Kobe's poop-stained bedsheets up for auction

Boston, MA- In an effort to fetch as much money as Doc River's Gatorade soaked shirt, a maid at the Hampton Inn in downtown Boston saved Kobe Bryant's turd stained sheets from his hotel room during his stay in Boston.

Claudia Lopez, of Natick, Mass., cleaned Kobe's room while the Lakers where in town for the final against the Celtics.

"I wasn't sure if it was Kolby's room" Ms. Lopez told the AP, "but then every morning after a Lakers loss the men in the custodial staff would comment how Kolby was 'really shitting the bed' during the finals. So I put one and one together and realized the stained sheets must be his."

The sheets and room were then authenticated by an attractive front desk clerk who confirmed Kobe's room because of the room key he handed her and whispered he was going to get her 'rocky mountain laid.'

The sheets will be auctioned off next week at Christie's with all proceeds going directly to Ms. Lopez's bank account.

Pre-Gaming with Craiglist - Clinching a Troph-y

While the Celtics may be tired from the flight, the scumbags, scammers, and sexual predators of craigslist aren't fatigued in the slightest. If you're looking for tickets to the Celts-Lakers game, sometimes you do what you gotta do. And sometimes you're what's getting done.

As always, these are real ads put up by real (probably fake) people.

TRADE: SOX/YANKEES for CELTICS tonight
Only in Boston would someone actually forgo seeing game 6 to watch the Sox play a third place AL East Team. This seller would be better off offering to mow someone's lawn.

wanted: 2 tickets to tonight's game - will do yardwork or anything
Dude - this is craigslist. If in desperation you give someone the option of "anything" OR "yardwork" be prepared for them to ask if you know how to use a leaf-blower. Also be ready for them to say it ain't gonna be used for yardwork. (Trust me on this. And screw you Ryan Leaf).

Anybody feeling generous?
Probably, which is why they are taking their friends, family and not some stranger who probably has meth-teeth.

courtside BLACK SEATS tonight for sale!
Well that's just racist against white people. See - Boston's come so far!

ACTUAL FAN LOOKING FOR CELTICS TICKETS
Something about this says post title makes me wonder if this actual fan has ever touched an actual woman with his actual hand.

Alex, I'd like Two Celtics Game 6 Tickets for Two Thousand
This is tough, because you are depending on three things - first that someone named Alex has tickets and second that he (or she) plans to sell them. Thirdly you think people still watch Jeopardy.

Trade DJ services for Celtics tickets to Game 6
Clearly, this was posted by former Celtics great Dennis Johnson, who will come to your driveway and do game-winning layups for 45 minutes. No autographs.

iiiiiiiiii've got tickets, bump bump, bump bump.
I'm going with this being an outright lie. It's probably someone who wants to feel the rush of joy brought from the envy of others. The worst part of this one is no one knows what freaking song that is.

F*ck me for my Celtics tickets
Well OK - we're getting right to the point here. But there's still too much left to the imagination and without a picture of the person with their tickets, this might actually be a scam! The only way to stop people like this is to go to their house, f*ck them, and then NOT take their fake tickets. Ha! Who's the scam artist now!?

If the Celtics Win.....You can F*ck me up the a** ! (NSFW PIC)
That is a level of specificity even I didn't anticipate. And they included a pic, which probably makes OH GOD MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES OH DEAR LORD YOU CAN'T DO IT IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT OH GOD AND WHY IS THAT FACE SMILING THIS IS THE END OF DAYS

Trade 4 Jonas Bros tickets for 4 Celtics tickets Game 6
Oh really? Ummm, I'll trade a brick I found behind my house! How about a burned out bulb or a half-ear of corn my dog regurgitated? Maybe you could just offer up four piles of hot human feces next time?!

4 COLDPLAY TIX TRADE FOR 2 CELTICS TIX
Oh someone already did.

Enjoy the clincher everyone!

Pre Gaming with Craigslist

Wanna go to the Celts/LA game tonight? Wanna not get raped? Then get on craigslist. The Chief taps into the underbelly of the internet and finds how some in Boston are going about buying, selling, or fending off sexual assault.

Will Pay For Tickets To Celtics -
The Chief says: Straight forward and to the point. Saying you'll pay for them is a good strategy. Also might have tried "Will accept Free Tickets to Celtics."

Looking for game 2 tickets celtics-lakers not looking to get raped - $1
Again straight forward but with specific limitations set in place as to the nature of the transaction. I used to think not getting raped was standard operating procedure, but then again, Kobe is in town, so it's probably good to be clear about this.

CELTICS VS LAKERS (I CAN DELIVER TIX) -
A good salesman here - making ease of purchase a hook. Then again, beware the whole rape thing.

2 CELTICS TICKETS FOR GAME 1 TONIGHT GET IT WHILE ITS HERE !! BALCONY (BALCONY !!! BALCONY !!! BALCONY !!!!!)
Location location location. All caps means you are excited and believe what you are saying is urgent, important, and worth knowing. It also may mean you are 7. By the nature of those exclamation points and the spaces in between, I'm thinking a parakeet typed this. Buyer beware.

Keep me in mind when you still have Celtics tickets tonight.
People should just do this anyway. Even though no one will ever know who you are. Unless maybe you are offering something sexy in ret...... Nope. And now I have forgotten about you.

Don't let your Celtics tickets go to waste!!! -
So do not sell or give them to this person.

WANTED Red Sox tonight 605 -
Only in Boston. (this is under a search for Celtics)

need celtics...have stuff to trade...
The lowercase letters, the two ellipses (...) - these are the hallmarks of a desperate person with very low self-esteem. Caution here, as the word "stuff" could be anything from "cool laptop w/ built in cd DVD player/burner" to "Wandering Grandma."

will trade laptop w/built in cd DVD player/burner for 2 celtics tix
What, no grandma? You don't really want these tickets at all, do you?

HA HA HA- Celtics scalpers are crazy!!!
HA HA HA I AM FUCKING RETARDED

WHEN YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CELTICS TICKETS AT 5PM
That means you have not been jumped, raped, or given them away to a friend who all the sudden 'might be dying.' Enjoy the game.

Separated at Birth: Late Show with Phil Jackson

With the Hollywood writers strike subjecting TV junkies to months worth of crappy viewing, Phil Jackson happily crossed the picket line to "phil" in for Letterman last night on the Late Show.