Today’s preview: MANCHESTER UNITED
Absolute wanking knob jockeys. The last of the Big Four are winners of last year’s Premier League crown AND the damn Champion’s League. Oh they make me f’ing sick. Especially that winking, daisy-duke wearing, horrible mini-mulleted chump Christiano Ronaldo (named after Ronald Reagan – true). The most valuable team in footy, valued at $1.8 billion. Vomit. The only time ever to support Chelski? When they play Man U. Prediction? They finally finish 2nd this season, behind Chelski while the Man U faithful constantly moan about unfair refs, poor fields, the weather, whatevers. Bunch of whiny, nasty, spoiled donkey giz bitches.
More than you need to know
Name: Manchester United Football Club
Nickname: The Red Devils
Owner: The Glazer Family (of Tampa Bay)
Manager: Sir Alex Ferguson
American-esque equivalent: The New York Yankees. Exactly. Producers of legends, winners of titles. The Darth Vader of Sports – the team you love to hate. Like no man above the age of 18 should be seen wearing a NY Yankees cap (unless they were born in the Bronx). No man above the age of 18 should ever be seen wearing a Man U replica shirt (unless you want to look like an utter, utter c*nt).
The Season kicks-off tomorrow. See ya down at the pub.