost at home to a 1-4 Toledo. Ouch. I'll leave it to you to debate whether this was a worse loss than last year's loss to Appalachian State (this was Michigan's first ever loss to a MAC team). I think even the most maize-and-blue-blooded fan knew there would be some growing pains this year, but nothing like this. The Wolverines are 2-4 with six games to go. With road games still remaining @ #3 Penn State, @ suddenly tough 6-1 Minnesota and @#12 Ohio State plus a home date with #20 Michigan State, I really don't see four wins that would get them bowl eligible, which would end their nation's longest bowl streak at 33. (The record is Nebraska with 35 straight bowl seasons from 1968-2003.)

On a related note, Toledo now has the chance to win the Michigan state championship—they already hold wins over Michigan and Eastern Michigan and still have games remaining against Central Michigan and Western Michigan.

4. My Name is Earl, Football Style, Version 2.0

Last week we talked a bit about karma, and I think I've finally figured something out: after a preseason top-ten rating and being picked to win the ACC, Clemson's 3-3 record and coach Tommy Bowden's subsequent firing is a direct karmic response to Bowden stripping Ray Ray McElrathbey's scholarship.

You'll have to look in the mirror sooner or later, Tommy.

5. Stay Classy, Tigers.

I found it very interesting that, a week after Chase Daniel accused a rival team of playing dirty, the Missouri defense had two personal fouls and other big hits on star Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant. An obvious spearing foul that wasn't called in the first quarter. A helmet-to-helmet call late in the second quarter (which I grant was kind of a bang-bang play and I don't know that there was any malice there). A late hit in which the ball had gone well over Bryant's head and yet the defender laid into him while Bryant was in mid-air. Another play in which Bryant was blindsided after a Zac Robinson pass was intercepted (not illegal, but certainly not necessary). Twice Bryant had to leave the field after staying down for a while, but came back in. To me as an observer, it certainly looked like the defense was gunning for Bryant, but maybe they should have spread the love a bit. Sure, they held Bryant to just 47 yards, but in so doing they let sophomore receiver Damian Davis get loose for 76 yards and 2 all-important touchdowns.

Missouri's next free safety?

6. I'm Jumping on the Bandwagon

In the interest of full disclosure, someone pour me a tall, cold glass of JoePa Kool-Aid. Three weeks ago, I said I'd be a believer if Penn State could get through their games against Illinois, Purdue and Wisconsin undefeated. While those latter two don't look as impressive now as they did a few weeks ago, Penn State certainly kept up their end of the bargain and has done so in impressive fashion, winning those three games by a total of 106-37. While his numbers likely won't put him in the Heisman discussion, Daryll Clark has been running the offense as effectively as any QB in the nation. So unless/until someone in the Big 10 proves otherwise (not likely), Penn State is the real deal. Now they're just rooting for whoever is playing Texas and Alabama.

Penn State's 3rd String Right Guard

The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 6

You know it’s a strange year in college football when College Gameday is broadcasting from Vanderbilt. Fortunately, we’ve (finally!) got some good games coming up, with Oklahoma/Texas, LSU/Florida and Oklahoma State/Missouri leading the way. Still, there’s a lot of bad football being played, and here is your weekly commentary on some of it.

1. Bart Simpson for Yell Leader

Is there a team in America who has underachieved more than Texas A&M? I don’t mean just this year, I mean ever. Sure, this year is no bed of roses (2-3 record, a loss to Arkansas State, a near loss to Army and giving up three defensive and special teams TDs last week). But what has TAMU done historically? A&M hasn’t won a national title since 1939. They’ve had just two major award winners (John David Crow, 1957 Heisman, and Dat Nguyen, 1998 Lombardi and Bednarik). They have not won a bowl game since the creation of the Big 12 (their last bowl win was a 22-20 victory over Michigan in the 1995 Alamo Bowl). Since the days of Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings, the Aggies have won just eight conference championships since 1967, including three for Jackie Sherrill (1985-87) and four for R.C. Slocum (1991-93, 1998).

