If You Listened to Emmitt's "All 22"

...You'd have dropped a double deuce.

Emmitt wants to put what what in your butt.

If you're relying on Emmitt Smith to tell you who to start and sit for fantasy football, you're also probably taking weekly gambling advice from the Sports Guy and handicapping tips from Hammered Hank Goldberg. Needless, to say, you'd be a damn fool.

This morning I scratched my head when Emmitt recommended sitting both Brandon Jacobs and LaDainian Tomlinson.

Jacobs, maybe, I can understand under certain situations. But unless Tomlinson is dead, why would you recommend sitting him in any circumstance?

So how accurate were Emmitt's prognostications actually?

As offbased as you'd expect.

Jacobs earned his rites of patches, running 11 times for 73 yards and 2 touchdowns. That Baltimore defense Smith was so worried about? Gave up 207 yards on the ground to the Giants' offense.

Meanwhile, LT masturbated the ball down the feel for 100 total yards and a TD.

Cassel is no Boy Scout

I swear I just heard Emmitt say on Monday Night Countdown that Matt Cassell "hasn't won the right of patches."

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Update (10.21.08, 8:32 AM)

I heard correctly. Awful Announcing picked up on the gaffe too.

Emmitt Patches
by bsap11

Inventions that will make me a bigger slug

God bless you technical inventor folk. You keep me happy and plump. I regret all the bad things I said about you in high school.

Introducing the Remote Buddy (ironically the name I used to call my wife when she would fetch the clicker for me).

Remote Buddy Stylish vertical remote holder has four seats to store your most used remotes in one convenient location. Also has a handy cup holder for one drink. Color coded, one touch buttons work in conjunction with specific remotes to help you locate lost remotes. Just push the button on the base to signal lost remote.

This coming NFL season will be even better. Now where the hell is the Emmitt to English button?.

Sharp as a Whistle

Great find over at the Fanhouse of a YouTubes mashup of Boomer and Emmitt.