Amare to Shaq: You're Lucky

HHR's Kevin Owens spent some time in the Big Apple with New York Knicks' big man Amare Stoudemire. Stoudemire surprised Walt Arnett from Lexington, KY, the winner of Excedrin’s “What’s Your Headache” contest, which rewarded Arnett by helping to get his basketball charity, Greater Than You, off the ground. You can see Kevin's write-up at 30Nothings.com and hear Stoudemire talk hoops in another clip, but below Kevin sets him up for a little smack talk at the expense of his former teammate, the Big Shaqtus.

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Greatest Video Ever: Norman Tugwater Demands you Pay Up

Gary Busey has a message for all fantasy football owners: you better think twice before you draft Adrian Peterson.

Busey and Peterson both star in “Time to Collect,” a video from vitaminwater that features Busey as Norman Tugwater – a maniacal lawyer who demands that his client (Peterson) receives compensation for his fantasy football rights. The humorous video also features a cameo from Shaq. Visit www.tugwater.com for more.

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The Big Suckerpunch: Congress Calls Out Shaq While Honoring Kobe, Lakers

It's been a rough few days for the Shaq Daddy.

It started off with a black spot placed on Shaq Diesel's new show when he happened to book a now accused rapist, Ben Roethlisberger, to be a main feature.

A few days later, Congress elbows Shaq Fu in the gut with a resolution honoring the Lakers' NBA championship while calling him out in the process:

"Whereas the Lakers won Game 5 against the Magic by a final score of 99-86, clinching a historic championship, Kobe Bryant's first championship without Shaquille O'Neal,"

Now, the Big Aristotle gets denied at the gates of the White House to philosophize with Obama even though he put on a nice suit.

The Big Shaqtus can't get any love. Hopefully, the new TV show won't have the same divorcing effects as the last one.

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Shaq Denied Entrance Into White House

Tweet #1: "Question, I'm n dc, think if I walk up to the white house, they let me in, I kno the answer, let me kno wht u think, o yea I'm wearin shrts."

Tweet #2: "The white house wouldn't let me in, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

H/T: Politico

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Shaq to School: But Will He Master the Triple Lindy?

CBS Sports reports that cunning linguist Shaquille O'Neal is is taking a broadcasting class at Syracuse University known as Sportscaster U, having arrived on Sunday and started school Monday at the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.

We at HHR say there is no doubt he has the potential to go down as the greatest Tweeting 7'1" cockeyed broadcaster in the history of television.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

The Curious Case of Dwight Howard

In a league based on the promotion of talented young, budding superstars, the fawning over "Superman" Dwight Howard has been, at best, nauseating.

In the Sports Illustrated's April 20, 2009 cover story it was noted: "But to spend a day with Howard—hell, to spend 10 minutes with him—is to realize that despite his imposing stature and freakish athleticism, he may be among the least badass big men in NBA history."

To back the point up, the author cited the following recent examples:

• "For starters, he has this unfortunate habit of smiling all the time, even when he's dunking on someone."
• "This is a guy who sings Beyoncé at the free throw line to ward off distractions, who quotes not Scarface but Finding Nemo."
• "He fools around during practice, during press conferences and during shootaround, where Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has had to institute a no-flatulence rule because, as forward Rashard Lewis says, "Dwight really likes to cut the cheese."
• "During the photo shoot for this story, Walter Iooss Jr. had such a difficult time getting a serious pose out of Howard that he eventually told the young star to just do whatever came to mind. Unshackled, Howard launched into 20 minutes of antic posturing (including fake gangster looks and a Will Ferrell imitation), eventually producing so many fey poses that were SI so inclined, it could now put out a coffee-table book titled Dwight Howard: Dandy-at-Large."

Two weeks after the issue came out, the Magic Center was suspended for, well, "toughening up," and sizing up the 76ers' Sammy Dalembert for a Dusty Rhodes-esq bionic elbow.



How did the star react to the suspension that, had the Sixers had any heart and a half-decent head coach, could have knocked the Magic from the playoffs?

First he blogged his innocence:

Well, I’m out of Game 6 tonight in Philly and there’s nothing I can do now but respect the NBA’s decision. I didn’t intend to hurt anyone, but there is a lot more pushing, grabbing and holding and elbowing that goes on down there in the paint than people realize.

And then Tweeted from the bench.


In one breath, it's a pleasure to see someone so freely and willingly interacting directly with fans.

And fans are very eager to defend him.

From this week's SI Letters:

The Joy of Dwight

Those who say Dwight Howard is too nice to win a title should take a look at the history books. Nice guys do finish first, including Tony Dungy, David Robinson and countless others who critics claimed could never win the big one.
Ray Bailey, Ottawa, Ill.

One thing is clear: Dwight Howard (The Happy Dunker, April 20) has more class than Shaquille O'Neal. Sounding quite jealous and bitter, Shaq could learn something from Howard, whose joy transcends the game. While it is unfortunate that Howard's coach and G.M. in Orlando don't seem to embrace this, I hope Howard doesn't try to conform to what they think he should be. By being himself, I have a feeling he will be just fine. Check that—Super.
Jonathan Fiskus, Jamaica Estates, N.Y.

Too nice? Maybe. But the Dalembert incident both spotlighted his immaturity on and off the court, and proved that any perceived toughness he may have is a detriment to him and his team if he is unable to control it.