On paper, TAMU should be one of the nation’s dominant programs. Huge alumni and donor base. Massive recruiting hotbed. Respectable facilities. Rabid fan support. But while Aggie fans like to think of Texas and A&M as entries 1 and 1a in the state football hierarchy, nothing could be further from the truth. Even in good years. TAMU has slipped well behind Texas Tech as the second-best team in the state. And this year, I think that most would agree TCU has moved into the #3 spot with A&M battling the likes of Rice, Houston and Baylor for, at best, fourth place. Their only consolation is that North Texas is absolutely terrible and is occupying the cellar.

While we now know that there is no basement in the Alamo, if there was, the North Texas Mean Green would be there.

I’m not saying this to bash TAMU. I actually like the Aggies, in spite of some of their weird cultish, Kool-Aid drinking traditions. I say this because I think the 12th Man deserves better. While I can’t claim to know the recipe for the magic potion that would make A&M a national power, I do know that all the ingredients should be there.

2. Anyone Want Some Cheese?

Is it just me, or was there an inordinate of whining going on after games this week? Chase Daniel’s anonymous phantom spit allegations (put up or shut up, big boy). Rival Pac-10 coaches complaining about Pete Carroll violating NCAA rules about attending high school games (USC bend the rules? I’m shocked! Shocked, I say!) Jim Harbaugh complaining about the officiating in Stanford’s loss to Notre Dame (Although the game was at ND, it was a Pac-10 crew. And Lord knows they never make mistakes.) I guess, just like the Christmas shopping season, whining and excuses come earlier and earlier every year.


3. My Name is Earl, Football Style.

In some cases, however, criticizing the officials might be justified. (Credit for this find goes to The Wiz of Odds.) Fresno State was down 17 points to Hawaii, but was able to come back thanks in no small part to the help of 10 penalties for 82 yards on the Warriors, compared to zero penalties on the Bulldogs. But the clincher came in the first overtime, when Fresno State lined up for a field goal. You be the judge.



Look, we all know that kickers and punters taking a dive is nothing new. But getting a flag for something this bogus in such a key situation shouldn’t happen. Fortunately, the ball wide right.


4. When Television Contracts Go Horribly, Horribly Wrong

I may be getting a little ahead of myself here, but I found this very interesting and disturbing. Apparently, Fox Sports Net is contractually obligated to carry the November 22 Apple Cup game between Washington and Washington State. While there’s a lot of football to be played between now and then, there is a very good chance that game could pit a 1-9 team against an 0-10 team. That’s some gooooood watchin’.


5. Defensive Coordinators Need Not Apply.

If you’re like me and enjoy a good hard-hitting defensive slugfest, then for the love of God, avoid Columbia, Missouri this weekend. Missouri and Oklahoma State rank #2 and #3 respectively in the nation in scoring offense, averaging 106 points per game between them. OSU is second in the nation in rushing offense; Mizzou is third in passing offense. MU’s Chase Daniel is the Heisman frontrunner and OSU’s Zac Robinson, while overshadowed by Daniel and Sam Bradford, has been as good of a QB as there is in the nation. While both teams’ defenses are not as bad as they are sometimes perceived, let’s be honest—their only job this weekend is to act as a speed bump. I have no idea what the Vegas line on this game is, but take the over.

6. What’s in the Water in Oklahoma?

And while we’re on the subject of Oklahoma State, does someone out there smarter than me have the answer to this question: prior to this year, has any state ever had three D-1A teams be undefeated this late in the season? As of right now, #1 Oklahoma, #17 Oklahoma State and inexplicably unrated Tulsa are all sitting at 5-0. While Oklahoma may not be so great at such things as household income, education or health care, the Sooner State has got this football thing down cold.

Throw the Flag: The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 5

We’re now roughly a third of the way through the regular season and what have we learned? That after the SEC and Big 12 there is a really big gap to the third best conference. That there’s something to be said for brains (Stanford, Northwestern, Duke and Vanderbilt are a combined 15-3). That no matter how high or low the expectations, Tommy Bowden will continue to not meet them. That Tennessee is in a whole lot of trouble. That if the Mountain West isn’t the third or fourth best conference in the country, they can certainly do a very good imitation of it. And that there’s still a lot to love about this crazy, mixed up sport. Unfortunately, there’s also a downside. And it’s my job to find it. So here are this week’s lowlights.


