Fantasy "Expert" Brandon Funston Must Know He's Full of Poop

The term fantasy expert is a plain old farce. Yet, some people can honestly believe they have an inkling more knowledge than the casual fan because they can read stats better or quicker or more in depth or something.

And those people can keep a straight face when others refer to them with such an elaborate title and hand them a check. That's really what sets fantasy experts apart - the ability to not laugh at the naïveté of the public and their bosses.

Take Brandon Funston for example. Just this week he advised Yahoo players to not just sit Plax Burress, but to drop him altogether after his paltry start. If that's not mailing in a segment, I don't know what is.


The former inmate (Plax not Fun) responded with a breakout game that included 3 TDs.

I can't wait to hear Fun lament next week about grabbing Plax off the waiver wires after he and Sanchize have turned a corner and become more familiar with one another. Likely he'll have to hold in his amusement of knowing how full of poop it all is.

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MLB 11 The Show's Fantasy 11 Predictions

Back in college, when a group of friends ran out of things to wager on, they'd set a certain NFL video game franchise on auto-pilot and bet on the outcomes of the games. Apparently, we were well ahead of our time.

While certain pro leagues will argue that fantasy sports equates to gambling, just in time for your fantasy baseball draft, MLB 11 The Show is tapping into our dorm room concept.

The game simulated the up-coming season and is giving a peek at the results for standard 5x5 leagues.

Here's the dish...

2011 Season Highlights using PlayStation’s MLB 11 The Show:

• Trevor Cahill - 18-7, 2.80 ERA (leads league)
• Brandon Webb - 14-8, 220 IP, 3.23 ERA, 5 CG
• CC Sabathia - 19 wins, 2.83 ERA, 7 CG
• Tim Lincecum - 225 K, 2.63 ERA

Braves pitching gives the Phils a run in the NL East!

• Tim Hudson - 17 wins, 2.49 ERA
• Tommy Hanson - 18 wins, 3.26 ERA
• Derek Lowe - 15 wins
• Jonny Venters - 51 saves

The Usual Suspects

• Prince Fielder - 47 HR, 111 RBI, .288 BA
• Albert Pujols - 42 HR, 131 RBI, .321
• Joey Votto - 34 HR, 109 RBI, .327
• Troy Tulowitzki - 41 HR, 143 RBI, .341
• Adrian Gonzalez - 34 HR, 138 RBI, .304
• Paul Konerko - 35 HR, 122 RBI

When I bounced these numbers off of much smarter baseball people than me, I think The Extra 2% author Jonah Keri put it best, "Ah yes, 220 IP for Brandon Webb."

But, hey, nice effort!

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The Cynic's Guide to Fantasy Football: Craigslist to the Rescue

It happens every year. It’s time to start your fantasy draft and one guy—you know, the guy that nobody really knows and is just a friend-of-a-friend who was supposed to join your league and bring the beer—calls with a sob story about how his car won’t start and his girlfriend needs him to run some errands and his favorite dog died and, long story short, he won’t be able to make the draft.

You can’t do a draft with an odd number of players, and nobody else can come up with a replacement. You're screwed, right? Well not anymore, thanks to the magic of Craigslist! When all else fails, just hop online, get yourself a replacement buddy and, like magic, your draft is ready to go.

As the ad so eloquently puts it: old buddy for sale or trade

"he is about to turn 42, and has just outlived his usefulness, he is helpful at working on old cars, but he will drink up all your beer, and get on your nerves (A LOT) but if you can use him just email me with offers, cash or otherwise. i might concider trading him for a bulldog puppy, but no cats please, honestly he's a pretty good guy to have around if your workin on old cars, or junkin, and sometimes even if your roofin your house, but my wife said he's gotta go, so he's outa here,">

Proceed with caution. This photo says it was taken in the year 2043, which means he may actually be a time-traveling ringer who nows all the best sleeper picks for the next 30 years. So let him into your league at your own risk.

Sure, you’ll have to provide the beer which your new buddy will drink all up, but at least your draft can proceed and you made a new friend in the process.

