The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 6

We're right about at the halfway point of the season. Some things we know (Oregon is good. The Pistol is football's newest craze. Les Miles has replaced Nick Saban as Satan's pet project). Some things we don't (How will Taylor Martinez fare against stronger competition? Is Ohio State really the #1 team in the nation? How bad will things get for Penn State? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?). But things are definitely getting interesting. With Alabama proving to be mortal after all, the national championship race is as wide open as I can remember. You could make a pretty good case for any one of 8 or 9 different schools winning it all. We've got a bunch of really good teams, but none that are without their faults. So buckle up everyone. The next few weeks could be a wild ride. Now on to this week's observations.

You Suck. Yeah, You.
I don't care how much you can bench, how many Monster energy drinks you can chug or how many Affliction shirts you own. Unless you've lost a body part during a game-and stayed in the game-you are a great big steaming pile of pansiness compared to Virginia Tech OL Greg Nosal.

Game tape of Nolan in action.

Now That's Motivation
By now, everybody knows that New Mexico State football is really bad. But, on the plus side, the Aggie players still had the luxury of being football players, with all the girls, parties and other perks that went along with that stature. Until now. As Sports by Brooks alerted us last week, an unnamed person or persons distributed thousands of NSFW flyers around the NMSU campus, urging the local co-eds not to engage in, um, extracurricular activities with any of the football players until they won a game. (As the flyer so eloquently put it, "Once you score a win, then you can get it in.")

Crude though it might have been, the extra motivation apparently worked, as the Aggies snapped their 11-game losing streak with a 16-14 win over in-state rival (if you can call an 0-6 team who's even worse than you that) New Mexico.

I'm guessing Coach Walker's postgame press conference wasn't the highlight of the celebration.

New Math
Les Miles is 49% football genius and 51% bats*%t insane. Or vice versa. Depending on the week.

"Les, did you remember to take your meds today?"

When the Lawyers Win, We All Lose
Earlier in the week, the U. of Texas Athletic Department cracked down on an internet company that was selling Nebraska-themed shirts with the famed Longhorn logo upside down in preparation for this week's grudge match between the Huskers and the 'Horns. (FYI: Texas made over $10 million in royalties off of the Longhorn logo last year. I've always wondered how much of that came from Oklahoma fans who bought the Texas logo just to put it upside down. Never made sense to me. You do know you're aiding your enemy, right? OK, moving on.) But it raised a bigger question: shouldn't the makers of Angry Birds be paying royalties to Ball State?

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Rusty Vs. Rev: Va Tech Vs. Bama

Each week, HHR's Southern Gents, Rusty and Rev. Shaw Moore, will steal a page from NASCAR.com and go Head2Head and argue the winners of one of the week's upcoming marquee games.

Rusty Takes the Hokies

Virginia Tech remains the class of the field when it comes to the ACC. Last year, the Hokies embarrassed themselves with an early season loss to ECU in Charlotte. Not this year, believe-you-me. Beamer will not let his squad repeat such a disaster. Tyrod Taylor returns at quarterback for VT, and this year the job is his. Taylor began to really come on strong towards the end of the season, and without a potential QB controversy, he will certainly continue to excel. Add that to the fact that VT is able to produce season after season of stout defenses - this year they return seven starters - and Alabama's not going to have another Clemson performance to deal with for this year's opening game.


A potential area of concern for VT is at the running back position. Darren Evans broke the ACC rushing record as a freshman last year. This year, though, the sophomore will watch from the sidelines, as he suffered a torn ACL in last month’s practice. With Evans on the sideline, the Hokies will turn to a cadre of unproven talent to fill the backfield.

Taylor should have a plenty of receivers to throw the ball to, though. The top 5 receivers from last year’s team return for 2009, which gives the normally run oriented Hokies another angle of attack on offense.

As usual, the special teams will be quite special. Expect a full blown attack of Beamer ball in hot-lanta. They block, they kick, they run’em back. The precision and ferociousness of Beamer ball should give the Tide a few fits. VT will also rely on a senior punter who’s got a knack for pinning teams inside the 20; he did it over half the time last year.