1. God Bless You, Oregon State.

Early last week, USC coach Pete Carroll raised a few eyebrows when he said that USC’s schedule was “ridiculously difficult.” Whether or not he was talking about Oregon State we’ll never know, but let’s all thank the Beavers anyway for saving us from the scourge of the “what ifers.” Prior to last Thursday’s game against the Beavers, I can’t tell you how many articles I read asking, “What if USC, the Big 12 champion and SEC champion all run the table?” The worst were the conspiracy theorists who were convinced that the BCS, the polls, daylight savings time, ESPN and the Knights Templar were all engaged in some massive conspiracy to keep their team/conference out of the BCS title game. Fortunately, Oregon State saved us from a few weeks of whining. (Although a few more wins under Penn State’s belt and they can reignite the “controversy.”)

It’s a little early for Halloween, but that didn’t stop the orange-and-black of Oregon State.

(For my money, the only ones more annoying than the BCS conspiracy theorists are the playoff gurus. You know, that guy in your office who not only insists that college football needs a playoff but spends every waking moment calling sports radio shows and frequenting message boards to outline his own version of a workable playoff system. Yes, we all know a playoff would be nice. No, you’re not the first person to come up with a system that could work. And no, it’s not gonna happen. Accept it. Move on.)

2. Bad Manners

Note to Georgia: if you’re going to ask your fans to shell out their hard-earned money to buy black clothing for a game, the least you can do is bother to show up on time. I mean, whatever happened to Southern courtesy?

Was Alabama just that good? Or was Georgia just that bad? Yes to both. True, the Tide dominated UGA in pretty much every phase of the game. But the Bulldogs certainly did their share to make this game a lot less interesting. Look at Alabama’s first possession for example: with Alabama driving, Georgia CB Prince Miller was called for pass interference in the end zone, moving the Tide into striking distance. Three plays later, Akeem Dent was flagged for roughing the passer, which negated a fumble recovered by Georgia. Bama scored two plays later and the rout was on. That pretty much summed up the first half—even when Bama didn’t do something right, the Bulldogs would screw something up and turn it into a net gain for the Crimson Tide.

To their credit, the Dawgs did turn things around and play much better in the second half, outscoring Bama 30-10. But playing half the game won’t cut it. Black jerseys may be slimming and fashionable, but there’s no such thing as fashionably late in football.

The black body paint will be easier to remove than these fans’ memories of the game.

3. Iowa: Not the Last Axe to Fall?

There’s a saying that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. And while I would certainly never maintain that to be the situation in a rape case, things are rapidly unraveling at the University of Iowa. Last week, two top university officials were fired for failing to properly respond to rape allegations against two Hawkeye football players. This case has been percolating for some time and, while I don’t claim to be a legal expert or know how this will end, something tells me things are going to get darker yet. Throw in LB Dezman Moses’ public intoxication arrest last week and that brings the total up to 19 Iowa players arrested in the last two years. Before the season, I predicted that this would be Kirk Ferentz’s last season on the Iowa sidelines. It’s possible to keep your job with lots of legal problems and off-field issues (see also Paterno, Joe). It’s possible to keep your job if you’re not achieving fan expectations (see also Fulmer, Philip). But it’s awfully hard to do both (see also Barnett, Gary). After three straight ten-win seasons from 2002-2004, Iowa has gone 7-5, 6-7 and 6-6 in the three years since. And, since starting 3-0, the Hawkeyes have now lost back-to-back games to the likes of Pittsburgh and Northwestern. For a coach who was once considered to be the next can’t-miss coaching superstar, another Big 10 collapse and .500ish season likely won’t cut it.

4. Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory

Staying in the Big 10, did anyone have a worse ten seconds than Indiana on Saturday? Here’s the scenario: Playing at home, the Hoosiers were down to Michigan State most of the day. With two minutes to play in the third quarter, they trail 34-29 and are backed up to their own one yard line. After two plays, they’d moved it to the three when, on third and eight, Indiana QB Ben Chappell hit WR Terrance Turner who, with the Bloomington crowd going nuts, proceeds to jet 97 yards for the go-ahead touchdown. They just missed one little thing—a little piece of yellow cloth sitting in the end zone. Holding. In the end zone. Safety. So instead of getting seven points on the board, the Hoosiers gave two more—and the ball—to the Spartans. Absolutely killer. With that nine-point swing, the air pretty much went out of everyone wearing Hoosier red and Indiana wouldn’t challenge for the lead again.

Fortunately, many Hoosier fans were spared having to see the horror.
(Photo courtesy The Wiz of Odds.)

5. Cheaters Never Win. Yeah, Right.

For some really interesting reading (and surprisingly thorough research by sports blog standards) about the seamy underbelly of college football, check out Barking Carnival’s ten-part (!) series on the history of cheating.


6. Notes from the Road

And on the plus side this week, I had the opportunity to attend Saturday night’s aforementioned Virginia Tech/Nebraska game. Met lots of great Husker and Hokie fans at The Watering Hole, Misty’s and Sidetracks the night before the game. And, if you’re a sports fan at all, be sure to add Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium to your “list of college football shrines I must see before I die.” While both teams have struggled at times this season, I got to see a glimpse of the future, and I have to say that things are looking up for both programs.

Tyrod Taylor did a lot of things well. He was able to keep plays alive with his legs and made some nice throws on key third down plays. Most importantly, he did a good job of managing the game and not trying to force the issue. While I’ve been critical of Virginia Tech’s offense this season, I came away impressed with Taylor and, if he continues to mature, he could be a very good quarterback. Combine that with the Hokies’ stout defense and special teams, and they could be a force in the ACC.

As for Nebraska, they still have their problems. After four years of Bill Callahan’s pass-happy offense, the Huskers’ offensive linemen really don’t know how to run block. The defense still has too many mental mistakes and missed tackles. But the effort is definitely there. VT scored to go up 18 with 6:54 left in the third quarter. A year ago, this team would have folded like a cheap lawn chair. This year, the Cornhuskers kept fighting, pulled to within five and gave themselves a shot to win the game in the final seconds. While it may not be in the near future (three of NU’s next five games are vs. #4 Missouri, at #7 Texas Tech and at #1 Oklahoma), brighter days are ahead for the Huskers.

Oh, and did I mention I got to meet Erin Andrews after the game? So not a bad weekend.

A good way to close out a football weekend.

The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 4

All across the country, the weather is turning a bit cooler, leaves are starting to change colors and, with conference games coming soon to a stadium near you, we finally have the prospect of the end of these ridiculous cupcake nonconference games. And yet with the season less than a third of the way through, we already know a few things. Some bad things. Just as every silver lining has a dark cloud, here’s the lowdown on the lowlights of this week in college football.

1. Country Roads to Nowhere?

Is it too early to start pressing the panic button on the Bill Stewart (six-year) era at West Virginia? Probably. But that won’t stop me from doing it anyway. It’s not just that the Mountaineers are 1-2 this season. It’s that they’ve looked so decidedly sub-par. In all fairness, WVU did show signs of life in the “John Denver Bowl” vs. Colorado last Thursday. After giving up two quick TDs, the defense shut out Colorado for thenext 55 minutes. Pat White and Noel Devine both went over the century mark in rushing. And White’s 39 yard TD run in the fourth quarter was a thing of beauty. But WVU had no passing game whatsoever (10-15 for just 43 yards; White actually had minus-five passing yards at halftime.) They were just 3-of 13 on third down conversions and had 91 yards in penalties. Even the rushing numbers are a bit misleading as anyone who watched the game saw that the Mountaineers offense was lethargic, unimaginative and, worst, predictable.