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Right Brain Fantasy Report: What to do with Father Time aka Brett Favre

HHR Failed to make the playoffs, but for your entertainment, we'll keep posting Dewey's rants. You can check out his breakdown every Thursday at Yardbarker's Right Brain Fantasy Report.

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Right Brain Fantasy Report: Marshawn Lynch, where are you?!

You can check out the Right Brain blog here.

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This Week's Right Brain Fantasy Report

You can check out the Right Brain blog here.

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Coors Light Right Brain Fantasy Football Report

What does virginity have to do with football? Everything.



Check out Dewey's breakdown every Thursday at Yardbarker's Right Brain Fantasy Report.

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(Still) Undefeated Dewey's Coors Light Right Brain Fantasy Football Report

For the record, this would go over great in South Jersey, where they have roadside shrines to Bazooka Joe's unibrow.

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Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 9

After a broadcasting layoff in the wake of BlogsWithBalls 2.0 in Vegas, we're back.

This week’s Blogs With Balls Show on the JoeSportsFan Radio Network is now available.

Download Episode 9 Here.



Making its triumphant return along with us is the Ballsy Blog of the Week. This week we profile FanDuel.com. While not a blog, per se, the site definitely has a set of stones.

Somehow managing to get itself (and more specifically - fantasy sports as a whole) classified as games of chance rather than gambling, the site allows users to win cash money doing what guys do anyway - playing fantasy sports.

What's more, is you don't have to wait (or even play) an entire season for a payout - you pay to play by the game.

We'll let them explain...

1. Draft your team

First, pick your fantasy team based on which players you think will score the most fantasy league points during the upcoming NFL or MLB games (MLB games are daily and NFL are weekly)...Once you've picked your players you should order your draft by clicking on each player and dragging it into position. Then you order your selection ready for the competitive draft with your opponent. [Note: NBA & NHL now available]

2. Set your entry fee and choose an opponent

Select who you want to go head-to-head with (either a real-life friend or a Fanduel buddy,or even your whole fantasy league!), how much you want the entry fee to be and send them your challenge. The draft takes place and we'll email you your final roster- and you can see your opponent's team too.

3. Get paid instantly when you win

Then sit back and watch the real-time stats roll in for both your team and your opponent's team as the action begins. The team which scores the most fantasy points by the end of the day is the winner - and walks away with the cash prize!

Simple as pie.

Our guest this week is Yardbarker.com CEO Pete Vlateslica. We are lucky to get a chance to speak with Pete on the heals of the recently announced partnership between Yardbarker and FoxSports.com.


Pete goes into some detail about the deal, the relationship between marketers and bloggers, the current focus of Yardbarker and some of the new features that will be available through the portal in the near future.

We put him Skyped Up with "Name That Barker" where we see if he can identify some of the athletes in his site's stable of stars.

This week’s links of interest:

• Blogs With Balls
• Yardbarker.com
• FanDuel.com
• Kyle Harrison's Blog
• Calvin Pace's Blog
• Gina Cerano's Blog
• Vernon Davis' Blog
• Chicks Dig Fast Eaters (Pat Bertoletti & Joey Chestnut's Blog)
• Twitter.com/petevlastelica
• Twitter.com/FanDuel

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Undefeated Dewey's Coors Light Right Brain Fantasy Football Report

For those keeping score, HHR is 4-4.

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Dewey's Latest at the Coors Light Right Brain Fantasy Report

Let's just say the way my season's going, I might just be best served paying a little more attention.

That, or just accuse Dewey of cheating.

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"Every time you start Carson Palmer, you risk dying"

This year for one of my 72 fantasy football teams, HHR joined the Coors Light "Right Brain League" at the National Football Post, pitting us against the likes of Black Sports Online, Yardbarker, Rumors & Rants and Awful Announcing.

Frankly, my dear, our team sucks.

But at least league member Dewey Hammond keeps us equally humble and amused at the Right Brain Fantasy Report every Thursday.

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Draft Day

This season, HHR will be participating in a VIP fantasy football league at the National Football Post sponsored by Coors Light. Among our fellow league managers will be the brains behind Yardbarker, Awful Announcing, Black Sports Online, Fansided and others.