For all of Shaq's off-the-court childlike goofiness, there was a controlled rage on the court while he was in his prime.

Meanwhile, Howard's team was on the brink of losing to a Philly team that had little business staying with them, while last night, as so eloquently put by one half of the NBA's resident Mario Brothers, Stan Van Gundy: "We didn’t take away anything; they [Boston] got everything they wanted. They just had us running around. … And we did not handle it well." Inexcusable.

To reach the pantheon of sports success and respectability, one must not only have heart, but play with heart. For all of the good will Howard has earned among fans with not just his social media usage, but with his All-Star Weekend spectaculars, there will be a time when, like Shaq today, all of the off-the-court nonsense becomes just that - nonsense. At least Shaq has the rings and legacy to fall back on.

At 23 and with 5 NBA seasons on his resume, like it or not, Howard is not a kid anymore. Should he spend less time bullshitting online and more time working on game outside of the paint and on free throws, Howard could be an even more dominating force than he already is. And what sports fan wouldn't want that from this lovable lug?

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Shaq, Shufflin Crew Highlight Y!'s Top 25 Worst Rappers List

Like most lists, this one was a little predictable, but I can't say I'd argue with the inclusions.

Believe me, I would have busted heads, if my boy $hamrock was on it.

Here's what the Music Blog's Rob O'Connor had to say about our Athlete/"Entertainers":

25) Chicago Bears: The Chicago Bears are a professional football team based in Chicago, Illinois. In 1985, before winning the Super Bowl they daringly commemorated their proud achievement with "The Super Bowl Shuffle," a rap tune that made this group of on the field tough guys look like an ineffective glee club. Did they really psych out their opponents with this? So why didn't they record a follow-up? They didn't win the Super Bowl the next year. Honorable mention goes to the Miami Dolphins, the San Francisco 49ers, the L.A. Raiders, the Cincinnati Bengals and the L.A. Rams, other football teams who couldn't resist the urge to kick back a few beats and look more than a little silly.



11) Shaquille O'Neal: Now I love watching Shaq stand over the basketball net and push the ball in with his hand. Being 12 feet tall has its advantages. Rapping isn't one of them. It doesn't make you sound better. If a midget like the Geto Boys' Bushwick Bill can get it so right, how is it that Shaq could get it so wrong? Well, as Bushwick would tell you "Size Ain't (expletive deleted)." Sure he can wax personal "Biological Didn't Bother" but bad puns like "Can't Stop the Reign" and "Blaq Supaman" (that's not even a pun, that's goofy spelling) just don't quite match up to what he's capable of on the basketball courts.

Shaquille O'Neal Impersonator Busted on Sex Abuse Charges

Officer Shaq apparently not involved in taking down the perp.

TMZ: Spears -- Not Her -- Arraigned on Sex Charge

Hyde multiple-rejectee Aries Spears was hauled into Manhattan Supreme Court today, and was arraigned on a sexual abuse charge, and now faces up to 90 days in the slammer.

The alleged incident took place on Feb. 2, after Aries' two sets at Comix Comedy Club in Manhattan. The accuser -- as the complaint alleges -- says that Spears reached out his arm and placed his "open palm on [her] breast," without her consent.

Spears was charged with a third-degree sexual abuse misdemeanor, and is due back for another hearing April 16. His lawyer did not immediately return a call for comment.

Commercial CRitic: Super Bowl Edition

As part of my non-paying job of critiquing sports-related commercials, I was expecting to be busy last night. I even timed my piss breaks during Terminator commercials. However, I was sorely disappointed in the amount of commercials with sports figures considering this was a sporting event and the male 18-35 demographic would be tuned in.

Nevertheless, one commercial stood out that was right up ol' Dunbar's alley. Shaq Jockey.

Before there was Peyton Manning, there was Shaquille O'Neal. His hundred megawatt smile and willingness to put on any show and take any dollar made him a mainstay in the advertising business. He came charging back last night.

Glaceau Vitamin Water Superbowl Commercial: Shaq as Jockey

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The commercial immediately grabs your attention with the rolling thunder of horse hooves. The announcer brings you in further, but is drowned out plugging the product and the reasoning that Shaq is riding Chunk of Love. It doesn't matter. Shaq riding a horse next to small jockeys is funny.

Using his assets to his advantage by pushing off jockeys and holding a horse's nose back with his wingspan to win is just good jockeying.

The kicker for me was that after a couple hours I was able to remember that it was for Vitamin Water. Like everyone else, it takes me awhile to remember what the commercial was for, but this one came right back to me.

Although I wasn't sure whether the horse took Vitamin Water or Shaq, it made sense that either one was going to need a boost to win the race.

Congratulations Vitamin Water, you made a good Super Bowl commercial.

Congratulation Shaq, you roared back into the advertising scene, and it looks like you are going to need the new source of income really soon.

The Others:

Pepsi used its grab-someone-out-of-Ariel's-latest-magazine approach to advertising and had Tony Romo say "Justin?" in an otherwise interesting spot. What we learned about Tony Romo, he drives an SUV, may or may not know Justin Timberlake.

Peyton Manning and Derek Jeter have Poison Ivy's ability to make plants grow by touching them when drinking Gatorade2.

Ben Roethlisberger was taken down a notch with an American Idol promo. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, ey Big Ben.