The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 12

Thanksgiving is always my favorite holiday. What's not to love? Every kitchen becomes my own personal buffet. I don't have to worry about what racial, ethnic, religious, etc. group might get pissed off about celebrating the holiday. A few hours of peace and quiet while the women all leave the house before I'm awake on Friday morning. And football. Lots and lots of football.

Football solves so many of the world's problems. It's the best thing ever for dealing with family. Crazy relative wants to tell you about all her medical maladies? "Sorry Aunt Martha, the game's on." Your father nagging you to move out of the basement and get a real job (insert gratuitous blogger joke here)? "Hey dad, can we talk about this when the game's over?" Mom wants to tell how glad she is you could make it home for the first holiday since Grandpa passed away? "You stupid %$%#!!! Why would you call a quarterback draw on 3rd and 12 with less than two minutes left, you dumb ^&*@#$%!!!!"

Yep, it's the perfect holiday. With that, a few football notes.

Time, Time, Time is on Our Side

Somewhere in Baton Rouge Sunday morning, an LSU graduate student was passed out with several empty bottles of vodka sitting on top of the tattered and tear-stained remains of what was supposed to have been his MBA thesis entitled “The Business Applications of Coach Les Miles’ Time Management Principles.”

Way to man up there, coach. Maybe now you can help wash the bus tire tracks off your quarterback.

Separated at Birth

Texas Tech QB Taylor Potts and Obi-Wan Kenobi

Use the Force, Nick.

How to Ruin the Holidays

Pity the poor football fans in San Antonio. The local ABC affiliate, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to air two hours of infomericals and a rerun of Oprah instead of Friday afternoon’s Nebraska/Colorado game. Look, I know there’s not much on the line in this game (Nebraska has already clinched the Big 12 North; Colorado is 3-8). But don’t you think there are more than a few folks in south Texas who are interested in the game? Like, say, Texas fans interested in seeing Nebraska play once before they meet the Longhorns in next week’s Big 12 championship game? And besides, IT’S COLLEGE FREAKIN’ FOOTBALL FOR CHRISSAKES!!! KSAT is reportedly the only ABC affiliate in the country that will not be airing the game. The decision is made even stranger by the fact that the station is preempting its local programming to show the early game, Illinois vs. Cincinnati.

So while you’re enjoying day 2 of your turkey and football coma on Friday while your wife or girlfriend is out shopping, be thankful for how much better you have it than those poor schmucks in San Antonio. [Ed. Note: shortly after this post was written, KSAT decided to reverse course and will show the NU/CU game on Friday. Thanksgiving is saved!]

One is a giant 300 pound freakishly unstoppable force of nature. The other is Ndamukong Suh.

A Season to Forget

Connecticut is currently sitting at 5-5, with all five losses by four points or less. So it's been a tough enough season on the field. But add in the tragic murder of UConn CB Jasper Howard and this year has been the stuff of nightmares. So it was good to see them get arguably one of the program's biggest wins ever on the road over Notre Dame. While most media outlets have been focusing on the game as the final nail in Charlie Weis’ time at Notre Dame, it was good to see UConn pull out a huge overtime win after a very challenging season.

Congrats on the win, Coach Edsall. Here's hoping you never have to go through a season like this again.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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It's Not Unusual

In addition to having "tremendous upside" and being very "long," scouting reports indicate that UConn Center Hasheem Thabeet's name roughly tranlates to "Carlton Banks" from Tanzanian-to-English.

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10 Great Ensembles Of the Big East - Last 15 Years

With the Big East Tournament starting this week at Madison Square Garden, arguably the greatest post-season conference tournament gets underway in all of college basketball. (I await the ACC backlash.)

That said, let's take a look back at 10 of my favorite ensemble casts from awesome Big East teams in the last 15 years. By "ensemble cast" I mean a great group of guys that played together at some point on the same team. For example we could cite the Cuttino Mobley, Lamar Odom, Tyson Wheeler Rhode Island squad of the mid 90s.

These are in no particular order and I say the last 15 years because that is far back as I can reasonably discuss. With that I present "the man" - the clear leader of the team, the "best supporting actor" - a great sidekick who was nasty in his own right, and "the big cat" generally a center or forward that was also a beast. Please feel free to comment with your own favorites.

Georgetown Hoyas - 1995-96

The man - Allen Iverson - Before he was tatted up and talkin' about practice, this guy did it all for the Hoyas and for the first time in a while had G-town led by someone other than a center.