I can only hope all our competition follows the lead of Yardbarker's Dewey Hammond and tips their hands and shows their strategy each week:

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HHR Cup: 3 Idiots Prove Knowledgeable

Now that that hangovers have worn off and the Super Bowl coverage is fading, HHR is proud to announce the winner of the 2nd Annual HHR Cup.


Along with bragging rights, 3 Idiots on Sports, as well as the first 2 runners-up will receive a snazzy HHR Big Game '09 T-Shirt.

Final Standings:


Thanks to all of this year's competitors:

• HHR's Ren, Woody, Cynic and part-time contributer and commentor Assasin Ave.
• The Camel Clutch's Eric Garugulo
• 3 Idiots on Sports' Russianator
• Not Qualified to Comment's JD
• Going Five Hole/Yahoo Hockey Blog's Sean Leahy
• CardsDiaspora.com's Aaron Hooks
• Sports Agent Blog's Darren Heitner
• One for the Other Thumb's Cotter
• Bugs & Cranks' Lady Andrea
• Walker of Walker Sports
• The Jets Blog's Brian Bassett
• The Crew from East Coast Bias
• NESW's Ethan Jaynes
• Real Clear Sports' Ryan Hudson
• NE Patriots Draft's James Christensen
• WFNY's Scott
• The Sports Complex's James Beale
• The Zoner

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HHR Cup Standings: Week 3

Week Three of the 2nd Annual HHR Fantasy Playoff Football Cup is in the books.

Here are the current standings, including the running number of players left on each squad as playoff teams were eliminated over the weekend. For rosters and scoring info click here.

With few competitors counting on the Cards in the Super Bowl, no-one has the maximum possible players remaining (6). Four folks have the minimum possible (2).

Week 3's Top Performers

Rank	Player	Pts
1	Steelers, P	70
2	Fitzgerald, L	42.2
3	Warner, K	37.95
4	Ravens, B	37
5	McNabb, D	36.85
6	Roethlisberger, B	18.55
7	Reed, J	13
8	Eagles, P	12
9	Miller, H	9.2
10	Westbrook, B	9.1
11	Ward, H	8.5
12	Akers, D	8
13	Boldin, A	7.4
14	Mason, D	7.1
15	Rackers, N	7
16	Parker, W	5.5
17	Stover, M	2
18	McClain, L	0.3
19	Flacco, J	-2.75

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HHR Cup Standings: Week 2

Week Two of the 2nd Annual HHR Fantasy Playoff Football Cup is in the books.

Here are the current standings, including the running number of players left on each squad as playoff teams were eliminated over the weekend. For rosters and scoring info click here.


Week 2 Top Performers:

Rank	Player	Pts
1	Steelers, P	44
2	Ravens, B	43
3	Fitzgerald, L	30.6
4	Rivers, P	30.15
5	Parker, W	26.6
6	Eagles, P	25
7	Giants, N	25
8	Gage, J	23.5
9	Warner, K	20.3
10	Titans, T	20
11	Mason, D	18.8
12	McNabb, D	18.45
13	Johnson, C	17
14	Panthers, C	17
15	Rackers, N	16
16	Roethlisberger, B	15.05
17	Flacco, J	14.55
18	Jackson, V	12.9
19	Miller, H	12.7
20	Smith, S	12.3
21	White, L	12
22	Akers, D	12
23	Chargers, S	12
24	Ward, H	11
25	Gates, A	10.9
26	Jacobs, B	9.2
27	Carney, J	9
28	Boss, K	8.2
29	Stover, M	8
30	Williams, D	7.9
31	Kaeding, N	7
32	Westbrook, B	6.6
33	Scaife, B	6.3
34	Reed, J	5
35	Toomer, A	4.6
36	Bironas, R	4
37	Crumpler, A	2.9
38	Manning, E	2.45
39	Delhomme, J	1.25
40	McClain, L	1.2
41	Kasay, J	1
42	Tomlinson, L	0

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HHR Cup Standings: Week 1

Week One of the Annual HHR Fantasy Playoff Football Cup is in the books.