An ACC title and a solid win in the Orange Bowl culminated the Hokies season in 2008, and with many of the key players returning, there's already buzz in Blacksburg about a repeat of the '99 season and a possible shot at the national title. Getting past the Tide will be crucial in that effort, and that's why Beamer will be ready for Nick Saban and company come this weekend.

Rev Takes the 'Tide

In year two of the Nick Saban regime, Alabama stormed through the SEC West and reached the SEC Championship game, where they lost to eventual national champion Florida. It’s safe to say that expectations are again sky-high in Tuscaloosa for another strong run through the SEC and a possible berth in the BCS title game.

The expectations of a rabid fan base aside, question marks abound for Alabama on offense. Not only will the Crimson Tide will be replacing seven starters from a year ago, but they enter Saturday’s game with serious doubts as to the availability of star wideout Julio Jones and starting running back Mark Ingram. Jones and Ingram accepted a free Gulf Coast fishing expedition earlier this summer, and the university is still awaiting word by game time to determine if the duo’s fishing expedition ran afoul of any NCAA bylaws. Granted, taking a free fishing expedition isn’t exactly like accepting hookers and cash … but since the NCAA only selectively enforces its own rules, it’s anybody’s guess as to the availability of these two come Saturday.

And if free fishing expeditions don’t boil your blood, what happened to DE Brandon Deaderick earlier this week definitely should. Deaderick was shot in the arm on Monday night in an apparent robbery attempt outside of his apartment. Deaderick, one of 9 returning defensive starters, and is probably the Tide’s best pass rusher. Though his injuries do not appear to be life threatening, I’m guessing he will not be cleared to play against Virginia Tech.


All the controversy aside, don’t forget that ‘Bama is still loaded – particularly on defense. As mentioned above, the starting D has a ton of starters returning off a unit that ranked sixth nationally a year ago in total defense (13.0 ppg, 256.9 ypg). Mix in the tricky blitz packages Nick Saban is known for, and you know the pressure is going to be a lot to handle for the Hokies. And while the offense might not have the star power of the defense, just know that the Crimson Tide offense will do enough to get the job done. ‘Bama loves the power running game; it’s not flashy, but it will allow the Tide to dominate field position and time of possession.

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Throw the Flag: The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 5

We’re now roughly a third of the way through the regular season and what have we learned? That after the SEC and Big 12 there is a really big gap to the third best conference. That there’s something to be said for brains (Stanford, Northwestern, Duke and Vanderbilt are a combined 15-3). That no matter how high or low the expectations, Tommy Bowden will continue to not meet them. That Tennessee is in a whole lot of trouble. That if the Mountain West isn’t the third or fourth best conference in the country, they can certainly do a very good imitation of it. And that there’s still a lot to love about this crazy, mixed up sport. Unfortunately, there’s also a downside. And it’s my job to find it. So here are this week’s lowlights.


1. God Bless You, Oregon State.

Early last week, USC coach Pete Carroll raised a few eyebrows when he said that USC’s schedule was “ridiculously difficult.” Whether or not he was talking about Oregon State we’ll never know, but let’s all thank the Beavers anyway for saving us from the scourge of the “what ifers.” Prior to last Thursday’s game against the Beavers, I can’t tell you how many articles I read asking, “What if USC, the Big 12 champion and SEC champion all run the table?” The worst were the conspiracy theorists who were convinced that the BCS, the polls, daylight savings time, ESPN and the Knights Templar were all engaged in some massive conspiracy to keep their team/conference out of the BCS title game. Fortunately, Oregon State saved us from a few weeks of whining. (Although a few more wins under Penn State’s belt and they can reignite the “controversy.”)

It’s a little early for Halloween, but that didn’t stop the orange-and-black of Oregon State.