Look at the numbers:

	2007 (Rank)	2008 (Rank)
Total Offense	456 ypg (#15)	303 ypg (#95)
Rushing Offense	297 ypg (#3)	164 ypg (#50)
Scoring Offense	39.6 ppg (#9)	25.5 ppg (#71)

Short version, the Mountaineers are averaging 153 yards and two touchdowns fewer per game than last year. Look, we all knew that the Mountaineers would likely be down a bit this year after losing Rich Rodriguez and Steve Slaton. But with uber-QB Pat White and a talented defense returning, I don’t think anyone thought it would be like this. Yes, the season’s still young and they still have a lot to play for (such as a possible Big East title). But the knee-jerk reaction to hire Stewart following the Mountaineers’ upset of Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl isn’t looking good.

2. The PAC 10 is Godawful.

Much was made last week about the SEC being the first conference in history to land five teams in the top ten at the same time. Well, with USC out of action this week (does anyone else find it odd that the Trojans scheduled two bye weeks in the first month of the season?), it gave me a chance to check out how the other half lives. Big mistake. I really had high hopes for the Pac-10 this year, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Arizona State, Oregon or Cal could finally get to that "next level" and challenge for the conference title. Way wrong.

Six of the teams in the Pac-10 teams have lost to a non-BCS team. Not counting USC, the rest of the conference is just 10-12 in out of conference games. And that includes two wins over 1-AA teams and a 4-1 record against the WAC. They are 3-6 against the other BCS conferences (including 0-3 versus the Big 12) and an amazing 0-5 against the Mountain West. Frankly, most of the Pac-10 has to be grateful that conference games are starting up just so they might have a chance at winning a game or two.

3. Kansas State: Worst Week Ever.

Things started off bad for Kansas State when they had to travel to Louisville for a rare Wednesday night game. They proceeded to get throttled by a CUSA team (38-29 final, but it wasn’t that close) who, two weeks earlier against Kentucky, looked like they'd never seen a football. Sadly, that was the high point of the week. On Friday, KSU RB Leon Patton was released from the team after a run in with the law. But this was not your usual run-of-the-mill college football arrest. No DUIs, mary jane possessions or weapons charges here. No, Patton was arrested and charged with felony child abuse of a two-month old baby.

To KSU's credit, Patton had already been suspended while the investigation was ongoing and was kicked off the team once he was arrested on Thursday. But, man, talk about a rough week. Even with a new contract, the seat under Ron Prince is already starting to get a little warm. This week certainly didn't help matters any.

On a related note, I've always felt there was a particularly warm spot reserved in hell for people who hurt kids. In Patton's case, let's hope I'm right.

“Leon, meet Adolf. I’m sure you’ll have lots to talk about.”

4. Awww, Florida State Fall Down, Go Boom

Believe me, I wish I was making this quote up. But after FloridaState’s embarrassing 12-3 loss at home to Wake Forest this week, Seminoles offensive coordinator (and head coach in waiting) Jimbo Fisher offered this insightful analysis: “We made some boo-boos.” No, Coach Fisher. Boo-boos are something that happen to my two-year old daughter, not to a once-proud college football power. 12 penalties for 139 yards are not boo-boos. Seven turnovers are not boo-boos. Three points are not boo-boos. I’m not trying to bag on Wake Forest—I think they’re a good team and I really like Jim Grobe. And maybe I’m just bitter since I picked FSU to have a rebound nine-win season this year. But shouldn’t a program with the history and tradition of Florida State be held to a higher standard than this? I mean, this is just embarrassing for all of us. Even ‘Noles despisers have to admit that the haterade just isn’t as sweet right now. Like Jack Nicholson’s character in A Few Good Men, even if it’s to serve as the object of envy and hate, we want FSU on that wall. We need FSU on that wall! FSU administrators, you know what needs to be done. You can either rip the Band Aid off now and start the healing process. Or you can continue to let the “boo-boo” fester. Your choice.

Florida State’s next coach?