Best supporting actor - Victor Page - God knows where he is now but the lefty had a smooth jumpshot and took some of the offensive pressure off A.I.

The big cat - Othella Harrington - Another southpaw that could clog the middle and score, he eventually made a decent little NBA career for himself.

UConn Huskies - 1995-96

The man - Ray Allen - Ray Ray's jumper was the smoothest thing in the big east that year and let's not forget his off balance floater that dumped the above Hoyas out of the tourney.

Best supporting actor - Doron Sheffer - Saw an increase in Connecticut housewives naming their newborn's Doron and this guy also provided some scoring punch hitting 41% from 3.

The big cat - Travis Knight - Your classic white center that was reliable in college but not great in the NBA. Decent outside shot and he got to play with Ray Allen. I'm bitter from Knight's tenure with the Knicks.

St. John's Red Storm- 1998-1999

The man - Ron Artest - Ron put the Redmen, Red Storm, whatever, back on the map for the first time since the Mullin years. Sadly they are back off the map these days, while Ron has gone on to show he's very talented and possibly insane.

Best supporting actor - Eric Barkley - Just a frosh on this team, Barkley would later become the face of the Johnnies. He, like Omar Cook and a host of others, has vanished.

The big cat - Bootsy Thornton - Really a guard but could play a ton of minutes and took pressure off Artest. It's sad he wasn't big in the league because a name like Bootsy doesn't come along very often.

UConn Huskies - 2003-2004

The man - Ben Gordon - Born in England, he dominated New England for a span and led the Huskies to an NCAA title. He has now been underused in the NBA for reasons only known to Vinny Del Negro.

Best supporting actor - Rashad Anderson - Wins the memorial "Scotty Thurman" award for lights out college shooter who dropped off the face of the earth after college. Also, sported a money beard.

The big cat - Emeka Okafor - Just a beast on defense and in the rebound column while also putting up points at a solid clip. Is now carrying the Bobcats on his oft injured back.

Providence Friars - 1996-1997

The man - God Shammgod - Ridiculous handle on this guy to go with a great name, he may have deferred to the big cat in overall best player status, but he was pretty good.

Best supporting actor - Jamel Thomas - Another member of the Marbury clan strikes, by all acounts Jamel is normal and has had a solid career overseas.

The big cat - Austin Croshere - His NBA career has really revealed his outside shooting, but could do it all for PC back in the college days.

Pittsburgh Panthers - 2002-2003

The man - Brandon Knight - A stellar point guard following in the footsteps of brother Brevin, but with a better build. Seemed to have an eternally injured ankle but still made plays.

Best supporting actor - Julius Page - Another great scoring option on this squad to assist Knight, who wins in a Page vs Page match? I can't tell.

The big cat - Chevon "Chevy" Troutman - Built like a truck, Troutman looks like a poor man's Tyson Chandler but was a physical presence for the Panthers that, as this season has shown, is often their m.o.

Syracuse Orangmen - 2002-2003

The man - Carmelo Anthony - Only took one season for 'Melo to get Boehim that elusive NCAA title, the rest (as you know) is history. He's had a nice little run in the NBA.

Best supporting actor - Gerry McNamara - A few seasons before Gerry single-handedly willed the Orange through the Big East tourney and into the dance, but he was gunning threes even in his first year.

The big cat - Hakim Warrick -His tea bag dunk on Royal Ivey puts him on hallow ground forever, and I believe he blocked the shot to secure the title game win, so double bravo, Hakim!

Seton Hall Pirates - 1999-2000

The man - Ty Shine - Took over for an injured player (see below) to help spur this squad on to the Sweet 16. A year later, newcomer Eddie Griffin would say, "Let's have a punch fight. I go first."

Best supporting actor - Shaheen Holloway - Love what this guy did a few years later with Cohen's Optical in the Jersey Shore Basketball League. Was a leader on the Pirates' team until an ankle injury hurt him.

The big cat - Darius Lane - Just a hustler, could can the medium range J and provided some toughness down low for a guard-orientated team.

West Virginia Mountaineers- 2005-2006

The man - Mike Gansey - Transferred in from St. Bonaventure and did wonders as a driver and perimiter player. Really made the squad one of the fun teams to watch over the years.

Best supporting actor - Patrick Beilein - The coach's kid, he brought the pain from downtown. Able to stretch the D and nailed a host of outside J's in a shoot happy situation.

The big cat - Kevin Pittsnogle - Now a little over his playing weight and teaching grammar school in the boondocks, he was a fan favorite for the Mountaineers. A big man who could also bury the big shot from deep.