(For my money, the only ones more annoying than the BCS conspiracy theorists are the playoff gurus. You know, that guy in your office who not only insists that college football needs a playoff but spends every waking moment calling sports radio shows and frequenting message boards to outline his own version of a workable playoff system. Yes, we all know a playoff would be nice. No, you’re not the first person to come up with a system that could work. And no, it’s not gonna happen. Accept it. Move on.)

2. Bad Manners

Note to Georgia: if you’re going to ask your fans to shell out their hard-earned money to buy black clothing for a game, the least you can do is bother to show up on time. I mean, whatever happened to Southern courtesy?

Was Alabama just that good? Or was Georgia just that bad? Yes to both. True, the Tide dominated UGA in pretty much every phase of the game. But the Bulldogs certainly did their share to make this game a lot less interesting. Look at Alabama’s first possession for example: with Alabama driving, Georgia CB Prince Miller was called for pass interference in the end zone, moving the Tide into striking distance. Three plays later, Akeem Dent was flagged for roughing the passer, which negated a fumble recovered by Georgia. Bama scored two plays later and the rout was on. That pretty much summed up the first half—even when Bama didn’t do something right, the Bulldogs would screw something up and turn it into a net gain for the Crimson Tide.

To their credit, the Dawgs did turn things around and play much better in the second half, outscoring Bama 30-10. But playing half the game won’t cut it. Black jerseys may be slimming and fashionable, but there’s no such thing as fashionably late in football.

The black body paint will be easier to remove than these fans’ memories of the game.

3. Iowa: Not the Last Axe to Fall?

There’s a saying that the cover up is usually worse than the crime. And while I would certainly never maintain that to be the situation in a rape case, things are rapidly unraveling at the University of Iowa. Last week, two top university officials were fired for failing to properly respond to rape allegations against two Hawkeye football players. This case has been percolating for some time and, while I don’t claim to be a legal expert or know how this will end, something tells me things are going to get darker yet. Throw in LB Dezman Moses’ public intoxication arrest last week and that brings the total up to 19 Iowa players arrested in the last two years. Before the season, I predicted that this would be Kirk Ferentz’s last season on the Iowa sidelines. It’s possible to keep your job with lots of legal problems and off-field issues (see also Paterno, Joe). It’s possible to keep your job if you’re not achieving fan expectations (see also Fulmer, Philip). But it’s awfully hard to do both (see also Barnett, Gary). After three straight ten-win seasons from 2002-2004, Iowa has gone 7-5, 6-7 and 6-6 in the three years since. And, since starting 3-0, the Hawkeyes have now lost back-to-back games to the likes of Pittsburgh and Northwestern. For a coach who was once considered to be the next can’t-miss coaching superstar, another Big 10 collapse and .500ish season likely won’t cut it.

4. Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory

Staying in the Big 10, did anyone have a worse ten seconds than Indiana on Saturday? Here’s the scenario: Playing at home, the Hoosiers were down to Michigan State most of the day. With two minutes to play in the third quarter, they trail 34-29 and are backed up to their own one yard line. After two plays, they’d moved it to the three when, on third and eight, Indiana QB Ben Chappell hit WR Terrance Turner who, with the Bloomington crowd going nuts, proceeds to jet 97 yards for the go-ahead touchdown. They just missed one little thing—a little piece of yellow cloth sitting in the end zone. Holding. In the end zone. Safety. So instead of getting seven points on the board, the Hoosiers gave two more—and the ball—to the Spartans. Absolutely killer. With that nine-point swing, the air pretty much went out of everyone wearing Hoosier red and Indiana wouldn’t challenge for the lead again.

Fortunately, many Hoosier fans were spared having to see the horror.
(Photo courtesy The Wiz of Odds.)

5. Cheaters Never Win. Yeah, Right.

For some really interesting reading (and surprisingly thorough research by sports blog standards) about the seamy underbelly of college football, check out Barking Carnival’s ten-part (!) series on the history of cheating.


