Cadillac Mescalade: Super Bowl Stories Reaching Saturation Level

Unsure of which articles to read about the Super Bowl or perhaps tired of the hype?

Here is an easy Cliff's Notes on what you've missed, but you don't have to take my word for it.

I've got news for you! Archie Mannie served as quarterback for the New Orleans Saints for a decade during their heyday of losing! This man should be conflicted about who to root for in the big game coming up. You see, Archie's son, Peyton Manning is the starting quarterback for the Saints' opponent, the Indianapolis Colts.


Get this...Archie is going to side with his family and root for the Colts, in the words of another New Orleans legend that is a "numba one stunna." Not quite. With all due respect to Baby, and the rest of the Cash Money Millionaires, it's no surprise a father will side with his son and that this storyline is just one of the many that has been drummed up in the two week lead-up to the Super Bowl, which will finally kick off this Sunday in Miami.

The newspapers, websites, and blogs have given us interviews with the Manning's legendary housekeeper, Archie's next door neighbors, the other brother Cooper, Peyton's high school coach, college friends, and everyone short of his general practitioner to give us a better idea in how much the Manning's love New Orleans.

The other brother.

But this week they must support the Colts. Or better yet, what can these people tell us about what makes Peyton tick. We've learned that Reggie Bush has still a ways to go before he can catch the same spotlight created by backside of the girl by his side, to which I can see no downside. We've kept up with the Kardashians while finding the heartwarming story of Saints lineman Anthony Hargrove who has battled back from addiction to be a key component of the Saints Super Bowl game plan.

Pleas try to keep up.

It was let on that Saints Head Man Sean Payton, no relation to the other Peyton, ponied up some of his own salary to lure in defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. Williams, the man who has spearheaded the Saints resilient defense, one I fear will be put to the ultimate test against the Colts. However, it's the Saints offense everyone expects great things out of. If you hadn't heard, the San Diego Chargers left Drew Brees for dead and he has repaid the Saints faith ten-fold. In fact, we now know Brees is so well liked in New Orleans and not just by the secret society of well connected business man he meets with to better the community, but by the whole city who, win, lose, or draw in Miami will name their savior "Breesus" the Bacchus in 2010. This means he will reign as the 42nd King of the Krewe in the annual Carnival parade. A privilege somewhere between the Pro Bowl and eternal salvation.

A privilege somewhere between the Pro Bowl and eternal salvation.

Not to be outdone, it's evident Jim Caldwell has done just fine replacing Tony Dungy, a savior in his own right. The bond between the Colts is a strong one for a team that has a Super Bowl ring not too far removed from their rear view mirror. We know Manning is demanding, he may cuss out an offensive lineman, but rewards them with dream vacations in the off-season. Pierre Garcon took a sloppy high school work ethic, parlayed it into all-star career in Division 3 college football, and has hit the football lottery becoming part of the answer to who will replace Marvin Harrison. Keep in mind Garcon does all of this while keeping his homeland Haiti close to his heart and helping with what has been a tremendous outpouring of relief efforts across all sports.

Matt Stover has proved kickers are football's fountain of youth. This is a man that was a teammate of Phil Simms and remains a key to the Colts. But what you really need to know is that Dwight Freeney's ankle is getting better, or is it? Injury reports are often as accurate as my completed sudokus so take Freeney's self proclamations of improvement with a grain of salt. No worries. The Saints will prepare for this man and anyone else the Colts may send their way. They have Scott Fujita who isn't afraid to speak his mind, and Darren Sharper, remember nobody wanted him, not the Packers, nor the Vikings, turns out the while the city rebuilt itself, the Saints continue to rebuild careers. Cut to Jeremy Shockey smiling at the Super Bowl ring he has, but dreaming of the one he is going to get an actual chance to play for. A bigger smile might come from Manning, who know he's getting paid after this game, that's perhaps the only guarantee we have.

Oh yeah, and Madden NFL '10 has picked the Saints to win 35-31. I always did like that video game.

Kickoff is set for 6:25pm eastern, creeping ever closer to primetime. Commercials are up to 2.6 million per 30 seconds. While The Who will handle the halftime, who knew they first tried to retire in 1982? Speaking of which, Brett Favre...

NSFW, but damn amusing...

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The Future Ex-Mrs. Reggie Bush Knows Class When She Sees It

Looking to change her image from trashy, big-assed sex tape and reality star, Reggie Bush love interest Kim Kardashian has turned to Angelina Jolie's stylist, telling Life & Style, "Angelina has sophistication and class."