Villanova Wildcats - 2005-2006

The man - Allan Ray - A solid scorer who became a household name on the Villanova scene along with the two others on this list. Damn him, however, for helping defeat the Monmouth Hawks in the 2006 Big Dance.

Best supporting actor - Randy Foye - Could also have been tabbed "the man" as he was equally important to the success of these Wildcats. They perhaps didn't reach their total potential with this solid group.

The big cat - Will Sheridan - The next in a line of lanky athletic big men to roam the middle for the Wildcats.

Note: Shoutouts to the Kerry Kittles era at Villanova and the John Wallace era at Syracuse.

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The Cynic's Guide to College Football, Week 8

We're getting close to the scariest time of the year. Around this corner are friendly folks looking to hand you sweets and goodies, just for asking. Around the other, blood-sucking ghouls looking to steal your soul. But then you find out they're the same person! Every one of them hiding their true identities behind a mask, each more frightening and hideous than the last. Yep, it's election time.

(Oh, and Halloween's coming up soon too.)

Boo.

1. I’m The Cynic, and I Approved This Message

This time of year, we always hear a lot of talk about Washington, DC politicians flip-flopping. Well, apparently Potomac Fever has spread outside the Beltway and is infecting neighboring states. Have there been any more split-personality teams this year than Virginia and Maryland? For Virginia, the season started with a blowout loss to USC (no real shame in that) and then a 16-0 shutout over Richmond, putting the Cavs at 1-1, right where most people thought they’d be. But then things got weird—UVA was humiliated 45-10 by UConn and 31-3 by Duke (yes, that Duke). The Cavaliers were 1-3, with their three losses coming by a combined score of 128-20, and the scribes were already writing Al Groh’s obituary. But a funny thing happened on the way to oblivion—UVA started playing football. They destroyed Maryland 31-0, beat East Carolina and, most recently, upset #18 North Carolina in overtime. Suddenly, UVA is sitting pretty at 4-3. Admittedly, their schedule doesn’t do them any favors down the stretch. But as odd as their play has been this year, I don’t want to even try to predict which ones will be wins and losses.

If it’s possible, Maryland has been even more unpredictable this year. The team that struggled to beat Delaware (14-7), lost to Middle Tennessee State and got shut out by Virginia is also the same team that beat #23 California and #20 Clemson and shut out #21 Wake Forest.

With all this flop-flopping going on, I halfway expect to see Al Groh or Ralph Friedgen on the election ballot.

And you thought Dick Cheney was a heart attack risk.

2. Maybe Brett Favre is Tipping Off UW Opponents?

A month ago, Wisconsin fans were celebrating their 3-0 start, talking about how bad they would beat up on the Buckeyes and planning their Rose Bowl trips. But four straight losses—including ones to 2-5 Michigan and a struggling Iowa—now have the Badgers stretching for any bowl. Fortunately, they close out the season on 11/22 with a home game against Cal Poly (now there’s a novel idea—schedule your creampuff game at the end of the season). But they still will need to eke out two wins against Illinois, Michigan State, Indiana or Minnesota. They may get to six wins this year, but that is certainly not what Barry Alvarez or Badger fans had in mind this season.

Save the badgers.

3. What in the Name of Marshall Faulk is Going on Here?

When San Diego State head coach Chuck Long was asked if he felt his job was in jeopardy, he responded, “Our program is not healthy yet, but we do see light at the end of the tunnel with the issues we're dealing with inside (the program).” Coach, a light at the end of the tunnel is not always a good thing. It can be an oncoming train. Or in the case of a “not healthy” program like SDSU, it may well be a near-death experience. When you’re 1-6 this season, 8-23 in your career, your team ranks 100th or worse in 11 different statistical categories and just led your team to their third-worst loss in school history, your coaching tenure is definitely on life support, and it’s only a matter of time until the AD pulls the plug.

Go into the Light, Coach Long. There is peace and serenity in the Light.

4. Some People Call Me The Space Cowboy . . .

I don't really know how to incorporate this into a story, but I thought it was interesting. And made me wonder why I don’t have a cooler nickname. Kentucky’s offensive coordinator (and head coach designate) is named Joker Phillips.

Hold that block, or see me after practice.

5. Who Knew “Malternative” Was a Word?

Bad news for (insert name of your rival school here) fans: MillerCoors announced they have discontinued Zima.

At least the Natty Light supply is safe.

