Honeymoon in Cleveland

There are few things I love receiving more on this site than photos of Browns fans tailgating, be it making fun of Braylon Edwards, idolizing Brady Quinn, or celebrating one's nuptials.

These two got married yesterday...no lie.

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Drunk Browns Fans and a Vat of Hot Oil...

What could possibly go wrong?

Welcome Home, Braylon...You Drunkard.

Game on. 8:30 in the AM and the Braylon Edwards Welcome Wagon is in full affect.

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Brady Quinn is Dreamy Even When Airbrushed

From my friend Katie:

Hey what's ur email? I found a pic w my friends shirt w the airbrushed brady face one it. Also of muni lot and a mullet!

This is the Tshirt I was telling you about and the AMAZING muni lot of cleveland oh!

You're welcome, boys. Anonymity is on me.

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Saw VI: The Bernie Kosar Story

As documented in yesterday's Miami Herald, Bernie Kosar has had a rough fall from grace. There is no excuse, ex-superstar or not, to not know how to perform even the most mundane tasks:

He just learned the other day, after much trying and failing, how to make his own coffee. This is a man who owned his own jet and helped found companies, plural. But when his new girlfriend came over recently and found him trying to cook with his daughters, she couldn't believe what was on the kitchen island to cut the French bread. A saw.

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Iron Ref: Secret Weapon

This is it. Welcome back to Kitsch-en Stadium for the first of two Semi-Final contests. It turns out they were the two wild cards we brought back for the playoffs, which ensures that purists everywhere will be enraged by the presence of a wild card in the finals. Naturally as a Red Sox fan, that does not bother me in the slightest.

The Secret Ingredient is:
SECRET WEAPON

Just because we have judges this round, doesn't mean you don't have a say in who wins. So make sure to vote for who best used the ingredient in the comment section.

VOTING ENDS WED 6 pm

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Lady Andrea
In the sport called "life," there is a secret weapon out there. This secret weapon helped me sneak into courtside seats of a Chicago Bulls game. This secret weapon let me get a prime spot in the Las Vegas Hilton sportsbook during the first weekend of March Madness. This secret weapon got Ted Lilly to stop on Michigan Avenue and chat with me about baseball, and ultimately the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry. And this secret weapon got Matt Morris to toss me his warm-up ball from the St. Louis Cardinals bullpen. With his number written on it.

What is this secret weapon? Breasts. Sweater kittens. The girls. My Wit and my Charm.

Sorry. I know it's grossly unfair to my opponent to pull out the big guns. But as a female sports fan, I've noticed that attention from guys goes boobs first, sports knowledge second. Sure, some guys are immediately dazzled by my analysis of the Bears defense or my knowledge of Albert Pujols' slugging percentage. But more often than not, the first impression is from an eyeful (or several) of my treasure chest. So I thought turnabout is fair play. These are my secret weapons. And either the judges will be swayed by my actual upper deck, or they'll find the humor delightfully ironic.

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Scott Sargent

[Audience applause]

Welcome to The Report. So good to have you. Please, sit down. Thank you…

Dropping. The stock market. The national surplus of yesteryear. Your 401K. Everything is dropping. But while all of those things can likely rebound to provide some sort of benefit in the near future, the folks in Cleveland will have to wait a lot longer than that for a turnaround in their dropping. And by that, I mean Braylon Edwards.

You see, while most professional athletes build off of success, others choose not too. Sure, shooting yourself in the leg is pretty embarrassing as it is. But at least Cheddar Burress didn’t commit said act in front of 73,000 fans. Every week.

But while these drops have lead to a disappointing football season for the Cleveland Browns, those paying fans can take pride in one thing: Consumables. Which brings us to tonight’s “Word.”

Sure, Cleveland fans may not exactly get to watch a respectable franchise take the field every week. But the earlier you show up in the morning, the more you get for your money. And while you may not “get” good football, you can get some warm food that you get to share with countless strangers. Chili, hot dogs, even the occasional “tofu burger” for those remaining hippies… You get to eat, drink and be marry. At least until you enter the stadium. Or…

After about an hour wait in a line full of barking, puking, mask-wearing “friends,” you get to partake in the wonderful pigskin pastime of the firearm search. Guys in one line to be searched by males, and the females stand in line with the line backing lesbians at the finish line. Once you successfully prove that you are not packing “heat,” you get to proceed to the escalator.

Yum. I know. But fear not. Once you survive what I like to call the “Ass-Face Express,” your $100 ice cube dressed in orange plastic awaits. There, you can partake in even more perishable items, only at about nine times the price of those that you ingested only hours ago. Here is where you are “helping your economy.”


Not long thereafter, you survive the first half of your town’s favorite game. Barely, thanks to the hope that your team can actually maintain their double-digit lead against a team that they manhandled only a year prior. Based on last year, this should be a no-brainer.

But once that lead starts to dissipate, the only thing between yourself and freedom is last call. With the fourth quarter drawing near, you must load up on the frothy investment that never lets you down, unlike those pesky things like “PSLs” or “Season Tickets.” And when in doubt, you can use that degree from Kent State or wherehaveyou and turn that investment into a secondary use.