5. And Speaking of Octogenarian Coaches . . .

I have no idea if Penn State is any good. Yes, they’re putting up monster statistics. Sixth in total offense. Third in scoring offense. Seventh in rushing and total defense. Ninth in scoring defense. But for all that, does anyone really have any idea how good Penn State is? Their four opponents thus far (Coastal Carolina, Oregon State, Syracuse and Temple) aren’t exactly murderer’s row (a combined 5-10). To date, Penn State hasn’t been tested, let alone challenged. And frankly, I just don’t think I believe the hype. Admittedly, they’ve gotten solid if unspectacular play from QB Darryl Clark (7 TDs, 1 INT). But we’ll see how he responds under pressure—the Nittany Lions’ next three games get a lot more challenging as they have Illinois, @ Purdue and @ Wisconsin. If they can run that gauntlet, I’ll be a believer. But I’m not holding my breath.

6. Singular Names are Still Dumb, but . . .

And for my one positive note of the week, I bring you the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. In a year in which attention has been focused on BYU and possibly Utah as potential BCS busters, keep your eyes on Tulsa out of Conference USA. Through three games, Tulsa is second in the nation in total offense (587 yards per game) and fourth in scoring offense (52.3 points per game). QB David Johnson is simply unconscious—he’s on a pace for 4800+ yards passing and 60 touchdowns. The Golden Hurricane offense can put up video game type numbers. I know it’s early and they haven’t really played anybody yet. But their schedule is easy (they avoid East Carolina until a possible matchup in the CUSA title game) and, with this offense, there’s no reason to believe they can’t run the table. Would an undefeated CUSA season be enough to break into the BCS? Doubtful. But it’s still good to see a team who has always played third-fiddle in its own state achieve at a high level. Even if the head coach is the subject of a wrongful death lawsuit.

Throw the Flag: Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 3

While USC and Oklahoma fans are busy checking flight and hotel plans for the national title game, Throw the Flag, HHR’s resident cynic is back to report on the uglier side of Week 3 in college football.

1. The Rise and Fall of Rick Neuheisel, Version 3.0

Calling it first to worst would be a stretch, but what in the wide, wide world of sports is going on at UCLA? Two weeks ago, they knock off Tennessee in a thriller and (a few) people are thinking, “Hey, maybe the USC monopoly really is over” (well, not really). But then the Bruins venture east to face a good BYU team. And proceed to have their worst loss in 75 years. BYU not only shut out the Bruins, but hung 59 on them, including an unreal 35-point second quarter. 59-0, and it could have been a lot worse as the Cougars pulled their starters and let off the throttle, mercifully not scoring in the fourth quarter.

So which is the real UCLA: the ones who rose up to slay the giants from the SEC? Or the ones who played more like blocking dummies against BYU? We shall see. But with upcoming games against Fresno St., @ Oregon, @ California, @ Arizona State and USC, I’m betting on the latter.

Image: guttylittlebruins.com

Not so fast, my friend.

2. A Game Only a Bama Fan Could Love

Don’t give me that “a win’s a win” garbage, Auburn fans. You’re supposedly the #9 team in the country, and you put up three points? On Mississippi State? And still get the win? True the Tigers/War Eagles defense was solid, giving up just 116 yards. But Auburn was pathetic (or turribull as Auburn alum Charles Barkley would say) in every other facet of the game. 12 penalties for 94 yards (one penalty gave Mississippi their only points when an offensive lineman was called for holding in the end zone, resulting in a safety). Three turnovers. 3 of 16 on third down conversions. Two missed field goals.

I’m a defense guy, but let’s not pretend this was an epic defensive struggle. This was one bad football team versus another team playing down to the level of its opponent.

Image: thewizofodds.com

After watching this game, I’d need a swig, too.