6. Notes from the Road

And on the plus side this week, I had the opportunity to attend Saturday night’s aforementioned Virginia Tech/Nebraska game. Met lots of great Husker and Hokie fans at The Watering Hole, Misty’s and Sidetracks the night before the game. And, if you’re a sports fan at all, be sure to add Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium to your “list of college football shrines I must see before I die.” While both teams have struggled at times this season, I got to see a glimpse of the future, and I have to say that things are looking up for both programs.

Tyrod Taylor did a lot of things well. He was able to keep plays alive with his legs and made some nice throws on key third down plays. Most importantly, he did a good job of managing the game and not trying to force the issue. While I’ve been critical of Virginia Tech’s offense this season, I came away impressed with Taylor and, if he continues to mature, he could be a very good quarterback. Combine that with the Hokies’ stout defense and special teams, and they could be a force in the ACC.

As for Nebraska, they still have their problems. After four years of Bill Callahan’s pass-happy offense, the Huskers’ offensive linemen really don’t know how to run block. The defense still has too many mental mistakes and missed tackles. But the effort is definitely there. VT scored to go up 18 with 6:54 left in the third quarter. A year ago, this team would have folded like a cheap lawn chair. This year, the Cornhuskers kept fighting, pulled to within five and gave themselves a shot to win the game in the final seconds. While it may not be in the near future (three of NU’s next five games are vs. #4 Missouri, at #7 Texas Tech and at #1 Oklahoma), brighter days are ahead for the Huskers.

Oh, and did I mention I got to meet Erin Andrews after the game? So not a bad weekend.

A good way to close out a football weekend.

Throw the Flag: Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 3

While USC and Oklahoma fans are busy checking flight and hotel plans for the national title game, Throw the Flag, HHR’s resident cynic is back to report on the uglier side of Week 3 in college football.

1. The Rise and Fall of Rick Neuheisel, Version 3.0

Calling it first to worst would be a stretch, but what in the wide, wide world of sports is going on at UCLA? Two weeks ago, they knock off Tennessee in a thriller and (a few) people are thinking, “Hey, maybe the USC monopoly really is over” (well, not really). But then the Bruins venture east to face a good BYU team. And proceed to have their worst loss in 75 years. BYU not only shut out the Bruins, but hung 59 on them, including an unreal 35-point second quarter. 59-0, and it could have been a lot worse as the Cougars pulled their starters and let off the throttle, mercifully not scoring in the fourth quarter.

So which is the real UCLA: the ones who rose up to slay the giants from the SEC? Or the ones who played more like blocking dummies against BYU? We shall see. But with upcoming games against Fresno St., @ Oregon, @ California, @ Arizona State and USC, I’m betting on the latter.

Image: guttylittlebruins.com

Not so fast, my friend.

2. A Game Only a Bama Fan Could Love

Don’t give me that “a win’s a win” garbage, Auburn fans. You’re supposedly the #9 team in the country, and you put up three points? On Mississippi State? And still get the win? True the Tigers/War Eagles defense was solid, giving up just 116 yards. But Auburn was pathetic (or turribull as Auburn alum Charles Barkley would say) in every other facet of the game. 12 penalties for 94 yards (one penalty gave Mississippi their only points when an offensive lineman was called for holding in the end zone, resulting in a safety). Three turnovers. 3 of 16 on third down conversions. Two missed field goals.

I’m a defense guy, but let’s not pretend this was an epic defensive struggle. This was one bad football team versus another team playing down to the level of its opponent.

Image: thewizofodds.com

After watching this game, I’d need a swig, too.