Whether it be in response to another Braylon drop, botched clock management or simply a referee making the correct call though not one that you approve of, you can retaliate by throwing any and everything you get your hands on. A shoe. Both shoes. Shin-soo Choo. Throw it. Make those guys run off of the field in fear. At least the game will end early, thus shortening your despair. And fear not. If you must loft your consumables towards the field, I have your back, Browns fans. Woof. Woof.

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So there you have it! Make sure to vote in the comments!

Cleveland Steamer

Like many Trenton-area sports fans, we watched Hamilton native Kevin Johnson's progression from All-State high school quarterback to his position battle at Syracuse with Donovan McNabb to his conversion to wide receiver and being drafted by the Cleveland Browns.

For a good five year stretch, his #85 Browns jersey stood proudly in Quakerbridge Mall beside Eagles and Giants greens and blues.

And then, it was gone. The jerseys and the player.

Despite being the Browns' leading receiver since being drafted, his inablity to coexist with then-coach Butch Davis lead to his being cut by the team, and subsequent downfall from NFL stardom.

While at first the transacton perplexed football fans, and fueled rumors that he would soon be an Eagle, stints with the Ravens, Jags and Lions proved unfruitful and Johnson, now at age 32, has been out of the game for 3 years.

The best idea anyone had was that he punched his ticket out of the League for being a malcontent.

Thus, I found it disheartening as he channeled his inner Al Bundy to pen a piece for this year's 50th Anniversary of the Hamilton HS West (Johnson's alma mater)/Steinert High School annual Thanksgiving Day game:

I cannot help but smile and laugh thinking of the “We’ve got Kevin, Yes we do, We’ve got Kevin, How about you?” chanted by the Hamilton fans in my senior year or the importance to my teammates and I that we win every Thanksgiving Day game.

His humble reflection on family, tradition and community brings this once bright, shining star back to earth and leaves some locals wondering, "What the hell happened to his guy, that, only a decade after his being on top of the world, he's sitting in Trenton with the rest of us this holiday?"

Look Out, Cleveland!

Steelers fans issue a storm warning (via The Band) to Cleveland fans (and ironically Houston, too)...



Nicky Zierenberg better watch the hell out, as well.

Training Camp Postcards, Part 4 of 8: AFC North

As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.

Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.

Today, we take a look at what's going on in , Georgetown, KY (Bengals), Letrobe, PA (Steelers), Berea, OH (Browns) and Westminster, MD (Ravens) from a player's perspective.

To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.





EDITOR'S NOTE: WE INTENDED TO POST A CARD FROM KYLE BOLLER FROM RAVENS' CAMP, BUT IT WAS INTERCEPTED UPON DELIVERY.

What Happens When You Mix Joe Thomas and Gunowners?

You might remember on draft day 2007 seeing Wisconsin lineman (and soon to be Cleveland Brown) Joe Thomas fishing on Lake Michigan. Prepare to see more of that citizens of Ohio.

From Don Walker at the Badgers Blog:

Former University of Wisconsin football star Joe Thomas is a TV star, too.

Thomas, an offensive lineman in his second year with the Cleveland Browns, will be co-hosting "Outdoors Ohio with D'Arcy Egan and Joe Thomas" on SportsTime Ohio. Egan is the outdoors writer for the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

But producers should beware of mixing Thomas and gun owners...

Tim Couch Hates Your Blogging Anonymity

Former number one pick Tim Couch wants to make a team.

Kentucky Representative Tim Couch wants to make anonymous posting online illegal.

According to WTQV, "The bill would require anyone who contributes to a website to register their real name, address and e-mail address with that site. Their full name would be used anytime a comment is posted. If the bill becomes law, the website operator would have to pay if someone was allowed to post anonymously on their site. The fine would be five-hundred dollars for a first offense and one-thousand dollars for each offense after that."

Brady "Hansel" Quinn

Why would a company sign Brady Quinn to do an endorsement?

Usually a company will get suckered early into paying an unproven draft pick for a quick advertisement like a NFL owner, but EAS has had all season to see that Brady Quinn doesn't play on Sundays.

However, after I began doing extensive research on this groundbreaking post, it has become apparent that the EAS endorsement may make sense. Brady Quinn's fame does not rest in his throwing arm, he has transitioned his nascient career into America's next top shirtless model.
Every picture of Quinn looks like he is showing the ladies where the beach is. He may be a deacon at the church of McConaughey his shirt is off so much. If he is forced to wear a shirt, he shops in the junior section with the fabric screaming for mercy like the pants of Kim Kardashian.
This year has been rife with poorly conceived commercials that the public has had to swallow in order to watch the NFL. Chad Johnson and GoDaddy? I'm sure Ocho is gobbling up web addresses. Beyonce and DirectTV? Really? You really need the money Beyonce? Does DirectTV think I'm going to subscribe because Beyonce wants to upgrade me?

I wanted to pan Quinn and EAS for having a ridiculous commercial, but I need to give props to Quinn's peeps for hooking him up with the gig knowing he is shooting for male model of the year not Braylon Edwards down the field.