3. Rich Rodriguez is No Prince

In his treatise “The Prince,” the 16th century political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli once asked whether it was better to be loved or feared. He said both, if you could pull it off. But if you had to pick one, it was better to be feared. Well, Michigan is now answering that same question with a resounding “none of the above.” Michigan is now facing a fate worse than death in the college football kingdom—irrelevance. If you think about teams that have dominated the college football landscape over the last couple of decades—Notre Dame, USC, Florida State, Miami, Oklahoma, Nebraska, etc.—there was very little middle ground when they were at the tops of their respective games. You either loved ‘em or you hated ‘em. Michigan used to be in that category but is precipitously sliding into the middle ranks of mediocrity and anonymity. As a practical matter, Michigan is simply no longer a player on the national stage—not really loved, hated or feared. Just kind of there. A year ago this time, they were a national laughing stock after losing at home to Appalachian State. To their credit, they rallied and had a very nice season. But this year appears to be very different. Not only do they not have the talent base they did last year, but Rich Rodriguez’ insistence on pounding square pegs into round holes seems unlikely to produce results in the near future.

During his post-Notre Dame press conference, Coach Rodriguez kept re-emphasizing “the sky is not falling” and “we’ll be back.” Not only do these words sound more like he’s trying to pep himself up, but the fact that someone from a program with the history of the University of Michigan has to even say such things shows just how far this program has fallen.


4. Where Have You Gone, Ryan Leaf?

I personally think it’s pretty cool that the Washington State alumni can get someone every week to stand in the back of the College Gameday crowd and wave a Cougars flag. If only their football team was so organized. After getting blown out 45-17 by Baylor (you know, Baylor? 13-43 since the creation of the Big 12 Baylor?), I don’t know that it can get much lower. They’re 0-3 and have lost by a combined total of 150-33. Ouch. This team is bad. Really bad. Fortunately, they have a date with Portland State this weekend that should let them get into the win column (although I wouldn’t bet the farm on it). After that, I don’t know if there’s another win on their schedule.

5. Don’t Want to Say I Told You So, But . . .

After their Week One loss to East Carolina, I wrote that Virginia Tech needed to find an offense and fast. Well, Frank Beamer didn’t listen to me. But now, courtesy of our colleagues at The Big Lead, comes news that apparently he’s listening to fan callers. And he’s none too happy about it. Apparently, Beamer got quite steamed during his weekly call-in show when a caller identified as “Jason in Arlington” dared to question the Hokies’ offensive coaching (audio here). He later went so far as to invite would-be offensive coaches to stop by his office in Blacksburg, saying, "If anyone can convince me they know more offense than [offensive coordinator] Bryan [Stinespring], I'm going to listen to them.” (Resumes can be faxed to 540-231-3060; please list “Offensive Coordinator” in the subject line.)

Through three games, the Hokies rank 107th in the nation in total offense (273 yards per game; behind such stalwarts as Army, North Texas and San Diego State) and 78th in scoring offense (22 points per game). The next two weeks they are on the road at North Carolina (39.5 ppg) and Nebraska (40 ppg). With the Hokies’ defense and special teams continuing to be solid, both games are certainly winnable. But with this offense, they could just as easily both turn into losses. Then listen to the radio callers.

And as for Jason in Arlington, he did what any self-respecting college football fan that got into a verbal sparring match with his team’s head coach would do: he started a blog.

6. A Rainy Night in Kansas

And to end on a more uplifting note: last Friday night, I was driving across Kansas on a miserably dark and rainy night. Fortunately, with the Kansas/South Florida game moved to Friday, I was able to find the radio broadcast on stations out of Wichita and Salina. In this era of pay-per-view, ESPN catchphrases and broadband internet feeds, the days of good radio play-by-play are slowly fading away. So I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of KU’s radio broadcast team. The play by play gave a good feel for the action. He was emotional and a KU homer, without being over the top, the way a good college play by play guy should be. (My only minor complaint was that he rarely talked about direction—it would be “so and so runs for four yards” or “pass complete at the 20” with nothing about running right or left, complete to the near or far side, etc.) And the color analyst was actually *gasp* insightful, with comments and analysis that actually helped understand what was going on in the game (instead of the current trend of such pithy analysis as, “Well, we had a chance to meet with so and so this week, and he told us that he likes asparagus.” Sorry I didn’t get their names, but kudos to the Jayhawk radio team nonetheless. They made a long, gray drive across the Kansas prairie a lot more enjoyable.

Until next week.