Rev picks 'Em: Week Six

Despite all the turmoil in the Top Ten, the Rev’ managed a steady 7-3 record picking last week’s games. This week’s slate again features a bunch of good teams on the road...and like the sucker I am, I’m picking seven road winners. Here are the picks:

10 points: #6 PENN STATE (5-0) at Purdue (2-2): Penn State has looked pretty impressive offensively thus far in the season. On the flip side, you could say Purdue has looked just as bad on the defensive side of the ball. After letting Notre Dame march up and down the field, I’m not too impressed with the Boilermakers. There’s a reason Penn State’s laying 12. I say take PSU and give the points.

9 points: #8 TEXAS TECH (4-0) at Kansas State (3-1): Want to take a guess how many total points could be scored in this game? 180 seems possible.


8 points: #14 AUBURN (4-1) at #19 Vanderbilt (4-0): And this game? The over/under is 37 for this game. DEFINITELY take the under. Auburn is positively awful on offense.

On a side note: congratulations to Vandy for becoming a relevant football opponent in the SEC this year.


7 points: #23 CONNECTICUT (5-0) at North Carolina (3-1): Having seen UCONN running back Donald Brown in person last week, you can color me impressed. He reminds me of a Ray Rice clone – runs hard inside, quick around the corner outside. This game will be in the 20’s, but I give the Huskies the edge late in the game because of the wrecking ball they have carrying the load for them in the backfield.

6 points: ILLINOIS (2-2) at Michigan (2-2): Michigan played a great second half to knock off Wisconsin last week, a game I figured they were destined to lose. However, keep in mind that they did spot the Badgers 19 points and did let Wisconsin drive on them at the end of the game with a chance to tie, so I’m not sold that this was a tide-turning win for the Wolverines. That was an emotional win last week, and I’m counting on the old let-down game this week – take Illinois and the points (+2).

5 points: Florida State (3-1) at MIAMI (2-2): This used to be the best game of the year. Now it’s just another midlevel conference matchup between two so-so teams. Hooray for ACC football!

4 points: Arizona State (2-2) at CALIFORNIA (3-1): Remember when visiting UC-Berkeley: dodge the falling bags of poop.



3 points: #12 Ohio State (4-1) at #17 WISCONSIN (3-1): Since making the move to QB Tyrell Pryor, the Buckeyes have actually looked halfway decent. However, all that improvement has come in the friendly confines of the Horseshoe in Columbus. The Bucks take their show on the road to Madison this week, and I expect the Badgers will be out for blood after absolutely blowing an open road to the Big Ten championship last week at Michigan.

2 points: #5 TEXAS (4-0) at Colorado (3-1): Colorado got fat early in the season beating up on Colorado State, Eastern Washington, and a not-so-good West Virginia team. Then they took their show on the road to Florida State last week and got absolutely shellacked. Texas is the real deal and they score points in bunches (they’ve beaten three different opponents by the score of 52-10). I like the Longhorns in the Big XII conference opener for both teams.

1 point: #3 MIZZOU (4-0) at Nebraska (3-1): Nebraska has won 30 straight conference home openers. I’m guessing, however, that the vast majority of those wins did not come against offenses as potent as what Mizzou possesses. The Tigers score nearly at will – they are averaging nearly 54 points a game. The big key for Nebraska if they are to have a change will be to play ball control by running the ball and keep Mizzou’s offense off the field. Mizzou’s going to face a hostile environment in Lincoln to be sure, but they are by far a more talented team than what Nebraska will field.

SEASON RECORD: 36-14

Coaches vs. Cancer

A week ago today, the chief was on Capitol Hill as Coaches vs. Cancer joined "lawmakers, cancer survivors and the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network on Capitol Hill 'to demand that Congress pass legislation regulating tobacco products and boost the federal investment in cancer research, prevention and early detection programs after five years of flat or cut funding.'"

Here's a shot of 'Cuse's Jim Boeheim, UConn's Jim Calhoun, Alabama's Mark Gottfried, US Senator Ben Cardin of Maryland, Maryland's Gary Williams and Temple's Fran Dunphy.

Women's Hoops Rivalry Goes South Philly

It's the classic Geno vs. Pat rivalry. Personally, I prefer Tony Luke.

From FanHouse: Geno Auriemma on Pat Summitt: 'She's Not Playing Us Because She Hates My Guts'

Geno: "I think she should just come out and say she's not playing us because she hates my guts. And I think people would buy that. Then everyone [who seeks a reason] would be happy. She should just say that [Geno is] a dope, a smart-ass and then everyone could say that they agree with her."