Here are the current standings, including the running number of players left on each squad as playoff teams were eliminated over Wildcard Weekend. For rosters and scoring info click here.

This week's top performers:

Rank	Player	Pts
1	Ravens, B	78
2	Eagles, P	45
3	White, R	25.4
4	Wayne, R	22.9
5	Warner, K	22.55
6	Fitzgerald, L	22.1
7	Manning, P	21.4
8	Westbrook, B	21.1
9	Dolphins, M	21
10	Peterson, A	20.3
11	McNabb, D	18
12	Akers, D	18
13	Addai, J	17.2
14	Gates, A	16.7
15	Ryan, M	16.55
16	Boldin, A	15.1
17	Flacco, J	13.55
18	McClain, L	13.5
19	Turner, M	11.9
20	Clark, D	11.2
21	Mason, D	11.1
22	Chargers, S	10
23	Rivers, P	9.15
24	Stover, M	9
25	Ginn Jr., T	8.8
26	Tomlinson, L	8.5
27	Elam, J	6
28	Vinatieri, A	6
29	Kaeding, N	5
30	Rackers, N	4
31	Carpenter, D	3
32	Longwell, R	2
33	Shiancoe, V	1.7
34	Jackson, V	0
35	Fasano, A	0

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Competitors and Lineups are Set

The rules are simple. Well not exactly.

You pick a team of 20. 3QBs, 4RBs, 4WRs, 2, TEs, 4Ks, 3Defs.

The kicker is you have to fill those slots with the following criteria: 1. You must have at least one player/team D from every NFL playoff team; 2. You cannot have any more than 3 players/team D's from any one team.

There will be no waiver moves, draft picks, or trades allowed. The roster you choose will be the roster you have for the entire playoff season. Once your player/team D is eliminated, you get a zero for the remainder of that player/team def. weeks.

The scoring breakdown is available here.

Here's the field of competition vying for this year's HHR Cup:

• HHR's Ren, Woody, Cynic and part-time contributer and commentor Assasin Ave.
• The Camel Clutch's Eric Garugulo
• 3 Idiots on Sports' Russianator
• Not Qualified to Comment's JD
• Going Five Hole/Yahoo Hockey Blog's Sean Leahy
• CardsDiaspora.com's Aaron Hooks
• Sports Agent Blog's Darren Heitner
• One for the Other Thumb's Cotter
• Bugs & Cranks' Lady Andrea
• Walker of Walker Sports
• The Jets Blog's Brian Bassett
• The Crew from East Coast Bias
• NESW's Ethan Jaynes
• Real Clear Sports' Ryan Hudson
• NE Patriots Draft's James Christensen
• WFNY's Scott
• The Sports Complex's James Beale
• The Zoner

Here's a peek at the rosters. Click for a larger view.


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Compete for the Cup

Once again, HHR will be hosting its annual blogger NFL Fantasy Playoff League. We have a bunch of folks on board, but are looking to fill a few more slots. If any readers are interested in trying to pry the HHR Cup out of the chief's cold, dead hands, shoot us an email.

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If You Listened to Emmitt's "All 22"

...You'd have dropped a double deuce.

Emmitt wants to put what what in your butt.

If you're relying on Emmitt Smith to tell you who to start and sit for fantasy football, you're also probably taking weekly gambling advice from the Sports Guy and handicapping tips from Hammered Hank Goldberg. Needless, to say, you'd be a damn fool.

This morning I scratched my head when Emmitt recommended sitting both Brandon Jacobs and LaDainian Tomlinson.

Jacobs, maybe, I can understand under certain situations. But unless Tomlinson is dead, why would you recommend sitting him in any circumstance?

So how accurate were Emmitt's prognostications actually?

As offbased as you'd expect.

Jacobs earned his rites of patches, running 11 times for 73 yards and 2 touchdowns. That Baltimore defense Smith was so worried about? Gave up 207 yards on the ground to the Giants' offense.

Meanwhile, LT masturbated the ball down the feel for 100 total yards and a TD.