Game On: The 2008 Iron Ref Final(e)

After months of Colosseum-quality gladiator battles, HHR is happy to provide you with the final Iron Ref of 2008. The winner here claims a title of course, but so much more when you think about it. They can say they won something on the internet! That's not easy to do. We've got a special something in store for the winner, so we're excited to see who pulls out a victory here.

No judges this time - you were the people who got them this far, so we will leave it to you to either bestow them the greatest title this internet website has to offer, or denying them this 'honor' and in a sense, preserving their dignity. So there are no losers here, save those of us who post on this site.

The Secret Ingredient for this Final Round is
WINNER TAKE ALL

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Stanley Cup of Chowder


Roughly 72,000 thoroughbreds will see the inside of a starting gate each year. Less than 1% of those will ever win a stakes race. The rest will toil in low grade maiden, allowance, and claiming races in front of sparse crowds filled with degenerates and creepy old men who reek like mothballs and stale cigar smoke.


The lucky ones might end up being a toy for some rich brat whose daddy is trying to make up for years of not being there for his little girl.


Some will end up as a part of your kid’s arts and crafts project.


Others might end up helping to end hunger in third world countries…


…or at an elementary school cafeteria.


The horses that end up in the winner’s circle of the sport of kings’ premier races are the ones that truly get to live like kings. These horses will race for a few years before enjoying the greatest retirement this side of Del Boca Vista. These proven winners will go out to stud and be rewarded with a never-ending supply of the finest fillies around. That’s right, these lucky bastards get to spend the rest of their days just hanging out, nailing some Grade A horse tail. That sounds like a pretty sweet life to me… you know, if I were a horse.

(A Word of Warning: If you type “horse mating” into
Google images, make sure SafeSearch is on)

I assume that the Ultimate Iron Ref is rewarded with the human equivalent of going out to stud. When The Chief mentioned a “special surprise for the winner” that was what he was talking about, right?
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Lady Andrea

I love competition. Not just being a fan of sports, but actually competing in things myself. I get a little bloodthirsty. I have this new boyfriend Robert and last night we were at a bar. He challenged me to a game of pool and told me that he wasn't going to let me win. I told him that if he DID let me win, I'd be forced to kick his ass.


We played and I won the first game. Because he accidentally sunk the 8 ball. So I called that game a draw. That's not a legitimate way to win. Nobody is satisfied. There's no payoff. So I challenged Robert to another game. And I really wanted to win. I like to win. I did beat him, though the game was close. He also commented that getting beaten by me was pretty hot.

What I like is that we have decided we need to join forces. We need to put our shared competitive streak to good use and crush unwitting opponents. We already have a plan to embarrass two men we work with at pool. And that's what Winner Take All is all about. Crushing your opponent's heart, mind and spirit until he is a huddling mass on the floor.

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So there you have it everyone. The final outcome rests in your hands and your hands alone. Your vote in the comments will determine which of these two is named the Ultimate Iron Ref of 2008. So who's it gonna be?

Iron Ref - Classic Victory

Congrats to our first Iron Ref Playoff Winner, Lady Andrea. In a close race that came down to the final minutes, her tale of loyalty over wardrobe won the hearts and minds (and maybe a few pants of our voters). And like in the real sports world, we see established winners losing to that pesky wildcard.

Next week, look for three more previous winners as we wind down and look to crown the ultimate champion.

Iron Ref: Dewey Defeats Truman (College Graduate)

With 93% of precincts reporting, HHR is calling a winner...
Iron Ref: Sore Losers
Contestants: Lady Andrea, Dewey Hammond, Chris Mottram

In what turned out to be a 2-person race with early favorite TSB's Chris Mottram being rendered Irrelevant, the voting public has spoken, and Yardbarker Managing Editor Dewey Hammond has been crowned this week's (inaugural) Iron Ref. Dewey ran most of the competition neck-in-neck with Truman State University alumna Lady Andrea of Bugs & Cranks/Ladies... fame.

Remember folks, this is not a scientific (or even legitimate) process. We prefer keeping voting in the comments because it gives us an additional forum for the likes of Flatusyahu and the Tirico Suave boys.

That said, we have about 20 sports bloggers, from both large sites and ones you may not have heard of, that we will be pitting against each other in the near future. Look for the next 3 contestants and the secret ingredient to be announced on Monday.

Clearly, if Hammond taught us anything, this contest is all about (self-described) shameless self-promotion. But I guess that is why we all write on blogs, isn't it?

Without further ado, we crown Dewey's ass Iron Ref.