3. Rich Rodriguez is No Prince

In his treatise “The Prince,” the 16th century political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli once asked whether it was better to be loved or feared. He said both, if you could pull it off. But if you had to pick one, it was better to be feared. Well, Michigan is now answering that same question with a resounding “none of the above.” Michigan is now facing a fate worse than death in the college football kingdom—irrelevance. If you think about teams that have dominated the college football landscape over the last couple of decades—Notre Dame, USC, Florida State, Miami, Oklahoma, Nebraska, etc.—there was very little middle ground when they were at the tops of their respective games. You either loved ‘em or you hated ‘em. Michigan used to be in that category but is precipitously sliding into the middle ranks of mediocrity and anonymity. As a practical matter, Michigan is simply no longer a player on the national stage—not really loved, hated or feared. Just kind of there. A year ago this time, they were a national laughing stock after losing at home to Appalachian State. To their credit, they rallied and had a very nice season. But this year appears to be very different. Not only do they not have the talent base they did last year, but Rich Rodriguez’ insistence on pounding square pegs into round holes seems unlikely to produce results in the near future.

During his post-Notre Dame press conference, Coach Rodriguez kept re-emphasizing “the sky is not falling” and “we’ll be back.” Not only do these words sound more like he’s trying to pep himself up, but the fact that someone from a program with the history of the University of Michigan has to even say such things shows just how far this program has fallen.


4. Where Have You Gone, Ryan Leaf?

I personally think it’s pretty cool that the Washington State alumni can get someone every week to stand in the back of the College Gameday crowd and wave a Cougars flag. If only their football team was so organized. After getting blown out 45-17 by Baylor (you know, Baylor? 13-43 since the creation of the Big 12 Baylor?), I don’t know that it can get much lower. They’re 0-3 and have lost by a combined total of 150-33. Ouch. This team is bad. Really bad. Fortunately, they have a date with Portland State this weekend that should let them get into the win column (although I wouldn’t bet the farm on it). After that, I don’t know if there’s another win on their schedule.

5. Don’t Want to Say I Told You So, But . . .

After their Week One loss to East Carolina, I wrote that Virginia Tech needed to find an offense and fast. Well, Frank Beamer didn’t listen to me. But now, courtesy of our colleagues at The Big Lead, comes news that apparently he’s listening to fan callers. And he’s none too happy about it. Apparently, Beamer got quite steamed during his weekly call-in show when a caller identified as “Jason in Arlington” dared to question the Hokies’ offensive coaching (audio here). He later went so far as to invite would-be offensive coaches to stop by his office in Blacksburg, saying, "If anyone can convince me they know more offense than [offensive coordinator] Bryan [Stinespring], I'm going to listen to them.” (Resumes can be faxed to 540-231-3060; please list “Offensive Coordinator” in the subject line.)

Through three games, the Hokies rank 107th in the nation in total offense (273 yards per game; behind such stalwarts as Army, North Texas and San Diego State) and 78th in scoring offense (22 points per game). The next two weeks they are on the road at North Carolina (39.5 ppg) and Nebraska (40 ppg). With the Hokies’ defense and special teams continuing to be solid, both games are certainly winnable. But with this offense, they could just as easily both turn into losses. Then listen to the radio callers.

And as for Jason in Arlington, he did what any self-respecting college football fan that got into a verbal sparring match with his team’s head coach would do: he started a blog.

6. A Rainy Night in Kansas

And to end on a more uplifting note: last Friday night, I was driving across Kansas on a miserably dark and rainy night. Fortunately, with the Kansas/South Florida game moved to Friday, I was able to find the radio broadcast on stations out of Wichita and Salina. In this era of pay-per-view, ESPN catchphrases and broadband internet feeds, the days of good radio play-by-play are slowly fading away. So I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of KU’s radio broadcast team. The play by play gave a good feel for the action. He was emotional and a KU homer, without being over the top, the way a good college play by play guy should be. (My only minor complaint was that he rarely talked about direction—it would be “so and so runs for four yards” or “pass complete at the 20” with nothing about running right or left, complete to the near or far side, etc.) And the color analyst was actually *gasp* insightful, with comments and analysis that actually helped understand what was going on in the game (instead of the current trend of such pithy analysis as, “Well, we had a chance to meet with so and so this week, and he told us that he likes asparagus.” Sorry I didn’t get their names, but kudos to the Jayhawk radio team nonetheless. They made a long, gray drive across the Kansas prairie a lot more enjoyable.

Until next week.