A quick peek at Ambassador Jolie's Wikipedia page gives us a sense of just what a class act she is...

• On March 28, 1996, Jolie married British actor Jonny Lee Miller, her co-star in the film Hackers (1995). She attended her wedding in black leather pants and a white shirt, upon which she had written the groom's name in her blood.
• She then married American actor Billy Bob Thornton, whom she had met on the set of Pushing Tin (1999), on May 5, 2000. As a result of their frequent public declarations of passion and gestures of love—most famously wearing one another's blood in vials around their necks—their relationship became a favorite topic of the entertainment media.
• Jolie has said in interviews that she is bisexual and has long acknowledged that she had a sexual relationship with her Foxfire (1996) co-star Jenny Shimizu, "I would probably have married Jenny if I hadn't married my husband. I fell in love with her the first second I saw her." In 2003, asked if she was bisexual, Jolie responded, "Of course. If I fell in love with a woman tomorrow, would I feel that it's okay to want to kiss and touch her? If I fell in love with her? Absolutely! Yes!"
• In early 2005, Jolie was involved in a well-publicized Hollywood scandal when she was accused of being the reason for the divorce of actors Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. The allegation was that she and Pitt had started an affair during filming of Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005).

And then there's that whole "hooking-up-with-your-brother" thing...

Photo: intogossip.blogspot.com

Commercial CRitic: You Rich Enough to Watch the Tournament

The CRitic has been on a hiatus through no fault of his own. There has been a serious lack of sports-themed commercials.

There have been a few noteworthy commercials such as the Dr. J, 10 second ad for Converse. Short, sweet and to the point, well done.

There have been some travesties such as the Subway commercial with Tony Parker and Tony Stewart congratulating Jared for not continuing a lifestyle that would kill him young. It is reminiscent of how you can pay celebrities to come to your birthday party, ahem Peyton Manning ahem. We once looked into having Jack Nicholas come to my grandma’s birthday, it wasn’t worth it.

There is another commercial about how Reggie Bush’s quick, which must be referring to his legs, smells like French Toast. I think Ray J may have revealed why on The Tyra Banks Show. (4:24)

But what I have particularly noticed, since I have been watching college basketball for the past three weeks to prepare for my family’s bracket for the opportunity to win $20, is the theme of college basketball commercials.

Have you ever caught yourself in middle of a series of commercials for tampons, yeast infection medicine and birth control pills and think to yourself that maybe I shouldn’t be watching this show?

Well, if you are not approaching retirement or an investor, you should not be watching college basketball. Hartford Financials, Pacific Life, Charles Schwab, T. Rowe Price and Fidelity are only a few of the financial companies advertising trying to get your cheese during college basketball games.

The marketing data must be screaming at these companies about the demographics of a typical college basketball fan.

College fan = college educated = mo money = mo problems.

Reggie Bush, This Is the Life You've Chosen

While Cardboard Box Reggie Bush has been busy canoodling with girlfriend Kim Kardashian half naked on the beach, Tyra Banks was grilling Ray J on his video collaboration with Kim and not-so-subtly referencing his "large personality." You stay classy, Tyra. You are a real role model for young women everywhere.

But that's neither here nor there. This is a sports blog.

This is your life, Reggie Bush. Enjoy the show.



H/T: Bitten&Bound

Sex Tape Armenian/Carboard Box NOT Marrying

Like many, we jumped all over this when we first heard it, questioning what the hell Reggie was thinking.

From E! Online's The Hum:

The Internet was all abuzz last night with news of Kim Kardashian getting engaged to Heisman Trophy-winning footballer Reggie Bush over the holidays. The eye of the storm was an OK! magazine piece saying the betrothal was a done deal.

And as much as we would love to watch the Kardashian clan go shopping for wedding dresses in season two of their E! series, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kim's rep has gone on record: "It's not true."

Squashed!

Ray J's Sloppy Seconds

If playing second banana to LenDale White and Deuce McAllister wasn't demeaning enough, OK! Magazine is reporting that Reggie "Cardboard Box" Bush is engaged to girlfriend/Ray J Sex tape co-star Kim Kardashian. Ironically a gal renowned for her fanny will soon be named "Bush."

Photo: Getty Images

The story quotes her bragging about her culinary skills in a manner that would make Arthur Blank and Fuzzy Zoeller blush:

"People don’t know that, but I cook all the time. My best dish is surprisingly my soul food meals. My fried chicken and my macaroni and cheese and my sweet potato souffle."

Atta girl.

Here's hoping F*ck Da Eagles girl makes an appearance at the ceremony.